- December 6, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Andrey Raiter
Romantic passion does not always bring people happiness and a sense of inner harmony. If feelings are unrequited or have no prospects for development for other reasons, they can bring their carrier a lot of internal experiences and anxieties, even mental illness. Both men and women find themselves in such an unpleasant situation. But in the second group, in conditions of long-term formation of love, there is a risk of deep immersion in dreams of a wonderful partner, which can ultimately develop into obsession.
Therefore, women and girls who find themselves in such a situation should rightly have a question: how not to get hung up on the man you like? It is obvious that there is intense work to be done on oneself, but initially it is necessary to set it in the right direction. Only in this case can one count on successfully resolving internal disharmony.
Features of female love affection
First, it’s worth understanding why this problem may be more acute for women than for representatives of the stronger half of humanity. The difference lies in the very mechanics of the formation of love. For men, this process happens faster, easier and simpler, since they take everything into their own hands, like conquerors. In addition, the male sex, as is known, “loves with his eyes,” so feelings for his beloved usually do not have a tight connection in the early stages. Accordingly, it is easier for them to let go of the object of love.
In the case of women, the process of forming feelings is more complex and multifaceted. They feel their partner more subtly, trying to evaluate him by his internal qualities and actions. Therefore, the value of the feeling that arises also increases. And if a woman is fixated on a man, then parting with an attachment that has developed for so long and difficultly will be much more difficult. That is why, at the first signs of a feeling of hopelessness in a love story, it is recommended to immediately begin working on the natural destruction of the slightest dreams about the partner you like.
What to do to stop undermining relationships
Understand your attachment type
According to attachment theory, there are four of them: secure, anxious, anxious-avoidant, avoidant-rejecting. Ideally, it would be nice to have a reliable one. People with this type of attachment feel that they can trust others and remain themselves, even in close relationships.
“Attachment patterns established in childhood are replicated in all relationships,” says Rhonda Milrad, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationship problems. “People who have been abandoned by their parents, who have experienced trauma, or a violation of personal boundaries are more likely to develop insecure attachment styles, which makes it difficult for them to trust their partners.”
For example, the parent was either attentive or cold. The child could not foresee what reaction his actions would cause. Because of this, an anxious type of attachment may develop, which is characterized by a need for frequent reassurance from a partner.
However, the type of attachment is not something immutable.
According to Milred, you can develop a more reliable type by working with your fears and getting rid of false beliefs about relationships.
Don't be fooled
