“If you don’t do what I want now, you won’t see homemade borscht, clean socks and passionate sex.” Women won't play by the rules.
Especially if they really need something, and a man stands between them and the desired goal.
If manipulation affects male instincts and pain points, it works. Always. Only more often than not, the female puppeteer turns out to be unprepared for the destructive consequences.
From this article you will learn:
- What do manipulations lead to?
- How do women manipulate men?
- What types of manipulations are there?
- Examples and alternatives.
I want new earrings (vacation on an exotic island, a car, getting married). If, as a rule, we have no difficulties with desires, then with opportunities there is always trouble. And you can achieve your “wants” in two ways :
- Manipulation.
- Work (on yourself, relationships, searching for alternatives).
Why bother? Manipulation is in vogue now. Psychologists and coaches teach women how to manipulate men, pull the right strings and make the guy eat out of your hand.
They just forget to talk about what the desire to play puppeteer leads to.
What do manipulations lead to?
Here is a girl sitting, stylishly dressed, sexy, easily playing with a glass of wine and with her whole appearance showing the man why she came on a date.
Around her, the air begins to crackle with tension, and the gentlemen are led to provocation, like a bull to a red rag.
Only after the date, having played the role of a seductress, the girl “merges” with the words “Well, I’m not like that, only after the wedding.”
She plays on male instincts, awakens a hunter in a man who wants to achieve, conquer, conquer.
What's next? The candy-bouquet period is over, your cosmetics have appeared in his bathroom, and the closet is bursting with your things.
The role has been played, and now the guy needs to be restrained somehow. And other manipulations are used.
Life is like running in a vicious circle, because the girl simply doesn’t know any other way to build a relationship.
What's wrong with manipulation?
1. A woman always has to play the chosen role and hope that her partner will not notice the substitution. But men are not idiots.
Here a couple walks past a display case with dresses, and the girl sighs: “Oh, Svetka’s husband bought such a fur coat yesterday, how happy she is, but they keep delaying my salary. And I really want this dress,” and my eyes are already filled with tears.
A provocation will work a couple of times, and then you’ll have to come up with something new. But the partner has already had suspicions, he will be on the alert.
2. A manipulative woman attracts the same men into her life. Will the relationship be happy? Hardly. After all, partners do nothing but look out for each other’s weaknesses and pain points.
3. Internal tension grows in the couple, which often remains unspoken. The man is nervous, trying to understand what games you are playing this time.
Trust, love, respect leave the relationship... And now you are already living on the same square meters as two neighbors. We've finished the game.
Emotional technique
To drive a man crazy, decide to emotionally blackmail him with harsh words. Because in the moment to say, “You never say ‘I love you’ to me,” he would be well prepared and would say, “Of course, I said that six months ago.” But if you need to manipulate a guy, you'll have to keep arguing. You might comment like this: “The last time you told me you loved me was six months ago. So you don't love me anymore." The only thing you can get is "Of course I love you." Although he may be attentive to your emotional statements, this may not always be the case since guys can be charged with anger at any time. So make sure you comment only to influence him and not to anger him.
How do women manipulate men?
Through emotions. The human psyche is designed in such a way that one wants to preserve or prolong pleasant emotions, while unpleasant, uncomfortable sensations are avoided by any means. This principle underlies any manipulation:
- Pleasant emotions . “Darling, you are a real man for me. I love you so much. Take the kids to kindergarten tomorrow and pick me up after work.” After a compliment, vigilance is lost, even the stern hedgehog man relaxes and shows his belly, unprotected by needles. Pleasant words are a balm for his ego, and, of course, he will try to live up to it.
- Unpleasant emotions . For example, a purely feminine ability to be offended gracefully. The catchphrase “Everything is fine,” pouting lips, tears on the eyelashes, a heavy sigh... A man’s conscience awakens: he wants to make amends in any way. Flowers, compliments, a new fur coat, a ring - the reward depends on your acting abilities and the severity of the man’s guilt.
3 components of female manipulation:
1. Appearance . Have you heard the apt expression: “Women are smarter than men. Not a single lady has ever lost her head over the fact that a guy has beautiful legs.” And this is the honest truth.
The fact is that in the stronger sex, natural instincts are much more developed, and it is not difficult to arouse physical attraction.
A woman who comes to a meeting in a dress with a deep neckline will be talked to completely differently than a gray mouse in a tightly buttoned suit.
And if you add tactile influence (touching a hand, inadvertently touching a shoulder, tripping and leaning on his elbow) - the man will not resist. After all, he wants to see you as a woman, and not as a potential mother of children, a cook or a maid.
2. The weaker sex . Probably, every boy in childhood was taught “Girls need help, give in. They are weaker” That is, a priori, their needs are one step higher than men’s. And women take full advantage of this.
After all, every man wants to feel strong, confident, the real head of the family. And they give him such an opportunity!
3. Stealth . No man in his right mind would allow himself to be controlled openly. Many people develop real paranoia: it seems to them that all women are encroaching on their freedom and independence.
This feature of the male character forced women to go underground and control the stronger sex secretly, on the sly.
Skilled manipulators have long abandoned ultimatums and threats. They act more subtly. That is why a man may not suspect for years that a skilled puppeteer lives next to him.
Methods of manipulation
A girl who is a manipulator in a relationship is, of course, cunning. Next, I will consider the most common types of influence on the male psyche.
- Exaggerated praise
Too frequent and constant flattering statements addressed to you should be alarming. It is clear that everyone wants to be the best and the only one, to receive compliments for their actions, but isn’t this a trick? Especially if it becomes more frequent.
- Delaying past promises
There are seemingly random excuses that seem, at first glance, to be quite harmless.
Obviously, the manipulative girl herself will demand from you the principle: “What’s said is done.” And he will address you more cunningly:
- “Nail up the shelf and I’ll have a sexy evening.”
- “Oh, we’re out of food, I should go to the store. At the same time, top up my phone."
- “Get the suitcase from above, otherwise I won’t be able to handle it myself.”
And so on ad infinitum. On small things and on major important issues. Where you are really needed and can help, and where you are simply being openly used for the sake of your own laziness and growing your own ego.
- Comparison
Or they are also often called non-hints. She tells you that her neighbor has a cool car, her friend was recently given a diamond necklace, etc. A girl who is a manipulator in a relationship seems to make indirect hints about what she wants.
In principle, this can still be ignored. The main thing is that on her part this does not gradually develop into resentment or open aggression.
- Too tender
Yes, indeed, when a partner begins to “suck up” excessively, it is felt by all senses. You can easily recognize the catch, but what it is, most likely, will have to be figured out separately.
- Trying to make you jealous
A standard manipulation that only a lazy, manipulative girl would not resort to. Purposeful flirting with other men indicates a clear attempt to attract increased attention from the main partner.
- Tears
And another classic manipulation in which a man does not know how to behave. Most men try to avoid tears and tantrums at all costs, so this simple option often helps a woman get whatever she wants.
What types of manipulations are there?
1. NLP (neurolinguistic programming). Subtle influence on the subconscious. A woman wants a new phone with the coveted apple on the body. Ask, demand? He won't buy it.
We need to work on his brain, instill in the man the idea that he simply cannot live without an iPhone. We start by unobtrusively watching the video. But so that the partner can hear.
We go to the bathroom to brush our teeth - we accidentally forget the phone in a visible place, on which a review of the new model is open. And my friend and I will definitely discuss this topic. Of course, so that snippets of conversation would reach the guy.
Regular influence on the subconscious bears fruit. A man will buy his beloved a new IPhone and will be in full confidence that this is his decision and his choice.
This technique is complex and time-consuming; mostly women choose more primitive methods.
2. Speculation . Playing on pressure points, using a man’s fears, complexes and desires against him.
It is easiest to play on desires: every representative of the stronger sex wants to appear courageous, decisive and successful. Skillful fueling of self-esteem quickly brings a woman closer to her desired goal.
3. Violence . Threats, blackmail, ultimatums are the most common methods of pressure. Nobody likes living in a state of Cold War.
Guilt, doubt, remorse and other feelings undermine a man’s will. He becomes more pliable and open to manipulation
But this method does not always work. In 50% of cases, a man’s cup of patience quickly becomes full, and a woman has to look for a new victim for manipulation.
4. Seduction. Getting hooked on positive emotions. Here are feminine charms, flattery, and pleasant rewards for your efforts.
The woman turns into a trainer: the man fulfills the command and receives a prize bone. It’s clear that the guy doesn’t even suspect that he’s destined for the role of a dog.
5. Energy vampirism . Complete codependency. A woman turns a man into a submissive slave. He fulfills her wishes and forgets about his needs. Such a lady completely destroys his personality.
Let’s make a reservation right away: this scheme only works with weak men who are subconsciously happy to give the reins of power to women’s hands.
Let's look at examples of the most common female manipulations.
Manipulative girlfriend
It is a mistake to believe that only representatives of the opposite sexes manipulate each other. It is quite interesting to learn how a manipulative woman manipulates another woman. This practice is especially common among girlfriends. The most common situations that arise are:
- You constantly hear flattery addressed to you. A friend notices and praises your figure, manicure, every detail of your wardrobe. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately perceive such a situation with suspicion, because admiration can be sincere. But if this was followed by some urgent request, rest assured that flattery is a way to lull your vigilance.
- There is jealousy in your friendship. Whenever you try to make new acquaintances, she looks offended. But the situation can be the opposite. If you refuse to fulfill your friend's next request, she may demonstratively switch to communicating with other people, ignoring you.
- Trying to turn the situation in her favor, a friend may make alternative offers to you. However, if you put the emotional side aside, you will realize that neither option has any benefit for you.
- If a friend wants to do something with your hands, she may not say so directly. A manipulative woman will make sure that you yourself become interested in a particular enterprise. Needless to say, this will not bring you any benefit.
- Having followed the course of the conversation, you may notice that the same thesis was heard several times. Most likely, this is not an accident. Thus, she is trying to convey her request to you.
- Imposing feelings of guilt is one of the most common methods of manipulation, which almost always works. Thus, you are forced to spend time with your friend, pay attention to her, and even fulfill the most inconvenient requests.
Examples and alternatives
Fear
A woman sends a clear signal to a man: do as I want - otherwise you will feel bad. “If you don’t nail this shelf, I’m packing my things and going to my mom’s.” This means no tasty dinner, no ironed shirts, no regular sex.
The man quickly weighs the pros and cons. It’s better to spend 15 minutes of precious time than to live on dumplings for a week or even two.
Why is this a bad idea? The girl thinks: “Oh, the scheme works!” and continues in the same spirit.
The man begins to rebel, take offense, and get angry. He either makes demands in response, or flatly refuses to lift his butt off the couch.
He has developed immunity to your blackmail. Relationships reach a dead end
What to do: learn to find compromise solutions. Respect his wishes, motivate him to do masculine actions. Learn to ask rather than give orders in a clear commanding voice.
Resentment
The offended woman appeals to the male conscience. If a man is not “led” by mournfully folded hands and trembling lips, a more powerful weapon is used: tears.
Well, in the Middle Ages, a woman could only show her disagreement or resentment by sobbing - she was not supposed to express her opinion otherwise in the patriarchal world.
Now is the time to stop positioning yourself as a weak, dependent being. But no! Women have found a short way to a man's heart and persistently use the good old way.
Why is this a bad idea? A woman’s resentment causes an exaggerated sense of guilt in a man. At first he wants to console, hug, bring flowers, gifts, and even the moon from the sky - as long as she doesn’t cry.
Over time, the weapon loses its effectiveness, and only causes an attack of irritation, “Here you go whining again.”
He will perceive even sincere reactions as an attempt at manipulation.
What to do: use tears as needed. If it really hurts, it's a shame. In other cases, use the speech apparatus - it was given to you by nature for a reason.
Words can no less effectively convey to a man that the current situation hurts you or does not suit you.
Sex
I fixed the faucet, bought boots - welcome to bed. Refused? Here's a pillow, a blanket, today you sleep on the sofa.
Intimate life, which should bring pleasure to both partners, turns into a super prize, a means of reward and punishment.
Why is this a bad idea: at first, the “You give me a fur coat, I’ll give you a blowjob” scheme works like clockwork. Then the man begins to understand that the relationship has turned from a family relationship into a market one.
And then don’t be offended if your partner meets your needs on the side. Where they don’t blow their minds and don’t turn the bedroom into a point of exchange for services.
What to do: enjoy. Intimacy between partners in itself strengthens the relationship. You cannot “earn” the right to have sex with the woman you love.
A man already has it, along with a bunch of additional responsibilities. And because of the manipulations, the risk of being left alone or wearing branchy antlers is too great.
Take it “weakly”
“Can’t you do a manly thing? Take it and solve the problem. Or are you not a man, but a rag?” A woman takes a man “weakly”, not realizing that in this way she is dancing the cancan on his pride.
Ladies play on men's weaknesses like clockwork: vulnerability, dependence on other people's opinions, the desire to appear better and stronger - excellent material for manipulation.
Why this is a bad idea: A couple of times your partner will accept the challenge and prove that he is a man not only by gender. But then a riot will begin.
And the woman also flirts: instead of stimulating the man to new achievements, she humiliates him. The result is predictable: a break in the relationship.
What to do: awaken masculine qualities in your partner. This can be done without manipulation.
SEI (sense of self-importance)
“Darling, you know I don’t understand technology at all. And you have golden hands. Can you help me?”, “You’re so great, you got a new position. Maybe you can give me some money for a new dress?”
From compliments, a man loses his vigilance and is ready to fulfill the ladies' whims and requests. It's just one thing - sincere praise, and another thing - undisguised flattery.
Why is this a bad idea : a man develops a conditioned reflex: “If she praises me, it means she needs something again.”
In addition, gradually the woman begins to go too far, and praise turns into reproaches: “I thought that my husband was a real man. And you…"
A normal man quickly gets tired of dancing to someone else's tune, and he begins to think through counter manipulations. This is how they live, competing in the art of pulling strings. True, not for long
What to do: Look for strengths in your man. He certainly has qualities worthy of praise.
Respect your chosen one: he does not live to meet your expectations. Be his motivator and inspirer; flattery is not your ally in this matter.
Weakness
“Oh, come on, I can’t do this. Help me, I’m a girl.” In fact, a woman’s helplessness and weakness are greatly exaggerated.
Nature has made sure that the “weaker sex” can withstand heavy loads. But if a lady categorically does not want to do something, she will look for a volunteer.
After all, it’s much easier to sit comfortably on a man’s neck and shift all the problems onto your partner. And the man will be proud of how cool he is, because he does everything for her, stupid.
Why this is a bad idea: gradually the man gets tired of solving your problems. Especially if you created them yourself. “Drop everything, come and pick me up from the store, my feet are sooo sore.”
Yes, I went shopping in stilettos, but so what? “Oh, no, I can’t cook borscht today, the stars don’t tell me to. Well, you’re a man, help me, please.”
A man likes to feel big and strong, but he’s not your DAD, is he? And you are not a capricious five-year-old girl. And if you don’t even try to show the strengths of your personality, the relationship will fall apart
What to do: share responsibilities. Ask your partner for help if you really need it, and not in order to demonstrate your power over him or to beg for some gifts or services.
Duty
It seems that men's and women's responsibilities are simple and clear. A man is a breadwinner and protector, a woman is a keeper of the hearth, a wife and a mother.
Then why are age-old traditions increasingly becoming the object of manipulation? “You are a man, you have to,” “If you care about your family, you won’t go fishing on Saturday,” “Well, let’s go to the movies for pink snot, you love me,” and other variations on this theme.
Why it's a bad idea : Not every man can be programmed to perform only the functions you want. Yes, and it gets boring to give in all the time and seem good.
A normal man will quickly realize that you want to crush him under your thumb - and will resist this with all his might
What to do : upgrade your feminine qualities. If a woman knows how to feel and understand her man, respect his desires and needs, she will achieve a lot. Without any manipulation.
Jealousy
It would seem like an excellent option: you keep your man in good shape and raise your self-esteem.
It’s very easy to play on possessive feelings: wink at a passerby, ask a colleague to show you home, make up a beautiful fairy tale about how three handsome men came up to you today to meet you, but you, proud and unapproachable, refused them.
It’s as if you are sending a signal to a man: “Look how in demand I am. Love, appreciate and pamper, otherwise they will take you away.”
Why this is a bad idea : The man may not recognize the manipulation, but he will doubt the honesty and integrity of his woman.
Either frantic scenes of jealousy await you, or he will completely lose trust and leave.
What to do: Become the woman of his dreams. Show your man that you want to look beautiful and sexy first and foremost for him. Then he, in turn, will want to do worthy things for you.
Guilt
“Do you remember, three months ago you came drunk in the morning. I forgave you, but you don’t want to buy me shoes.”
Women can be surprisingly vindictive: they remember a man’s sins at every opportunity, as if hinting, “Come on, atone for your sins, here’s my wish list.”
Why this is a bad idea: a man will quickly get tired of this contrast “I’m a scoundrel, she’s a saint” and he’ll simply start to fit the image.
Stay late after work, sit in the garage with friends until night, disappear for days on a fishing trip... Men don’t like to sit on a short leash, and very soon your arguments will lose force.
What to do : You've already forgiven him, so stop reminding him of how and when he messed up. Yes, you have a good memory, but you don’t want your man to keep a list of your sins, do you? Believe me, it will not remain empty.
Play the flirting game
If you think you really love your boyfriend, flirt with other men to make him jealous. This will make him think that other guys are targeting you too. Thus, he will try his best to keep up with you; so that you don't leave him and run away with another handsome man. He has no choice, he will rush into battle, trying his best to please you. Because if he trusts and believes that your relationship is safe and strong, he will stop making efforts to please you.
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Fear
The ideal suppression of a person should be targeted. The woman who hits the target most accurately is the one who knows exactly what she wants and how to achieve it. To do this, you need to know your man well, and know which pain points to press with fear.
The simplest thing is the fear of losing your loved one.
If a woman hints through her behavior that she is not satisfied with the relationship and is thinking about leaving it, this will become a very strong motivator for most men.
This borders on blackmail, but blackmail is too direct and therefore ineffective. A man, in the case of open blackmail, will resist such impudence and will not specifically do what the girl wants.
Manipulation of fear works more gracefully: the man himself must draw the conclusions the woman needs. He himself must understand that he is about to lose the most precious thing he has - his woman.
How to resist manipulation ? We need to respond in kind.
A man must show that he values his partner no more than the woman values him (even if this is not the case). Is the girl secretly threatening to break off the relationship if she doesn’t receive expensive gifts?
In response to this, you need to show that he does not want to build a relationship with a materialistic girl. It's likely that you're both bluffing.
But the map is covered. This psychological battle is a draw. We are not talking now about resolving the conflict itself - it can be resolved later and a compromise can be found. Now the main thing is not to cave in and show the girl that the manipulation “doesn’t work.”
Useful literature
If you constantly face negative influences from others, you simply need wise advice. There are not always people nearby who can give wise advice. In this case, the book “Lie like a man, manipulate like a woman” can help. Do not think that this is some kind of manual on cunning or competition between the sexes.
The book teaches men and women not to blame each other, but above all to understand. It is important to be able to adapt to the current situation, and also to skillfully play with the trump cards that nature itself has provided to representatives of different sexes. The author gives his readers useful tips that will help make communication more pleasant and easier.
Resentment
A woman’s resentment is a very powerful manipulation. But it is also quite possible to resist it.
Just act natural. Do not react in any way for the first few days (if the offense is serious).
After maintaining an interval, offer to make peace. But do it with dignity.
Do not beg for forgiveness and do not make big concessions - this will mean that you fell for manipulation and, in fact, lost.
Constantly try to find out what exactly the woman was offended by. If she doesn’t say anything definite (which is most often the case), calmly ignore the offense and invite the girl to stop doing nonsense and make peace.
