The feeling of jealousy is known to almost every person, but it most often causes not the best associations. Jealousy brings a lot of suffering, both to the jealous person and to the object of this feeling. Often it becomes the reason for the breakdown of relationships. But if jealousy towards your soulmate is still at least somehow explainable, then its manifestations towards strangers and former lovers look completely irrational and stupid. However, such a problem exists and is not uncommon. How to deal with this?
Let's sum it up
Jealousy of an ex is different from possessiveness in a relationship. Because, having broken up with a guy, you no longer have the conditional right to possess him. Everything here revolves around your wounded pride. Especially if you yourself initiated the breakup.
Just the 5 steps described above can bring you closer to independence from your ex-partner. You will stop killing yourself like that, become more confident in yourself and next time you will choose a guy, already having new, invaluable experience.
Are you a jealous girl? Tell us about your experience in the comments.
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a natural reaction that follows someone's attack on your property. You and your loved one belong to yourself and each other, so jealousy flashes in any classic relationship. But what about jealousy towards your ex?
He does not belong to you, just as you do not belong to him. Everything is in the past, you both have found freedom. Or maybe only he has found freedom, because you still can’t calmly watch him develop a new relationship. This time jealousy decided to play against the rules.
No, in fact, jealousy continues to remain neutral. It's all about you and your attitude towards your ex-love. You still feel possessive about your ex and won't let him go. Even if you think that the past is over, your subconscious mind will drag you back to the past.
What are the reasons for this and how to deal with it?
How to stop a guy being jealous of other girls?
Many girls themselves have already begun to relate more easily to the topic of jealousy, which is rich in controversial issues, choosing a line of behavior in which it is not they who are jealous, but their boyfriends who are forced to be jealous. Girls have become more flexible, so socially active and internally free that it was difficult to imagine earlier, when the female sex was only relegated to giving birth to children and running a closed household. However, even the most free from prejudices girl, who considers herself not jealous, ever experiences this unpleasant feeling - either when faced with compelling reasons for jealousy, or when falling deeply in love, and jealousy manifests itself especially acutely when her deep feeling is combined with frivolous behavior guy. There are also guys who are so sociable that it’s simply impossible not to be jealous of them. But one day a girl gets tired of jealousy, wondering how to stop a guy being jealous of other girls.
Using the wise advice of friends or older women, and sometimes even guided by their own intuition, many girls come to the realization of the need to let go of the situation, looking for a way to stop looking for reasons to be jealous today, or even how to stop being jealous of a guy for his ex-girlfriend - after all, the guy’s desire to change this will not affect. If a guy wants to cheat, then jealousy will not help here, but will only torment the girl, depriving her of peace of mind and disabling her nervous system, even to the point of psychosomatic symptoms. And on the contrary, if he really loves and values the relationship, jealousy is all the more unfounded. Here the girl understands that jealousy does not bring anything good, on the contrary, because of this emotion, relationships deteriorate, quarrels arise, which leave a mark that, like a wormhole, eats away once so joyful feelings. Jealousy leads to impulsive behavior, and we all know many examples of terrible actions that were caused by this destructive feeling.
Should you check on your boyfriend? What to do when it turns out that jealousy was justified and trust has been undermined? How to learn to trust again? Once trust has been lost, it is difficult to regain it. When starting a test of your relationship, be prepared for such a possible outcome that your suspicions will be confirmed and the relationship will collapse. Some people are used to checking in on loved ones by looking at their phone and computer. And even openly, without leaving personal space for the partner. Some girls are not supporters of surveillance, but almost all of them have at least once tried to look into the devices of their loved ones. Which is a mistake, since women tend to overthink things, always finding something that seems suspicious, and this mistrust based on the girl’s imagination and the guy’s attempts to justify himself grows like a snowball.
If you look into a guy’s phone and see him communicating with some female representative, this does not mean that the guy is cheating. This could be a sister, a work acquaintance, a childhood friend. Even if a guy gets to the point of flirting, that’s where it often ends, he doesn’t go further, because he deliberately chose you for the relationship. And it is the relationship that needs to be strengthened in order to eradicate the real reasons for him to look for another girl, and for you to be jealous and try to keep him. Trust, respect for some privacy and personal space - this is what will help you stop being jealous of a guy.
Wise girls, who value their feminine nature and respect themselves, are sure that if anyone should be jealous, it should be a man, because the sense of ownership should be more manifested in him. Therefore, if a situation arises in a couple that you are the one who is jealous, try to change it. If a man provokes you to jealousy, do not follow this, but turn his attention to yourself. Say that you are receiving attention at work, throw yourself a bouquet as if from a stranger - you never know what you can come up with to awaken a man’s sense of maleness, so that he wants to fight for you. Create the appearance of competition, even if there is none. A slight feeling of jealousy activates a man and not only does not harm the relationship, but adds spice to it. You will receive confirmation that you are loved, and this will help reduce your jealousy and even remove the reasons for it. The main thing is not to overdo it, because if a man becomes deeply emotional or seriously begins to doubt your fidelity, this will most likely lead to the desire to monitor your every move, especially when the man is of a controlling type. You will have to make excuses that will not be unpleasant for anyone, and the relationship will be in jeopardy.
How to stop a guy being jealous of everyone? Don't make the guy the center of your universe and don't look for evidence - because those who look will definitely find. Trying, for example, to smell someone else's perfume, you can convince yourself of what is not there. And in search you will only enter a negative emotional state. Take care of yourself so that you don’t have time to think about where he is or what he’s doing. Surround yourself with fans - let the guy worry about the signs of attention that are shown to his girlfriend. So he will seem to feel that there is a demand for you, this will stimulate him to be on his toes, he simply will not have attention for other girls! Wedge with wedge - let them compliment you, try to woo you, it will be pleasant for you in a feminine way, and let the man worry. Some girls are even sure that they can have an alternate airfield - some man who, on occasion, can provide support, with whom they can start dating if drama happens in their current relationship. The potential opportunity to easily start a new relationship calms the girl down and greatly reduces jealousy.
Reason #2
Giving a special role to former relationships. Was your ex your first love? Did you lose your virginity with him? Did he propose to you? Did you consider him your family? Such people leave an imprint on our soul, they become special to us, because they radically changed the course of our lives.
Even after a breakup, you can't deny the special role your ex played in your story. Because of this, many women begin to perceive those relationships in a special way, elevating them to the rank of “unique,” “unforgettable,” “one that will never happen again.”
Whatever the reason for the separation, our subconscious may continue to insist that that person was our destiny, our destiny, you just met in the wrong place and at the wrong time.
Such thoughts lead to the fact that we simply cannot love a new partner, we cannot see a future together with him, because he is “not the one.” The worst thing is when the subconscious begins to play its game, rejecting even the best candidates for the role of the new love of life. It acts like a dog loyal to your ex, keeping his master's place.
Unexpected intimacy5
If the relationship was truly valuable, the man and woman fully opened up in bed, separation deals a serious blow. It’s not just addiction that appears, but real trauma. Here it is worth talking about the blocking syndrome - you cannot build relationships until the previous ones are completed. The girl cannot get close to anyone, aggression and feelings of guilt for not maintaining the illusion of happiness are growing.
Sometimes there is a feeling of revenge, as if he took away her opportunity to be happy and satisfied. And if this lasted for several years, then the opportunity to become a wife and mother. The girl stops trusting men and appreciating the opportunity to meet people. All attempts to forget sick love are in vain. What happens next is:
- The girl becomes a silhouette that stalks the young man in order to interfere with his personal life;
- He gets underfoot in every possible way, gets into where he is;
- Even when she is married, there is no peace for her ex.
There is any persecution that would help her forget about the wonderful relationship. This can only be cured with new love. As they say, wedge is wedge, but there is a chance that you can’t build happiness out of spite. In this regard, many women try to make former lovers out of them, despite the fact that both may already live in families and raise children.
Solution
All you need is to come to the realization that everything is over, that you and this man have no future together. Say it out loud, talk about it with your friends, make it not an assumption, but a fact, your reality.
Let your ex-man go. You can even mentally bury him, because never again in your life will you be associated with this person. When your subconscious accepts the fact of loneliness, you will again be able to adequately look at other men, choose a new love among them, and accept the news without pain that your ex has a new soul mate.
Reason #3
You are unsure of yourself. And the ex is the same person who loved you for who you are. Uncertainty breeds fear of meeting new people, those who have no idea who you are. Your positive sides, your wonderful character, this cannot be revealed right away on the first date, and the new guy may turn out to be an asshole.
But the ex has already been known inside and out, he knows everything about you and you know everything about him. He will accept you, he will love you again, he is your loved one. Is this how you think? This is how you drive yourself even deeper into despair and paranoia?
Of course, your ex-partner’s new lover will become an obstacle between him and you, which is why you will hate her with all your might. Who is she to be with the one who knows you best in this life? Does she want to ruin your happiness?
If all these thoughts are familiar to you, then you urgently need to move towards solving the problem. Otherwise, you risk being forever stuck in manic thoughts that there is only one person in this world who can give you happiness. And he's on the other side.
Solution
Overcoming yourself is difficult, very difficult, but it is quite achievable. Many people go through this test, you can do it too. All you need is a systematic approach.
First, check out other people’s relationship stories and make sure that there is nothing special or key about what you elevate to some indescribable rank. People can suffer for years with “fate”, and then, by chance, find those. with whom you are truly happy.
Secondly, arrange an internal dialogue, think logically. If he is your destiny, then sooner or later you will get together anyway, so for now let him go and gain positive emotions and experiences with other people. Don't put chastity boundaries on yourself, it won't make you happy and won't bring him back.
Third, offset the positive with the negative. Every time you start thinking about your ex as someone incredible, remember the reason you broke up. Remember what horrors he allowed himself and how much pain he caused. Don't forgive him for this.
By destroying the ideal image of your ex, you will gain an understanding that he is far from an ideal, which you should not deprive yourself of. Take advantage of his sins and your pain, turn it against him, making your ex someone worth forgetting forever.
You are human and that's okay
If someone was truly important to you, it's normal to feel pain when you meet your ex. Attributing additional meaning to a normal reaction is a major factor in post-breakup pain.
It's okay to admit that you feel hurt, but then do your best to move on. Trying to figure out why you have these feelings and what it really means will only make things more confusing for you.
It's completely normal to feel hurt that your ex is moving on. This doesn't necessarily mean you're still in love. The best thing to do in this situation is to put the past behind you, focus on your relationship now, and move forward.
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