Unrequited love: what to do if your feelings are not reciprocated?

Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-spirited person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not mutual at all - this is what causes unrequited love.

Drive away negative thoughts and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love.

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What is love without reciprocity?

Unrequited feelings pushed many people to exploits and reckless actions and were the reason for the creation of great works of art. However, non-reciprocal love can push a person to commit a crime and drive him into depression. Therefore, it is impossible to relate to this feeling unequivocally.

The absence of reciprocity with a person’s deep heartfelt affection for his chosen one or chosen one is what non-reciprocal love is. Romanticizing this phenomenon does not reflect the sad essence of what is happening. Unrequited feelings most often bring only suffering to a person in love.

Not only fledglings are susceptible to unrequited love. Even people of advanced age are inspired by the flaring up of feelings, but if you refuse, you can be painfully burned and lose hope for personal happiness.

How to deal with unrequited love: 3 more tricks that work

What to do with unrequited love for a man in order to speed up the process of getting out of this addiction? Along with mental work and rethinking of feelings, you definitely need:

• Establish a distance and limit communication.

It is important. Delete the number of your beloved man, block him on social networks, stop communicating. If you cannot stop communicating completely, for example, he is your colleague, then keep conversations to a minimum and ask to be transferred to another department. In general, do everything possible to avoid seeing your lover. You can’t go to his page secretly either.

• Find sources of positive impressions.

A new hobby, frequent travel, get-togethers with friends - everything that brings you joy. A parachute jump or mastering partner dances often changes your life before and after. Forward.

• Make a list of the shortcomings of the object of your affection.

Believe me, he is not ideal at all. These simply don't happen. Remember all the bad qualities and actions of your lover, write them down and re-read them at your leisure. Perhaps he somehow forgot to wish you a happy birthday or, at worst, doesn’t like cats.

Why does such love arise?

Deep affection does not appear out of nowhere. Strong feelings arise when communicating with your chosen one or chosen one, recognizing each other, and also in the process of daydreaming. Therefore, to truly fall in love unrequitedly, you need to try hard. That is, to communicate despite refusal, not to see obvious differences in characters and interests, and to dream in the absence of prospects for rapprochement. Most often, a person who experiences non-reciprocal feelings, sometimes not for the first time, is predisposed to such suffering. The reasons for unrequited love are usually:

1. Infantilism. A lover simply has not matured psychologically for a relationship, so he subconsciously chooses objects of passion that will most likely not reciprocate. Moreover, in the case of non-reciprocal love, the sufferer receives the support of loved ones, everyone pities him and pats him on the head, which causes a kind of addiction. He shifts responsibility for the quality of his life and mood to the mythical object of love, which now serves as the cause of all failures and troubles. This is a childish position and fear of entering into a real adult relationship.
2. Craving for suffering. Every second person who is unrequitedly in love has psychological problems such as neuroses, depression and similar disorders. These mental deviations cause a craving for suffering, since such suffering is perceived as a deserved punishment for their imaginary sins. The psyche of nervous people is very sensitive, they unconsciously look for problems for themselves, and unrequited love is a great way to fall even more into melancholy.
3. Low self-esteem. If a person does not love himself, then he does not fully reveal himself in society as a person, he is always afraid of something, and certainly does not show his feelings. The object of adoration may not even realize that they have fallen in love with him, and most likely will never notice his secret admirer or admirer due to his reserved demeanor. For people with low self-esteem, the diagnosis is written on their face: “I am not worthy/worthy of love, better not look at me, I look terrible.”
4. Substitution of concepts. Particularly impressionable people can mistake sympathy for love, which causes them a lot of problems in life. They overthink themselves, constantly conjecture what is not there: they look for secret signs in the behavior of the object of passion, and even a simple greeting can be regarded as an expression of affection. Therefore, in the end, such people believe that they have fallen in love once and for all, and then they are disappointed in the absence of reciprocity, but quickly find themselves a new victim.

Non-reciprocal love does not bring happiness and causes only suffering. A person in love inadequately perceives reality and constantly expects that the object of passion will still pay attention to him. How to cope with feelings and start life from scratch? What to do if you are overtaken by unreciprocated love?

Characteristics and features of unrequited love

Love without reciprocity can't help but upset. It devastates from the inside, suppresses the best desires, and contributes to the formation of suspicion. A distrustful attitude towards life, self-doubt and apathy appear. In some cases, you even have to resort to the help of a psychologist. Specialists regularly work with those who are confused, confused, and have lost their main life guidelines. Getting rid of unhappy love is not so easy. You have to make incredible efforts to cope with despair and hopelessness. It’s good if the person is fully aware of what is happening. Then there is a good chance to be rehabilitated.

What to do if you love without reciprocation?

Suffering from unrequited feelings brings mental pain, which is sometimes harder to bear than physical pain. Don’t get discouraged, lie down on your bed and think about your unfortunate lot while looking at the ceiling. Only you yourself can help yourself get out of this situation and reduce the negative impact of pathological feelings on the body. How to overcome destructive non-reciprocal love in yourself:

1. Don't deny your feelings. The more you try not to think about them, the more violently thoughts about non-reciprocity in love will creep into your head. Of course, you don't need constant suffering at all. Therefore, give yourself only half an hour a day to think about the current situation, and the rest of the time, try to throw negative thoughts and images out of your head. You need to get through the situation, but with minimal losses.
2. Continue with your daily life. Don't give yourself any slack or time to suffer. Physical activity will help you cope with the pain of unreciprocated love. Take care of household chores, for example, do some spring cleaning, help your family and friends with some important matter. You will overcome your addiction if you continue to live despite the mental anguish. Sooner or later you will come to terms with your fate, then you will see some positive aspects and finally free yourself from the shackles of unrequited love.
3. If the feelings persist, consult a psychotherapist. Not everyone can independently cope with moral torment due to unrequited love. If you continue to suffer despite your best efforts, and the future seems only bleak, do not sit idly by, but make an appointment with a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you find the roots of your problem, sort through what is happening and look at the situation from an outside perspective.

Don't let yourself break, educate yourself. There are still many difficult trials ahead in life, much more difficult than non-reciprocal love. Rest as much as possible and distract yourself from sad thoughts as much as possible, please and pamper yourself, look for the positive around you.

Does it exist?

Love has been studied for many centuries by philosophers, religious figures, artists and even doctors.

Psychology , as the science of the soul, did not ignore it either

Is there truly mutual love? This is a very important question. As a rule, in a couple, one person loves more, the other experiences less intense feelings.

In addition to emotions, there is also a search for benefits – why should partners be together other than satisfying mental and physical needs. Here the welfare factor often comes to the fore.

Of course, mutual love exists, and it is on it that the strongest couples are built.

But taking into account the fact that feelings undergo various changes in their development, true, mutual love comes after difficult life stages have been passed, priorities have been set, and the personality of the other person is valuable.

Is there a formula for mutual love and a happy marriage? Psychologist's opinion:

What if it's not love, but addiction?

Love is often confused with a pathological craving for the object of adoration - love addiction. It often occurs with unrequited feelings. This is a kind of disease born from complexes or victim syndrome. How to distinguish ordinary unrequited feelings from addiction?

Signs of addiction

Love, even non-reciprocal love, is a bright and positive feeling. They wish a loved one happiness and goodness, regardless of whether he is nearby or not. Addiction is very different from true love in a negative way, but on the surface it appears to be the same thing. Signs of addiction include the following:

1. Lack of adequate assessment of the current situation. If you think that unreciprocated love is the end of the world, then you are clearly out of your mind. Most likely, you have been overtaken by a love addiction, which prevents you from looking at the world with a sober look. Lack of reciprocity is an unpleasant fact, but it definitely shouldn’t cause depression and thoughts of suicide.
2. You think that there is no better person in the world. It seems to you that either you will be together, or you have a direct road to the monastery. The light converged like a wedge on one possible partner. You don’t even have thoughts about an alternative scenario, because this person was sent to you by fate. Such conclusions characterize love addiction, not love. And she, in turn, can forever block your path to happiness in your personal life with someone else.
3. Obsession with the object of passion. You cannot think of anything other than the object of passion. Loss of interest in favorite activities, work, meetings with friends, which leads to various life problems. Love addiction seems to erase a person’s personality, leaving only dreams of reciprocity and sad thoughts.
4. Persecution of a chosen one or chosen one. A negative response to confessing your feelings does not stop you. A real hunt is organized for the chosen one: waiting near the entrance for another attempt to talk, calls, SMS, letters. It all starts more or less tolerantly, but can end with threats and blackmail. This behavior is very typical for love addiction, but not for love.

Don't lie to yourself by trying to justify your addiction with exalted feelings. If your behavior shows at least one sign of the above, you simply must start fighting love addiction in order to save both yourself and your victim from the consequences of this disease.

How to solve the problem of love addiction?

The emergence of such a destructive feeling should alert you. Love addiction most often appears due to psychological trauma received in childhood. They are deposited in the unconscious, reinforcing the wrong model of behavior in adulthood. For example, if the parents divorced when the child was still small, and before that they often fought, he understands for himself that relationships are pain, fear and loss. In the future, a matured boy or girl subconsciously looks for an unattainable chosen one in order to suffer in the same way as their parents. Therefore, love addiction often occurs in those people who suffered psychological damage from parental mistakes in childhood.

It is almost impossible to solve such problems without a psychotherapist. No matter how hard you try to pull yourself together and listen to the voice of reason, the unconscious part will still win. Love addiction, especially if it is repeated over and over again, can only be overcome by psychotherapy sessions. Be prepared for the fact that solving the problem will take a lot of time and require a lot of emotional expenditure from you. But the result, with due diligence, will exceed all your expectations.

Possible manifestations

There is a feeling that no one around understands what is in your heart. The girl is very mistaken, because almost every person in life had unrequited feelings. Unrequited love for a guy can be expressed in various reactions.

1. The girl withdraws into herself, does not want to talk to anyone, and tries to isolate herself from the world around her.
2. A woman lies in bed all day and doesn’t want to do anything. All thoughts are about how to get rid of the feelings that filled her heart.
3. Someone eats up unrequited feelings in the literal sense of the word. As a result, he gains extra pounds, which lowers his own self-esteem. At least she doesn't care at the moment.
4. A man stands by an open window, walks along the edge, and is not afraid of what might happen. There are no thoughts about relatives, mother, her feelings and worries.
5. The girl expresses the pain born in her heart with the help of poetry and music.
6. A woman, in order not to think about her beloved, increasingly puts her hand to a bottle of alcohol until she finally drinks herself to death.
7. Serious thoughts of suicide arise. The girl can take pills or take a very large dose of sleeping pills, possibly ligating her veins. She believes that life without a loved one has no meaning. Often such a reaction ends in death, especially at a young age.
8. Accepting that love will never be reciprocated. As a result, the woman decides to go to a monastery and devote herself to God.
9. The girl is trying to switch to another guy in order to stop thinking about the object of her love. For this purpose, a casual romance may appear, which can only temporarily relieve the need for love.
10. A girl whose chosen one does not reciprocate loses all meaning in life, ceases to be interested in usual affairs, and no longer cares about appearance. She does not notice anyone around her, does not hear the appeals of her relatives, cannot listen to them.

An attempt to conquer

If you want to compete for your love, you can try to win the girl’s attention by following the recommendations.

1. Show your persistence and perseverance.
2. Be generous.
3. Show the young lady your romantic nature.
4. Show off your sense of humor.
5. Increase your self-esteem and gain confidence in your abilities.
6. Try to become popular among women.
7. A girl will definitely pay attention to a man who combines tenderness and strength.
8. In order to definitely conquer your beloved, you can try to become her ideal, for this you need to first find out what he is like. However, if you realize that you are far from reaching him, then it is better to come to terms with the state of affairs and try to forget your unrequited feelings.

Unrequited love is an excellent incentive for self-development and self-improvement. The main thing is that a man understands that it is necessary to act, and not sit and kill himself with his suffering. Use your love to become better inside and outside. If necessary, go to the gym, become an erudite person, achieve success in your career. Serious work on yourself will significantly increase your self-esteem and will arouse greater interest among others in your person. After such changes, it is possible that the once beloved young lady will “lose her head,” but she will no longer evoke former feelings in your heart, and then the girl will have unrequited love.