What is conflict: concept, classification, stages

Greetings, friends!

There are probably no relationships in which it would be possible to completely avoid conflict situations. People come into conflicts everywhere: on the road, in the store, at work, at home. Even the closest people at least occasionally conflict with each other, emotionally sorting things out and trying to prove that they are right. There is no way to avoid this. But if you understand the nature of conflicts well, you can significantly reduce their number and minimize negative consequences. Today we will analyze in detail what conflict is, why they arise, what they are, how to competently prevent and stop them. Let's begin.

What is conflict?

A conflict is a situation in which two parties take opposing positions, making mutually exclusive demands on each other. The word itself does not necessarily imply quarrel or aggression. So, in the case of interaction between two legal entities, the term “conflict of interest” only means that they see the continuation of the relationship differently. At the same time, both sides are interested in finding consensus and resolving the conflict.

Conflicts exist at different levels, but today we consider them exclusively as an everyday phenomenon - a clarification of the relationship between two people. The tendency to enter into an emotional argument, gradually turning into rudeness, is inherent in us by nature. You can see this by observing children who conflict frequently and quite emotionally, despite the fact that no one taught them this. Life without conflict situations is simply impossible. But everyone can learn to avoid conflicts, and if they do arise, quickly end them while maintaining dignity.

If your new acquaintance modestly says “I am a non-conflict person,” most likely he wants to say that in conflicts with his participation the interlocutor is always to blame. Therefore, it is better not to argue with him.

Most conflicts start innocently enough. First, the disputants try to argue their position neutrally, trying not to offend the interlocutor. But there is one peculiarity in our psyche: if it seems to us that we have been offended, we try to respond in such a way as to “hurt” the interlocutor much more strongly. As a result, a harmless dispute develops into a conflict, each participant of which is completely confident in his own rightness and cannot understand why the interlocutor is so stubborn and does not notice that he is categorically wrong.

Litigation

Probably one of the first signs when it’s time to “catch yourself by the tail” so that peaceful communication does not turn into hostilities is when there is a desire to prove something to your interlocutor. The motive may look the most innocent - they say, “we’re just talking,” when in fact it is guided by the good old “instinct” of the ego - the thirst for rightness. As soon as we felt that we wanted to explain something to the person, or prove something, that’s it, that’s where the exchange of information ended and self-affirmation began.

If the partner does not agree, then our intrusive arguments and evidence are perceived by him as mental violence. This is roughly how most of all conflict situations begin. We naively seek respect and love, but in return we receive the opposite – a natural “counterattack”. You really can't be nice by force.

The main problem of the relationship is not even that the partners have different understandings of mutual rights and obligations, but that the partners, instead of peaceful negotiations, arrange court proceedings. That is, instead of clarifying mutual feelings and somehow reaching an agreement, they begin to accuse, headlongly hoping to punish the “guilty” with a “fine and correctional labor.”

The partner of such agility is unpleasantly surprised and perceives it as personal oppression, or even an arrogant demonstration of dislike and disrespect, as if he is being treated like a powerless mug who is obliged to thank him for “letting him in” at all.

Resentment, anger, accusations - all this leads not to a profitable partnership, but to its disintegration due to mutual hatred. We personally need to be aware of this so that it is completely clear what exactly our person is trying to achieve by resorting to childish manipulations in the hope of easy “profit.”

As soon as communication begins to be controlled by emotions, all constructiveness instantly disappears from it, and every word is devoted only to justification and proof of one’s rightness. Therefore, when communicating in a raised voice, partners stop listening to each other. What kind of understanding of the interlocutor can we talk about when everything inside is burning with the desire to be heard and justified in one’s claims?

In emotional communication, the exchange of information is replaced by direct, crude attempts to achieve immediate gratification. The vocal cords can extract many clever, beautiful meanings, guided by the “primitive” motive of achieving superiority over the interlocutor. In this situation, instead of many words, it would be much more honest to simply repeat: “I’m right! I'm right!"

Signs of conflict

In order to clearly understand what a conflict is and how to identify it, you need to remember three main features that must be present in it:

1. Bipolarity (opposition)

. This phenomenon occurs when two people defend opposing points of view in a dispute that is interesting to both. The presence of opposing positions does not yet imply conflict, but is a prerequisite for it.

2. Activity

. Surely you have heard the expression “conflict is only possible with the active participation of both sides.” This is true. For the conflict to continue, both sides must be active.

3. Availability of subjects

. A conflict is not just a situation, but a form of interaction between two subjects. Typically, the likelihood of a dispute escalating into a conflict depends on the conflict level (that is, the presence of conflict thinking) of the subjects.

About unwillingness to listen

In one of the old articles with the title “How to become smarter,” I already talked about two fundamental pillars of productive communication. The first is the practice of empathic listening, aimed at understanding the interlocutor, the second is the crystallization of thought, aimed at the task of being understood. Ideally, a conscious listener understands the interlocutor, and a conscious speaker conveys his own thoughts in a refined and clear form.

Both qualities are equally important, but the fact is that no one wants to understand, everyone wants to be understood. Even in the comments to the above-mentioned article, almost everyone spoke and asked questions about the first part of the text, dedicated to the understandable expression of thoughts. That is, most of us want not so much to be smart, understanding the interlocutor, but to look like one, expressing our thoughts beautifully and effectively.

The opportunity to speak up allows an individual to feel important. And the role of the listener seems boring to most and smacks of humiliated servility. Therefore, the majority listens with half an ear, impatiently waiting in line at the “microphone” to convey and confirm their opinion. In disputes and strife, this pattern is expressed especially clearly. There, someone else's opinion becomes a complete obstacle to self-affirmation.

No matter how humiliating the role of listening to other people's speeches may seem, in reality the situation easily turns into one where our talkative person, selflessly revealing himself, becomes something like an object of study for the attentive listener. As I see it, intelligence is not so much the ability to express itself as the ability to understand - even if silently.

Of course, when emotions are running high, it is very difficult to step over the usual automatisms. But if the situation is pressing, and you don’t want to develop a conflict, there is only one way out - to stop imposing your opinion. Further development of the plot can proceed according to different scenarios.

The destructive option is to try to leave the last word for yourself and, with your nose in the air, slam the door. At the same time, the conflict seems to sag in the personal space of the participants, where it can be exhausted, or it can go into the “cold war” stage and swell to greater volumes. Constructive options, as always, are more complex and require some skill.

Types of conflicts

There are many types of conflicts at different levels. Their classification is dealt with by conflictology - a scientific discipline that studies the patterns of emergence, progression and attenuation of conflict situations. Conflicts of a psychological nature are most often classified according to the following criteria:

• number of parties (internal, interpersonal);
• duration (short-term, long-term, one-time, recurring);
• spheres of life (family, household, work);
• source (objective, subjective, false);
• presence of violence (violent, non-violent);
• nature of occurrence (spontaneous, intentional).

An important feature of conflicts is that they are rarely confined to one type. Because people act irrationally in conflict situations, conflict quickly spills over into all areas in which people interact. And this is one of the most important reasons for the popular recommendation that it is undesirable to work with close relatives.

Some of the listed types of conflict situations also have an internal division into types. For example, a work conflict can be vertical (between a boss and a subordinate) and horizontal (between colleagues of the same rank). Family conflict can be marital, child-parent, sibling (between siblings). Let's take a closer look at the most common types of conflicts.

Internal conflict

It may seem that the concept of internal conflict contradicts the statement that a conflict situation is impossible without the participation of two parties. However, in this case, both sides are present in the mind of one person who cannot decide on his own desires, goals and priorities. The idea of ​​an internal conflict of personality is the basis of many literary works; Gogol, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Chekhov and other Russian writers loved to describe it.

In life, internal conflicts occur in every person. For example, a typical example, familiar to almost all of us, is an internal dispute with oneself about how to respond to rudeness from a stranger. Another common example is the doubts that overwhelm teenagers during puberty, when they want to start their sex life as soon as possible, but at the same time there is a desire to wait for the ideal “prince” or “princess”.

Family conflict

Family conflict is one of the most common types of conflicts, since family life without it is impossible. In psychology, the greatest importance is attached to marital conflicts, and almost all family psychotherapy is aimed specifically at this area. Conflicts between parents and children are also common. Since the future of children is determined during their period of greatest emotional instability (the so-called “difficult age”), it is important to ensure that they carefully weigh their priorities when making life-changing decisions.

From a psychological point of view , worse situation is when close people avoid conflicts and accumulate grievances. One day this will definitely lead to an “explosion”, and then both people will throw out in each other’s faces all the claims that they could have discussed gradually in small and fairly harmless conflicts. Usually, the tendency to accumulate grievances is present in people who, in childhood, were accustomed to family violence, including moral and emotional violence.

Work conflict

Conflicts in the work team are inevitable and arise at all levels. It often seems to management that employees are not responsible enough, to employees that management underpays them and overloads them, forcing them to do work that “is not part of their duties,” and the social package does not motivate them for career growth. Horizontal conflicts are also common, since employees often feel that their colleagues are less qualified, work worse, and for some reason the numbers next to their names on the payroll are larger.

In many modern companies, it is forbidden to disclose the amount of your own salary - according to the contract, this is subject to a large fine and other sanctions. And one of the most important reasons for this is the desire of management to avoid horizontal labor conflicts in the staff.

Horizontal conflicts often arise out of nowhere. It all usually starts with a small thing - one employee looked at another the wrong way, didn’t say hello, or accidentally pushed him in the buffet. After this, hostility gradually increases, and employees may begin to spread gossip about each other. Often such situations lead to confrontation not only between two people, but also between small groups that have rallied around them. Since this negatively affects the quality of work, management must resolve such situations.

Domestic conflict

This is one of the most extensive groups. Domestic conflicts include conflicts that arise on the roads, in queues, in public transport and in any other place where people collide with each other, compete for resources or simply interfere with each other. Villages are characterized by a situation where families are friends with those who live a few houses away, but are at enmity with their neighbors. This is a typical everyday conflict, which often begins with some small thing like a tree casting a shadow on a garden bed, and develops into a protracted feud for decades.

Domestic conflicts were a favorite theme of Soviet cinema, and this is not surprising. This topic was close to millions of people living in communal apartments. And communal apartments are “fertile ground” for conflicts, since people compete every day for common resources and interfere with each other in every possible way. The well-known program “Dom-2” also exploits the theme of everyday conflicts, since it is this component of the life of its participants that is most interesting to viewers.

Abstract on the topic: “Conflicts in communication”

Abstract on the topic:

"Conflicts in Communication"

Plan

1. Concept of conflict
2. Prerequisites for conflicts in communication
3. Strategies for behavior in conflict situations
4. Methods for relieving tension in a conflict situation
5. Literature

Concept of conflict

Conflicts arise in almost all spheres of human activity. Man cannot avoid them. Therefore, it is necessary to have at least a basic understanding of conflicts and methods of behavior when they arise. What is conflict? In psychology, conflict is defined as “a clash of oppositely directed, mutually incompatible tendencies in the consciousness of an individual, in interpersonal interactions or interpersonal relationships of individuals or groups of people, associated with negative emotional experiences.” The basis of conflict situations in a group between individuals is a clash between opposing interests, opinions, goals, and different ideas about how to achieve them.

In social psychology, there is a multivariate typology of conflict depending on the criteria that are taken as a basis.

Intrapersonal conflict. This type of conflict can take many forms, the most common form of role conflict being when one person is presented with conflicting demands about what the outcome of their work should be or, for example, when job demands are not consistent with personal needs or values. Research shows that such a conflict can arise with low job satisfaction and low self-confidence. For example, an intrapersonal conflict between family sympathies and a leader’s sense of duty.

Interpersonal conflict. This is the most common form of conflict in organizations. Most often, this is a struggle between managers over limited resources, capital or labor, over the time of use of equipment, or for approval of a project. Each of the parties to the conflict believes that, since resources are limited, he must persuade higher management to allocate these resources to him and not to other management. Interpersonal conflict can also appear as a clash of personalities. People with different personality traits, views and values ​​are sometimes simply unable to get along with each other. As a rule, the views and goals of such people differ radically (for example, between a manager and his deputy regarding a position, bonus; between employees).

Conflict between the individual and the group. Conflict may arise between an individual and a group if that individual takes a position that differs from that of the group. For example, when discussing ways to increase sales at a meeting, most will believe that this can be achieved by lowering the price. And someone alone will be convinced that such tactics will lead to a decrease in profits. Although this person, whose opinion differs from the group, may have the company's interests at heart, he can still be seen as a source of conflict because he goes against the group's opinion. Another common conflict of this type is between the group and the leader. Such conflicts occur most acutely when the leadership style is inappropriate to the level of maturity of the team, due to the discrepancy between the competence of the manager and the competence of specialists, and due to rejection of the moral character of the manager and specialists.

Intergroup conflict. Organizations are made up of many formal and informal groups. Even in the most successful organizations, conflicts can arise between such groups. Informal groups that believe that the leader is treating them unfairly may become more united and try to “get even” with him by reducing productivity. A striking example of intergroup conflict is the conflict between a trade union and the administration.

Based on their direction, conflicts are divided into horizontal, vertical and mixed. Horizontal conflicts include those conflicts that do not involve persons subordinate to each other. Vertical conflicts include those that involve persons subordinate to one another. The most common are vertical and mixed. On average they make up 70 - 80% of all others. Mixed conflicts have both vertical and horizontal components. They are the most undesirable for a leader, since in them he is, as it were, “tied hand and foot.” The fact is that in this case, every action of the manager is considered by all employees through the prism of this conflict.

According to their significance for an organization, conflicts are divided into constructive and destructive. Constructive conflicts are characterized by disagreements that affect fundamental aspects of the life of the organization and its members, and the resolution of these disagreements helps to bring the organizational structure and personality to a new, higher and more effective level of development.

The conflict will only be constructive if the opponents do not go beyond ethical standards, business relationships and reasonable arguments. A destructive conflict arises in two cases: when one of the parties stubbornly and rigidly insists on its position and does not want to take into account the interests of the other party; when one of the opponents resorts to morally condemnable methods of struggle, seeks to psychologically suppress the partner, discrediting and humiliating him. Destructive conflicts lead to negative, often destructive actions, which leads to a sharp decrease in the effectiveness of the group or organization.

According to the nature of the causes, conflicts are divided into objective and subjective. The first are generated by objective reasons, the second by subjective reasons.

Despite their specificity and diversity, conflicts generally have common stages:

• potential formation of conflicting interests, values, norms;

• the transition of a potential conflict into a real one or the stage of the participants in the conflict realizing their true or falsely understood interests;

• conflicting actions;

• removal or resolution of the conflict;

• post-conflict situation, which can be functional (constructive) and dysfunctional (destructive).

Every conflict has a certain structure. In any conflict there is an object of a conflict situation, associated either with organizational and technological difficulties, peculiarities of remuneration, or with the specifics of business and personal relations of the conflicting parties. The next element of the structure of the conflict is the goals, subjective motives of its participants, determined by their views and beliefs, material and spiritual interests. In a conflict there are opponents, specific individuals. In any conflict, it is important to distinguish the reason for the clash from the real reasons, which are often hidden. It is important to remember that as long as all the listed elements of the conflict structure exist (except for the reason), it cannot be eliminated. An attempt to end a conflict situation by force or persuasion leads to its growth and expansion by attracting new individuals, groups or organizations. Therefore, it is necessary to eliminate at least one of the existing elements of the conflict structure.

2. Prerequisites for conflicts

Let's briefly look at what can create the basis for conflicts.

Disagreements may arise due to a discrepancy between your reasoning and the reasoning of the other side. After all, how you see the problem depends on from which bell tower, figuratively speaking, you look at it. People tend to see what they want to see. From the mass of facts, we remove those that confirm our views, ideas and beliefs, and do not pay attention or mistakenly interpret those that call our ideas into question. However, it should be borne in mind that understanding another’s point of view does not mean agreeing with it. This can only help narrow the area of ​​conflict. Also, you should not interpret the statements or actions of the other party in a negative way, as this causes negative emotions. But we experience irritation in response to negative emotions addressed to us and we have a desire to compensate for our psychological loss by responding with insult to insult. In this case, the answer should not be weaker, and to be sure it is done with a reserve. Condescending attitude, categoricalness, banter, reminder of some losing situation, etc. - all this causes a negative reaction among others and serves as a breeding ground for the emergence of a conflict situation.

People, very often talking, do not understand each other. There are many reasons for this. In particular, in interpersonal communication, a significant part of the information exists at the level of the unconscious and cannot be fully expressed in words. Due to a limited vocabulary, lack of time or for other reasons, it is not considered necessary to say everything, and therefore a lot is perceived by the interlocutor through non-verbal means of communication (facial expressions, intonation, gestures, postures, etc.).

One of the reasons for errors in perception may be a distorted perception of the personal qualities and motives of behavior of those involved in the conflict. As a rule, both sides attribute similar virtues, noble motives to themselves, and vices to their opponents: good people do good things, and bad people act in bad ways.

In addition, each person has his own characteristics in the perception of another person. In one of the areas of modern psychology - neurolinguistic programming - these differences form the basis for classifying people into visual, auditory and kinesthetic learners. Thus, visual people love visual presentation, concreteness, do not tolerate walking in front of them during communication, and are prone to accusatory statements. Audials perceive everything through auditory images, music, speech, kinesthetics - through the states of their body. All this taken together creates the preconditions for conflict and difficulties in managing it.

Further, one of the reasons for the conflict may be an unbalanced role interaction between two people, i.e. in the process of interpersonal communication, people (one or both) may not play the roles that the communication partner expects from each of them.

The cause of the conflict may be people's failure to understand that when discussing a problem (especially a complex one), the discrepancy in positions may not be caused by a real difference in views, but by approaching the problem from different sides.

A fairly common cause of conflict can also be the choice by the parties to the conflict of different ways of assessing each other’s performance and personality. When evaluating other people, a person, as a rule, takes as the basis for his assessment what he failed to do in comparison with the norm, the ideal. We evaluate our own results of activity, often comparing it with what it was at the beginning of the activity, or with other people doing similar work worse.

Taking into account the difficulties in the communication process, E. Melibruda, W. Siegert and L. Lang developed a model of human behavior in a conflict situation from the point of view of its compliance with psychological standards. It is believed that constructive conflict resolution depends on the following factors:

adequacy of the perception of the conflict, that is, a fairly accurate assessment of the actions and intentions of both the enemy and one’s own, not distorted by personal biases;

openness and effectiveness of communication, readiness for a comprehensive discussion of problems, when participants honestly express their understanding of what is happening and ways out of a conflict situation;

creating an atmosphere of mutual trust and cooperation. It is also useful for a manager to know what individual personality traits (character traits) create a person’s tendency or predisposition to conflict relationships with other people. Summarizing the research of psychologists, we can say that such qualities include:

inadequate self-esteem of one’s capabilities and abilities, which can be either overestimated or underestimated. In both cases, it may contradict the adequate assessment of others - and the ground is ready for conflict;

the desire to dominate at all costs where this is possible and impossible; say your last word;

conservatism of thinking, views, beliefs, unwillingness to overcome outdated traditions;

excessive adherence to principles and straightforwardness in statements and judgments, the desire to tell the truth face to face at any cost;

critical attitude, especially unfounded and unreasoned;

a certain set of emotional qualities of a person (accentuations of character, manifested in their excessive expression, representing extreme variants of the norm) - anxiety, aggressiveness, stubbornness, irritability, suspicion, morbid touchiness.

But a conflict arises if the personal characteristics of a person or group come into conflict with the above-mentioned characteristics of a person predisposed to conflicts, i.e. in the presence of interpersonal or socio-psychological incompatibility.

As an example, consider incompatible types of temperament under certain conditions. In a normal, calm environment, choleric and phlegmatic people successfully cope with the work assigned to them. In an emergency situation, the slowness of a phlegmatic person, his desire to think about the course of activity and the hot temper, imbalance and fussiness of a choleric person can become the cause of conflict relations between them.

Even more often, differences in the needs, interests, and goals of different people interacting become the basis for interpersonal incompatibility. The main interest, for example, of the head of an established company or enterprise is to expand the business, and of the employees, so that as much money as possible can be allocated for salaries. This creates friction between them, which can lead to conflict even between close people.

Socio-psychological incompatibility can also arise due to the fact that the group or environment makes demands on the individual that diverge from those to which this person is oriented.

3. Behavior strategies in a conflict situation

In real life, it is not so easy to find out the true cause of the conflict and find an adequate way to resolve it. Many recommendations have been developed regarding various aspects of people’s behavior in conflict situations, the selection of appropriate behavioral strategies and means of conflict resolution, as well as its management.

The main, most acceptable strategies for behavior in a conflict situation were developed by psychologists K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann. According to their research, there are five main styles of behavior in conflict situations:

• device;

• compromise;

• cooperation;

• ignoring;

• competition.

The style of behavior in a particular conflict, in their opinion, is determined by the extent to which you want to satisfy your own interests, while acting passively or actively, and the interests of the other party, acting jointly or individually. If we present this in graphical form, we obtain the Thomas-Kschlmann grid, which allows us to analyze the conflict and choose the optimal behavior strategy (Fig. 1).

Rice. 1. Thomas-Kilmann grid

It, in turn, allows each person to create their own conflict resolution style.

We will give recommendations on the most appropriate use of a particular style, depending on specific situations and the nature of a person’s personality.

The style of competition and rivalry can be used by a person who has a strong will, sufficient authority, power, who is not very interested in cooperation with the other party and who seeks first of all to satisfy his own interests. It can be used if:

• the outcome of the conflict is very important to you and you place a big bet on your solution to the problem that has arisen;

• you have sufficient power and authority and it seems obvious to you that the solution you propose is the best;

• you feel that you have no other choice and have nothing to lose;

• you must make an unpopular decision and you have enough authority to choose this step;

• you interact with subordinates who prefer an authoritarian style.

However, it should be borne in mind that this is not a style that can be used in close, personal relationships, since it cannot cause anything other than a feeling of alienation. It is also inappropriate to use it in a situation where you do not have sufficient power, and your point of view on some issue differs from the point of view of your boss. conflict communication behavior

The cooperative style can be used if, while defending your own interests, you are forced to take into account the needs and desires of the other party. This style of behavior is the most difficult, as it requires longer work. The purpose of its application is to develop a long-term mutually beneficial solution. This behavior requires the ability to explain your desires, listen to each other, and restrain your emotions. The absence of one of these factors makes this style of behavior ineffective.

A collaborative style for conflict resolution will be acceptable in the following situations:

• it is necessary to find a common solution if each of the approaches to the problem is important and does not allow compromises;

• you have a long-term, strong and interdependent relationship with the other party;

• the main goal is to gain joint work experience;

the parties are able to listen to each other and outline the essence of their interests;

• it is necessary to integrate points of view and strengthen the personal involvement of employees in activities.

The style of compromise is that the parties seek to resolve differences by making mutual concessions. In this regard, it is somewhat reminiscent of the style of cooperation, but it is carried out on a more superficial level, since the parties are inferior to each other in some way. This style is most effective when both parties want the same thing, but know at the same time that it is impossible. When using this style, the emphasis is not on a solution that satisfies the interests of both parties, but on an option that can be expressed in the words: “We cannot fully fulfill our desires, therefore, it is necessary to come to a decision with which each of us could agree.” .

This approach to conflict resolution is possible in the following situations;

• both sides have equally convincing arguments and have equal power;

• satisfying your desire is not very important to you;

• you may be satisfied with a temporary solution, because there is no time to develop another, or other approaches to solving the problem have turned out to be ineffective;

• compromise will allow you to gain at least something rather than lose everything.

The avoidance style usually occurs when the issue at hand is not that important to you, you do not stand up for your rights, do not collaborate with anyone to develop a solution, and do not want to spend time and effort on solving the problem. This style of behavior is also recommended in cases where one of the parties has more power or feels that he is in the wrong, or believes that there are no serious reasons for continuing contact.

The evasion style is applicable in the following situations:

• the source of disagreement is trivial and insignificant for you compared to other more important tasks, and therefore you believe that it is not worth spending energy on it;

• you know that you cannot or even do not want to resolve the issue in your favor;

• you have little power to solve the problem in the way you want;

• you want to buy time to study the situation and obtain additional information before making any decision;

• Trying to solve a problem right away is dangerous, since openly discussing the conflict can only worsen the situation.

You should not think that this style is an escape from a problem or an evasion of responsibility. In fact, leaving or delaying may be an appropriate response to a conflict situation, since it may resolve itself in the meantime, or you can deal with it later when you have enough information and a desire to resolve it.

The accommodating style means that you work cooperatively with the other party, but do not try to defend your own interests in order to smooth out the situation. This style is most effective when the outcome of the case is extremely important to the other party and not very significant to you, or when you are sacrificing your own interests in favor of the other party.

The adaptation style is appropriate in the following most typical situations:

• restoring calm and stability is more important than resolving the conflict;

• the subject of the disagreement is not important to you or you are not particularly concerned about what happened;

• you think that it is better to maintain good relationships with other people than to defend your own point of view;

• you realize that the truth is on your side;

• you feel that you have little chance of winning and that you do not have enough power.

However, none of the considered styles of behavior in a conflict situation can be singled out as the best. It is advisable to learn how to effectively use each of them and consciously make one or another choice, taking into account specific circumstances. Thus, in a conflict situation or when dealing with a difficult person, you should use the approach that is most appropriate for the particular circumstances and in which you feel most comfortable. The best advisers in choosing the optimal approach to the problem of conflict resolution are experience and the desire not to complicate the situation and not to bring a person to stress. You can, for example, reach a compromise, adapt to the needs of another person (especially a partner or loved one);

persistently pursue the realization of one’s true interests in another aspect; avoid discussing a conflict issue if it is not very important to you; use a collaborative style to satisfy the most important interests of both parties. Therefore, the best way to resolve a conflict situation is to consciously choose the optimal behavior strategy.

To do this, it is advisable to determine your most typical conflict resolution style based on the K. Thomas test “Your Way of Reacting in Conflict”

4. Methods for relieving psychological stress in a conflict situation

In psychology, many studies have been conducted to study the possibilities of individual and group psychocorrection of conflict behavior:

• socio-psychological training;

• autogenic training;

• self-analysis of conflict behavior;

• individual psychological counseling;

• mediation activity of a psychologist.

Here are some of the methods and techniques that can help you relieve tension and free yourself from irritation and anger.

The method of switching to another type of activity is associated with motor activity, which requires physical exertion, thanks to which adrenaline is burned. So, if you are at work, do any type of activity: sort through papers; water the flowers; make tea; rearrange the table; walk several times at a fast pace along the corridor; go into the toilet room and hold your hands under cold water for 4 - 5 minutes; go to the window and look at the sky and trees. If you are at home, then try to go outside and run or walk at a fast pace for 10-15 minutes; take a contrast shower; wash the accumulated dishes. Try to practice this method as often as possible in those moments when you feel like you are losing self-control. Then this method will become a habit for you. Also, try to do something at least once a week that makes you happy, calms you down, and brings you satisfaction.

Visualization method - mentally express your feelings and experiences or do something to the person who caused a negative reaction. It is acceptable when you cannot vent your irritation, for example, on your manager, or if you assume that your anger will only worsen an already tense situation. As a result, you will achieve freedom from anger without risking anything.

“Grounding” - imagine: anger enters you from your opponent as a beam of negative energy. Then imagine how this energy descends into your feet and flows freely into the earth.

The method of “reducing your opponent in height” - imagine that during communication your opponent is so reduced in height that he turns into a lump of dirt that you can step in, and his voice becomes weaker and weaker. As a result, he will seem less significant and influential.

“Mood” method - take colored markers or pencils and, with a relaxed left hand, begin to draw any design: lines, spots, shapes, etc. Try to completely immerse yourself in your experiences, i.e. choose and draw lines in accordance with your mood, as if materializing your experiences on paper. After sketching the entire sheet of paper, turn it over and on the reverse side write 8-10 words that reflect your mood (experience). Write the words that come to mind first, without thinking for a long time. Then look at the drawing again, as if reliving your state, re-read the words and tear it apart energetically and with pleasure. Crumple up the torn pieces of paper and throw them in the trash. Together with the discarded drawing, you get rid of your bad mood and find peace.

The “inner ray” method can be used at the initial stage of irritation, when self-control is impaired, psychological contact in communication disappears, and alienation appears. To complete it, you need to relax and imagine the following pictures. A light beam appears at the top of the head, which moves from top to bottom and slowly illuminates the face, neck, shoulders, hands with a warm, even and pleasant light. As the beam moves, wrinkles are smoothed out, tension in the back of the head disappears, folds on the forehead are weakened, eyebrows “fall”, eyes “cool”, clamps in the corners of the lips are loosened, shoulders are lowered, and the neck and chest are freed. A bright inner ray creates the appearance of a new calm, confident and prosperous person.

Exercise: “my house” (“my room”). To implement it, you need to sit down, relax and start building in your imagination your favorite house or room with a view of a river, lake, forest or somewhere else. Arrange it the way you want, imagine your chair, your favorite place in it. Remember it and mentally go into it to rest at any time during the day. Stay in it for 5-7 minutes and you will feel a surge of strength.

There is another way to relieve psychological stress, which is not just to look at the situation that led to this state, but to ask yourself:

“What lessons can I learn from this situation so that I can be prepared for similar events in the future? How can I gain self-confidence if I encounter a similar incident again?” This approach will help you free yourself from negative emotions, as it will teach you to act competently in similar situations and avoid stress.

We have listed only a few methods. Other exercises can be found in the literature. Choose the one that suits you best. Regular use of them will lead to the fact that the anger and irritation that you felt will leave you, and the conflict situation and the opponent may seem insignificant. They will help you move through a crisis productively and feel more balanced and calm.

Literature

1. Psychology and ethics of business communication: Textbook for universities / Ed. prof. V.N. Lavrinenko. — 4th ed., revised. and additional - M.: UNITY-DANA, 2005.
2. Grigorieva T.G., Linskaya L.V., Usoltseva T.P. Fundamentals of constructive communication. Methodological manual for teachers.
3. Tarasenko L.V. Psychotechnics of communication. - M.: Social and humanitarian knowledge, 2008.
4. Sheinov V.P. Conflicts in our lives and their resolution. M.: “Amalthea”, 1997.

Ways to end conflicts

A conflict can be resolved in different ways: resolved, settled, extinguished, eliminated the cause, or found a compromise that suits both parties. Sometimes a conflict ends because a new one arises in its place. Let's consider the main options for ending conflicts.

Permission

This outcome usually results from the mutual desire of the parties to the dispute to peacefully resolve the situation. It includes the following steps:

1. Determining the parties to the conflict.
2. Determining the motives of each side.
3. Determining the true cause of the dispute.
4. Joint clarification of how the parties see the conflict.
5. Gathering outside opinions.
6. Finding and implementing the best conflict resolution strategy.

Settlement

This option implies the involvement of a disinterested person who is trusted by both participants in the disputable situation. The regulator must weigh all the arguments and find a solution that will be fair for both parties to the conflict. Typically this process includes the following steps:

1. Determining the true causes of the conflict.
2. Determining the powers of the involved regulator.
3. Search for real motives for the conflict (to understand not only the reasons, but also the goals of the participants).

Attenuation

Often the conflict simply gets boring for the participants and fades away, but this does not mean that it has stopped. Usually it simply goes into a latent form, and tension remains between the parties. Typically, attenuation occurs for the following reasons:

1. reducing the significance of the object of dispute;
2. distracting the parties to other problems;
3. exhaustion of the parties.

Eliminating the cause

Everything is obvious here. In some situations, discussion allows you to understand the problem and simply eliminate it in a way that suits all parties to the conflict. Sometimes the solution can be quite radical. For example, if two employees have a conflict, one of them may be transferred to another department.

Transformation

Sometimes during a conflict a new conflict situation arises. The participants switch to it, partially or completely forgetting about the old object of the dispute.

Communication with conflicting personalities

All people are forced to communicate with each other, since without communication the existence of society and man as a whole is impossible.
However, often unpleasant individuals who have a high level of conflict enter into communication. The reason for such conflict potential can be the character, interests, and general psychophysiological state of a person. So-called conflict personalities pose a certain threat to communication, since it is quite difficult to establish relationships with them. Note 1

To facilitate communication with conflicting people, it is necessary to take into account their individual characteristics, and first of all, characteristics of a negative nature. In addition, it is necessary to promptly determine what type of conflicting personality the person in front of you belongs to; based on this, you can assume what can be expected from him.

Are you an expert in this subject area? We invite you to become the author of the Directory Working Conditions

How to prevent conflicts

If you have a good understanding of what conflict is and how it arises, you can avoid it in many situations. There are a large number of techniques to soften the situation. We will look at some of the simplest and at the same time effective:

1. Common cause

. This method works best with children's conflicts. If children in a family or group begin to conflict, they can be united by doing an interesting and exciting activity.

2. Developing Empathy

. It is important to be able to empathize with other people. This will allow you to better understand your opponent's motivation. When doing an act that you didn’t like, the other person was probably also thinking about something, wanted something. And this action cannot be considered reprehensible just because it conflicts with your interests.

3. Developing respect for others

. This point echoes the previous one. You need to take into account those around you and understand that they are endowed with the same rights.

4. Paying attention to your opponent's strengths

. If you think more about the positive traits of the person with whom you have disagreements, it will be much easier to find reconciliation.

5. Social "strokes"

. You can take part in some pleasant, relaxing event together, for example, going on a picnic in the same company. That is why the management of many companies encourages and organizes “corporate parties” - communication in a pleasant informal atmosphere helps employees get closer and better understand each other.

To learn how to effectively prevent and manage conflicts, you need to improve your communication skills and learn to control your emotions. The online intensive “Effective Communication” from Vikium will help you with this. This course will teach you:

• Manage your emotions and control impulses
• Overcome difficult emotional situations
• Understand the other person's feelings and thoughts on a deeper level
• Communicate more effectively with your surroundings
• Manage conflicts
• Build harmonious relationships

The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev. Expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

The online intensive “Effective Communication” will be especially useful:

1. Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers;
2. Those who work with clients, middle managers, freelancers;
3. To everyone who is involved in raising children;
4. Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.

The training consists of 4 blocks:

1. Emotions. Basics;
2. Emotional stability and emotional flexibility;
3. Social efficiency;
4. Building harmonious relationships.

How the training works:

1. Watch video lectures;
2. Perform independent tasks to consolidate the material;
3. Participate in webinars and discuss difficult issues;
4. Take tests on the material you have studied;
5. You complete the intensive course and receive a certificate.

You can find out more about this course by following the link.

Defaults

It is important to understand that there are no default rules in relationships. Social dogmas are too shaky, vague and contradictory. Therefore, no one knows how to “correctly” practice relationships simply because there are no consistently true role models in sight.

Everyone acts by touch under the influence of a personal code. But not everyone understands that this code is personal, and not some kind of real universal legislation. Therefore, imposing one’s opinion on what and in what quantities we are owed is nothing more than the forced implantation of one’s own subjective charter into the partner’s brain.

I can hear the protest - they say, “it’s clear that a person should and is obliged anyway...” What follows is a list of those same subjective laws of an impenetrable personal code. From a purely human perspective, I can understand the various claims of an individual. But this does not stop them from being subjective.

In fact, by establishing mutual rules, we all simply agree, take risks and believe. Such contingent contracts do not provide any stable duty that the partner is “obliged” to perform. And if our expectations are not fulfilled, it means they were not realistic. This means that somewhere our person was deceived, confusing hopes with ruthless reality.

Effective Communication Skills

Resolving conflicts in communication is possible through the use of effective communication skills. Read more “Effective Communication Skills” , “Conditions for Effective Interaction” .

Firstly, punctuality. By fulfilling our duties on time, we reduce the number of reasons for conflict. Insufficient contribution to the overall result, delays, failure to meet deadlines are a frequent cause of disputes.

Secondly, self-criticism. Thanks to this skill, we reduce our critical attitude towards our interlocutor and get rid of prejudices towards him. Many conflicts are based on an incorrect assessment of the situation and a negative attitude towards the interlocutor.

Thirdly, respect. A respectful attitude towards your interlocutor is a good prevention of conflicts. The ability to listen to the interlocutor, understand and accept his opinion develops.

Fourthly, determination. Purpose is the basis of interaction. Your determination helps other people understand how to interact with you, which entails resolving conflicts in communication.

Fifth, confidentiality. Violation of the rules of information exchange is the cause of many conflicts in communication. You always need to know what and to whom to say or not.

Effective communication skills help structure any interaction. Conflicts are inevitable, but they can be managed effectively. Develops the ability to express one’s point of view clearly and accessible. Understand the point of view of the interlocutor, clarifying it, and receive confirmation of the correctness of understanding from the interlocutor. Correctly assess your status in a conversation and respond appropriately. Recognize manipulative behavior and stop such communication.

Do not forget that communication has a goal and, if the expected result suits you, then conflicts are easy to overcome.