Being in a relationship for many years, it is difficult to evaluate your true feelings. We get used to our other half, to living together and cannot understand whether we really want it all or are going with the flow, for no apparent reason. Everyone tends to doubt something, including the choice of their companion. But for women who are already married and begin to think about their feelings for a man, it is even more difficult for them to analyze them. To understand whether love for your husband has passed or not, we suggest that you first understand yourself.
You don't feel happy anymore
Happiness is undoubtedly one of the main components of love. This is why people start dating and start a family. When the feeling of joy from the union fades, the couple may separate. But you don’t need to think that euphoria in a relationship should be present all the time. If you suddenly realized that you haven’t been as happy for a long time as you were during the first periods of meetings, don’t be upset.
After some time, the feelings subside and are replaced by getting used to each other. Family life is inseparable from the so-called “everyday life”. This is natural, but it does not mean that you should not experience positive emotions in your marriage.
Think about it - when did you feel happy? If you realize that it was a long time ago, try to remember what brought you pleasure before, and why now you cannot experience happiness. If this is due to an action (or inaction) of your spouse, you may actually have cooled down on him.
Should I return my spouse?
What to do if his wife has fallen out of love can only be decided by the man himself, because only he knows his woman so much that he is able to distinguish real intentions from a cunning female maneuver. If none of the methods below work and your wife has fallen out of love, then you should not hold her back by force. Violence has never made anyone happy. In order to find a truly loved one, you need to let her go.
Asya Rakhovich
Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.
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Indifference to husband
Even when we quarrel, face some problems or experience other unpleasant situations, we still understand that we love the person who is nearby. If not a single situation makes you worry about a man, or even experience negative emotions towards him, then you can confidently say: “I don’t love my husband anymore.” Because indifference to a person shows that we no longer need him. There are situations when spouses quarrel, even break up for a while, but despite this they continue to think about each other, get angry, get bored - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that there are emotions.
Conclusion: When you no longer care what a man says, does or thinks about you, this is a clear sign that your feelings for him have passed.
From love to hate or how to determine that your wife’s feelings have long faded away
Psychologists believe that signs that a wife does not love a man appear immediately as soon as the feeling fades away. However, some representatives of the stronger sex manage not to notice this. What signs speak eloquently about the complete extinction of the once burning love?
- a woman refuses to perform marital duties without explanation;
- she spends more time with friends outside the home than with her husband;
- a woman makes important decisions without consulting her lover;
- periodic and frequent infidelity may also indicate fading feelings.
At this stage, it is already difficult to save the relationship, because the girl has long come to terms with the fact that she has no love for her husband, and therefore she has begun to make changes in her daily life.
Such a woman makes all decisions alone, neglects her husband in every possible way, and spends time with anyone other than him. At the same time, in words she can be the most faithful and loving wife. The risk of betrayal at this stage increases markedly, because the woman is indifferent to her husband, and only marriage bonds keep her in this relationship. The performance of basic housekeeping duties is reduced to a minimum, and the number of quarrels grows exponentially.
Complete lack of mutual understanding
Loving people try to make concessions to each other. If this statement does not apply to your couple, think about your relationship. How to understand that love for your husband has passed? Mutual understanding is a quality indicator. If it is not there, it means that the partners no longer want to be together. After all, misunderstandings do not appear immediately as soon as a couple is formed. At first, both partners try to understand their other half as best as possible. Then one or both of them get used to the fact that they are together and “relax”, realizing that there is no need to sacrifice anything for the sake of their beloved.
When feelings fade away or disappear altogether, neither of the couple is ready to make concessions if it is unprofitable for him. Remember that a loving person will always try to find a solution and respect the opinion of the other, and not do everything his own way, not paying attention to the opinion of his partner.
The first signs of wife's indifference
Women by nature find it difficult to hide their lack of feelings. The first problems in the family go side by side with changes in the lady’s appearance. A woman stops taking care of herself, rarely waxes, and does not buy new clothes. She no longer wants to interest her other half, which first affects her external state. However, gradually the problem affects her inner world. Thus, against the background of a lack of love, the following states of a girl arise:
- increased irritability, which increases the share of conflicts in the family;
- indifference to the life of the partner and his interests;
- isolation and silence;
- disdainful attitude towards the words and actions of the partner.
One can tolerate a person's shortcomings only if there is love. However, when feelings pass, even the dignity of the spouse can inspire anger and aggression. That is why a wife whose feelings have faded turns into an aggressive fury. Literally anything can make her angry, including the positive actions of a man.
This state also has the opposite form: isolation mixed with silence. The woman refuses to make contact, does not listen to the man’s conversations, and does not try to establish a dialogue. Sometimes it seems that the lady simply tolerates the man without seeing any of his merits.
Don't see a future together
The lack of common plans is another indicator that allows you to say: “I don’t love my husband anymore.” Now we are not talking about where you will live in a couple of years, where you will go on vacation, who you will work for, or what furniture you need to buy. Plans for your future together are an approximate image of your life after marriage.
If you don’t think that you want to have children with your lover, you don’t imagine what you will do together next, most likely you no longer feel love for him.
When people love each other, they at least roughly imagine a plan for their future life together. You don’t have to know everything: how many children you will have, where you will live, or how you will furnish your apartment. But some desires about a common future should sometimes appear in your head. If you understand that you do not know how to further build a relationship with your partner, or you realize the complete meaninglessness of your union, then we can say that there is no love.
Wedding or runaway groom
And so, at one fine moment, the woman lifts the veil of her mystery and feigned indifference, and allows the traveler she meets, who has been hanging around her royal palace for many days now, to look into her heart. And what is happening?!
In the first case, the so-called prince will come to visit, see what’s going on, take advantage of the hospitality, and come to the conclusion - oh, why do I need it?! And carefully, in reverse and unnoticed, he will leave the royal chambers, leaving the chosen bride in bewilderment and sadness.
She will never understand at first what it was - a blow of wind or someone really entering her mansion. And only the persistent courtship and fiery speeches of a gentleman from the past will bring a sad smile on her face, and the thought will creep far into her subconscious: “I knew it”...
The second option is more optimistic. True, here it is worth taking into account the restrained behavior of a woman who is going to allow a “knight on a white horse” to approach her. Restraint, accuracy and self-control can play into the hands of both men and women in such cases.
Often, people rush into the whirlpool of passions, without controlling the further flow of events and letting everything take its course. This is where many problems occur that do not lead the couple to anything good. And you just need to learn to control yourself and your emotions. And then, even after many years of living together, the woman will remain a mystery for the man, which he will not tire of solving.
I don’t love my husband, what to do: advice from a psychologist
If you are not ready to leave a man or do not know what to do in this situation, you think: “I don’t love my husband, but I have children, I need advice from a psychologist,” approach the problem rationally. Experts give the following recommendations to help you understand yourself and your feelings.
- Don't rush to conclusions
First, get rid of the thought of divorce, at least for a while. Be objective and analyze your emotions. It is necessary to understand whether the feelings have really faded away, or whether this is, for example, a manifestation of chronic fatigue/depression. The fact is that we are very susceptible to the influence of external factors. Problems at work, in everyday life, and with relatives not only take away the lion’s share of our vitality and energy, but also provoke the appearance of mental disorders. They are different and have many symptoms. Here are some of them:
- Manifestation of aggression, anger. If you often lash out at your loved one, think about whether he really deserved such an attitude, or whether it’s all your emotions;
- Apathy is indifference to everything, including a man. It can also be caused by disturbances in the functioning of the nervous system;
- Excessive emotionality and sensitivity.
These are not all the consequences that can make you doubt your love for your spouse. In order not to make hasty conclusions, first remember what happened in life and whether it is connected with your feelings. Perhaps you will find a relationship between events that somehow influenced you and “dislike” for your husband.
- Find out the cause
If you are determined to break off the relationship, confident that you no longer love your husband, but you are stopped by the fact that you have children together, you can try to fix everything. To do this, you need to get rid of what provoked the desire to separate.
Remember what was the starting point. Does this reason really matter? Perhaps the reason you wanted to break up no longer plays any role. Maybe at the moment of making the decision you were on edge and could not control your emotions. There are situations when even serious reasons are not a reason for divorce if they do not currently affect life.
- Discuss the current situation with your husband
You can often hear the following question from a woman: “I don’t love my husband, but I have children, what should I do in such a situation?” Almost always it is addressed to friends, parents, psychologist or other close people. But the first person who should hear it is your spouse. If you feel your love is fading, tell your man directly. This issue primarily concerns him, so it is necessary to solve the problem together. Don't be afraid of condemnation, grief, or insults.
If you think that you don’t love your spouse, then he should find out about it now, and not when you talk to your mother, friend, colleague, decide that you need to leave, and do it unexpectedly.
Like all family issues, this one needs to be discussed between the two of you. Perhaps you were too hasty with your decision. After all, if you don’t share your experiences with your other half, you can simply drown in them. It often happens that a girl comes up with a lot of problems herself, and after talking with a guy it turns out that they were completely insignificant. Therefore, before making a decision, consult with a man and discuss a plan of action.
- If your feelings have faded, make a decision about the future of your relationship.
“How to love your husband if you don’t?” - a question that arises among girls who, for example, feel sorry for losing a relationship or leaving their family. But is it necessary to stay with your spouse if there are no feelings? The answer suggests itself - it’s not worth it. Why deceive a person and pretend that you love him, much less pretend to be a happy couple for others?
Many women ask: “I don’t love my husband, but I have children. What to do?". The same thing you would do if they weren't there: walk away. It won’t be possible to pretend to be lovers for a long time, and sooner or later the child will understand or learn from others that you were lying to him. The situation is not the best, you will agree. In addition, it is better for the baby that his parents live in peace, harmony and are happy, albeit separately from each other. Therefore, even if there are heirs in the family, there is no need to try to preserve what has already been destroyed.
Women are afraid of divorce for other reasons. For example, the opinions of others. For some, it is very important what others think. When making a decision, don't worry about such things. Your personal life concerns only you, and only you are responsible for your own actions. Remember that people can judge anything, and don't pay attention to their opinions. Only your thoughts and feelings should matter.
Even everyday difficulties frighten some people. But the absence of a man in the house or financial issues are not the factors that can force you to live with an unloved person.
- Crisis in relationships - contact a family psychologist
If the previous recommendations did not help you understand yourself, contact a specialist. To solve the problem “I don’t love my husband, what should I do?” I need advice from a psychologist. He will help you with questions that bother you, eliminate any omissions and objectively assess the situation. Depending on your spouse’s mood and your desire, you can choose an individual or joint session.
Why does a woman want to lose interest in a man?
Relationships often bring pain and disappointment. Then you want to quickly get out of the problematic union, to cool off towards the man for whom you still have feelings. There may be several reasons for this desire:
- The person has not experienced warm feelings for a long time, has left your family with him or is just about to do so. You love him, but unrequitedly.
- You understand that interest in a relationship comes only from you: you love a man and value your family. He only takes advantage of his position without giving anything in return.
- A man wants you to live only by his rules, forgetting about your own interests. For example, he demands that you always be at home and take care of him, and threatens to divorce you for failure to comply. You are tired of being disrespected and are gradually losing yourself.
- Your man is overly jealous. You are constantly in nervous tension, tired of scandals and reproaches. To stop this, you should think about how to cool off towards such a man.
- There is always a “third wheel” in your family – his mother, whose opinion is above all. You must also follow its rules. In this situation, the best way out would be to leave this inextricable tandem and go in search of a truly independent man.
- Your soul mate has a difficult character or, on the contrary, is characterized by weak-willedness and excessive softness. A powerful man wants eternal submission, which no mentally healthy person can endure. The spineless man is looking for a caring mother in a woman who will not mind taking full responsibility for her “son.”
- You are a decent woman, faithful to your man and your family with him. He is not distinguished by these qualities and does not consider it necessary to respect you. Then you have probably been tormented for a long time by the question of how to cool off towards the man with whom you are in a relationship. Having fallen out of love with this person, you yourself will be surprised at how his feelings for you will change, perhaps you will even be able to maintain the union.
