A man is a manipulator in a relationship: how to recognize and beat him

Incredible facts

It’s easy to identify a manipulator by simply listening to your feelings.

You experience an unpleasant feeling that prompts you to pay attention to the words and actions of the person trying to play on your feelings.

Psychological manipulation is the abuse of influence through distortion and emotional exploitation with the intention of gaining power, control, or gain and privilege at the expense of the victim.

Types of manipulators

Depending on the young man’s temperament, as well as your character, one of five types of manipulators may be nearby.

Prosecutor. Such a person tries to penetrate deep into your subconscious, finds out all the dark sides and sins. Subsequently uses the information received. It will humiliate you. Constantly point out that you are very lucky to be next to him; no one else would pay attention to such a person.
A little boy. He behaves thoughtlessly and makes mistakes. At the same time, he does not try to make excuses in any way, but asks to accept him as he is.
Tyrant. People are drawn to such a person; they see him as a protector. However, then excessive jealousy appears, intimidation of the victim begins, control over his every step begins.
Player. Uses manipulation to obtain pleasure. Your relationship is like another adventure for him. He can boast about his former victories over weak women. If you are wondering whether it is possible to make such a person fall in love with you, then the answer is no. He lives only for himself, he does not need serious meetings. Even if he behaves like a person in love, gives you gifts and showers you with compliments, this is just a game, his words mean nothing.
Pretender. When starting a relationship with a woman, such a person will do everything to completely conquer her heart. As soon as a girl falls in love with him, everything will change dramatically. He will become completely different and will demand satisfaction of his needs; he will no longer extol her.

Evaluate your attachments

Quite often people manipulate someone using feelings of affection. It is human nature to get used to a certain course of life, activity, work, and it is quite difficult to give up a habit formed over the years. It is precisely these attachments that manipulators use; they put pressure on something that is difficult for a person to refuse. It is important to clearly evaluate your own attachments and not allow yourself to be blackmailed with this. We don’t always really need what we are used to, and sometimes leaving the comfort zone promises a person not trouble, but very good bonuses.

Reasons for the formation of such a personality

A personal tragedy experienced can provoke the development of manipulative tendencies in a man

How to recognize a guy who is turning into a manipulator? You need to understand that this is preceded by psychological reasons, and not congenital anomalies.

Initially, a man has low self-esteem and does not believe in his own strength. It is vital for him to find support in the environment and at the same time remain independent. However, such a person cannot trust others. That is why he tries to control everyone. There is a desire to use people for your own purposes. In essence, such a person resolves the conflict of his inner self at the expense of other people.
Fear of close relationships. The culprit is a previously experienced trauma, the betrayal of a loved one, the fear of becoming attached, the desire to remain detached.
The person has an unsatisfied sense of dignity. He uses other people's energy to increase his self-esteem.
A man drains the life energy of his partner to become stronger. At the same time, the woman remains unhappy, feels empty and exhausted.

Kinds

There are different ways to manipulate people, but many psychologists identify three main ones.

“Positively reinforced actions” - excessive attention, cajoling, praise and gifts. The victim finds himself in a situation where it seems to her that she owes the manipulator for gifts, beautiful words and attention. This makes it difficult to complete the manipulation. “These flowers are for you. You look so good today. I hope you won’t refuse me a date?” - looks like simple good manners and gallantry of a man towards a woman, and perhaps it is so. But if we consider a situation where a girl has already refused a man, but he will not calm down, then this can be considered manipulation. In this case, what is important to a man is not so much the girl herself and her company, but the fact that she agreed and the date took place.

“Negatively reinforced actions” - threats and games of silence, imposition of guilt, reproaches, intimidating behavior. “If you don’t give me back everything that I gave you, then we will talk to you differently!” - pressure on the victim puts him in a hopeless situation, the feeling of fear drives him into a dead end and forces him to participate in manipulation. “Look what you did to me, before you everything was fine with me. You ruined my life! - the manipulator imposes a feeling of guilt on the victim, blames a loved one for his failures, abdicating all responsibility.

“Neutral actions” are silence, denial of the obvious, distraction from the essence of the matter. The manipulation will succeed as soon as the victim loses his vigilance - this is exactly what the manipulator achieves. “I’ll solve this issue later, today the weather is so beautiful, maybe we’ll go for a walk?”

But you shouldn’t divide the world into white and black, and people into manipulators and the manipulated. Every person has found himself on both sides at least once in his life. The main thing is to understand why this happens.

Characteristic features of the manipulator

The manipulator keeps everything under control and tells you how to live.

Let's look at what the signs of a manipulator are and how to understand that such a person is next to you.

He tries to control everything that happens. At the very beginning of your relationship, he tries to find out all the details of your life down to the smallest detail. Then he tries to find out information related to current relationships with friends and colleagues. Some girls mistake such interest for falling in love and a desire to care. In fact, it is simply important for the manipulator to keep everything under control.
He begins to speak negatively about his past relationships and insults his former lovers. You must understand that you yourself may find yourself in the place of unhappy women.
The manipulator is trying to turn you against friends and even relatives. It is important for a man that a woman belongs to him and devotes all her time only to him.
The guy is trying to change you, wants to create a creature that will fulfill all his whims. Be prepared for him to suggest changing jobs or getting plastic surgery.
The manipulator likes to talk a lot and promise. However, all his words are just air thrown into the wind.
A man who manipulates may often change his mood. Such a person will not be consistent; he may talk about something good and then change his mind. He is easily offended and may not speak for several days.
Such a person, through his actions, provokes you into a constant feeling of guilt. Be prepared for the fact that in all quarrels and conflicts you will be portrayed as the instigator.
It may be characterized by pathological jealousy. A man finds fault with any male who happens to be near you, even if it’s just a colleague. He controls everything, does not let him go outside without his accompaniment.
Completely depresses your desires and aspirations. It is important for such a person that people live for his sake; he is characterized by selfishness. You will rarely hear that a manipulative man is in love. And if this happens, then such relationships are of a peculiar nature. A person is not able to properly express his feelings and in any case can oppress his other half and make her unhappy.

What is manipulation?

Manipulation is the attitude of one person towards another not as a value, but as a means of achieving his goals (the manipulator usually puts his desires and needs above the feelings of other people). The goals of manipulators can be both personal and public. The first goal category includes a promotion at work, buying food at a discount at the market, or the desire to eat a bag of candy. The second purpose relates to publicity, advertising and sales.

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You will be surprised, but anyone can become a manipulator. Even unconsciously. As a rule, children become unconscious manipulators - they cry when they don’t get what they wanted, pressing on pity and forcing the parent to buy something and do this.

How to communicate

A woman can play along with her manipulator if she has a strong enough character

Let's look at how to resist a manipulator and not submit to his will. Let's figure out how you can coexist with such a person.

When giving in to manipulation, you need to do it consciously. It is important that the man feels that you are in control of the situation.
Every word and action of your man needs to be weighed and considered. It is important to show your boyfriend that you yourself planned to do this. We need to be proactive.
If a man tries to make you angry, tell him directly that he wants to see you angry.
Don't hide the fact that you are aware of his manipulations.
Watch your boyfriend. Make sure his words match his gestures.
Be able to promptly identify the difference between care and total control, sincere feelings from false flattery.
Learn to analyze your weaknesses and strengths. Knowing about them, it will be easier for you to communicate with the manipulator, because it can put pressure on shortcomings. If a man points out your weaknesses, remain confident. Calmly answer that you know about your shortcomings, that they are part of your personality.
Increase your self-esteem, love yourself. A girl should realize that she is not obliged to fulfill other people's wishes. Spend your free time doing what you love.
You can openly talk about manipulation and, together with your partner, try to find out the reason for this behavior.
It is important to be able to say the word “no” and not follow his desires. First of all, you need to think about yourself, no matter how strong your feelings for a person of the opposite sex.
If you feel strong psychological pressure from a man, take a break from the relationship. This time is necessary to come to your senses and sort out your feelings.
Behave unpredictably. This will prevent the young man from keeping everything under control.
Control yourself, don’t allow yourself to cry when a man is waiting for it. Stay calm, don't be indifferent.
If you are thinking about how to outplay your man, speak to him using his own phrases. If he tries to put pressure on you, threatening to break up, feel free to answer that he wants you to break up. If you see an attempt at manipulation, cut off your interlocutor mid-sentence. It is important to pull the blanket over yourself in time. You can say that the conversation is over or the topic is already closed.
A man will try to subjugate you to his will, so it is important not to lose touch with reality and continue to communicate with other people and friends. Don't let your partner stop you from these meetings.
Stand up for your opinion, do not allow personal boundaries to be violated. This will not allow the manipulator to subjugate you to his will and use you for selfish purposes.
If a man completely controls you, you are no longer able to resist him, seek help from a psychologist. He will help you get out of the hole into which you were driven, he will teach you how to live on.
If you feel discomfort, you feel uncomfortable being around such a man, your self-esteem drops below zero, then it’s time to think that such a relationship is not for you. Remember that you have the right to be happy and loved.

Now you know how male manipulators behave and who they are. It is important to realize that not every woman can save her face next to such a man; she often becomes a victim. If you are a strong personality and can openly resist manipulation from your partner, fight for your relationship. If you see that you are not capable of a happy future next to such a person, run away from him. Remember that you need to love yourself and not allow someone to rule your life or make you a toy in their hands.

Which girls are more likely to be influenced by men?

People with complexes who find it difficult to say “no” to any request are at risk. Having no personal “I”, finding a bunch of shortcomings in themselves and not having decided on a clear position in life, it is difficult for them to resist the harsh pressure of a manipulator.

Women who lose common sense from the word “loneliness” are subject to the influence of others. Afraid of being left alone, they are ready to do anything so that the man does not leave them, no matter what a tyrant and manipulator he turns out to be.

Many insecure girls consciously choose who will control them. They are used to living under someone’s guidance, otherwise they can get lost in this huge world. A man becomes an object of desire for them, for the sake of whose happiness they are ready to sacrifice their own moral values.

Remember your worth

Manipulators take advantage of people with low self-esteem. The problem is that the manipulator also has low self-esteem, so he will look for others to control, trying to lower their self-esteem even further through insults.

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Relationship phases

To understand this system, you need to look again at the individual phases of the relationship:

Infatuation phase

Constantly talking about the past and future plans and spending time together is how it all starts. The main thing: when you are with a man, you put aside your own needs and try new things for the sake of your partner.

Negotiation phase

At this stage, both recognize their partner's weaknesses. This stage is also called “grinding in” - very aptly. Both grumble and criticize, but also spend a lot of time together. Nowadays, everyone increasingly realizes their own desires.

Waiting phase

The following topics are discussed at this stage: accepting each other's shortcomings and reaching compromises or resignation/silence. The daily routine drowns out the exchange of feelings, changes and relationships. In most cases, people only talk about daily organization, home and work life, what to watch on TV, what the children are doing, etc.

Silence may be a sign that:

that everyone lives their own life, and partnership is only a relationship of convenience;
that both have resigned themselves, but they still have desires that they think they will no longer be able to fulfill;
that external goals, such as a career or hobby, are temporarily more important to them.

Resist demands

Psychological manipulators make certain demands that the victim meet their needs. If the demand is unreasonable, ask the manipulator a few questions:

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Does the demand seem reasonable and fair to him?
Do you have a say in this situation?
Are you asked or given instructions?
What do you get out of it?

Don't personalize or blame yourself

The manipulator tries to find and exploit your weaknesses; it is quite normal that the victim feels uncomfortable or even blames himself for not satisfying the manipulator. In such a situation, you need to remember that the problem is not you - this person is trying to deliberately cause negative feelings in order to force you to act in their favor. In this case, ask yourself if this person is truly showing you respect; do you really need to sacrifice something; Do you feel good in this relationship?