Features of male jealousy: why does a husband ask his wife... to cheat? | Healthy Life

A strong marriage is impossible without healthy sexual relationships. You can support mutual desire through various experiments. But sometimes the fantasies of one partner become unacceptable for the other to fulfill. One of the popular questions for a sexologist is “my husband asks me to sleep with another man, what should I do?”

Many women complain that their husbands are forced to “sleep” with other people’s men. Is it worth taking such a step? How to maintain a relationship without following your spouse's wishes?

This is Love

The inclination of a sexual partner to commit adultery is usually called the syndrome of provoked infidelity. It is believed that the provocateur experiences sexual arousal by fantasizing about this topic or listening to a partner’s detailed “report” from the scene of the event. People with such unusual behavior are most often middle-aged men. As a rule, they begin to push their spouse to cheat after 5-10 years of marriage. At first, barely noticeable timid hints appear, which can then develop into direct persuasion and even demands to make love with another man. Not only does the woman have to do this, she also has to account for it.

Confused wives don't know what to think. Some especially loving and faithful people even begin to compose non-existent stories and notice that, after listening to their tales, their loved one noticeably becomes more cheerful. But as soon as “Scheherazade”, tired of pretense, admits to deception, she will inevitably face the wrath of her husband, or even excommunication from the marital bed.

You might think that he is indifferent to his wife and uses her only as an impersonal sexual object, but this is not so. On the contrary, he vitally needs this woman, and he is terrified of losing her. (Men in general, more than women, tend to treat a loved one as their property and an extension of themselves, which is why unhealthy jealousy is more often observed among them.) The fear of a breakup for such a person is so painful that he, voluntarily or unwittingly, forces his wife to do what he wants. what he is afraid of - simply in order to relieve unbearable tension. We must give him his due; he uses a fairly competent psychotherapeutic technique - repeated replaying of a frightening situation. It is known that there is nothing heavier than the fear of waiting, and when “the worst” has already happened, you can relax a little. Hence the sexual inspiration: a man is aroused not by the fact of his wife’s betrayal, but by the joy of “feeling better.” Now it is clear what wives who persist in their fidelity are depriving provocateur husbands. Although these husbands themselves are usually impeccable, it is in vain that some suspect them of trying to “balance” their own infidelity.

Classic cheaters do not allow their wives anything “like that”, and provocations are carried out by those who for some reason themselves cannot or do not want to cheat.

Wife and another man through the eyes of her husband

When a husband brings his lover to his wife and asks her to cheat on her, it usually scares women. The institution of marriage and family is collapsing in their eyes; they consider such actions to be perversions. But is it? What motivates a man to do this:

There is a lot of erotic content on the Internet where a wife cheats with her lover. Some men, after watching these stories, become excited and fantasize about carrying out the plot of adultery in reality. Being an observer of their spouse's lovemaking is simply a way for them to satisfy their sexual needs.
Some husbands may witness their wife's infidelity, and suddenly the man gets excited and wants to continue. As a result, he asks his wife to repeat the sinful act on condition that she observes. The unfaithful wife was simply lucky in this case: the marriage was saved and the lover was allowed.

When a man experiences such fantasies, it is usually due to the fact that he had concomitant psychological trauma in childhood. It is possible that his own mother did not pay attention to the boy and often abandoned him. Confidence in the female gender as a whole has been undermined. And already an adult man sees in every woman, especially in his wife, a traitor. These thoughts are in the subconscious. On the surface, the imagination paints erotic pictures of how he, as a husband, allowed his wife to cheat with another. Betrayal occurs as if with his permission, which makes the spouse the master of the situation. And so that it doesn’t hurt so much, the brain sends a command to get excited.

Another reason for this husband’s behavior may be his increasing sexual impotence. The husband pushes his wife into the arms of another for fear of not satisfying her in bed. He gets excited at the thought that she feels good. These men apparently have no sense of ownership at all.

You shouldn’t think that husbands who are turned on by their wife’s infidelity are themselves dishonest. Rather, on the contrary, they love their significant other very much and will never cheat on themselves. They like to watch from the sidelines.

Deep down, such men understand that lusting after a wife’s infidelity is wrong and contrary to the socially accepted attitude towards marriage. This moral swing brings them deep mental suffering. Husbands have to rush from side to side until the wife agrees to cheating. It is ideal for them when a woman has accepted such an extraordinary family life and supports games for three. But what to do if your beloved is not delighted with the proposed experiments? The following tips will tell you how to overcome your unusual inclinations and return to traditional family values:

You need to understand that a wife is the closest person who should not be shared with someone else, especially in bed. If the proposal about a possible lover upset her, there is no need to push. Turn your words into a joke or clearly explain why you wanted your spouse to cheat.
If the wife did not cheat herself, then there is no need to present her as a traitor. Not all women are the same. Many of them are faithful and respect their husbands.
A visit to a psychologist will help you pull out childhood traumas from the depths of your soul, play them out and resolve the problem once and for all. Unfortunately, in our country, going to a specialist for mental problems is perceived as something abnormal and even funny. Don't give a damn about public opinion and move towards your goal.
Problems with potency should be resolved by the attending physician, and not by searching for a gentleman for an unsatisfied wife.

Know that there are no unsolvable problems. The main thing is not to stand in one place and try to save your own family.

Complexes are to blame

We can say that the syndrome of provoked betrayal is a type of psychological masochism, but this masochism is of a secondary nature. It is based on a deep inferiority complex and excessive self-doubt. This applies to all pathological jealous people in general and to provocateurs of betrayal in particular. (An independent and self-confident person is self-sufficient and certainly does not need to imagine being deceived or savoring his experiences if this actually happened.) However, it is interesting that psychological problems usually do not affect sexual function, no matter what complexes the jealous person did not suffer. Moreover, his sexual talents may be much higher than those of his rivals, but for some reason this does not add confidence to him.

When he doesn't care

Men who have lost sexual interest in their own wife to such an extent that they would rather put up with her infidelity than fulfill this “duty” themselves are quite tolerant, but solely for reasons of their own benefit.
Another reason that forces him to be outwardly patient with betrayal is his own sexual relationships on the side and the desire to have an excuse in case of a “puncture”. But we must make a reservation that in most cases, one’s own infidelities do not save one from pain and anger when a man finds out about his wife’s infidelity. So, in its pure form, this reason for calm behavior rarely appears; more often it is an addition to others.

Jealous with and without ideas

Forms of jealousy can be very diverse - from mild to delusional. In general, jealous husbands can be divided into three types, between which, however, it is not always possible to draw a clear line:

an ordinary jealous person (a normal person with a jealous character);
a jealous person with overvalued ideas of jealousy (no longer quite normal);
crazy jealous person (a person suffering from delusions of jealousy).

Ordinary jealous people, as a rule, are not jealous enough to demand infidelity from their wife - they would rather “keep” their soulmate and not let them go. With age, these people sometimes calm down. Provocateurs belong to either the second or third type. The difference between representatives of these species is that a jealous person who has gone far in his jealousy, but is not crazy, still somehow has his suspicions consistent with reality, while a crazy person does not. If a half-crazy person can still be convinced of something, at least temporarily, then in the case of delusions of jealousy, the confidence in the partner’s infidelity is so unshakable that any oaths only fuel it. Then we are dealing with an unpredictable maniac (the bulk of the so-called jealousy murders are committed by jealous people of this particular type).

How to persuade your chaste wife to cheat?

Before you take action, ask yourself this question: do you really want your wife to cheat on you? If the answer is yes, then here is a list of tips for you:

Talk to your significant other. What if she doesn't mind? Then the question of how to persuade your wife to cheat will be resolved by itself. If her answers do not satisfy you, there is always the opportunity to turn everything into a joke.
If you have a fairly temperamental spouse, try to deprive her of carnal pleasures for as long as possible. Such punishment will make her want to look for sex on the side.
Think about which of your friends is her type. Try to organize meetings with him and leave them alone with each other more often. When communicating together, emphasize your friend’s strengths and exaggerate your shortcomings so that he looks as advantageous as possible against your background.
Argue with your other half more often and point out its disadvantages in everything. Don’t go too far, because you want to encourage her to commit adultery, and not separate forever. With this tactic, your wife will want to see someone next to her who will appreciate her merits, and will also take pity and caress her.
If your wife had little or no sexual experience before marriage, then the chance that she will want to cheat on you increases. Try to press this point in a conversation with her.
Tell her that the appearance of her lover will help her get into shape and will encourage her to maintain it. After all, for a disgusted husband, you no longer want to try to look your best. In addition, the lover will give his courtship, which women are so pleased to receive.
If you cheated on your wife in the past and still haven’t confessed, then do it. You will kill two birds with one stone: clear your conscience and, perhaps, encourage your spouse to take revenge on you.
Give guarantees that you will not blame your wife for what she did. Maybe she is not ready to cheat because she is afraid of your righteous anger?

Exotic preferences rarely cause approval from other halves. Remember that women have a very highly developed destructive sense of guilt. If your wife agrees to cheating, then your relationship will never be the same. Whether they will be better, worse or even end is unknown. Remember that family and spiritual closeness are the most important things in life.

What to be afraid of?

Fortunately, among jealous husbands there are much more often people who are simply very complex than crazy people. But since the disease can develop gradually, it’s a good idea to know what in a person’s behavior should alert you. So, here are the danger signs:

any verbal threats (“I’ll kill you!”, etc.);
any violence in any form;
weapons preparation;
building life scenarios based on examples from fiction.

All this speaks of mental illness. Such a person is not to be joked with. There’s no way you can please him, don’t change him. He can personally arrange a date for you with someone else, and then burst into the room shouting “Gotcha!” and with an ax in his hand.

If it hasn’t reached the point of delirium yet, but jealousy is developing more and more, this is a signal to urgently contact a specialist.

What to do when you suspect your wife of cheating

If, against the backdrop of a seemingly normal family situation, thoughts begin to creep into your head that your wife is not faithful to you, remember that it will be very difficult to bring her out into the open if she is really cheating on you.

In any case, you will have to find out the truth, but before that, follow a few simple rules:

Calm down and try not to think about the bad, because nothing has been confirmed yet;
Do not attack your wife with questions - wild jealousy never leads to good;
Don't try to follow her around in hopes of tracking down her secret admirer. If you don’t trust your woman to that extent, it’s better to immediately end any relationship with her;
Well, start paying attention to the little things. Usually the fact of betrayal is hidden on the surface, you just need to correctly recognize it, and we will tell you how later.

In 80 percent of cases, suspicions of infidelity remain just suspicions, so don’t overthink it, continue to live a calm family life, following our further instructions, and perhaps then you will be convinced that your wife loves only you and no one else.

What to do?

If (God forbid!) you realize that there is a dangerous madman next to you, run without looking back. (True, it’s somehow hard to believe that a spouse who was normal during all the previous years of their marriage could turn into a madman.)

If one fine day your beloved husband stuns you with the question “Would you like to try with someone else?”, you should not be afraid. Why not talk about this? In general, it is better to approach the topic of betrayal with irony. Respect for the freedom of another and a willingness to understand and forgive if something happens is a sign of the health and maturity of a marital relationship. After your husband’s urgent request to cheat on him with someone else, you can express your feelings directly and frankly, emphasizing that you yourself don’t want this (if you don’t want to), but are ready to do it for his sake if he asks you about it in writing - so that later what to refer to. This kind of disarming directness can work. But if you feel a serious problem here, it is better to consult a specialist, because such a situation threatens the marriage much more than the impotence of the husband or the lack of orgasm in the wife.

My husband asks me to sleep with another man: three reasons to refuse

If a man gets aroused by watching his lover having sex with another, then he has psychological problems. You cannot follow such desires.

Practice shows that in 99% of cases, a one-time permitted “betrayal” will not be enough. Over time, the spouse's fantasies will become more and more sophisticated.

Often women who agree to such an experiment become objects of harassment. Husbands begin to make reproaches, accuse them of treason, and consider their wives to be prostitutes.

Women themselves experience only negativity, lose self-esteem, face depression, do not respect themselves, feeling like a toy in the wrong hands.

In any case, the relationship deteriorates. They also suffer when they refuse. If you don’t give “food” to maintain your husband’s anxious-exciting state, his behavior changes negatively. Love, care, affection disappear, sex is reduced to a minimum.

By the way

Heart attack from jealousy

To study the reaction of higher animals to a partner’s betrayal, scientists conducted a rather cruel experiment on monkeys. The male was taken away from his female and placed in the next cage with another male. The first was forced to watch as his girlfriend shamelessly frolicked with the other before his eyes. The situation caused him such strong feelings that the poor man ended in baldness and a heart attack. In people, by the way, heart problems also often arise precisely because of jealousy. The same men who, out of excessive fear, provoke betrayal or constantly expect it, are thus, as it were, protected from a heart attack.

What to do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity, but he is in no hurry to leave you?

The first thing you need is time. You need to sort out your feelings and understand what really connects you with your husband.
Try living alone for a while. If possible, go on vacation and change your surroundings.
Don't withdraw into yourself and try to maintain open communication with your husband. Talk about your feelings.
Weigh the pros and cons of divorce for you.
If necessary, consult a psychologist so as not to cheat in response out of revenge.
Do not communicate with your husband's mistress.
Shift the focus to yourself. Take care of yourself, and others will begin to treat you accordingly.
Avoid paranoid behavior: Don't spy on your spouse.

Personal opinion

Aziza

– Based on my own experience, I can say that if I happened to cheat on a person with whom I lived in a civil marriage, and I understood that it was just a whim, a whim, my own weakness, then I felt bad after that. Women by nature tend to worry about this. Although there are also cats among them that walk on their own and don’t care about it. But women who become attached to a person sooner or later come to the conclusion that betrayal is betrayal, destruction of oneself. Such a woman looks worse, ages faster, and her family has problem after problem. I understand male nature less well. It seems to me that men, no matter how much they lament the betrayal that happened, as soon as the corresponding object appears, they are inclined to repeat it. But now, in my opinion, everyone is so busy solving their problems and making money that no one has the time or desire to do this anymore.

Three sure ways to find out that a wife has cheated on her husband

Do you want to detect your wife’s infidelity with 100% accuracy, and no or/ands suit you? Well, here are three ways that will give you the answer.

Good old surveillance

Follow her movements yourself or hire a detective. In the first case, you will have to sacrifice time, in the second, money. And in both - with pride.

Call on technology for help

Hack the password on her accounts, take her dirty panties to the laboratory, or take your wife to take a lie detector test. All these options will not only give you the exact answer, but will almost certainly lead to divorce. Because, regardless of whether your spouse cheated or not, your behavior will anger her, and maybe even scare her.

What do psychologists say about this?

Public opinion depends on the era in which we live. So, just a few centuries ago, traitors were stoned, executed, and ostracized. Today the situation is somewhat different. Although in more ancient times polygamy reigned on the planet, both on the male and female sides.

Women's empowerment is associated with the development of the feminist movement. Agree, it used to be difficult to believe that a man, having learned about his wife’s betrayal, was happy for her, because this is a sign of her confidence and independence. And today men are happy that their wives are free in their desires. According to many men, monogamy and patriarchy were previously established in society, and female sexuality was suppressed. Therefore, an open relationship is a way to reject social pressure.

The truth about open marriages

For some people, this form of relationship is wild, although views in society are becoming more and more free. But not in Russia, we are more conservative when compared with the residents of America and Europe. In fact, we perceive open marriages stereotypically, believing myths:

They don't take their marriage seriously. In fact, most of these couples are ideally strong families.
They don't care about their partner's feelings. Another myth. Spouses in such a marriage, first of all, take care of each other’s interests.
Open relationships only involve selfish and immature people. As already mentioned, both mature families and successful people resort to such relationships.
They're just a bunch of wild sex addicts. In ordinary life, these are the same people: family men, parents, workers.

As you can see, people who are completely different in status, education, and type of activity come into such relationships. Everyone has their own reason why they are willing to share sex with their partner.