Jealousy – an inflated sense of possessiveness, an unconscious desire to tie a loved one only to yourself, reducing communication with others to a minimum. They say that jealousy is a pathology of the brain, however, this is far from the truth.
It can be different, and in order to understand all the subtleties and complexities of such a difficult mental state, you need to know the reasons and ways of its manifestation perfectly. We will consider all the ensuing issues and consequences, without neglecting the foundation of such a “pathology”.
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is the desire to be the only interesting and important person in the life of your loved one. The manifestation of love often takes on a secondary character, which is a mental disorder, since jealousy is an unhealthy state of mind, of course, if there are no objective grounds for it.
Inflated self-esteem, convincing that only you have the right to communicate and show attention to a certain person. Of course, such a radical judgment may seem a little rude, but in matters of love, complexes that arise as a result of any dissatisfaction should not be underestimated.
Most often, jealousy is a combination of fear, uncertainty mixed with excessive pride. All this may seem not overestimated, but, on the contrary, underestimated self-esteem. Cases are different...
For personal complexes, a lover is able to blame his other half, and exactly the opposite, considering himself higher and more important in your relationship. Higher exactly as much as is required to allow oneself liberties in infantile and provocative judgments. But this is a pathology only if it is unfounded.
Types of jealousy
If we delve deeply into the topic, we will find a similar classification of male jealousy in textbooks on the psychology of relationships:
Table 1
table 2
table 3
But in fact, everything is much simpler; by combining derivatives, we get two options for development: justified and unjustified.
Unreasonable or without cause
The most terrible jealousy. The lack of real evidence and reasons for suspicion of treason does not stop the stormy and dangerous flow of thoughts. Groundless suspicions are the result of internal complexes that arose in youth and strongly developed during adolescence.
In adult life, it is they who become the basis for manic suspicions. All people are afraid of loneliness, and most of all - of losing that very beloved and only person.
Loneliness is the strongest fear, in order to avoid it, a lover is ready for any possible extreme and meanness, while jealousy is only a logical continuation of his constantly growing and developing fear.
Alone, a person is abstracted from the environment, left alone with his gut, and not everyone is able to endure this test. This is a condition in which the manifestation of feelings of love is the most important necessity.
A fool seeks how to overcome loneliness, a wise man finds how to enjoy it
It is vitally important for anyone to see and experience love, as well as to love and give equally. Negative reactions towards others are not uncommon, but rather the norm of such a stagnation period. It is possible to overcome loneliness only in love relationships, when the strongest relationship between the sexes is established. Whether a person feels good or bad, love is always necessary, and its lack leads to unreasonable jealousy.
Reasonable or real
Here everything is much easier and simpler. Weakness and shortcomings in the feelings of a relationship lead to betrayal and the absence of any attraction to one’s partner. Girls and boys tend to cheat, but this reason lies not so much in individual character traits as in the simple statistics of falling apart relationships.
Everyone always strives to compensate for their oppression and moral abyss, and almost always, the cure for the disease is a new guy/girlfriend. An opportunity that gives a second chance and hope for new, stronger sympathies and affections, gradually turning into true love, or better yet, love right away, in which there is absolutely no room for at least some jealousy.
As a result, jealousy is not the reason for the breakdown of relationships and betrayal, but only its end result . An outcome that he or she was forced to resort to in order to avoid an emotional crisis. After all, there are positive aspects that it can show:
- Capable of brightening up a lack of feelings, adding new colors and supposedly serving as an excuse for one’s frivolous actions.
- Jealousy is the cure in a failing marriage. The medicine gives a new, much needed and desired adrenaline.
The inability to control your impulses and passions leads to real problems: breakup or betrayal. Indeed, there is nothing worse than the realization that you are already deprived of those unifying and connecting bridges, bridges of love and trust necessary for the knowledge of happiness in marriage.
Why are people jealous?
As mentioned above, jealousy is something that a loved one forces you to do, sooner or later. We can take an example: many people, who are so afraid of destroying an already shaky marriage, live under pressure and constant self-control, which in this vein is not a way out of the situation, but only its restraining aspect.
If there is no happiness, and changes are only for the worse, there is no point in waiting for a miracle and heavenly intervention. It would be much more prudent and rational to evaluate your mistakes and weigh your miscalculations in order to avoid this in the future.
No one will just start cheating and lying; this is the body’s response to constant mental and physical dissatisfaction, growing from year to year. Like an overflowing cup that can accommodate a lot and forgive even more, but one day, not very beautiful, its edges will become overflowing, and the year-long dirt of your relationship will pour out in the worst forms - deception, fear, betrayal and quarrels.
Cleanse your soul
If you feel like grieving over a past love, that's okay. Mourn the loss of a relationship, not the loss of a calculating manipulator and domestic tyrant. No one blames you for the fact that love once gave you rose-colored glasses through which your ex-partner seemed perfect. Remember that a narcissistic egoist cannot be alone for a long time. This means that very soon a surprise will await you in the form of his new passion.
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How to overcome jealousy?
Overcoming it is actually easier than acquiring it! Since jealousy is a combination of many aspects accumulated over the years and resulting at some point. If you realize that you are experiencing unreasonable mistrust, you need to start treatment as soon as possible.
Justified jealousy is not some kind of illness; it is a completely adequate response to the behavior of your partner. If sincere conversations and questions do not yield any positive results, you should think about how much you really love each other? Unlike words, emotions cannot lie and their absence or, on the contrary, falsity and pretense should give a signal that it is time to change everything before it is too late.
Sometimes, a partner deliberately resorts to artificial jealousy in order to wake him up from sleep and improve his life together. Due to inexperience, such games cause far more problems than they provide solutions. A sense of edge is a necessary requirement. Having crossed the threshold of what is permitted, sometimes it is simply impossible to restore the previous level of trust.
Coping with unreasonable mistrust is much more difficult and sometimes you have to seek help from a good psychologist. A man and a woman simply completely burn the previously established connection between themselves and now it is replaced only by guesses and suspicions that never have real evidence. Unreasonable suspicions are the same disease: slowly but surely gnawing at the consciousness and depriving everyday life of all joy. You can defeat it, first of all, by understanding yourself, since there is no point in demanding and expecting something from another when the root of all evil sits deep inside you.
Give compliments4
Of course, it’s stupid to suddenly turn into a nice man singing his lady’s praises one morning. Here the opposite effect will most likely work: yeah, he changed it and now he’s atoning for his sins. Just add kind words and compliments to your communication with your beloved at least once a day: how beautiful you are in this dress, how gentle you are in a robe and with a ponytail, you are my most beautiful. Use your imagination and try it.
Compliments to a girl about her beauty are not just words, so put emotions into them. She begins to be jealous not only because of her lack of confidence in you, but primarily because of her own complexes. Without support from you, her doubts about her strength and beauty only increase. Stop that.
Show her that you love her and truly appreciate her. Only your attitude is important to her now and it is this that can help her gain self-confidence. And women who are confident in their man are jealous in a completely different way, so much so that it gives guys such pleasure!
Advice from a psychologist on how to stop being jealous?
Professionals in this field recommend spending as much time as possible together.
Analyze your life and try to reach that period of time when you began to feel bouts of severe jealousy. Most of the problem lies in uncontrolled imagination, when the patient simply cannot understand where reality ends and his fiction begins?
Pleasant music, interesting fiction and communication with friends effectively help to put your own state in order, sorting all your thoughts into categories.
Constant pressure put on your loved one only breaks your trust and disposition towards him. Put yourself in his place? How many such questions and suspicions could you personally withstand? Most often, when answering this question, you overestimate your strength and think that this is in the order of things, but it’s not!
Starting to trust is much more difficult than starting to suspect. Suspicion requires nothing and does not ask for anything in return, but trust is a complex and long process. The path, which, having passed from beginning to end, will reveal the partner in a new light, revealing in full all his strengths and qualities.
Any therapy is deprived of its strength if the most important medicine is missing - fidelity, honesty and, of course, trust! Keep this in mind as you begin your path to rehabilitation.
Loosen your grip
It’s worth putting yourself in your friend’s shoes and looking at the current situation from her side. Perhaps your friendship is preventing your friend from arranging her personal life. You spend almost all your free time together, and she simply has no time to meet guys. Then it’s clear why the girl began to devote less time to you, it’s clear where she disappears every now and then. She just decided that she had enough of dressing like a girl. Loosen your grip, find yourself an interesting hobby to occupy your free time. Spend more time with your family. If you already have a husband, it is better to focus on your relationship with him.
Sources
- https://psychology-s.ru/kak-perestat-revnovat-podrugu-k-drugoj-podruge/
- https://psyhoday.ru/revnost/revnuesh-podrugu.html
- https://SexAbout.ru/devushkam/revnuyu-podrugu-k-drugoy-podruge/
- https://urazuma.ru/emocii/revnost/revnuesh-podrugu.html
- https://gerdanka.ru/otnosheniya/chto-delat-esli-revnuesh-podrugu.html
- https://vozam.ru/psihologija/232-kak-prekratit-revnovat-podrugu-k-drugoj-podruge.html
- https://blog.teamo.ru/2012/10/14/ZHenskaya-druzhba-kak-ne-revnovat-podru/
How to stop being jealous of your friend, girlfriend and wife?
- Jealousy of a wife is not such a common phenomenon, but this makes it no less weak. Your wife already made her choice many years ago, and if she really wanted to leave you, you would not have guessed about it, but you would have known for sure.
Adult women are no longer so eager for adventure and unusual situations; they are to some extent tired of all this youthful routine. The only thing that can force an experienced and stately woman to resort to cunning is a child. But even in such a situation, an open family conversation that answers questions will seem like a smarter solution to her.
- Jealousy of your girlfriend towards another guy is already a fairly common occurrence. This is the normal order of things, and there is nothing surprising or mysterious here. Your girlfriend is not your girlfriend, these are different things and you shouldn’t swap the labels.
Being a friend, you remain only a friend, and this does not give you the right to lay claim to your beloved, who does not even know about your feelings. The jealousy experienced towards a friend is classified as unreasonable. She is not obliged to report to you about her new friends and meetings, which means that, being a free person and not attached to anything or anyone, she is free to do as she sees fit. Your task is only to understand your own problems and solve them: by confessing your feelings to her or discussing this moment.
- A girl's jealousy is a completely different, flexible and sometimes extremely non-standard phenomenon. Therefore, there are several solutions here.
During the period of your first relationship, which will only allow you to know the whole essence and charm of women, you will have to drink bitterness. “There is no cloud without a good, just as there is no good without a bad.” True pleasure comes only after difficulties have been overcome.
In your youth, you value your first girlfriend most of all, and any information that is incomprehensible and hidden from you causes rage and discontent. If there is no real basis for them, then you have to go through this thorny path of relationships, at the end of which you can breathe deeply.
The more young guys think about her alone, the more they become fixated, switching all their free time only to her, and as a result, they go to extremes when they do not receive an equivalent return.
You shouldn’t yet show your complete love and affection that you are ready to do anything for her. At first, this may console and seduce the girl, but after that, she will either get bored or understand that she is the center of your desires and cruel manipulation will begin.
Patience: water wears away stones2
With age and events, everything changes. If outbursts of jealousy occur at the beginning of a relationship, then simply react to them correctly. Time will pass and passions will subside. In the vast majority of cases, jealousy subsides after a period of euphoria, wild passion and desire to spend all the time with the object of your love.
Wait a couple of months, and then you will see: ordinary jealousy will disappear, but paranoid jealousy will remain. Now you have to make a decision and choose: look for ways to calm her down or say goodbye.
