Self-respect is the ability to see your strengths and personal boundaries, understand your needs and value yourself. Self-respect is a person’s attitude towards himself. If he does not respect himself, then he considers him unworthy of love, attention, happiness, and respect from other people. Such a person finds himself hostage to dependent relationships and cannot realize himself in life. Let's take a closer look at what self-respect is.
Mom: punishment and praise
If a mother wants to form in her child a personality capable of adequately assessing herself and her actions, she must be able to not only punish, but also praise her child. When an adult asks himself the question: “How can I learn to respect myself?”, he has to look into childhood. It turns out that he was scolded a lot and praised little or not at all by his parents, especially his mother. When a child is constantly exposed to criticism, he develops a low self-esteem. If you only praise the child, a person with high self-esteem will grow up. So it turns out that it is always better to stick to the golden mean. Mom has always been and will be the main link in raising a daughter or son.
From the mother’s point of view, punishment may be completely justified, because the child does not obey. However, often children contradict not because they want to spite us, but only to learn something new, to learn something, and for the parent at the moment it is inconvenient and troublesome. To avoid conflict situations, a mother should develop a sense of respect for her child and the ability to see him as an independent person. “I said!..” should be heard rarely when communicating with your precious child. Imagine how a child can learn to respect himself if he is constantly subject to criticism! Such a little man will grow into an adult who is unsure of himself and, perhaps, offended and angry at everyone. Only mutual respect and calm communication is the right path to the development of a harmonious personality that respects itself and the people around it. No one excludes rigor, but nothing good will come of rigor alone. A person is not like the string of a bow. You can pull it, release it and pull it again, but if you tighten it, your psyche will suffer...
Constantly develop
Every self-respecting person should never stop there. He must always improve himself. At work, you should always work on your acquired skills and learn everything new. At home, you need to read classical literature, which will significantly increase your vocabulary and broaden your horizons. In your free time from work, you can enroll in foreign language courses. A person who has thought about how to learn to love, respect and appreciate himself must always work on himself and strive for perfection.
The essence of self-respect and how to learn to respect yourself with low self-esteem?
Self-esteem sounds like the voice of the judge of the inner man. He evaluates our actions, results, words, emotions, self-image. As a result, self-esteem is formed, which influences our perception of the world around us and our position, social behavior in it, confidence and determination to act, change something and decide whether to help someone or not, etc. Often the self-esteem of most people is very strong depends on how others perceive us. If this attitude is positive, then, accordingly, we grow in our own eyes. The opinion of others is important to everyone: women, men, girls and boys, teenagers and small children.
To understand how to learn to respect yourself, you need to:
- Admit that you have a low opinion of yourself. Awareness is the first step to solving a problem.
- Stop focusing your attention on your own shortcomings. Switch to the virtues.
- You are not a victim! Everyone has problems, and you are no exception. Your problems are no more than others. If you whine, they will get worse. People turn away from a whining person, and then new paths and opportunities are closed.
- Relax! Make time for yourself. Even if it’s just a few minutes, you should have them – minutes of complete calm and relaxation.
- Rejoice and please yourself and those around you... From time to time give small surprises, gifts, take a walk, go to the cinema, a cafe or just to the park... By giving joy to yourself and your loved ones, you receive in return a colossal amount of energy and a positive charge, which, in turn, affects your self-esteem, self-esteem and quality of life.
Why is it important to love yourself
Sometimes you want to become like the girls “from the cover” - the most beautiful and ideal. But such people do not exist, and when they find disadvantages, they become depressed and experience stress. Those who value themselves do not feel guilty for their shortcomings, but try to eradicate them, feel their self-sufficiency and uniqueness. A person sees personality.
Love also gives confidence, which affects manners, movements, and gait. Those around you feel radiated calm and harmony, due to which a positive attitude towards them is formed. To love life and yourself means that a woman gains emotional stability. Such ladies do not need approval from others. They are less susceptible to manipulation by public opinion, which gives them freedom of action and freedom from the fear of “what people will say.”
Reality and self-esteem
Interestingly, our self-esteem has nothing to do with reality. Self-esteem, talents, and abilities often do not correspond to each other. History knows many cases when geniuses with exceptional talent and abilities had a low opinion of themselves. At the same time, there are people who have mediocre abilities or are completely deprived of both intelligence and talents. At the same time, it’s amazing what high self-esteem they have!
Lack of self-esteem leads people to suffer from insecurity, constantly feel guilty and depressed, unable to reach their full potential, and endure abusive situations and relationships. For example, how can a woman who endures constant reproaches, insults, reproaches and humiliation love herself and increase her self-esteem? Such a wife with low self-esteem will say words to her husband that she would never say in another situation. With another man, who knows how to emphasize her advantages and shows respect for her, she would be a completely different woman, with a different view of herself and the world around her...
The main danger of self-disrespect lies in the formation of an inadequate perception of society and one’s place in it. Very low self-esteem provokes the emergence of constant feelings of guilt, shame, and various kinds of phobias. All this, of course, has an impact on the success and self-realization of the individual.
My experience
In my case, the lack of self-respect had a complex basis. It all started with taking family problems personally. It is difficult for a child to understand where his area of responsibility is and where someone else’s. He identifies himself with both parents, so he takes everything that happens in the family very closely. Especially if your peers add fuel to the fire, reminding you that you are the daughter of an addict or pointing out your excess weight, which you, without realizing it, tried to protect yourself from the outside world. And every situation where you were unable to fight back against the offenders further undermined your self-esteem. Then a stormy transition began. And then you got lost in life.
Disrespect occurs at all levels. This is a careless appearance, and the inability to express one’s opinion, and the habit of being with someone who will show at least some positive sign of attention, and alcohol abuse, and low-quality food, films, and entertainment. In general, if you don’t respect yourself, then you always and everywhere choose things and people of low quality. You take what someone condescendingly offers. Or something that doesn’t require much effort from you.
And self-disrespect is surprise in those moments when someone shows that you deserve better. But the more “warts” of the past and its consequences you cut off, the less surprising it is. Little by little the realization comes that you are truly worthy of love and attention. And soon you begin to perceive this as the norm.
How can a woman or man love himself and increase self-esteem?
There are many reasons that result in low self-esteem. Typically, it is a deeply ingrained view of a person about himself, originating in childhood, past experiences and long-term absence of parents. Self-sacrifice can be caused by the experience of psychological and (or) sexual violence, wrong decisions that led a person to significant problems. If a person has experienced any type of violence, he will definitely need the help of a professional to improve his self-esteem.
The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist will provide an opportunity to release painful issues, speak out and reconcile. Many people try to increase their self-esteem on their own, but this does not give the expected result. Sometimes this approach leads to a worsening of the condition, even to the most negative consequences. To raise your self-esteem, you need to have remarkable fortitude, will and a stable psyche. The best option would be to contact a specialist.
How to boost self-confidence?
How to work on self-esteem and make it normal? It is clear that we cannot change the past, change our parents or erase memories from our memory. But we can change the way we view ourselves by working with our past. In the free online course “Man: Honest Instructions”, as well as in the paid program “The Way of a Woman”, I talk in detail about psychological techniques with which you can change your own attitude towards yourself. Therefore, if you have not taken my free course yet, register.
I am sure you will not regret the time spent and will enjoy viewing information that is useful to you. I hope this article was also useful and informative for you. And if you read it to the end and made honest conclusions about yourself, you are on the right path to your internal transformations and a harmonious life in which there is room for mutual love.
What are the signs of lack of self-respect?
Self-esteem is a variable value. It depends on the situations and environment. There are people who are calm and positive with close people, but withdrawn and shy with strangers. Others, on the contrary, are confident, active and optimistic outside the home, but at home they get lost and seem to fade away. We are all different. Not everyone knows how to maintain a balanced state of mind under stress and difficulties. Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are formed in childhood. However, this does not mean that it is impossible to form it in adulthood. It just requires at least the desire of the person himself.
Sometimes it seems that a person is quite confident in himself, optimistic and positive. But in fact, such a person can constantly be in a state of struggle with himself, with his phobias and complexes. Therefore, low self-esteem manifests itself differently in different people. To understand how to learn to value and respect yourself, you need to conduct a self-analysis of the causes and signs of low self-esteem:
- feelings of guilt – frequent and unreasonable;
- auto-aggression;
- incessant self-criticism;
- tightness and shyness;
- phobias and fears of various types (for example, when speaking in public).
People with established low self-esteem, as a rule, perceive the world as something hostile, and feel themselves in the role of a victim. They feel fear and reluctance to express and defend their rights, refuse new experiences, miss opportunities and feel completely helpless and unadapted to life. All this only worsens the condition, and the person moves in a vicious circle, constantly feeling shame and fear.
Sometimes persistent low self-esteem itself is one of the important symptoms of a mental disorder (depression, borderline personality disorder).
Material side
Women should learn one simple truth: you should not expect respect from men if you have not succeeded as a person. A companion who has an independent character evokes respect from a man on a subconscious level. He must feel: she will live without him.
Many women are ready to depend on their men financially. It seems to them that life is good if they have the opportunity not to work and take care of home and family. On the one hand, a man likes it when his woman is at home and can spend all his free time with him. But on the other hand, he feels that she is completely in his power. And this in no way contributes to the growth of respect. Moreover, being in the house in a whirlwind of everyday worries, women often degrade. As a result, they lose the respect of their spouses, who remain socially active.
What are the consequences of low self-esteem?
Disrespect for yourself will primarily affect your health and psyche. A person may begin to be haunted by negativity in life (loss of job, divorce, etc.). He begins to feel a feeling of unfulfillment, disappointment in relationships, uncontrollability of the situation, everything seems to be floating out of his hands...
Every woman must respect herself, otherwise she risks being unclaimed or constantly humiliated by loved ones and strangers. An unhappy appearance evokes pity only for a while, and even then not for everyone. Then he begins to irritate those around him. Helpless in the face of life's difficulties, a person risks becoming a victim of violence (emotional, physical, sexual), being discriminated against due to religious views, culture, race, gender, etc. He may develop a mental disorder.
The ideal solution for girls is shopping
A woman by her natural nature is a lover of everything beautiful and exquisite. She cannot love herself at a time when she is absolutely unhappy with her appearance. How to start appreciating yourself in such a situation? Of course, it’s worth going shopping and choosing the most beautiful outfits in which a woman will feel confident. It is also recommended to visit a hairdresser and cosmetologist, who will create an image that embodies a confident personality.
Brief tips: how to love and respect yourself, regardless of gender, age and position
Every person deserves love and respect. Here are some tips that will help you step by step to achieve stability in your soul and increase your self-esteem:
- create a list of your achievements and strengths, re-read it regularly;
- remember your uniqueness, value for your loved ones and others, and even if there are none, then God certainly needs you. You are a person whom God loves and appreciates, but wants her to transform and get rid of bad thoughts and a painful state of mind;
- forbid yourself to even think: “Nobody needs me, no one loves me, I never succeed, I’m a loser...”;
- tidy up your appearance, this is very important for solving the problem of self-esteem;
- eat only healthy and wholesome food. Do not eat while listening to TV, videos, radio, etc. Make it a special time with a set table, even if you are alone;
- exercise at least three times a week and take walks in the fresh air every day;
- be sure to get enough sleep;
- undergo relaxing massage procedures and spare no expense for your health;
- the house should be clean and cozy, and let the walls or shelves be decorated with your certificates, cups, valuable gifts or just your paintings, photos;
- Sometimes treat yourself to treats or do something you love and are interested in;
- listen to positive music, watch motivating, kind and bright movies, start taking an interest in painting, dancing, culture;
- communicate with positive people;
- set realistic goals for yourself and achieve results;
- throw away the trash from your home and soul;
- learn to cook deliciously, sing, dance and go to church, pray to God and ask to let love into your life and heart;
- complete unfinished business and do good deeds for people, review your social circle, devote your time a little more to your loved ones, while simultaneously broadening your horizons;
- don’t be afraid of those who don’t value you, stand up straight, straighten your back - you are no longer that humiliated little man. You are a worthy person who has your own opinion and self-respect, confident and positive, and let evil remain somewhere out there, far from you;
- never compare yourself to anyone.
Every change in yourself is work. This process should not be perceived as hard, tedious work. Enjoy the transformation, get joy and satisfaction from it.
Maintain your individuality
Marilyn Atkinson, a famous psychologist and author of numerous books, claims that a happy couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to their interests, affairs, and hobbies.
A person’s passion for some business or personal development makes his life varied, complete, and allows him to preserve his individuality
A woman should not become a shadow of a man, and this will certainly happen if she forgets about her interests and gives up her affairs for his sake. It is important to be able to find a balance between relationships and your individuality .
Don't isolate yourself in your little world of relationships with your partner. Don’t leave your social circle for a man, because contact with other people develops us and allows us to gain new experiences.
