Signs of love (psychology). How to recognize true love

• October 23, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Yulia Obolenskaya

Literature, cinema, and television are literally filled with the theme of romantic love in all its various manifestations. Poems are written about her, songs and ballads are dedicated to her. And when the time comes and the heart begins to tremble with excitement, it is very easy to confuse true love with the call of the flesh. And even if, for your part, you are completely sure that your feeling is the most real, then how to recognize this in your object of admiration? What are the signs to determine the sincerity of feelings? What is a sign of love?

Signs of falling in love

When a person's hormones mature enough, it is time to love. Probably every adult has experienced this delightful stage of life. And always, before true love comes, falling in love appears. These vague longings, captivating interest in the subject of one’s attention, sweet dreams and bitter disappointments leave a pleasant mark on the soul, causing, over the years, positive emotions and a slight smile. But does every crush develop into deep love?

Not every first feeling becomes great love. Falling in love is like a test of strength, a reconnaissance in battle, when you try on someone you like.

When falling in love comes, the first signs of love begin to appear:

• you really like the person, it’s nice to be around him and you want to prolong these moments together;
• thoughts of a loved one bring joy and a smile;
• its appearance is accompanied by a release of adrenaline into the blood - a feeling of tickling butterflies in the abdominal area;
• it seems that he consists entirely of advantages and is completely devoid of shortcomings;
• this is the most priority and authoritative person on earth for you;
• I want to bring him joy and give him happiness;
• nothing is a pity for him, everything can be given away without hesitation;
• You are planning a common future with this person.

However, the first hot love does not always end in a happy marriage, even if it was registered. After all, falling in love is an idealization of a partner, fitting him into your dream of an ideal man or an ideal woman with the character traits that your imagination has endowed them with. And reality is often very different from our idea of ​​it. Therefore, couples burning with sincere love over time begin to understand that their chosen one is not so ideal, and the family falls apart. In order to recognize true love, you need to pay attention to some signs.

Humanity has long been tormented by the question of how one can discern a true feeling during the course of love and ardent infatuation with the opposite sex, which will make it possible to create a strong and happy family on its basis. Psychology has its own view on this topic. Experts around the world have come to a consensus that the signs of love in psychology come down to several sensations that create a platform for real feelings.

Time is the best judge to understand yourself

It is worth sorting out the relationship, but this requires 1 to 3 months, sometimes more, to understand whether this feeling is long-term, or whether everything will end soon.

Romance passes and ordinary everyday life begins, but whether the relationship will continue can only be shown by time, when you eventually realize that you want to be with this person ALWAYS.

SMS messages, flowers for no reason, all sorts of pleasantries, unexpected meetings, hugs, kisses and the warmth of this person will warm you even when he is simply not around. You will always remember him. And miss him...

• Love's quarrel is not a hindrance

The most interesting thing is that quarrels will always end in a truce, or maybe there will be no quarrels at all, just simple misunderstandings. In love they always give in to each other.

But when you fall in love, one often attacks the other and someone will always actively prove that they are right.

• In love everything is common

Falling in love often unites partners only on certain issues, whereas in love partners have absolutely everything in common. Most often they say in conversation that “this is what we have in common.”

And once only your apartment suddenly becomes “our family nest”, you do not divide things into his and yours. It’s just that everything is shared between two people. The value of such relationships increases significantly.

Falling in love does not imply this, there is self-interest, or simply a desire to be with someone, just not alone.

Love

Falling in love is an emotional state when the chosen one, contrary to the signals of the mind, is endowed with exclusively positive qualities, and the negative ones are not only ignored, but are not taken into account at all. Falling in love lasts differently for everyone - from three weeks to several months. But sooner or later it definitely passes, since it is an intermediate state, and not a deep feeling. And then it’s as if a veil suddenly falls from your eyes and your chosen one appears in all his true glory with all his vices and shortcomings. And if what you see does not cause sharp rejection and remains attractive to the other half, then this, most likely, is true love.

You discuss your common future without fear

Where to go on vacation next year, who to get - a cat or a guinea pig, and finally, what to name the child, even if he is not in the immediate plans yet. Joint plans are evidence that your partner has become an integral part of your life.

This, by the way, is a good way to determine that you are not in a relationship with someone who is right for you. Perhaps in 10, 20 and 30 years your loved one will still be throwing clothes around everywhere and laughing at jokes that seem unfunny to you. Tolerable or chilling? If you are tolerant, then everything will be fine.

Attachment

Attachment is an established habit of always being there, seeing someone you like, and having the opportunity for long-term communication. Many truly happy marriages have been built on the basis of this feeling, because nothing can unite two different people like a common interest and a common cause. First there is a passion for solving these common work or scientific problems, and then signs of love begin to appear. But here it is worth keeping in mind that joint work may end and along with it the factors uniting the spouses will disappear. So if, apart from the work of the two, nothing else connects, the marriage may lose its relevance. Therefore, in marriages based on affection, you need to find other, no less important points of contact, and then your union will be successful.

You are honest with each other. Even if it threatens a quarrel

When you are not happy with something, you find the courage to talk about it and together look for solutions to the problem. The process may be painful and unpleasant, but this is normal - it is better to deal with mutual claims as quickly as possible.

Dissatisfaction accumulates over time, and when a quarrel occurs over a trivial matter, they remember everything at once. Flowers that someone didn’t give to someone, broken promises, dirty dishes in the sink - word after word, a fist on the table, and ultimately the collapse of the relationship. Moral: don't try to turn a blind eye to problems and put up with what doesn't suit you.

Passion

Passion most often manifests itself in relation to brilliant personalities - movie or pop stars, famous artists or directors, scientific luminaries, musicians, writers and other people who have succeeded in life and arouse the admiration of others. Wives and husbands in love often sacrifice their personal careers to ensure the successful creativity of their chosen one. This feeling is based on sincere admiration for the abilities of the loved one and his achievements. You can live your life happily in such a marriage, but on the condition that the half of the family serving the genius is not burdened by such a secondary position.

Myth or reality

In reality, love at first sight does not exist. Yes, you can like a person from the first minutes of meeting him. He may meet some criteria, may interest you in his hobbies or remind you of someone close. But this is not love.

The second thing worth noting is the time when everything ends. Falling in love quickly disappears. She disappears as suddenly as she appears. Love fades away slowly, or even doesn’t go away at all. It takes a long time to break free from a relationship that was based on love. In most cases, this period is equal to the time during which the affair lasted.

Love and its manifestations

There are other signs by which lovers can be recognized. And the first of them is a constant desire to hold your other half’s hand, as if subconsciously afraid of losing it. Sometimes love arises suddenly, taking us on an exciting journey in a powerful cycle, and then we have no time to doubt and look for signs of love. But more common is unhurried love, which matures gradually. She needs time to get stronger. Swift has the ability to be born quickly, but it also passes no less quickly. But hard-won, slow love has a very high chance of a successful marriage.

When doubts arise inside whether this person will really be a worthy life partner, he begins to analyze his relationship and look for signs of love in himself and the chosen one. The assets of a future union include such important human feelings as trust, passion, recognition, the joy of being together, while the liabilities include the fear of being rejected, the fear of future responsibility to another person and dependence on him, the fear that both are not ready for this a serious step like marriage. If you have such doubts, you should pay attention to nonverbal signs of love. We will consider them further

Why and for what do they love?

Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!

I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!

One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!

Nonverbal signs

There are many non-verbal ways to show your love when you are embarrassed to say it directly. They appear mainly in the early stages of a relationship, when people are just taking a closer look at each other. If you want to make sure that you really care about someone, learn to decipher these veiled signs of attention and love. It should be said that non-verbal signs for men and women are different in accordance with their nature, but there are some common ones that appear equally in representatives of both sexes.

The most obvious sign of love is the involuntary blush that appears at the sight of the object of your affection or even when someone talks about it. This indicates that the person is not indifferent to you and occupies all your thoughts and feelings. These also include a changed voice and a manifestation of awkwardness. Sometimes, trying to hide our interest in a person, we begin to pretend and demonstratively pretend that we are indifferent to him or, moreover, find fault with him, even offend him, as a little boy does, showing his love for a girl by pulling her pigtails.

What psychologists say

Psychologists have studied love as a distinct emotion for many years. Each of them has an opinion on this matter. American psychologist Robert Sternberg argues that love cannot exist without passion, responsibility and physical attraction. In his opinion, these three components are the most important.

Erich Fromm believed that long-term relationships can only develop if there is a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. According to his theory, if this approach is implemented on both sides, then the marriage will automatically become successful, even when the primary passion disappears.

Harry Sullivan believed that love can be expressed in different ways, but its main feature is the exaltation of the interests of a loved one over personal needs.

According to Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel, in order to maintain love, it is important to never lose self-esteem. Although from the point of view of science love is a physiological process, all psychologists talk about it as an experience and consider it as a feeling or sensation.

Understanding and recognizing the feeling of true love is not always easy. It is important to learn to distinguish ordinary love from deep and sincere feelings in the early stages. Although modern research has proven that the feeling of love is a chemical reaction, people still consider it a magical feeling, a source of inspiration and the main motivation for achieving serious goals in life.

Nonverbal signs in men

Next, let's look at the nonverbal signs of love that are unique to guys and exclusively to women. If a man is inflamed with passion for a girl, the following external manifestations of his interest become very important to him:

• touch - physical contact with their beloved is simply necessary for them;
• being in the field of view of your subject;
• demonstrative indifference;
• offering his help in some manly task - bringing it up, moving it, nailing it, lifting it, and so on;
• showing interest in various questions about the beloved to her and the people who know her;
• desire for physical contact - hugs, kisses, cuddling, touching with feet, hands and other types of contact, including sex;
• unlimited trust in the woman you love, even to the point of denying obvious facts.

Distinctive features

Love and infatuation are completely different things. The first comes with time, the second appears almost instantly.

So, how to distinguish love from infatuation? Firstly, as already said, love forms very slowly. To experience this feeling, you need to study the person well, learn everything about his habits, weaknesses and shortcomings. People tend to wear masks, and if you don’t know what is hidden under it, then it is impossible to talk about love as such. Falling in love - yes, sympathy - yes, but not love. Sometimes, to see the real essence, a person needs months, or even years. Falling in love just falls on your head for no reason at all.

Nonverbal signs in girls

Signs of love in women are completely different. As you know, female logic is the absence of any logic, therefore the signs of her love can sometimes be very contradictory, but clear. These signs in women appear as follows:

• playing with eyes;
• attracting attention;
• excessive care and guardianship;
• modesty and shyness;
• glow from within or extreme absent-mindedness;
• showing attention to the affairs of your man;
• increased attention to your appearance and wardrobe;
• mysterious behavior;
• smoothness and femininity of movements;
• manifestation of sexuality.

Creation and destruction

So, what else can you use to distinguish love from being in love? As psychologists say, the first is creation, and the second is destruction. The feeling of love gives strength and energy, promotes creativity and motivates to achieve new goals. It helps you develop and improve yourself.

In turn, falling in love reduces performance; a person loses any desire to realize his talents. Irritability and nervousness may often occur. Man builds castles in the air that are completely incompatible with reality. It is because of this that he does not want to do anything. In addition, a person in love ignores the shortcomings of his partner, while someone who really has a strong feeling takes them into account. Love accepts all imperfections, but does not put up with them, but helps to overcome them.

How to recognize true love?

Dr. Ray Short, in an effort to help lovers explore their feelings, offers some important advice:

• understand what attracts you most in a person. If these are physical characteristics, then most likely you are simply passionate, but if you are interested in him as a person, then this is love;
• if you truly love, then you like absolutely everything about your chosen one, even his shortcomings seem sweet and pleasant, and when you only like a sexy figure or a beautiful face, then this feeling is fleeting, and love is not real;
• the quick start of a love story is almost always infatuation; true love manifests itself slowly, but thoroughly;
• if the feeling either fades or flares up with renewed vigor, this is most likely passion, and constant tender and warm feelings indicate true love;
• when love is real, you strive to become better, superficial infatuation does not give rise to a desire for improvement;
• with real feelings, separation only increases the significance of the object of love; in other cases, even a short separation can cool feelings;
• true love is selfless and aimed at providing joy to its soul mate, and love implicated in material wealth is very fragile and will fall apart at the first sign of financial troubles.

What is this feeling: love or infatuation?

Based on the results of numerous studies, psychologists have identified the top factors that help a person, in theory, distinguish falling in love from love:

1. Idealizing a partner is a sure sign of falling in love. A person in love never takes offense at the object of his love and is ready to forgive all shortcomings in the character and actions of his loved one.
2. A difficult breakup. Lovers endure short-term separation painfully; long-term separation can kill this feeling.
3. The desire to own a person. People tend to feel jealous. It appears because a person wants to possess the object of his love undividedly.
4. Suddenness of sensations. This mainly concerns “love at first sight”. Despite the name, a person still experiences love. Feelings come suddenly and cause severe emotional shock.

If a person decides to identify relationships through tests, then this is an inherently bad idea. Feelings can only be determined by the internal sensations and emotionality that a person experiences for his soulmate.

Differences

What is the difference between love and affection. Signs of both feelings are presented in the table. Compare them with your feelings, and it will be easier to understand yourself.

Love in art

As we have already said, love has long been sung everywhere: in songs, poems, books, films, TV series... This list is endless. How many poems have been written in honor of fatal lovers? How many sculptures of women and men in love are there in our world?

Love in old age

If you also like to read and watch about love, especially tragic love, we recommend watching the film about love “The Fault in Our Stars,” where feelings are glorified especially beautifully and sadly.
The Fault in Our Stars

Seven steps to real feeling

Psychologists believe that the symptoms of falling in love for men and girls are almost the same. They get confused, want to look more attractive, become interested in things they weren’t interested in before, etc. Of course, the behavior is different in some aspects, but both sexes go through the same stages of falling in love:

1. Love. The stage of a relationship is the richest in emotions, as it is full of happy moments. Due to the happiness hormones secreted by the body, a person becomes more relaxed, and the voice of reason is drowned out by the call of the heart. The relationship is cloudless: people do not notice each other’s shortcomings, and besides, both the guy and the girl want to seem better than they really are.
2. Satiation. Comes a few months after the couple started dating. The initial euphoria gradually wears off, and people begin to return to normal life. The first disagreements begin.
3. Rejection. The first doubts arise regarding your choice, misunderstandings arise. Partners begin to sort things out and have a heart-to-heart talk. Most couples break up at this stage.
4. Patience. The most difficult stage. Partners learn to live with the fact that they are different in some way. Only those who truly have strong feelings will be able to pass this stage.
5. Service. People already know each other well enough and do not try to change their partner. If they are still together, then people are ready for true love. Quarrels happen less and less often, each partner strives to bring something new to the relationship, but the main thing is that people are ready to support each other in difficult times.
6. Respect. The couple has already been through a lot together. Knowing how a partner behaves in different life situations can either ruin a relationship or lay a strong foundation.
7. Love. A real feeling emerges. The couple can no longer be separated. They respect each other and trust their partner.

Liking and falling in love come and go on their own; to experience true love, you need to make a lot of effort, learn to compromise and believe in your partner. If a person is ready for a real feeling, then it will definitely appear in his life, but only if he makes the necessary efforts to do so.