What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Psychologist's advice

Women often have the question of what to do if their husband constantly insults and humiliates them; the advice of a psychologist in this situation will help to cope with the problem. When getting married, a woman wants to be loved, create comfort in her home, give birth to and raise worthy children. But it happens that a person who was dear yesterday turns out to be a monster, with curses constantly flying from his lips. The wife feels humiliated, tries to find flaws in herself, eliminate them, treat her husband more kindly, but this does not work. Humiliation and insults continue to pour from his lips, often the situation comes to the point of assault.

She would like to take it and leave, but the children are already growing up in the family, and her husband is still beloved. What to do in such a situation, forgive and wait until he comes to his senses and changes, or pack his things and leave the inhospitable home?

What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Let's fight back!

Love without guarantees on the part of a man humiliates and insults a woman.
Sunday Adelaja

1. Reasons why a husband humiliates his wife
2. If you only hear insults from your husband, will it be better later?
3.What to do if your husband beats you?
4.Advice from a psychologist
5.Conclusion

How to stop loving someone you love very much?
What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Let's fight back!
A game of four hands: when a husband does not respect and value his wife
How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist
How to stop being jealous and suspicious of your husband: advice from a family psychologist

Reasons why a husband humiliates his wife

There are several reasons for constant humiliation and insults, and different approaches to solving them are required.
Here are the main reasons why a husband may insult and humiliate his wife:

His warm feelings for his wife have already passed
, but love needs support, the feelings themselves gradually cool down, and a moment of cooling occurs for any couple. If you try to strengthen the relationship during this period, it will be restored, but both spouses must work. If this stage doesn’t mean anything to any of them, problems are just around the corner.
The husband took a mistress
. In this situation, it is more convenient for him to humiliate and insult his wife in order to force her to be the first to leave the family and file for divorce. This is how a man unties his hands and frees up territory for new relationships in which he has already plunged headlong.
The man no longer has respect for his wife
. There are several reasons, one of which is the wife’s maternity leave. During this period, many ladies do not take care of themselves, they are busy only with the child and do not give their husband the attention he requires. His wife is just annoying him now.
A man's self-esteem is very low
, so he raises it by humiliating a woman.
The woman herself treats her husband with disrespect
, completely controls him, constantly asks where and why he went, when he will be home, rummages through his phone, rummages through his things, rummages in his pockets.
The woman is afraid of making the situation even worse, so she silently tolerates the man’s indecent behavior
. Among the main reasons: she has nowhere to go or she is heavily dependent on him financially.

The psychologist's advice is simple

: if this happened for the first time, then you need to calmly ask your husband not to talk to her in that tone again, otherwise the “conversation” will have to be stopped. The reasons for rudeness on the part of the husband can be anything, but he must control himself, so you should not react silently to his offensive expressions.

You can tell your husband about feelings, about love, that such words hurt the soul and are very unpleasant. Communicate that you can change something, change yourself, but together, and if there is a problem, it needs to be voiced tactfully, and find a way out together.

It happens that a husband does not want to react in any way to his wife’s words, does not want to change anything about himself, then this is a reason for a woman to think about whether she needs exactly such a relationship, and what more radical measures she is ready to take.

But when the question of what to do is acute, if the husband constantly insults and humiliates, then this may be a temporary or permanent separation - divorce.

Reasons for humiliation by husband

Reasons for male aggression in relationships:

Consequences of destructive family upbringing. Children under 6-7 years old do not have critical thinking, and, as you understand, they essentially have no life experience. Therefore, everything that they see in their family, they take as the norm. If a child sees his father humiliating his mother, then in the future he will behave the same way towards women. However, there is a way out of this scenario. Someone else in their youth, having become acquainted with a different model of interaction between a man and a woman, understands that the relationship between mom and dad is an example of how it should not be. Some people, already in adulthood, consciously work through this problem and master new models of interaction.
Childhood traumas that triggered the development of hatred towards women. Most often we are talking about suppressed aggression towards the mother. When might negative feelings towards your mother arise? For example, if she was cruel, cold and authoritarian. Or if the mother abandoned the child. The boy grows up and transfers this aggression to the entire female sex.
Unfinished separation from the mother. A man, on the contrary, loves his mother too much and is attached to her. He compares his wife with his mother all the time. And this comparison turns out to be not in favor of the first.
Injuries acquired in adult life. For example, a painful breakup with a girl. The man still remembers and loves her, compares his wife with that passion.
Man's complexes. A primitive way of “fixing” one’s own self-respect and self-esteem is self-affirmation at the expense of a weaker person. People with an inferiority complex do not want to work on their own shortcomings, but they also do not want to live with a feeling of their own inferiority. Therefore, they devalue and humiliate other people. For example, the reason for the husband’s humiliation of his wife may be the husband’s hurt pride due to the fact that the wife earns more and was able to build a career, but he did not.
Inclusion of substitution – a protective mechanism of the psyche. It is also associated with complexes and dissatisfaction with one’s own life. But the point is that the husband transfers aggression directed towards another person onto his wife. For example, this could be aggression towards the boss (due to fear of dismissal and general weakness of spirit, a man cannot express to him what has accumulated).
Protest, cry for help, protection of personal boundaries and interests. If a wife systematically provokes and humiliates, suppresses her husband, and he does not know how to adequately respond to this and cannot leave, then he also resorts to aggression.
Dependencies. For example, if attacks of aggression occur only when the spouse is intoxicated, then the issue is clearly alcoholism. But here it is important to understand that alcoholism is a consequence and symptom of something more complex. Why does the spouse go into the world of alcohol, what is he trying to disguise with it? What bothers him when he’s sober and comes out when the man gets drunk?
Mental disorders. It is extremely difficult to suspect this reason, so I recommend adhering to the principle of exclusion: if other reasons do not correspond to your case, then consult a psychologist.

Note! Sometimes a man insults and humiliates a woman because he wants to break up with her, but is afraid to say so himself. Then he does the most terrible thing (insults, humiliates, cheats) in order to be abandoned. The reason is dislike for this woman combined with personal weakness and cowardice.

If you only hear insults from your husband, will it be better later?

When a man constantly calls his woman offensive words and finds fault with her for any reason, this does not mean that she is bad and he is trying to correct her.
The reason may not be immediately noticeable, and the woman will never change the way he wants. The couple has been married for several days, but the wife has not gotten any worse, she has children and she takes care of them. In such a situation, the reason lies in the husband himself.

He may be dissatisfied with himself, his own career, salary, and the team may not like him. But he doesn’t want to look for the reason in himself, change himself, correct the situation; it’s much easier to have a blast at home with his wife. A wife can point out to her husband his own mistakes and failures, but there is no way out, you can only aggravate the situation, make him angrier.

There are two steps you can take:

Pack up and leave it
.
Wait until he realizes the reason on his own
. But in this case, you can waste many years to no avail.

If your husband abuses alcohol and becomes cheeky and aggressive after drinking, you don’t need to console yourself that he only does this when he’s drunk.
In the future, cases of drunken rudeness will become more frequent and last longer. As a result, they can turn into physical violence, since each time the husband will go further and further in his obscenities. And the reason here is not at all alcohol, it’s just that in a sober state a man can quite keep his emotions and feelings under control. If he has reached the point where he can humiliate his wife in front of strangers, in front of the children, then the situation will not get better. It is convenient for him to solve his own psychological problems in this way. You will have to either endure it or take radical measures, that is, leave him.

A man wants to feel superior to the victim; if you don’t stop this, you may no longer remember your own name in the future, and he will call you whatever you want, and it’s always offensive. If, when trying to change the situation in this case, the husband does not draw conclusions, there is no need to call him names in response, he will not change.

What is not recommended to do

What not to do during a quarrel with your spouse:

respond to aggression with aggression (insults, physical force);
provoke (behave badly in order to justify the characteristics that are heaped on you);
to leave or withdraw into oneself without understanding the situation;
be silent and endure;
discuss the problem with anyone, but not with your husband.

If there are children in the family, then it is unacceptable to sort things out in front of them.

What to do if your husband hits you?

If a husband raises his hand, who is he, a scoundrel or a worthy man? Many women think that this is a manifestation of true love. But if this is a problem, and the husband constantly humiliates, insults and beats his wife, and even in front of the child, then what to do? The problem is that the man in this case does not feel any remorse.

He believes that she herself is to blame, she brought it on. He had a hard day at work, and she was on hand. Or you had a nice conversation with your neighbor, get it! There's no point in flirting.

Some men regard beating as a last resort to “convince” their wife that she is behaving incorrectly from his point of view. You can find fault with everything, even if you didn’t hand out the slippers at the doorstep correctly. Unfortunately, such behavior of men has been justified for centuries, but today a marriage takes place between equal people, and not subordinates to one another!

Is male authority really earned through beatings, and this is male wealth? But often the cause of violent behavior is alcohol; it causes aggression for which there are no motives. You need to think about whether you want to live with an alcoholic in the future? The solution is obvious.

The man suffers from an inferiority complex, his career is at zero, he has achieved nothing, neither a position in society, nor a decent salary. A person who has not succeeded anywhere wants to feel like a ruler at home. If a wife tries to show independence, she will be severely punished, especially if she is higher on the career ladder and has an income that exceeds her husband's earnings.

There is no need to look for reasons for beating your husband; he will find fault with everything. And he often raises his hand against children, crippling them mentally and physically. According to statistics, tens of thousands (about 50,000) children run away from home every year to escape parental beatings and bullying.

Approximately 2,000 children attempt suicide every year. A huge number of children are sent to a juvenile colony for the murder of their father, from whose violent behavior they saved their mother or saved themselves. And for a woman to maintain such a relationship is already a crime against her own children.

Symptoms

Not all women understand what should be considered humiliation and insults. Some wives are tormented by the dilemma “Is this abnormal or did I imagine it? What if I’m screwing myself up?” In fact, everything is simple: if some of your husband’s actions and words make you feel uncomfortable, then you didn’t think there was a problem. Anything that hurts your pride and self-esteem can be considered humiliation and an insult. It doesn't matter whether other people consider it an insult.

Examples of what constitutes humiliation and insults (possible symptoms):

comparison with other women in a negative way;
abstract comparisons (“Are you stupid or something”);
threats, ridicule, direct insults;
devaluation (“You always…”, “You can’t do anything normally,” etc.);
constant criticism (“you don’t know how to cook”, “you don’t clean the house well”, “you don’t know how to raise children”);
suppression (“I forbid you to communicate with this Dasha”);
ignoring questions, requests, suggestions;
unwillingness to listen and much more.

In general, if it seemed to you that you were disrespected and insulted, then it didn’t seem to you. It remains to understand the reasons for your reaction and the reasons for this attitude towards you.

Psychologist's advice

If a woman is faced with humiliation in the family, psychologists give clear advice
:

It’s stupid to think that your husband will come to his senses overnight - he won’t change.
You should not show affection, care and love in response to humiliating words; you should not expect a positive result from such behavior.
There is also no need to insult in response, it is the wrong tactic.
There is also no need to satisfy your husband’s whims without desire.
It is impossible to re-educate an adult without his own desire.
It is impossible to think that such relationships in a family are the norm, it is not so.

If your husband continues to behave vilely, constantly causing mental pain with his words, it is better to break up with him and find another half. If, for some reason, a woman does not want to do this, she can only come to terms with the role of the victim and not complain that life is not a success.

Is there immunity from rudeness: what is it?

There is no immunity from rudeness
. Boors are just people whose hobby is raising their voices and harsh words. Just give them a reason to make a fuss and they will take advantage of it. But it's better not to give it. Try not to enter into discussions with such people, but if this happens, do not just back down, thereby making it clear that he has won. Don't be like yourself, be better. Is there immunity from rudeness? What it is?

We encounter rudeness face to face literally at every corner: in the elevator, at a bus stop, at work, in a store and even at home.
In some cases, we are witnesses to this manifestation, in others we are the victim, and sometimes (or often?) the instigator himself.
Essentially, it’s like a lottery - you never know how a person will react to one or another of your actions or phrases.
When you do come across this, you have no idea what to do about it or how to react.
Sometimes you want to fall through the ground, or, conversely, attack a person in reverse.

Most people will simply remain silent and complain about their bad upbringing, or the unfair treatment of other people towards them. Therefore, immunity from rudeness does not exist. It is important to learn how to respond to a rude person correctly. Read more about this below.

Man's personality

The next important reason for psychological violence, which is expressed in insults and abuse, may be the personality of the man himself. If a man is a narcissist, then he is simply unable to take responsibility for others, he is deeply selfish and self-centered.

During the period of courtship and conquest of a woman, he managed to hide this side of his nature. Now, feeling that he has achieved everything, he begins to terrorize the woman with his nagging, his statements that everyone owes him.

Or maybe aggression in the family compensates for failures at work. There he restrains himself, not daring to contradict his superiors and colleagues, but at home he gives vent to all the negative things that have accumulated during the day.

It happens that a woman occupies a higher social position than her husband. Here, insults and abuse are manifestations of elementary envy. He seems to show that, although his wife has achieved success in her career, he is the master of the house and can shout and insult.

How to properly respond to the rudeness and rudeness of a colleague at work, a boss, or a manager?

You need to respond correctly to the rudeness and rudeness of a colleague at work, a boss, a manager.
If it’s easy to “send off” a bully on the street, then adequately responding to the rudeness of a colleague or boss is a much more difficult task. In this case, it is important to give a worthy “rebuff” without crossing the line - otherwise you may lose your job. What to do? How to properly respond to the rudeness and rudeness of a colleague at work, a boss, or a manager? Here are the tips:

RUDE COLLEAGUES

This should not be regarded as a shortcoming of the “victim”.
It is worth understanding that a rude colleague is a complex person whose problems force him to behave this way.
This is an unhappy person whose only joy is to ruin someone’s mood.
You should take it calmly, letting 90% of what is said fall on deaf ears.
Naturally, you can make contact and find out what caused this behavior, try to make friends - but only when the rudeness is “one-time”.
Perhaps the person really has problems.
But if a colleague is constantly rude, it is best to simply not give in to provocations and minimize communication with him.
You can give the opposite reaction. The bully always hopes that the victim will “explode” in response. If she is calm, speaks politely and even smiles, the boor will simply have “nothing to cover.” Sometimes the phrases are appropriate: “I understand you perfectly, I myself would be angry in such a situation . After such words, the boor will even want to apologize in most cases.
There is no need for an active dialogue with a rude person - if there is no other option, you should limit yourself to a couple of barbs.

RUDE BOSS

Everything is more complicated here.
Unlike colleagues, any response to the boss’s rudeness can cost you the job.
If your boss's rudeness is common, it is better to refrain from frequent contact with him.
Don't pay attention to minor niggles.
You should respond affirmatively to instructions: “Yes, I understand, it will be done,” “This minute,” “Here is my report, I have redone everything as you asked,” “Yes, of course, I will do it,” etc.
Alas, you will have to sacrifice a little of your character and pride and completely adapt to the rules of your boss.

Does he want to see the ideal employee? You should become one. You shouldn't get upset and show disrespect. But you also shouldn’t fawn. In the end, the boss is not a girlfriend or a friend, he is just a person who wants to see the work done to the highest possible quality. Accordingly, it is worth giving it to him. The best way to gain understanding with your boss is to silently deliver excellent results. There will be much less rudeness.

How to properly respond to the rudeness and rudeness of a child or teenager to parents - son or daughter?

It is important to respond correctly to the rudeness and rudeness of a child or teenager to parents.
Adolescence is a time of open (albeit absurd) protest. A mature child seriously believes that he is an adult who can make his own decisions and enter into “equal” discussions with his parents. This is why many fathers and mothers are stupefied when a teenager begins to dictate his rights and resort to rudeness and rudeness. How to get out of the situation? How to properly respond to the rudeness and rudeness of a child or teenager to parents - son or daughter? Here are some tips:

DON'T BE PROVOCED

For a teenager, rudeness is a way of psychological pressure.
He tries to “push” the parent’s personal boundaries in order to achieve his own.
Practice works - most adults are horrified when a previously friendly and calm child says terrible things with a defiant look.
Some are overcome by anger, while others are about to start crying.
In fact, calm is your best friend in the fight against teenage aggression and rudeness.
When a child sees that no one is afraid of his antics, he will “slow down.”

AVOID SCANDALS

By reacting to a teenager’s rudeness with shouts, parents only “add fuel to the fire.”
You should resort to another strategy: “If you want to talk and discuss something, then let’s do it calmly.”
But if the child is “seething”, you need to give him time to come to his senses. After all, an adult is a wise person. Which (unlike a child) should be able to cope with their emotions.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING Personally

The phrases “you are a bad mother, I hate you”, “you are not my parents, I will leave you” - hurt the hearts of many parents of teenagers.
But, in fact, you should not think that the child really thinks so. An hour or two will pass, and the child will think differently.
Teenagers are maximalists, often exaggerating reality.
Therefore, this “hatred” is a kind of “attack” that quickly passes as soon as the explosion of emotions in the offspring’s soul fades away.
This is why you should not panic. It is better to continue the conversation when the child calms down somewhat.

STOP READING NOTATIONS

Despite the fact that no one has canceled discipline, it will not be possible to instantly “extinguish” a teenager’s ardor.
It is better to be for him not a supervisor, but an older friend.
This approach minimizes conflicts by more than 50% .
If the parent immediately attacks the offspring with moralizing, then the teenager will begin to “defend” with redoubled force.
The best way to establish contact with a boorish teenager is to remember yourself at his age, try to understand the reason for the “rebellion” and jointly find a compromise.

DON'T LET YOU SIT ON YOUR HEAD

For a teenager, rudeness is a way to throw out negative emotions.
However, you should not “give up” and indulge the slightest whims.

Despite the fact that you need to be a friend with your child, it is important to give him an understanding that the opinion of an adult is still more authoritative.