This article is for girls who are in a state of uncertainty and asking questions:
- Why doesn’t a man hold on and let go: doesn’t want a relationship, but doesn’t disappear forever?
- Why is a love affair like a swing: first upswing and romance, then an abyss and a sea of tears?
- Why does a man refuse a serious relationship, but does not leave?
- Why, having already put an end to the relationship, does the guy not make a final break: from time to time he writes, sends his photos, remembers the past, again and again stirring up interest in his person, and even confesses his feelings?
Let's figure out together why you are surrounded by fans who are not ready for a serious and long-term relationship, and what to do so that there is someone nearby who appreciates, respects and loves, and not someone who does not hold and does not let go.
This remedy will help you solve relationship problems and return love >>>
I will describe a common situation in which you or your friend have probably found themselves at least once.
Love relationships have turned from romantic and promising into annoying “chewing gum”. The man doesn’t want to be together, but he doesn’t leave either. From time to time he pays attention to you, writes pleasant words, even gives you flowers. And disappears again. And then it appears again.
What is the reason for this man’s behavior and attitude towards you? How can I change this? How to make a man who doesn’t want to be together take the first step towards him?
How our thoughts drive the motives of men's behavior
Every action has a motive. Even the most incomprehensible and, at first glance, inexplicable.
Let's use simple examples from life to understand what motives guide a man when he does not let go and does not hold on to his woman.
Imagine that you want ice cream. What will you do? Go to a cafe or shop. Choose the most delicious and enjoy the taste.
Do you like ice cream or chocolate? Or maybe pistachio? Oh, we're talking about men! Although why do we need them if we have a favorite dessert? Kidding.
The motive for your trip to a cozy establishment or store near your home will be the desire to get ice cream -
that is, to satisfy a need that has arisen
.
Men who do not hold on and do not let go also have their own motives that satisfy certain needs. It may seem that a man is using you to realize his own goals and solve his problems.
But if you are not new to the power of thought, then you understand that this is not so.
Often, the motives for male behavior arise due to your thoughts and attitude, first of all, towards yourself.
A little later we will look at exactly what motives can guide a man’s behavior in these situations. And right now I suggest you take a break from reading and try to honestly answer the question: “ Why did I attract this particular man into my life? What is he trying to show me, what to teach me? »
Understand that your man is
a mirror of your attitude towards yourself, towards representatives of the other sex, towards life in general.
The people who appear in our lives are our teachers. They come to help us become better. If we turn to Colin Tipping's technique of radical forgiveness, then even the ugly behavior of people towards us is a gift.
Based on the above, think about why you need a man who does not hold and does not let go, one who is nearby, but not together.
Do you want your man to change his behavior? Start with your thoughts!
On the subject: Harmonious love relationships: chance or your merit?
When you put things in order in your head, you won’t have to think about why a man doesn’t want a relationship. You will be puzzled by other questions:
- What does this situation teach me?
- What thoughts led me to this situation?
- What did I think that my man reflected this with his actions?
- What should my thoughts be about myself and my man in order for our relationship to be wonderful?
Is it possible to break up without hurt feelings?
Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to this question, much less instructions. This is due to the fact that the development of the current situation depends not only on the woman, but also on her partner. You can tell him the news about the breakup extremely politely, delicately, take all the “blame” on yourself - like, I’m sorry, it’s not about you, but about me. But if he decides to be offended, then so be it, and there is nothing you can do about it.
From a psychological point of view, resentment is aggression in a compressed form. Therefore, it is even worth rejoicing if a man is simply offended, and does not indulge in insults or waving his fists. It is important to understand here that his emotional reaction is his alone. There is no need to take responsibility for the feelings of your ex-lover, so as not to blame yourself for his suffering later.
Doesn't hold and doesn't let go. Why?
Don't get me wrong: in this article I do not want to justify the behavior of men who are not ready for a serious relationship. Moreover, it also happens that today a man may not be ready for a long-term relationship with you, but tomorrow he will propose his hand and heart to another woman.
I just want to figure out with you what motives drive men who don’t want a relationship, and show how we ourselves provoke such behavior towards us.
So, the man does not hold and does not let go. Why? Here are the main reasons.
Reason #1. Subconscious fear of loneliness
How do you feel about loneliness? How do you feel when you hear this word?
For example, for me, loneliness is freedom, joy, the opportunity to be filled with energy, to be alone with myself.
But some people associate loneliness with something sad and unpleasant. And some even experience nervous trembling and a nasty chill from just the thought of loneliness.
If you are afraid of loneliness and constantly think about it, you can only attract more loneliness into your life.
Men also experience fear of loneliness. They try to compensate for this condition by the presence of at least someone in their life. This is one of the reasons why a man does not let a woman go, even though he does not want a relationship.
It is easier to part with a person than with illusions about him.
Martha Ketro
For a while he gets distracted, meets with friends or other girls. And then he realizes that he is still lonely. The man is afraid to be left alone, he is overcome by melancholy, his mood deteriorates. What do you think he does at such moments?
Writes to you: “Hello, how are you?” But this message is written to you, most likely, not by his heart and sincere warm feelings, but by the inner fear of being left alone.
He is simply afraid to be alone with himself.
The question is: why do you personally need this situation? Do you want a relationship with a person who communicates with you out of despair? Or are you also driven by the fear of loneliness?
Sometimes the mere thought of loneliness makes people stay in relationships that they don't really need. And it turns out that two loneliness meet from time to time. And for what? Dont clear.
On the subject: How to stop worrying and find happiness within yourself
What to do? Process the negative attitude about loneliness
The only thing you should really strive for in dealing with loneliness is not to be afraid of it.
It is important to be able to find entertainment for yourself and enjoy this solitude without the participation of your significant other, relatives or friends.
If you feel comfortable with yourself, then you will not have the need to maintain an incomprehensible connection where you are uncomfortable. For example, with a man who says he doesn’t want a serious relationship right now.
You will enjoy being alone until a man worthy of you appears somewhere on the horizon.
Reason #2. Confusion in the head and thoughts
Another answer to the question “Why won’t he let me go?” — the man is confused. In life, he prefers to act like a little boy.
On Monday he wants a relationship and calls you. And on Tuesday he plans to go on a trip around the world by bicycle. And the dreamer will definitely meet his dream woman on the way, but he doesn’t need you at all. And on Wednesday, while scrolling through social media feeds, he suddenly sees how beautiful you are in a new dress. And again he writes that it would be nice to meet. A man who doesn't understand what he wants is a headache that you yourself agree to.
And we see again that a mess in the head and a lack of specific goals in life do not contribute to finding happiness in love.
What to do? Get your thoughts in order
Ask yourself a series of questions. The main one is why am I in this relationship now? What thoughts or attitudes brought me here?
Maybe you yourself, like your man who doesn’t hold on and doesn’t let go, are also looking for yourself and don’t know what you want? Think about what goals you have in life right now? Where are you heading? What kind of relationship do you want?
In other words, decide what you want from life and from relationships.
We will return to this conversation a little later. Now let’s look at another possible reason for the behavior of a man who doesn’t hold on and doesn’t let go.
But first I recommend that you study this. Happy relationships guaranteed! >>>
Reason #3. Negative attitude about betrayal, or Alternate airfield
Unfortunately or fortunately, it happens that while you are choosing between two new dresses in the fitting room, your man is choosing between you and another girl.
A lover who disappears somewhere for weeks can maintain a relationship with you every day with sweet messages. For what? To ensure that you can land at an alternate airfield if necessary. What if things don’t work out with the new girl? Where should he go?
Are you ready to be an alternate airfield? And again I invite you to consider this situation from the perspective of the power of thought.
I want to ask you this question: “Why did you find yourself in a relationship where the man chooses between you and another girl?”
Maybe you don't consider yourself worthy of the best? Maybe you think too often that there are many girls around who are more beautiful and interesting than you?
Let's check if you have a destructive attitude that the man you love can cheat?
What to do? Removing the negative attitude about cheating
Do you remember if there was infidelity in your parents’ family? You may have taken from childhood the idea that male infidelity is normal. It's time to work through this negative attitude. Ready? Yes, yes, right here and now.
Take a piece of paper and a pen. Write the statement below:
There is an opinion that cheating in a relationship is normal.
Now cross out this phrase. Write down the following below:
There is also an opinion that fidelity in a relationship is natural. And this is true, because I am now reading an article on the website of the “Power in Thought” project.
Write two more affirmative sentences with your explanations of why the new attitude is true.
For example:
There is also an opinion that fidelity in a relationship is natural. And this is true, because I am now writing the text with blue ink.
Rewrite your new setup with proof and repeat it often.
On the subject: How to stop being jealous, or The best cure for jealousy
And we continue.
Reason #4. Low self-esteem in a man or you
Another reason why a man doesn’t let go is his desire to increase his self-esteem at someone else’s expense.
How does this usually happen?
Someone from the entourage tells the man that he is not such a prince on a white horse. The little boy inside him protests, gets offended and goes looking for confirmation that he is, on the contrary, the man of his dreams. Due to low self-esteem, he has a need to look for evidence of his attractiveness.
What does the offended boy do in this case? He writes to someone he hasn’t thought about for weeks. And the insecure girl happily accepts the “prince,” increasing his self-esteem with her agreement to spend time together, although before that she had completely different plans.
What to do? Work with self-esteem
Remember, confident people do not seek confirmation!
Now I’ll ask you an important question: “Have you ever taken advantage of the attention of those you like just to make yourself feel better?”
I don't want you to start blaming yourself or the man who does this. Just think about what thoughts about yourself led you to that situation.
Above, we have already discussed how negative thoughts about yourself, about your partner, and even loneliness control your reality.
Do you think a girl who loves and values herself could find herself in a similar situation? And a man who is confident in himself will seek confirmation of this by playing on other people’s feelings?
On the subject: How girls with low self-esteem can meet the man of their dreams
Confident people know how great they are even without proof.
If you realize that your self-esteem requires adjustment, then be sure to work on it. Love yourself, and a worthy man will love you back!
The main reason is our opinion of ourselves
As you can see, the main reason why a man appears and disappears is our opinion about ourselves.
This means that the first hero of a love story to whom questions arise about the motives of behavior is ourselves.
Why is it that I am now in a relationship where my partner does not value me? What attitude in my head prevents me from being happy in love? For what reason do I attract these kinds of men into my life?
The answers to these questions will help you understand what you did wrong and where to move next.
In any case, there is no need to be upset and sad. We all make mistakes in life, and that's completely normal. Don't blame yourself for all your sins and just let the situation go. Realize what judgments about yourself and your partners it’s time to part with, and act.
For every minute of anger, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I want to tell you the real story of a student at the “Power in Thought” school, who had trouble getting along with men. I hope this example encourages you and inspires you to make changes.
The story of student Lisa Volkova
One girl wanted sincere and mutual feelings, but she couldn’t get into a serious relationship. All the men treated her lightly.
She was tired of frivolous fans and asked Lisa Volkova a question: “Why do I always fail with men?” Having analyzed the situation together, they discovered and worked through the negative attitude that was firmly ingrained in the girl’s head: “Men don’t need serious relationships.”
And what do you think? Now this girl is happy with her beloved, and things are moving towards the wedding.
It's better not to dance on the rake.
Don't be patient. If you understand that you don’t like something in life, then do everything to solve this problem. Don't expect everything to “fix itself.” Engage your mindset today!
Let's summarize what has been said and once again look point by point at how to become happy in a relationship.
Only knowledge of the psyche will help
A person’s external manifestations, his behavior and actions often seem mysterious and paradoxical. We tend to explain the actions of others through the prism of our own worldview, but everyone is very different. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to see the psyche of a person, his internal unconscious desires. From this moment on, the actions of any guy become understandable and therefore predictable.
So, according to system-vector psychology, men with the anal vector are capable of such obsessive and frightening behavior. A vector is a set of mental properties of a person that determines his desires, personality traits and life scenario options. There are 8 vectors in total.
In a good, developed state, he will be a good guy, and in the future - a better husband and caring father. But if his childhood was not very good and there is, for example, a grudge against his mother, then he finds himself in a worse, frustrated state. If unfulfillment in society is added to the resentment, he can turn into an angry critic and a cruel sadist who can hurt with his fist or word.
This understanding of the seemingly paradoxical behavior of your ex-boyfriend relieves the colossal tension in which you find yourself for many days. Moreover, system-vector psychology provides an accurate, effective tool for breaking up with such people without harming yourself.
The girls who completed the training shared their feedback on how the fear that had haunted them from the past simply disappeared from their lives.
Four steps to female happiness
So, what should you do so that you don’t even have to think about the motives for the behavior of men who don’t hold on and don’t let go?
1. Analyze the current situation
To do this, ask yourself questions:
- Am I a better person being around this man?
- Am I doing what I really want to do now?
- What actions does this man take that prove that he values and respects me?
- What actions of his prove otherwise?
- What actions of mine show that I love and respect myself?
- Why do I have such relationships in my life?
Some men are like snowmen. You mold them into an image, and then it melts.
Eric Bern
2. Decide to have a frank conversation with the man you love
If you have questions for a man or you don’t like the fact that he constantly appears and disappears, then ask directly what he needs from you. Explain what upsets you about his actions. Let us know what you are not happy with.
We cry when we part with a person. But who knows, maybe if we had stayed with him, we would have shed a lot more tears.
Marcene Gron
A great way to check if everything is going well in your relationship is to imagine yourself in the man’s shoes.
Why is he acting this way? Does he care about you and show respect when he disappears for a few days or weeks and then appears again?
Answers to questions about a man’s attitude towards you will show how you treat yourself and what you agree to. A man is a mirror of a woman and her attitude towards herself.
Remember, with our thoughts we attract those who agree with us. If all men are assholes, then here is a candidate just for your request. And if you are sure that you are surrounded by wonderful men, then so be it.
Related: How to get the perfect love relationship? Hicks will help
3. Figure out what kind of relationship you really want
We have already said above that a man who does not know what he wants may neither hold on nor let go.
Do you know what kind of relationship you want?
The power of thought will help you figure this out. Describe in detail what your ideal relationship looks like. The more details, the better.
Imagine that you are already in a harmonious relationship. You are happy and loved.
How do you feel?
4. Love yourself sincerely and without conditioning
Until you love yourself with unconditional love, until you begin to appreciate your uniqueness, it will be very difficult for worthy men to see the woman of their dreams in you.
Think about what you will do today to please your loved one? Make a list of pleasant things to do.
When was the last time you painted with watercolors, picked up a camera, or walked in your favorite park? Right now.
When did you dress up beautifully at home? Buy a chic lounge suit, convenient and comfortable. Get rid of clothes you don't like in.
And the Marathon from Veronica Kitsenko and Elizaveta Volkova “I’m Alone” will help you comprehensively develop self-love.
I hope that after reading this article you will look at yourself and at the man who does not hold on and does not let go, with different eyes. Now you understand how our attitudes in our heads affect personal relationships, and you know in which direction to move, where to look for the answer and what questions to ask yourself when your partner does not behave the way you would like.
And in order to certainly inspire you to make personal changes, I will add another small but very pleasant section to this article.
How to stop being a convenient option?
Make independent decisions, learn to listen and hear your desires? How to become an adult who knows what he wants? How to become the author of what happens in your life and in your relationships, without turning into a man or a little pony who carries everything on her shoulders?
You need to develop feminine qualities in yourself in such a way that a man sees in you a woman who deserves more than an incomprehensible relationship. And I invite you to a free online course “Man: honest instructions for use. No drama or manipulation.” As part of the course, we examine topics such as rebooting unclear relationships, ways to attract worthy men, working on mistakes and revealing femininity. However, you will find out everything yourself. Follow the link and register. An unforgettable 5 evenings await you that will definitely change your life!
What happens when you change your thinking?
Above we talked about the fact that men are our reflections: they behave with us the way we think about ourselves.
When you learn to stop negative thoughts in your head and replace them with positive ones, real miracles will begin to happen.
For example, Lisa’s student, whom I mentioned above, after discovering that she had the attitude “Men don’t need serious relationships,” began actively working with her.
What did she do?
She transformed negative thoughts into positive ones and looked for confirmation that men actually want a serious relationship. I remembered that her parents have been together for 27 years, and there are many friends around who are happy in serious relationships. In a word, the girl has done a lot of work to prove to herself that men want a serious relationship. And everything worked out!
She met a man dreaming of a family, who from the first days of their acquaintance showed the seriousness of his intentions.
And those who previously directly said that they did not want a serious relationship and were not ready for it, or simply disappeared from life, returned, changing their minds.
Thus, using a real example, we see that our thoughts can even influence those around us. Men begin to reflect our new opinion of ourselves, and their attitude towards us inevitably changes.
And even that man who now does not hold and does not let go can return with a marriage proposal. Or maybe a new fan will appear, with whom it will be easy, pleasant and cozy for you.
Think positively and listen to yourself, following the dictates of your soul and heart - they will tell you the right decision.
Common phrases by which you can understand that a guy does not want a relationship
It doesn't happen often that a guy says he doesn't want a relationship. As a rule, he finds thousands of excuses (sometimes made up) and does not speak directly about his reluctance. Not all women can understand the essence of such words, while continuing to hope for a common future. In order not to build false hopes, it is worth finding out in advance what phrases can signal an unpleasant outcome. These are:
