Unrequited love happens in the life of almost every person, putting him before a difficult choice. What to do if this happens to you? Is it possible to avoid suffering or quickly get rid of it? How do psychologists advise dealing with unrequited love? Is there any point in fighting and are we able to take control of it? The answers are in the article below.
What is love without reciprocation?
You can’t order your heart, as they say. The object of love does not always reciprocate, and we are forced to experience deep feelings, only in our dreams counting on joint happiness.
To put it in a dry term, unrequited love is a feeling of deep emotional attachment to a person that does not evoke any return from him. A person who has fallen in love often notices the following symptoms:
- Mental pain that intensifies when meeting the object of passion.
- Nervous state, insomnia.
- Deterioration in appearance: weight loss, bruises under the eyes.
- Problems at work and school: loss of concentration, lack of motivation, absenteeism.
- Psychological disorders: panic attacks, depression.
- Quarrels with close relatives and friends.
- Reluctance to meet and communicate with other members of the opposite sex.
As a result, many of these symptoms can lead to a significant deterioration in the quality of life of the person in love. There are determined and positive people who pull themselves together and continue to live, no matter what. But more emotional lovers, who are predisposed to nervous disorders, really suffer, receiving real mental trauma from unrequited feelings.
What is unrequited love? This is an almost uncontrollable craving for a person, regular dreams with his participation and a desire to be close to him. When a desire cannot be realized, it becomes a mania, as well as the cause of pseudo-heroic actions, various stupidities and sometimes even suicide. That's why you need to know how to get rid of the feeling of unrequited love if you feel that the experience has gone on for too long.
Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem 4
Perhaps deep inside a person does not believe that he is worthy of love. This may be an attitude that was instilled in childhood, or the result of a previously destructive relationship. Due to low self-esteem, a person is often attracted to precisely those people from whom he will never expect reciprocal feelings.
But because he believes he doesn't deserve their love, it's disappointing and disheartening, but not the least bit surprising. The person feels trapped in a cycle of ongoing relationships that resemble unfulfilled relationships with parents or other important people in his life.
Reasons for such love
If your feelings are rejected, then you can’t help but want to ask: “Why is everything going well for others, but I failed?” There is nothing surprising in the fact that this happened to you once. Almost all people go through unrequited love and don’t know how to forget this heartache. But sooner or later the feelings fade away, and the person finds his soul mate.
If non-reciprocal sympathy has become a pattern for you, then it’s time to look within yourself for the reasons. What can serve as an impetus for the regular appearance of unanswered love:
- Fear of relationships. It is possible that as a child you witnessed constant quarrels between mom and dad, or you were taught that marriage is hard work, where you have to constantly give in and not have the right to vote. In such cases, the child is given the following message from childhood: relationships are bad and should be avoided in every possible way. But you can’t fool nature, instincts take over, and you fall in love. Just choose objects that will definitely not reciprocate your feelings. Different social status, level of intelligence, polar differences in interests - does this distinguish your chosen one? If the answer is yes, go to a psychologist: he will destroy your childhood attitudes and help you find a suitable match.
- Victim syndrome. You enjoy it when someone is supportive and sympathizes with your problems. Human pity is like a drug for you. Few people can admit this, but victim syndrome very often becomes a stumbling block when finding a normal partner. You fall in love with people who are not free or unattainable for other reasons and suffer by complaining to others. Receiving the next dose of understanding, you drink this glass of unrequited love to the end. When they stop feeling sorry for you and start advising you to start life from scratch, you change your goal to a new unrequited love. Now your environment has another reason to support you.
- Lack of self-development. If you do not take care of yourself both physically and spiritually, it is unlikely that you will receive reciprocity from the opposite sex. Instead of thinking about how to get over unrequited love, think about your life. How is your day filled? Do you devote time to useful activities? Take care of your face and body, read books, watch quality films and before you know it, you will become a self-sufficient, interesting person. Then you will choose among those who want to be with you, and not suffer from unrequited feelings.
- Too much loneliness. If you have been left without a partner for a long time, then it is not surprising that the time has come to fall in love, albeit unrequitedly. A hungry heart chose not the most suitable candidate, and now you are forced to suffer. The thirst for relationships can provoke strong emotions towards any person you meet along the way.
Try to honestly determine the reason for your unrequited love. This will help you stop suffering in vain and step into a new life.
An attempt to conquer
If you are sure that you love a young man very much, but he doesn’t even notice you, then you can try to conquer the guy.
- When near him, act unapproachable and as cold as possible. At the same time, try to constantly be in his field of vision. It may take a young man a lot of time to notice you, but he will definitely turn his attention to you. In addition, during this period of time you can change your attitude towards your chosen one. Then the following turn of events is possible: the guy will cease to be interesting, while he will truly fall in love. In fact, you will switch roles, because in this case we will be talking about a man’s unrequited love.
- Another effective method is to show special interest in the hobbies of your chosen one. If the girl herself is interested in his hobby, then they will have topics for conversation. The young man will feel comfortable being next to her.
What to do if you love unrequitedly: step-by-step instructions
Emotionally, it is difficult to assess the situation objectively. It is much easier to survive the lack of reciprocity if you know a clear plan of action. What to do if your love is unrequited:
- Stop looking for meetings. You shouldn’t torment yourself with aimless contemplation of your loved one. If you know that the relationship will not work out, then it is better to minimize contact.
- Confess your feelings. Not everyone is capable of performing such a decisive action. Maybe you think that love is unrequited? Only a direct question to the object of passion will definitely help you find out.
- Get rid of reminders. If you are convinced that attempts to create a couple with this person are absolutely futile, you need to get rid of any reminders of his presence in your life. Delete all contacts and photos. This way it will be much easier to forget love.
- Pay attention to other attractive members of the opposite sex. The light did not converge like a wedge on just one person. Be prepared to fall in love with someone else, and to do this you just need to look around you more often.
- Relax with cheerful friends. Going to visit a friend or girlfriend with a bottle of wine under your arm is not very helpful in trying to forget your loved one. There you will be even more immersed in the discussion of the pressing problem. If you’re going to communicate with friends, then with a whole group of people, where you won’t have time to absorb all the details of your personal tragedy.
To forget the person you love unrequitedly, just grab yourself and shake yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and overthinking yourself. Life is so short, and you need to live it as happily as possible.
Memories of your very first love make themselves felt2
Some experts say that your very first love lays the foundation for future relationships. If this first love was a parent who was unable to satisfy the emotional and physical needs of his offspring, or was constantly absent and did not take part in his life and upbringing, then already in adulthood, the child will encounter people who are unavailable to him. He may also begin to pursue the object of his adoration.
There was an unsatisfied or distorted need for love in life
Again, everything comes from childhood, from the parental home, where parents did not particularly pamper with the love and affection that every child needs, or did it conditionally on the basis of this or that behavior. As a result, a person, already an adult, may unconsciously try to win this love, trying to find success in such “unavailable” relationships.
Unrequited love how painful it hurts
Love is a feeling known to many. A man in love grows wings out of happiness, he is in the clouds, and his whole life seems rosy to him. But this is only possible if the love is mutual.
What if love is unrequited? A person is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he cannot concentrate on school or work, his will is paralyzed, and he doesn’t want anything else. The only thing he wants is to see the object of his love.
How painful it is when a person loves, but does not receive reciprocal feelings in return. When the object of love is absolutely indifferent to you and, even worse, loves another person for whose sake he is capable of anything.
In life, unrequited love sometimes ends in tears. It can lead to depression and even suicide. One-sided love is especially dangerous in adolescence and young adulthood.
Advice from psychologists
If you feel that you are starting to lose yourself and cannot cope with your unrequited love on your own, then it is better to seek help from specialists. A qualified psychologist will listen to your story (which will already bring relief), select personal therapy and accompany you on the path to recovery from this illness.
Those who strictly follow the advice of professionals and do everything to get out of this situation have a chance to get rid of unrequited love. Only by working through your strengths and weaknesses, raising your self-esteem and adequately assessing your chosen one, regaining your desire for life and desire for development, can you change reality and completely free yourself from the destructive feeling. And become completely open to the future life - in harmony with yourself and the world around you, in future mutual love with a worthy person!
Love from a scientific point of view - a cold look at feelings
People with a pragmatic character will be able to cope most easily with a situation where unrequited love strikes. It will be enough for them to look at all these concepts of “love and dislike” from the point of view of science. And there, by the way, everything is completely simple, explainable and prosaic: “The feeling of love is a unique chain of biochemical reactions that occur in our brain, provoking the activation of certain hormones: endorphin, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin.” Dopamine, which dominates at the first stage of falling in love and the peak of passion, fully explains the feeling of euphoria that is associated with all sensations of love, both mutual and unrequited. Next, those hormones will prevail that will convey the characteristics of your relationship: a quiet and calm life with your loved one will lead to an increase in oxytocin, and scandals and misunderstandings will lead to an increase in cortisol.
