The problem of sexual orientation is quite acute in modern society. Same-sex love in any form, both relationships between a man and a man, and the love of a woman for a woman, is associated by most people with something unnatural, negative and unacceptable. Previously, it was believed that the manifestation of feelings and passion between two representatives of the fair sex was a direct referral to a clinic for the mentally ill. Is it that scary? Why do some ladies prefer their own kind to the stronger sex? What provokes the development of such relationships and what does love between women lead to? Modern psychology provides answers to these questions.
Behavioral characteristics of women
According to numerous studies, females are more sensitive and emotional than males. Nature itself has endowed women with the ability to love and experience strong feelings towards men, create a family and give birth to children. However, under the influence of numerous life factors, the psyche and innate behavioral characteristics of the fair half of humanity undergo serious changes. Modern life sometimes forces women to take on some of the responsibilities of men, perform hard physical work and play roles in society that are not typical for them. All this provokes changes in the character and personal qualities of representatives of the fairer sex.
Aspects of maintaining female friendship
The element of competition that underlies the psychological relationship between women and women can be replaced by the principle of unification. To maintain friendship, you should:
- Respect personal space. The basis of a normal relationship is maintaining a balance between friendship, personal life, and your own comfort. When a girl has a boyfriend, communication with her friends is significantly reduced. To prevent it from ending completely, it is necessary to allocate personal time and meet with friends separately. You cannot allow your social circle to become limited to your beloved man; this harms friendship and women by limiting it.
- Don't abuse your attitude. Often the reason for the breakdown of friendships is the “energy vampirism” of a friend. The woman constantly complains, demands help, sympathy, but is incapable of responding. Women who notice such tendencies in themselves should reconsider their attitude towards others, since it is impossible to truly be friends with a “vampire”. She is ignored or avoided.
- Don't trust gossip. Female friendship can arise through gossip: women who like to discuss other people's personal lives often unite. But these friendships are not real, without trust, respect, and mutual assistance. It is easy to quarrel over gossip - gullible, suspicious individuals tend to trust rumors. Therefore, the best way to avoid the influence of gossipers is not to take their word for it.
To win a woman’s affection, it is important to adhere to the principles of trust and mutual respect. Friendship occurs when both people invest energy, time, and emotional affection into it.
Causes
Same-sex relationships among beautiful ladies can develop on their own, regardless of the person’s age and previous sexual orientation. There are cases when, before meeting a new partner, a girl had a fairly strong love relationship with a man, but after that she preferred love between women.
In addition to the most inexplicable emergence of passion for a person of the same sex, the construction of such relationships can be provoked by social factors, upbringing, environment, LGBT propaganda, as well as negative experiences with a member of the opposite sex.
The main signs of love between women
Open love between women has not surprised anyone for a long time, and it is quite easy to notice a tendency towards same-sex relationships:
- the desire to be close, spend free time together, exchange impressions;
- isolation of interests, the emergence of common projects and “family stories” unknown to others, when a special autonomous aura is formed around a female couple;
- a feeling of attachment, “belonging”, when you want to control and check another woman so that she “belongs” only to her friend;
- performing joint social functions - living in the same area, common household equipment, common purchases and expenses.
Of course, the main sign of love between women and the beginning of a close relationship is entry into the intimate sphere of communication, which seems especially intriguing to everyone.
For some reason, since ancient times, love between women, naked female bodies merging in passionate embraces, have been considered the standard of beauty and natural harmony. While male couples were mercilessly persecuted at all times before the onset of liberal-minded social trends of the 20th century.
The notorious poetess Sappho (7th century BC) from the island of Lesbos, who glorified lesbian relationships, had repeated contacts with men and promoted the idea of universal intimacy and “promiscuity” as an extreme form of natural freedom. It’s just that men had to fight a lot and often, what should lonely, melancholy young ladies do if not console each other with poems and caresses.
Gradually, the concept of “lesbian,” which means love between girls, is becoming outdated, since it presupposes a clear self-identification of same-sex commitment at the level of consciousness and behavior. It is absolutely not necessary to behave in a special way or emphasize your non-standard orientation.
Many female couples manage to maintain lesbian relationships for years without going into details and without asking the opinions of others, following the principle: “Happiness loves silence.” Moreover, many, in parallel with this, have an ordinary family with a husband or self-identify as one of the many genders.
We recommend reading: Kiss with tongue: Rules for the most passionate kiss.
Trying to discover something new
Most people are driven to various experiments in their sexual life by curiosity. For example, some use escort services (phone sex, ordering “priestesses of love”) or resort to communicating with representatives of a different race. So what is the difference between the relationships between women, the love that arises between them? All this is the same experiment, a unique way to diversify personal life, which uncomplicated, free-thinking individuals decide to undertake, while being fully aware of their actions and deeds. Some representatives of the fair sex try in this way to feel what exactly a man experiences when touching a woman, caring for her and enjoying intimacy with her.
Pros and cons of such relationships
psychological compatibility, atmosphere of intimacy and trust, intuitive mutual understanding;
a conflict-free way of resolving problems, the ability to understand each other and come to an agreement without hysterics and disagreements;
full intimacy with a “guaranteed” orgasm, it is women who are able to understand the best way to influence the body to obtain pleasure.
inability to have common offspring;
misunderstanding of others;
housing and material problems;
impossibility of recording relations in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation and obtaining a legally valid status.
Myths about lesbians
We recommend: What is real femininity and how to develop it.
Propaganda
What has been broadcast recently on TV, as well as in various online communities, is nothing more than indirect propaganda of lesbian relationships. Show business celebrities openly demonstrate their sexual orientation, showing how fashionable and modern it is, and in some countries rallies of LGBT activists are held.
Provocations of this kind have no effect on the seasoned minds of mature, established individuals. Mostly young girls and teenagers with fragile psyches fall under the influence of propaganda. Then a woman’s love for another woman develops under the influence of external suggestion, and it is dominated to a greater extent by playing for the public. Freshman and high school girls are often not aware of their actions; this kind of relationship ends at a more mature age - before the age of 20.
Are all women bisexual?3
As scientists' observations show, female nature is initially bisexual. English psychologists confirmed this theory by conducting an experiment on women, during which they were shown an erotic video featuring different sexes. When comparing the survey results and arousal indicators (physiological and psychological indicators), discrepancies were identified.
The majority of women, 72%, became aroused by the sight of naked bodies of both sexes, while the sight of an exclusively male naked body aroused only 28%. However, no more than 20–30% of the women surveyed consider themselves bisexual girls.
Alcohol
There are many anecdotes and comical stories about how a man and a woman, having too much alcohol, end up in the same bed the next morning. Who said this couldn't happen between two ladies? For example, women met to share personal problems, sat in a bar, drank heavily and “blowed off” a couple of obsessive, sleazy gentlemen. Then they smoothly moved to the apartment of one of their friends and went to sleep on the same bed. This was followed by innocent hugs, then kisses and so on. In the morning, both ladies will be confused and feel a sense of shame, since this has never happened to them before. The love of 2 women at this stage will most likely end, and both partners will never cross paths again. Less often, such relationships develop into something more. Researchers have proven that this situation occurs mainly with women who have recently met, and rarely with old close friends.
How to open up to society6
There is only one life, and you need to live it in such a way that you feel comfortable. Therefore, if a girl has clearly defined her sexual orientation, you can tell this secret to those closest to you. How to do it? After all, most of your loved ones may not accept such a choice.
First, practice your speech in front of a mirror. It'll be hard. You need to understand that such recognition will remove a heavy burden from you and, perhaps, your relationship with your family will improve as a result.
The decision to confess should come only from you. Only you can decide who to initiate into this secret and who not. There is a circle of people who do not have to open their souls. For example, work colleagues - they don’t have to tell them that you live with a girl.
If, after you have rehearsed your speech, the feeling of fear and doubt has not yet left you, try to first prepare your loved ones for such news. For example, you can talk to your parents, so to speak, from afar. Say that you saw a program about same-sex marriage and ask the other person’s opinion. If you hear categorical condemnation of such a relationship, it is advisable to delay confession.
Another option for recognition is to write a letter. Put your thoughts on paper. This will make it easier for people close to you to accept the fact that you are different from them. You can ask the person to read the letter in privacy or in your presence. You may find it easier to start a conversation if you write the most important things first.
You need to understand that it is easier for society to accept love between girls than between boys. This especially applies to parents. A mother will always love her child no matter what. The father most likely will not take this information seriously. The main thing for your parents is that their daughter can give them grandchildren. And a girl who is in a relationship with a girl can easily afford it. Modern medicine does not stand still; a woman can be fertilized without the actual presence of a man, with the help of a donor. Therefore, you can fulfill your women's mission.
It is advisable to start such a difficult conversation with words of love. Tell your parents that you love them and don't want to deceive them. Believe me, parents, we live in a modern society, so your parents may well surprise you with their answer.
Situations in which loved ones refuse to accept the fact of homosexuality occur quite often. The main thing is to remain calm. For your interlocutor, your confession is a kind of informational shock. You did everything that depended on you. The most correct decision would be to wait time. If your loved one lost his temper, yelled at you, or refused to communicate with you further, give him time to realize the significance of what is happening.
Man's Desire
Passion, a woman's love for a woman, can be caused by the desire of the husband/regular male sexual partner to try a threesome. It has been proven that some men are especially turned on by lesbian play, and many of them would like to make such fantasies a reality. It is worth noting that women easily agree to such experiments, without resisting such strange dreams. They are motivated mainly by the fear of losing their lover, jealousy, curiosity and the desire to satisfy their partner. However, such a one-time relationship can develop into a new relationship, where the man becomes the third wheel.
What is friendship between a man and a man?
Numerous books and films tirelessly glorify the inviolability of male friendship. This is because male friendship is based on concepts such as honor and devotion, which are instilled in boys from childhood. It is based on certain rules that act as laws and exclude rivalry between men who are in friendly relations. If one violates these rules, then he devalues himself not only as a friend, but also, in a sense, as a man.
In addition to these rules, male friendship seems stronger than female friendship due to the very psychological and gender differences of these sexes. Men are less emotional and not prone to conflict, which helps maintain their relationships in a state of stability.
Dissatisfaction
The lack of sex life, as well as dissatisfaction with it, can provoke same-sex love: 2 women will be united by the desire to receive as many positive emotions as possible from intercourse. Recently, many different articles have appeared that say that ladies know better what they themselves need, therefore the love of a woman for a woman can only bring positivity and a positive energy charge. Of course, after reading information of this kind, a girl, dissatisfied with heterosexual relationships and disappointed in love, will risk trying the forbidden fruit. Often this ends in a long-term union or a bad experience.
Dissatisfaction can be provoked by male egoism, the desire to please himself more than his partner. Therefore, the female subconscious erects a kind of wall in front of relationships with representatives of the stronger sex, which forces the individual to radically change his sexual orientation.
Heydar - what is it?
Of course, lesbians fall in love with heterosexual women, but the former also have some amazing ability to find representatives of non-traditional sexual orientation in their environment. Gaydar (from the English gaydar) is a term combining the two words “gay” and “radar”, which is used to refer to the ability of a gay person to identify and attract similar people.
Thus, in a 2014 study conducted by Northeastern University, 67 heterosexual women and 43 lesbians were given the following task: to determine which of the nine women represented were representatives of traditional and non-traditional sexual orientations. As a result, lesbians performed better than heterosexual women in identifying other lesbians, which is of great importance in terms of partner identification.
About love between women: psychological trauma
This factor includes both emotional and physical violence, as well as misunderstanding on the part of a person’s environment, child and teenage cruelty. Family is the main social factor influencing personal development. A negative attitude towards a girl in childhood, abuse from the father, his betrayal or sexual violence - all this in the future affects the preferences of an adult in terms of sexual orientation.
A woman’s love for a woman can develop not only thanks to “ghosts” from childhood and psychological trauma received during this period. The first negative sexual experience with a man, ridicule and bullying from peers of the opposite sex leave an unfillable hole in a woman’s psyche. For her, communication with a man becomes painful, and intimacy becomes something unnatural and unpleasant. In connection with this, a woman begins to seek solace in a relationship with a representative of the same sex.
Psychologists believe that the love of two women, based on psychological trauma and fears received at any stage of human development, does not bring positive emotions; it is a psychological problem that requires correction, and in some cases, treatment.
Dependence of relationships on character traits and behavior
Character begins to develop in childhood. Its formation is influenced by internal factors and the external social environment. Most girls brought up in similar conditions exhibit the same character traits. Despite the rapid change in ideas about the standards of gender roles, in global culture the role of women is passive. It is assumed that the girl’s main interest is finding a suitable spouse to provide for the family. The wife's job is to support the household.
Until the mid-20th century, the emergence of relationships between married ladies from different walks of life arose according to a similar principle. Having the same ideas about life, the key characteristics of the woman’s character were united on the basis of interests. Girls who exhibited personality traits atypical for the social stratum risked remaining isolated. To maintain normal relationships, girls had to comply with cultural norms accepted in society. Nowadays, the strict boundaries of social norms have expanded significantly, but most people prefer to communicate with people who have similar views. Therefore, the emergence of close relationships between girls who hold different views is unlikely.
Woman with girl: love and sex. Attitude of men
Most representatives of the stronger half of humanity have a positive attitude towards the love and intimacy of two women. This is associated with erotic fantasies, where girls participate in sexual games, and the man is a direct observer and sometimes a participant in intercourse.
Some believe that individuals with similar sexual preferences are excellent friends and companions for men. However, in reality, everything can be different: in addition to being gay, women can be ardent fans of feminism and, as a result, haters of males.
The love of beautiful women for each other can be perceived negatively. Among men who do not accept any manifestation of homosexuality, including female homosexuality, it is generally accepted that a person should follow his original purpose - creating a family and procreation, and any discrepancy with natural attitudes and instincts is a manifestation of mental abnormalities. Similar opinions are also found among heterosexual women, but the weaker sex is more inclined to sympathize and pity people with a different sexual orientation.
More than friendship...
It is important to distinguish love from simple sympathy. And having decided on a relationship, you should take into account its possible pros and cons.
How to distinguish passion from true feeling
Passion prevails at the first stage of rapprochement. This is a period of intense love, when a person idealizes a partner and does not notice vices. The companions still don’t know each other well. Sexual desire comes to the fore. It is strong sexual experiences that are called passion.
Love is deep affection. A loving person perceives his partner more consciously: he loves his strengths and accepts his weaknesses. This closeness arises due to the partners having common interests and the same values. Long lasting relationships are built when there is a balance of passion and true love.
To distinguish between deep feeling and passion, you need to ask yourself a series of questions . Psychologists recommend that every person in love ask themselves:
- does he become better next to his partner (true love motivates to develop, and the other half should support; passion is associated with a restriction of freedom, so it brings destruction);
- who is considered the main one in a couple (in true love people are equal, they give and receive a lot unselfishly; if only one partner enjoys attention and gifts, this is not love);
- what he likes about his chosen one (passion admires appearance, and love admires personality);
- whether he remains himself next to his soul mate (in true love, masks are unacceptable; lovers reveal their secrets to each other);
- is he ready to live life next to his beloved (passion is a temporary attraction; love is a more permanent feeling, on the basis of which many manage to create a strong, long-lasting union);
- whether, after the passion has cooled, the need for kisses remains (many couples, by inertia, have sex without kissing at all; if the feelings remain, the desire to kiss will not disappear).
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Possible difficulties
It is important to consider the disadvantages of such a connection. For example:
- bullying in society;
- lack of opportunity to officially marry (lovers can cohabit, but lose legal privileges: financial assistance, the opportunity to adopt a child);
- procreation (such a couple cannot give birth to a common baby, and two girls do not have the right to adopt a child in their homeland).
Undoubted advantages
You can name the advantages of such a union. For example:
- high-quality intimate life (women better understand each other’s needs, therefore in same-sex unions sex is considered to be of higher quality);
- trust (girls are more likely to remain faithful and try to build strong monogamous relationships);
- common interests (it’s easier for a lady to find a person with similar tastes among representatives of her sex; while women’s and men’s hobbies are less likely to coincide);
- support (girls are able to support, sympathize, and give wise advice; guys are less likely to show compassion);
- understanding (a woman understands other women well, because the psychology of the female sex is one; many conflicts in opposite-sex couples are associated with differences in their psychology).
When the feelings are not mutual
If you can’t accept rejection, you can make friends and stay close. Through friendship, you need to demonstrate to your chosen one the advantages of same-sex relationships (comfort, harmony, common interests, reliability, support, trust). If a girl is heterosexual, she will be attracted to stereotypical masculine qualities in another girl (strength, courage, confidence, restraint, independence). The chosen one must make sure that her friend is internally more courageous than many men.
You shouldn’t be intrusive and beg the girl for leniency. This will turn her off. It’s better not to show emotions, but to become that “protector” and “reliable shoulder.” This will not interfere with friendship, and the girl she loves may one day look at her friend with different eyes. You can sometimes unobtrusively hint at feelings (beautiful deeds, touching touches and glances).
It’s worth checking how a girl feels about touching and hugging. If she doesn’t push you away and answers with pleasure, you can allow yourself these interactions. Girls often become attached to other people through touch. They become attached to human warmth and care. But all this can take a lot of time. If the feelings are unbearable, and the refusal causes severe pain, it is better to break off contacts, get over the illness and move on with your life. In most cases, time heals a broken heart.
Religion
Almost all official world religions consider homosexuality a sin. Despite the loyalty of modern society in Western countries towards LGBT people, most Christian and Catholic churches, as well as Islam, do not accept individuals who openly declare their sexual preferences in favor of people of the same sex. Religious foundations say that such phenomena are a fall from grace, since God originally intended marriage, the union of the loving hearts of a man and a woman, which gives rise to new life.
However, recently in some Catholic churches and communities there has been a tendency to accept homosexuality as such and openly support sexual minorities.
Doubts
So why did the opinion arise that such a wonderful phenomenon as friendship between a woman and a woman does not exist?
The reason for this, again, is the peculiarities of the psychotype of the fair sex. An overly emotional nature often leads to unjustified quarrels, which are difficult to resolve or lead to a complete cessation of communication.
Also, many girls are prone to cunning and intrigue. It’s not for nothing that the female work collective is called “snake” behind its back. And this does not mean that everyone without exception is like that. Just some social and, possibly, sexual dissatisfaction entails such base manifestations as envy, a tendency to intrigue and scandals.
That’s why it’s so important, when joining a new women’s team, to keep your distance at first and not trust sensitive secrets.
Also, friendship between a woman and a woman may suffer due to the fact that friends liked one young man. Women are not inclined to give in to a potential partner; this is inherent in the level of primitive instincts. Only truly strong friendship can withstand such a test.
What does a relationship look like between two women?
There is an opinion that in same-sex family life, both partners behave like ordinary housewives: they cook, clean, do laundry, spend joint evenings watching melodramas and romantic films, while empathizing with the heroes of the films.
This is far from true. In each of the homosexual couples, relationships are built according to the same principle as in heterosexual couples. One of the women takes a stronger, masculine position, and the other, accordingly, a feminine one. For example, a partner with an expressed desire to protect, protect and provide for the family will work and play the role of a husband. The second will perform basic female duties: cooking, keeping the house clean.
What does the concept include?
In a scientific interpretation, friendship is a type of relationship that does not depend on gender and years lived, based on trust. Community of interests is fundamental. Depending on the duration, a friendship can be short, long, situational.
In simple terms, this is a relationship with a person who is ready to help always and under any circumstances, listen to problems and give objective, sincere advice. A girlfriend is not necessarily the one who is near you most of the day, but, for example, a friend who knows how to listen and understand your problems during rare meetings. If you can easily start a conversation about new things or shoes, new movies or sports news, complain about your husband or children, this is definitely a real girlfriend.
Psychologists' opinion
It is believed that if a person is comfortable in a relationship with a person of the same sex as him, then this does not require any treatment or specialist attention. However, if a person experiences a certain discomfort, does not fail to constantly publicly declare his involvement in a particular sexual minority, and also openly demonstrates his relationships in the presence of minors - these are signs of mental disorders.
It is worth noting that female homosexuality itself is not considered a disease in modern psychology and psychiatry. In most cases, a woman’s attraction to a woman is caused by a defensive reaction to painful relationships with men, dissatisfaction with sex life, and violence. But it also happens that a woman simply meets a person of the same sex, falls in love with him for reasons inexplicable and incomprehensible to her, and creates a couple with him.
Daughters - mothers
Often these are very complex relationships, the closest and dearest people sometimes seem to speak different languages or even from opposite worlds. In a mother-daughter union, psychologists identify several models of relationships:
- girlfriends; the mother sees in her daughter, first of all, an independent person, respects her individuality, and, as an older friend, unobtrusively strives to help if any problems arise; In this case, the daughter finds in her mother an object worthy of imitation and wants to be like her;
- rivals; There is an elderly woman and nearby a blooming youth, the first, realizing the decline, directs her irritation against her daughter. Headship can belong to both mother and daughter. The tension in such a relationship is destructive and does not bode well until the eldest woman shows wisdom and proves by deed that she is not an enemy to her child.
- Cold War; Here the selfishness of the daughter, who does not even accept the very possibility of her mother having her own personal life, collides with the mother’s sacrifice, who devotes herself entirely only to the family. As a rule, this situation is typical in single-parent families.
Relationship with a married man
How did relationships between women develop evolutionarily? 4
Women's cunning, such as gossip, slander and slander, is easily explained from the point of view of evolution. Such psychological techniques are called “indirect aggression.” Despite the fact that these “tricks” can be used by both sexes, women do this with special skill and much more often than men. This is how they win their place in the sun in order to get rid of competitors and get the desired male, as well as avoid punishment.
Women, unlike men, do not like bloody showdowns, so they strive to find solutions that will eliminate their rivals without physical violence.
Since the creation of the world, women have been the bearers of life; they could not risk their own bodies by solving problems with their fists. To do this they used all sorts of means of persuasion.
Ancient people lived in camps and knew how to survive only together. Women were very dependent on each other both in everyday life and in raising children. The search for compromises made it easier for them to coexist in the community, but did not at all prevent them from waging a quiet “mouse” war. The more a woman felt her position was in danger, the more she sought to discredit her rivals.
The psychology of relationships between women is such that their descendants, feeling, for example, a lack of their own sexuality, try to suppress the attractiveness of other females. At the same time, they are quite loyal to those who do not pose a threat to them.
