You are furious: your loved one has done something wrong again and... behaves as if nothing had happened! Ah well? And a scandal is about to break out... Wait, it’s not that simple. Let's start with the fact that a man who feels guilty will do everything possible so that you never guess about it! Forcing a man to ask for forgiveness is pointless.
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Do you want to see the sincere repentance of your loved one? Stock up on tact and patience, and also learn to recognize special men’s “apologetic” techniques.
As a rule, it is not the man’s act itself, but precisely his refusal to discuss his “wrongdoing” that leads to serious conflicts. If he admitted that he was wrong, we would immediately forgive him. It is important for us to hear the sacramental “forgive me,” but the words are not spoken, and the resentment becomes even stronger and deeper. We accuse a man of callousness and indifference (“You don’t care about me”) and feel rejected. In addition, as long as there are no apologies, the end to the quarrel has not been set and it is impossible to forget it.
“Cases when a woman cannot let go of long-standing grievances are just from this series. Yes, he was guilty, he knew about it, but did not express remorse, even though you directly told him: “I need you to just ask for forgiveness,” psychologist Svetlana Ievleva explains the situation.
Why is this happening? The answer is simple and complex at the same time.
First, to men, apologies seem like a sign of weakness. By apologizing, a woman seems to get another opportunity to show her best qualities - tolerance, gentleness, generosity, and this, you see, is always pleasant. Men who experience feelings of guilt, as well as compassion or shame, categorically do not like themselves: they often perceive such emotions as a sign of weakness. Well, don’t show it to your beloved woman, after all!
Secondly, men are practically not prone to empathy. Therefore, your loved one often cannot even imagine that you are not just “sulking”, but actually suffering because of his inattention or thoughtless words.
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Read also: 5 female phrases that destroy relationships
And thirdly, men simply do not know how to ask for forgiveness. There is nothing strange about this: they rarely ask for forgiveness, so how can they learn to do it correctly?! What seems completely natural to us women is a huge problem for them. At the same time, men understand perfectly well: it is necessary to send some kind of conciliatory signal. And sometimes they do it in rather strange ways...
Representatives of the stronger sex have a whole arsenal of means to achieve forgiveness without a formal “excuse me”
How to respond to insult?
There are several tips from psychologists who will tell you how to behave correctly if your husband sends “three letters”.
You can't be silent
You cannot tolerate such an attitude towards yourself, otherwise your spouse will constantly insult and humiliate you when they quarrel.
If you pretend that nothing happened, even the most decent man will understand that you can be turned into an urn into which it is convenient to dump your negativity.
Stop rudeness
You should prohibit your spouse from communicating with you in such a tone, that is, nip disrespect in the bud.
If the person does not calm down, you need to go into another room and explain that the conversation will continue only after he calms down.
Don't reciprocate
That is, there is no need to resort to insults and stir up an even bigger scandal.
The main thing is to try to move the conversation in a peaceful direction.
Intimate talk
When the man calms down, it is better to call him for a frank conversation and explain that these words are very offensive.
Also find out the main problem, why he behaved this way and try to solve it together.
Work on yourself
Nobody wants to endure rudeness and disrespect, especially from a loved one.
Don't let your spouse convince you that you are worthless in this life. Therefore, do not forget about yourself: regularly take care of your appearance, improve yourself and achieve victories in your career. Successful women are liked more by men, so they respect them.
Temporary separation
If your chosen one has not drawn any conclusions, you need to teach him a lesson.
You can go to your parents or girlfriend for a week so that the man has time to rethink the situation and understand that you can’t talk to your wife like that.
Specialist help
And the last piece of advice, if your requests, heart-to-heart conversations and temporary relocation do not help, then everything is hopeless.
In such situations, it is better to contact a family psychologist to help improve relationships and smooth out all conflicts between spouses.
“Love without respect does not go far and does not rise high: it is an angel with one wing.” Alexander Dumas son
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