Monogamy and polygamy in modern relationships: what does this mean in practice?

You can understand what monogamy and polygamy are in modern relationships if you conditionally divide all people into two types - those who prefer monogamous relationships, as well as those who are polygamous by nature. It is difficult for the first type to even imagine that his soulmate belonged to anyone else. The latter can be in open relationships, giving their love and body to third, fourth, fifth persons.

In the world today there are many married couples who are not limited to one partner and coexist well in society. Others believe that marriage is a fairy tale about a mansion where several characters could get along at once. Are monogamy and polygamy possible as forms of marriage in modern society, what is it, who are swingers? You can learn about all this from the article below.

What is monogamy?

Within the borders of Russia and many European countries, monogamous relationships are still more welcome, so it’s worth considering this concept first. Monogamy is a love and family relationship with only one person for a long time. In simple terms, a monogamous relationship is a committed relationship between a woman and a man, leading to marriage and the creation of a family.

In a monogamous relationship, feelings, emotional attachment and sex are possible only between two people, that is, partners. Monogamy is supported by the Judeo-Christian tradition, where any relationship with third parties is considered a terrible sin - treason. Monogamy is observed in only 3-5% of mammals, and 90% of birds. Due to the fact that monogamy is rare in the animal world, experts consider it not always natural for humanity.

Psychological aspect3

From a psychological point of view, polygamy and monogamy are rooted in childhood. Explaining everything is quite simple.

As a child, the boy, as a rule, lacked maternal love and care. He strives to get them by any available means, but getting them is still not enough for him. I always want more and more. As one grows up, the need for maternal love and affection transforms into the need to receive these feelings from other women. And it is still impossible for a man to get the amount of love he needs from one woman.

Or the opposite situation. Since childhood, the boy has received so much love and attention from the women closest to him that now that he has matured, one woman cannot give him so much. Most likely, such boys were raised by their mother and grandmother, without a father. From childhood, the influence of the father is very, very important! Men, remember this!

However, sexologists say that polygamy is beneficial for men! In such men, self-confidence increases significantly, and offspring from different women makes it possible to ensure a “bigger mark” in history. Is self-confidence in this way justified?

And monogamy came directly from matriarchy. From early childhood, a girl sees that at seven her mother plays the dominant role. In the future, the daughters simply adopted the model of behavior they were familiar with. From a psychological point of view, monogamy gives a person a feeling of stability and security, because everything in the world is so unpredictable.

What is polygamy?

Polygamous marriage is more a rarity than a normal phenomenon, which cannot be said about polygamy in the lives of free people. If more than 2 partners are involved in a family relationship, this is clear polygamy. Accordingly, we can draw a conclusion regarding who a polygamist is. This is a person who is in a group relationship or marriage with multiple husbands and/or wives.

Polygamy today is welcomed and not prohibited by Islamism.
But in eastern countries, polygamy manifests itself one-sidedly, when only a man is allowed to have several wives, but not a woman several husbands. Two terms within the concept of polygamy are considered at once - polyandry and polygyny. In the first case, they talk about a woman having several partners and/or husbands, in the second – about polygamy. Polyandry is visible among the Tibetans, India, and Nepal. For reference! From the point of view of sociology, psychology, morality and norms of behavior, it cannot be said that monogamy or polygamy is not the norm, the right or wrong option. All types of relationships have the right to exist if the partners have appropriate views, inclinations and preferences.

Friendship with benefits

A slightly clumsy translation of the expression friendship with benefits describes a situation that can also be described as “friendship sex.”

Such relationships simply do not contain a romantic component and do not imply creating a family. Such people do everything the same as ordinary friends, they just also have sex.

The expression “relationship without commitment” is also sometimes used, but it must be understood correctly. Actually, we have quite a lot of obligations to our friends: support them in difficult situations, trust them, be honest. Even if friendships have a sexual component, these things do not go away. However, friends-lovers do not have the same obligations that couples have, and the boundaries in friendship are usually stricter.

Such relationships are suitable for those who know how to separate sex and romantic feelings. However, they involve a certain risk: if one is more emotionally inclined than the other, there will be trouble.

What are the benefits of polygamous relationships?

Despite humanity's great commitment to monogamous relationships, the topic of polygamy is always relevant and pressing. Scientifically, there are 3 types of polygamy:

Polyandry is a marital relationship between one wife and several of her husbands.
Polygyny is a marriage between one husband and several of his wives.
Bigamy is a kind of bigamy (polygyny), but the difference is that both wives do not know about the existence of each other.

To understand what a polygamous relationship can give a person, it is enough to compare their advantages and disadvantages. There can be several advantages:

biologically, sexual diversity and sexual activity are believed to be beneficial for the viability of the offspring;
the ability to exhaust hypersexuality and love of love, which is characteristic of some people;
the low divorce rate of such families is due to honesty and openness in relationships without boundaries.

There are also disadvantages to this relationship format. A polygamous female is a woman who has several partners and must pay attention to each one, fulfilling the entire list of marital duties twice as much. The same goes for men with several wives who need to be supported, ensuring everyone's comfort.

Swinging

The two terms polygamy and swinging go alongside each other, but are not synonymous. If in the first case we are talking about one dominant partner and his two wives (husbands), as well as open and legalized relationships, swinging is a more intimate format of relationships.

Swinging refers to the exchange of sexual relations between married couples. Such couples can spend time separately with each other’s significant other, or they can form a kind of Swedish family. Swing does not provide for any sensual and emotional connection between couples; it is more “sports sex” when exchanged with random couples.

Polygamy in women: polyandry

It would seem that the question of whether women are polygamous or monogamous cannot even be asked out loud, since polygamy is always attributed to the male half of society. In fact, female polygamy does exist and even has a separate name - polyandry. Anthropology confirms that this format of relationships is found among 53 nations.

There are 2 possible causes of polyandry:

Matriarchy - in many families and at different times it happened that all the strength and leadership fell on the woman. A special development of matriarchy was observed during the period of agriculture and gathering, when there was no hunting and men were breadwinners.
The theory of adaptation, when in certain countries, places and situations for the survival of humanity/nation/clan, due to high mortality, scarce resources, hereditary motives, several men married one woman.

In addition to reasons such as survival, the traditions of some peoples, it can be said that female polygamy can be caused by the love of women for several men at once due to hypersexuality, as well as psychological deviations, such as an inferiority complex, because of which a woman strives to get as much attention as possible by several men.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is much more understandable to modern society, but it occurs more in a hidden form than in open polygamy. To understand whether a man is monogamous or polygamous, it is enough to find out how many partners he currently has. If, in addition to his wife, there is a mistress or several passions that the first partner does not know about, he is already a representative of polygamy.

There may be several reasons for male polygamy:

Traditions - in Islamic countries, polygamy among men has been supported since there was a high mortality rate, and bigamy saved the nation. There is even a tradition that after the death of a husband, his wife and children become the wife of his brother, even if he already has a family.
Demography - wars constantly reduce the male population, as do diseases, genocide and epidemics of all times and peoples. This is where marriages arose, where there was one man for several women.
A man's love of love is a common occurrence among modern representatives of the stronger sex, when one man is not enough to have one woman.
Prestige - many men are convinced that having not only a wife, but also several mistresses, one can earn authority in certain circles.
Honesty – Many partners are so open with each other that they may declare the presence of third parties in the relationship. It is difficult to condemn a man who does not hide anything from his wife and mistress, and they do not oppose this format of relationship.

Scientists have put forward another version of why male polygamy is so widespread. The point is that there is a big difference in the percentage of men to women around the world.

Should a polygamous partner cheat?

Women are often concerned about the question of whether it is possible to instill monogamy in a man. Probably not. You cannot force an adult to change behavior if he has weak motivation. But a man who values his wife is able to refrain from cheating and give up some of his desires in favor of monogamy.

Attempts to put pressure and manipulate a partner in order to instill monogamy usually end in failure. A man may lose confidence or withdraw into himself.

Monogamous families and relationships

In the modern understanding, a family is an institution of relationships between only one man and one woman, which means that monogamous relationships are considered the norm. The family dates back to the 7th-3rd millennium BC. Attitudes towards its composition, the roles of partners, etc. differed, hence the division of clans, nations, and tribes.

Monogamous marriage involves two partners being faithful to each other. Its advantages are as follows:

positive attitude of society;
habitual form of relationship;
concentration of partners only on each other;
rational concentration and distribution of property among descendants;
support of one partner;
the absence of a ban on such marriage;
loyalty of partners, which means there is no risk of contracting infections from casual relationships, etc.

To understand the disadvantages of a monogamous marriage, we can highlight the advantages of the exact opposite form, that is, a polygamous family. For example:

the likelihood of a man having more offspring;
solving the problem of the huge number of unmarried women;
diversity in relationships;
honesty and frankness between partners;
lack of boundaries and restrictions.

You can decide which is better - a monogamous marriage or a polygamous one, based on the above pros and cons, as well as based only on your own prejudices and views.

What is the need for monogamy today?

Today, a child's survival does not depend on whether its parents are monogamous or not. There is no connection between relationships and material values; rarely does anyone immediately consider intimacy as a way of survival. However, these ideas, consciously or not, have been preserved over the centuries, passed down through generations.

Your parents and grandparents did not imagine any other form of life other than monogamy. For them this is the only possible truth. And such people are now the majority in society. The world often changes faster than the society around you.

So the social need for monogamy has long disappeared, but the norms of society have not.

You remain a socio-biological being. Your biology is to select 24/7 the ideal man, handsome and macho, who has the coolest genes. But people won’t praise you for such an eternal search. Even voicing this natural desire is like death.

Giphy

So it turns out that the only need is the opinion of society, from which there is no escape.

Which relationships are women more prone to and why?

Most people around the world prefer a monogamous form of relationships with the opposite sex. Psychology notes that women are more likely to have monogamous relationships, while men are more polygamous in character and temperament. There are several reasons why women are monogamous:

the need for a permanent sexual partner for procreation;
heredity, accumulated benefits are passed on to offspring, which is only appropriate in a family;
social requirements regarding a woman’s chastity;
a woman’s independence in matters of providing for a child;
the orientation of female nature towards qualitative rather than quantitative relationships.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

About 90% of women consciously make a choice in favor of monogamy, which is influenced by the culture of the nation, social principles and morals, the desire for stability and family development, the upbringing environment and social circle, and religious prejudices.

Sologamy

It is not at all necessary to set yourself up for marriage or a close relationship with anyone other than yourself. Loneliness is gradually losing its negative meaning, as an increasing number of people quite consciously - and not because of religious vows - choose sologamy. This does not mean that a person refuses any relationship for life - he can go on dates and have sex, but building a family or having a permanent partner is not a serious priority for him.

Which is better: monogamy or polygamy

Deciding which is better, monogamy or polygamy, is still quite difficult for many people. Some will say that monogamy is a manifestation of purity, devotion, and the unity of eternal love. Others will call it boredom, lifelessness and a gradual loss of love and sexual interest in a partner.

What type of relationship are you for?

MonogamousPolygamous

As long as man has existed, monogamy and polygamy have existed. Despite the fact that the monogamous form of relationships is many times more common in the modern world, polygamy remains relevant. There is a theory that if you introduce the principles of polygamy into a monogamous relationship, it will strengthen the marriage and make the usual way of life interesting.

In fact, choosing what is best for a person - monogamous or polygamous marriage - is a purely personal matter for everyone. Psychologists and science insist that monogamous marriages are the future. Practice shows that compromise and trust are important in relationships. If partners are ready to have other relationships on the side openly and honestly, that is their right. The main thing is that the chosen format is acceptable to both.

Swinging

Polygamy is sometimes equated with swinging. But this is not entirely correct, since in a polygamous relationship there is always a dominant, who has several partners. These relationships can be open or even legalized. Swinging is characterized only by an intimate relationship, which is rarely advertised.

Similar relationships are found in Swedish families. There can be several marriage partners at the same time who have the right to have sex with each other. That is, couples exchange partners solely for sex. There will be no feelings or emotions here. Only sexual interest in the next partner.

Examples of female polygamy

Recent scientific research has confirmed the information that in nature 53 nations accept female polygamy, which is called polyandry. Such people believe that a woman can have several partners and even spouses, but for good reasons. The most common polyandry marriages are in Tibet, among the Eskimos, and in India.

Most often, in such countries, one woman may be married to several brothers (fraternal polyandry). History emphasizes that polyandry is due more to the lack of natural resources. For example, in Tibet there is a shortage of livable land, and to avoid fragmentation of the land belonging to one family, a woman becomes a wife to several brothers.

In India, against the backdrop of selective abortion, a shortage of women gradually developed. As a result of this, one woman can be the wife of several men at once, but relatives to each other. Biandry is also found - a form of polyandry, where a woman marries two men at the same time. In the Indian Himalayas, polygynandry occurs, when several men marry several women at the same time.

For reference! Polyandry and the presence of several husbands for one woman have been recorded in history in Asia, Tibet, India, Africa, and North and South America.

Examples of male polygamy

The brightest territories where male polygamy was welcomed were Japan (1880), Nepal (1963) and China (1963). Male polygamy has also been recorded in several parts of the world:

Ancient Mesopotamia and Assyria. So, for example, Philip II of Macedon was the husband of 8 women, the Persian king Darius III had wives and several hundred concubines.
Ancient and modern Egypt. The Egyptians have long practiced polygamy. And in African countries where Islam is practiced today, polygamy is still not prohibited.
Ancient Greece. The most sexually liberated society was the ancient Greek one; here they had a normal attitude not only towards polygamy, but also towards non-traditional sexual relations.
Bible. Polygamy was known from the Book of Genesis, where it is recorded that Lamech had two wives. Polygamous men were also mentioned in the Old Testament, for example Solomon, David, Abraham, Jacob. David had 10 wives and the same number of concubines; his son Solomon had 700 wives in addition to concubines.
Hinduism. Brahmins had the opportunity to take 4 women as wives, and Shudras from a low social class had the opportunity to take 2 wives.
Islam. According to the Koran, a man can take no more than 4 wives, treating each one equally. The main goal is to protect people from poverty.
USA. In modern states, bigamy, when a man marries two women, as well as polygamy, when he has many wives, is prohibited. But until the 19th century, all this was welcomed and found everywhere. Mormon fundamentalists brought polygamy to these lands.

In modern society, polygamy for men has a different name and form - polyamory. We are talking about a monogamous marriage between two people, but the man has mistresses with the consent of his wife. A woman can have other partners, but also after an agreement with her husband.

Secrets of sex: what is the difference between male and female infidelity? Monogamy and polygamy (male and female)

I decided to write this article after questions and comments from readers. Often, after reading my articles, people write with requests to evaluate this or that system of practices and knowledge; naturally, I cannot answer their requests to everyone. But sometimes you come across interesting specimens that give you ideas for the next article.

So, I think you understand the difference between male and female infidelity? A man, as a rule, cheats with his body - physically, and a woman with her “soul” - emotionally. So, the main difference is that a woman for a man is an energy battery (ideally): she strengthens and helps to realize all the man’s aspirations. If a man is the originator of an idea, then a woman is the vessel that nurtures his ideas. If there are many such vessels, then the man is strong, strong-willed, spiritual. Because all vessels reinforce a single vector, a single idea of implementation. It’s not for nothing that the powers that be have harems. A large number of influential men have several daughters, daughters are also energy batteries for the father, until they get married and switch to their husband, but sometimes they never switch, and all their lives they feed the father, not the husband, and as a result, families fall apart, children grow weak.

Naturally, having several women in reality is quite difficult: both physically, energetically and socially, because each one needs to be given time and attention, helped to overcome internal contradictions, overcome the influence of other men (including relatives), trained, prepare, clear energy channels, lift above fears, blocks and complexes. This is a big and difficult job. And a woman’s task is to follow and obey the one who leads her, and the less “female bucking” and “conventions” (coming from the witch-Amazonian subconscious) there are, the faster the result will be.

Often girls want from a man who knows tantra unforgettable sensations, the revelation of superpowers, while forgetting that to achieve all this they need to fully open up to the man, letting him in not only into her body, but also into her soul. And without this, no tantra will bring real results and it will just be sex. Moreover, since you have not opened up to the Guru, it means that subconsciously you have opened up to someone else, and the energy from you and the Guru will go to this “other” and his “main” woman. It’s good if a tantricist can track this, and either not start any business with you at all, or interrupt everything until the moment of “blackout”, but what if not? And if not, then this will be the beginning of the end of such a tantricist, if he does not change anything, and you will also remain indifferent.

If you want special states of consciousness from tantra, special sensations and development of sidh, spiritual and physical development, then before all this appears to you, you need to work on yourself together with the Guru, and not hope for a miracle from the very first minutes. And this is not only evil, but also good, because the rise of kundalini into an unrefined consciousness and a polluted body can kill or drive you crazy. And therefore, often the problem is not that the man (Guru) is bad, but that your subconscious, realizing that you are not ready and do not control it, simply will not release more energy into you than you can currently control. But when you resonate with a man, when you love him and allow him to penetrate your soul without fear, then tantra begins. But this was a slight digression from the topic.

In general, I think you understand that no matter how crazy it sounds, the more women a man has worked through (I emphasize, not just any, but worked through) - the better, both for the man and for all women - since they all go with him in resonance, and its success is a shared success.

Now let's look at female polygamy. As is already clear, a woman is a vessel (the holy grail) who nurtures an idea and helps to realize it. What happens if you throw different ideas from different men into a vessel? They will come into conflict with each other, different seeds will fight for viability, destroy each other and tear the vessel itself. That is why, both in the old days and now, virgins are so valued. In virgins, the sexual chakra has not yet been realized - it is not closed to one man, it is not at the level of the pubis, like a woman’s, but at the level between the knees and hips approximately (outside the body), and along this chakra the virgin, like an endless reservoir, resonates with all of humanity . And the virgin gives this reservoir of vitality to her chosen one (ideally).

So, if a woman has several men, then sooner or later all the energy will be concentrated on one, on the one who has left a deeper mark on the woman, and all the energy will go to him. But until this moment there will be a war within her, and if men are opposite in ideas, different in nationality, then this can generally kill both the woman and the men. Outwardly, it will be an accident or accident, or suicide, but the reason is a torn out piece of energy.

In addition, the greater the number of sexual partners, the more difficult it is for a woman to break through their average spirituality, and therefore, the original divine channels of a woman with a large number of men become polluted much faster. And since everything starts with energy, then physiology, luck, and creative potential are also depleted.

Some girls, when I explain these things to them, are very indignant at the injustice, but there’s nothing you can do about it. One hammer can hammer many nails, but there is hardly a nail that can hammer a hammer.

Although the world knows women who have let a large number of men pass through them, such women usually resonate energetically with queen bees or ants, have the status and genes of queens of antiquity, and have great strong-willed potential against men, that is, an ordinary earthly man is an empty place for such a woman , and such women still do not become happy. Sooner or later, such a woman breaks down against the strong-willed potential of the male animal world and self-destructs.

European society has made men and women equal in the city, but nature in the world of mammals sets priorities, highlighting male leaders. The natural world is cruel, and communication with the world of animal energies is built on men, warriors, breadwinners, hunters. And no matter how much women strive to show their independence, you can’t trample against nature, and even if you trample for a while, you still definitely won’t be happy.

One reader wrote me this strange conclusion, taken somewhere from the supposed “Vedas”: “The more worthy men a woman has, the more protected she is, and one of the points of dharma is the protection of women.” But the problem is that it is unlikely that a worthy man will want to be one of many. Every man subconsciously wants to be the best, the first and only, wants to be the “Head of the Family”, who receives all the energy of his descendants. And as I already wrote above, the more men a woman has, the less chance she has of finding someone worthy, since previous partners leave energetic impressions on her: some are stronger, some are weaker. And no matter how beautiful and intelligent a woman is, any man, when meeting on a subconscious level, probes a woman with his energy channels, and if he cannot penetrate her, since the place is already occupied, he will prefer another. In order to break through to a woman with extensive sexual experience, you need to be a very strong, strong-willed and spiritual man, but again the question arises, will a strong, strong-willed, spiritual man want to get involved with someone who has let many people through her? I think such a man would prefer a virgin rather than spend months or years messing around with the owner of “rich experience.”

Here’s what another reader wrote in the comments: “I understand correctly that I, as a teacher (Guru)... can and even need to then have several men... my students, even if they are married...” To which the answer was given: “No, wrong. If you pour into cups from one teapot, there will be tea, if you pour into one cup from several teapots, there will be a mud. If you are with several students, then your energy capsule will come to a common denominator, your potential will be averaged. You will not become more spiritual, but on the contrary. If you are the main one in the system, and you have several men, then this is matriarchy, but matriarchy has not passed on the planet and will not pass. Because the world is ruled by males, leaders: elephants, rhinoceroses, bulls, you will not pass the males of the animal species. And in the end, you will fall into the lesbian-witch matriarchal plan, and will function on a narrow scale, in a village, district, in a small city - yes, you will be able to control the energy, but as soon as you run into a wider system or a real saint, your narrow capsule will disintegrate. And you will lose your strength. You need not to sleep with all the students, but to find an equal, or stronger, partner than you. And invest in it. If your students want you, then you collect this field of desire around you and pass it on to your main man, that is, he becomes stronger, you make him stronger, he makes you stronger and more spiritual. In this case, if the Guru is a man, then he is the main one, he is the main core of the system, and the shaktis around him strengthen him. That is, the power from them is concentrated on him, on his will, which he transmits to the world. A man's will is stronger than a woman's, he can control emotions and break through hostile systems. This is a vector, while a woman is a force. And in your case, all your concentration will go to several students - several centers, your egregor will tear these centers apart until one wins. The rest will either submit and retreat, or die. And while they inside the egregor will fight for you, external enemies will slap you all and divide what is left of you. So I don’t recommend this to you.”

At the end of the article I want to say:

I do not recommend a large number of partners to women, just as I do not recommend a thoughtlessly and illiterately large number of partners to men.
I’m not trying to humiliate or insult women, my job is to tell and show what happens if a man has several women, and what happens if it’s the other way around, and to explain why male and female infidelity are not equal.
A man by nature is a breadwinner, and if your husband “got” his mistress and was able to become the main man for her, then you as a wife will not only not lose from this, but will win if you know certain approaches.
But if a wife cheats on her husband, then the husband’s spiritual potential is blocked, his will is broken, the male and female channels in the body do not run as a single beam, but diverge to the sides, forming horns (cuckolds), and then one channel can even be blocked. A man without will cannot control the implementation and development of family tasks, and his own too, as a result the family falls apart. The energy from the husband goes to the lover, and from the lover to his main woman, who, perhaps, is not you at all, but, for example, a mother or sister, or a previous lover. And so the energy from your family will go through you to others. And you will be left with nothing. If your man is a strong person, then the energy from your lover will go to him, sex with your lover will bring disappointment, and your husband, having learned about the betrayal, is unlikely to forgive, and may even kill you and your lover (in ancient times they were executed for treason, by the way ). On the other hand, why cheat on a strong man? Maybe it’s better to part ways honestly if you can’t stand the evolution with him?

In general, love and appreciate your partners, strong, worthy men are a rarity now, and worthy women are too. Approach the issue of virginity and sexual relations prudently and knowledgeably. Just one partner and just one night can completely change your destiny: from leaving the wheel of samsara to being cast into the underworld.

Good luck to you, and may all the Holy Lands and Nature bless you on your path to true spiritual perfection and love!

How to change a man who is prone to polygamy and is it possible to do this?

Knowing that by nature men are mostly prone to polygamy, women are concerned about whether this situation can somehow be changed. Psychologists give two valuable pieces of advice:

Building trusting relationships. If partners learn to speak boldly and openly about their desires, a woman can listen to her husband's wishes, preventing the need to find mistresses. After all, men cheat more often because they look for in other women what they do not find in their wife.
Constant work on yourself. A woman should always improve her appearance and behavior in order to be interesting to her partner. Since men need variety, one woman who is flexible and capable of working can provide it.

You can nourish your feelings through interesting and mutual pastime. A woman needs to become a friend, interlocutor, lover and partner in important matters for her husband.

Are all people polygamous? Where can you find a monogamous partner?

The results of scientific research do not boil down to the fact that everyone is polygamous. People of both sexes are more likely to be “ultrasocial” - they choose a profitable strategy according to the circumstances. Today, developed countries consider monogamy a behavioral norm. Therefore, there should be no problems finding a partner capable of monogamy.

Men often feel attracted to more than one woman, but this does not mean that they are polygamous or incapable of fidelity. People have the will and can control the instinct of polygamy in the same way as they suppress the instinct of aggression.