Cheating exists, it's not a myth. Moreover, betrayal can happen to anyone. Like the flu. No matter how much you harden yourself, no matter how much you take vitamins, there is always a risk. There are also a lot of reasons for cheating. You will learn about them from other articles on this site (links are at the end of the article).
When cheating happens in a couple, life is divided into “before” and “after”. After betrayal, everything is different. But that’s not about that now. Today we will touch on the stage “before” betrayal. How does it start? What factors influence a man's decision to cheat? Does this moment even exist - the moment of deciding to betray?
Of course, not everyone changes.
The wife deprives her husband of a sense of fulfillment and self-sufficiency
In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.
At the beginning of a family relationship, the husband’s inner emptiness is covered by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.
For him, a wife is a woman who will always be with him.
Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.
In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of what you then begin to look for in other people:
- A wife may begin to deprive her husband of a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence during frequent scandals, domestic problems or misunderstandings. This happens when spouses have been together for a very long time.
- Time passes, the wife no longer gives the love that she gave before. And the husband looks for her in the arms of his mistress.
- The wife no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony , the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.
If all this exactly happens in your relationship, then that is why a married man will have a mistress.
This is a problem not only for the wife, but also for the husband. He had to increase his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient on his own, without relying on external factors.
Love helps us accept our partner's shortcomings
It is worth noting separately that the vision of love, its sensation, the period of falling in love, and the experience of difficulties in relationships are radically different for women and men. Women are emotional, sensual creatures, and with this they decorate the logical and simple world of men, giving bright shades to the black and white background. It’s difficult for us to be together, but without each other we also wouldn’t be able to live fully.
Love is a feeling that unites a man and a woman, contributing to changes in the natures of partners. In this article I want to talk about exactly this - about our differences in love, without knowing which even the strongest and most powerful feeling can disappear irrevocably.
He found a lover who is just cool to be with
With his wife, the husband often does not feel cool. With my wife it’s a family, it’s love, an idyll and children.
And there is another girl who is cool!
Let's explore in more detail the question of why men have mistresses and the psychology of their thinking, why they secretly spend time with them:
- The mistress helps her husband mentally escape from family and everyday problems.
- He has a mistress with whom he wants intimacy and who turns him on very much.
- He gets himself a girl who delights him.
- A mistress gives those new emotions and sensations that a wife does not give.
- He can talk about things with this new woman that he can never talk to with his wife.
Way of self-affirmation
There are men who vitally need feats in love affairs. New women they will conquer.
As a rule, after conquest they cool down and begin to look for a new object of attention.
This is the predominance of a certain type of human character, with whom it is important for a man to constantly be in a state of flirtation, conquest and not go further.
Such men do not know what to do next with a woman. How to live with her in marriage and what format of relationship to have.
They can start a family, but the desire to conquer other women will remain with them.
At the same time, betrayal can only stop at flirting, at being infatuated with others, I will say, more on a platonic level, but it can also move to the physical level.
The husband is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship
On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:
- Your spouse cannot immediately suppress his instincts , if previously he gave them complete freedom. He can't stop looking at other women anymore.
- No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
- If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover , then it will be difficult for him to suppress this in himself.
- The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires , but he cannot do this openly and cheats.
Therefore, he secretly makes cool mistresses, with whom it is cool and with whom he can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems that arise from it.
Attitudes towards betrayal vary
Couples who have reached a certain level of development of their relationships and feelings in order to tie the knot, start living together, and produce offspring, gradually get used to each other. Love is still present in the relationship, but it is no longer passionate and bright, as at the time of falling in love. It becomes something familiar, ordinary. Partners devote less and less time to pleasant little things, signs of attention, and foreplay during sex. Courtship is no longer dizzying and taken for granted, negative traits are smoothed out and covered by positive ones.
The spouse does not try to look attractive and beautiful at home, allowing her to spend the weekend in an elongated T-shirt and with unwashed hair, and the husband does not rack his brains over how to arrange a surprise for his beloved’s birthday or relationship anniversary - after all, you can simply present a classic bouquet of flowers and a box sweets Sex no longer brings as much pleasure as before, and is more out of habit than for joy and physical expression of one’s passionate feelings.
The habit and everyday life of relationships often pushes men to look for something new and bright. They want to feel like hunters again.
Each person is individual in his own way, each has his own character traits. Some men can afford to occasionally cheat on their spouse, without making this fact public and imagining it as a small adventure. Others will blame themselves for not being able to control their carnal desires and live their lives thinking about their weakness.
One man, if there is a possibility of betrayal, will restrain himself, will not allow his beloved to cheat, and in the future he may blame himself for weakness in the face of the opportunity to have fun, and will often remember the missed opportunity. Another, without remorse, is able to forget about the vows and promises that he once made to his wife before the altar, fall in love with another woman and leave his family to start all over again.
Even the strongest and most ardent feelings have no guarantee of fidelity in the future.
Women, thanks to their innate intuition, sense a change in the emotional background in the family and the likelihood of their partner’s betrayal. It often happens that wives simply throw out their jealousy on their husbands, without thinking about the real fact of betrayal, about the reasons for the change in the man’s attitude towards her.
She gives all her time to the child
If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.
How does a baby affect your sex life?:
- These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
- This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
- A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
- Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.
Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.
The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.
In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.
Fashion for polygamy
In some circles, infidelity is a trend, an indicator of solidity and prestige to have both a wife and a mistress.
One client told me: “I don’t have the strength for both of them, my wife and I feel good, but the status obliges me.” Between their partners and friends, such men feel insecure without their mistresses.
For them, this is an indicator of wealth - to provide for their family and mistresses. When we choose men of a certain circle as companions, we need to understand that behind their achievements there may be, among other things, complexes.
They “dictated” to follow certain rules. Mistress is one of the rules. So they follow.
Everything is bad in bed, dissatisfaction
Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.
Your marital games in bed may not satisfy your partner.
Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons::
- The wife is very young and not so experienced .
- Some girls are very uptight and do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
- Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
- Not all wives want to accept their men's fantasies . A man by nature loves to make his extreme fantasies come true. Some people completely refuse to experiment.
If a man has tried this and that, but it doesn’t change or add variety in bed, out of desperation he may find himself a mistress.
Or even just find a walking girl for one night.
After all, if a wife is very bad in bed , a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.
The husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just blow his mind in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.
About a different smell
Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman . Even if her husband took a shower or put on perfume, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, but the woman digs into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”
And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control and he is in control of the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.
Why does a man cheat?
Why do men cheat on their wives after many years of marriage? Any betrayal has a reason and very often both spouses are to blame.
Treason is a violation of fidelity in love or marriage.
Source Wikipedia
Over many years of married life, passion disappears from relationships, and the relationships themselves often become monotonous. People live together as if by inertia, and life is an endless sequence - home-work-home.
Sometimes a man is not satisfied with intimate relationships when his wife denies him intimacy or does not satisfy him in bed. The reason for this may be a woman’s chronic fatigue - if she has to go to work, take care of children, wash, cook, and she simply does not have the strength for sex. And if a man lacks physical intimacy, he may well cheat on his wife.
Because of the perception “You can change as long as no one finds out”
Because of television and the mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to cheat is implanted in the brain of a young man from birth.
Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and a common occurrence, as if in the order of things.
In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you are cheating on me, do it so that I don’t find out .”
They actually voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.
Of course, later the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes to light.
Middle age crisis
“Have I tried everything in life?” is the main worrying question for forty-year-olds. During middle age, many are troubled by a feeling of dissatisfaction with their marital past. The desire to make up for lost time arises if the breadwinner of the family completely devoted himself to his career, business, or science. Former well-deserved successes, a loving wife, and children fade into the background. Understanding that old age is approaching pushes us to take previously unusual actions.
It is important for a person to feel admiration, approval, support, love. If a wife forgets to please her husband with affectionate words, he cheats with his young passion. The enthusiastic look of a young girl inspires new achievements and stimulates development. This is why a married man decides to commit adultery at the age of 40.
To create jealousy or for revenge
Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.
That is, even because of a simple feeling of envy or a feeling of inferiority, the husband wants to make his wife jealous.
Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.
Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.
For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.
Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.
He remembers all this and is looking for a mistress so that now they will be jealous of him .
Call of nature
Some representatives of the stronger sex justify themselves by the call of instinct. Fertilization of the greatest number of females is an immutable law of nature.
However, people are not animals. Having a permanent partner, it is possible to resist base passions.
A mature, conscientious person has a developed sense of duty to his wife. Many people find it difficult to take responsibility for their own actions. Mostly immature individuals are capable of justifying betrayal solely as a biological need.
Male patriarchy
Subconsciously, a man has this belief: “ I can do this with whoever I want, but a girl can’t .” Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But this is how our society works.
That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go to the left.
The man thinks that he has some privileges because of the patriarchy in the family.
Also, the reason for the betrayal may be that in childhood the husband’s father also cheated on his wife.
Now an adult repeats the mistakes of his parents.
Lack of love in childhood
The loving behavior of representatives of the stronger sex may be a consequence of improper parenting. Some individuals think that sexual relationships will fill the mother’s care that they missed in childhood. Such reasoning is driven by infantilism, an immature view of partnerships. Sex is perceived as confirmation of love.
The desire to be loved cannot be suppressed by an abundance of intimate relationships. A distorted idea of a normal family often appears as a result of the participation of a nanny. The care of a teacher is not enough to make up for maternal affection. The child perceives the appearance of a strange woman as normal. Subsequently, the model of the presence of an outside person influences future life.
Selfish motives
The desire to prove to myself and friends “what a cool lover I am”
The reasons for a husband’s infidelity may be the following selfish motives:
- Stretch your ego, feel superior . Read more about ego and selfishness in detail on the next page at the link.
- Satisfy your libido.
- From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man learned that attention could always be had, all he had to do was do something, the man ventures into the unknown.
- Because of the desire to assert himself in front of his friends , to gain their approval, so that they would tell him: “Wow! Probably fried?! Wow, man!
- He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of possessing other women. After all, this had never been possible for him before.
- My husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to show off something and went to the left. That is, the reason is to brag to friends.
Myths about male psychology and men
A woman often sets herself up for betrayal if she accepts legends about male sexuality. What you expect is what you get. Let's figure out what stories about men prevent a woman from adequately dealing with reality.
- "Men think about sex every 20 seconds."
I asked the men. They think about anything. About work, about children, about food, about news on the Internet, about politics. Do you really think that if only sex was in a man’s head, they would be able to keep other topics in mind?
- “All men are males, they are all polygamous by nature, they need to reproduce.”
First of all, everyone has a different libido. That is, the need for sex can be increased, normal, or even decreased. Sexologists have been sounding the alarm lately, because even teenagers nowadays are not always able to enter into intimate relationships. Although nature itself ordered someone, including teenagers, to strive for intimacy. I would like to - yes. But there is no time, no strength, no one to go with. In the world of information, the load on the mind is much greater than on the body. No matter how much the body wants, if the head gets in the way, it won’t work.
Secondly, the reasons for betrayal are extremely rarely related to the desire to reproduce. Rather, with the desire to relax, receive support or pleasure.
- “If the female wants, the male will jump up”
If a woman wants to seduce a man, she will achieve her goal. Deception, flattery, manipulation. Resistance is futile!
Are you seriously? If this were true, matriarchy would have reigned in the world long ago! Cunning women often conquered powerless men. Of course, if a woman wants to get sex from a man, she is capable of going all the way. But a man is not a Cheburashka, he has rights. In my practice, there were situations when a man in a client’s chair asked: “How can I gently send a girl off? She so diligently unbuttons the buttons on her blouse when she comes up to talk to me,” or “I can really see that she’s looking for a meeting. But I don’t need it"
The key here is: “I don’t need this!” Note, not “you can’t”, but “you shouldn’t”.
The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself
Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.
The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:
- Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
- Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
- The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
- A woman is no longer attractive.
If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.
Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.
We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.
Appearance of the beloved
Men love with their eyes. Beauties attract their gaze. When the beloved stops paying attention to appearance, the connoisseur of female beauty looks for another object of admiration. Pleasure comes solely from contemplating the girl’s appearance. However, the risk of temptation always exists.
The appearance of the chosen one is important. You need to watch your figure, eat right, and exercise. You need to look beautiful in home clothes. Otherwise, an exemplary family man risks being seduced by a cunning rival.
By alcoholic accident
There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”
And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.
After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.
Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.
He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.
Cheating occurs unconsciously.
This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.
How to prove that your husband is cheating
Before you set out to prove the fact of treason, think about it. What will you do if you receive confirmation? Suspicion is just a suspicion, but confirmation is a fact. How will you continue to perceive your husband? Will you be able to forgive or reconcile? After all, it is simply impossible to live constantly blaming your husband.
If your husband's mobile number is registered to you, then you can get a printout of all calls and messages (without text), both outgoing and incoming. After analyzing call statistics for a month, you will find the numbers of those with whom he communicates more often. Among them may be the number of your mistress.
If your husband has a work number, then this method will not work. He can communicate with her from this number. Try to make friends with his colleague, preferably a woman. And when your husband tells you about a meeting or some important report that needs to be prepared in one night, call her. Lie that you can’t reach your husband. Check with her about the situation at work.
Before putting your clothes in the washing machine, inspect them for foreign stains and odors. Pay special attention to the inside of the panties.
Video from the guru
The following video examines the dilemma of why a husband cheats and does not leave the family and his wife. In his opinion, this is due to a lack of love. Learn about all the pitfalls in this video.
What is a relationship between a guy and a girl without quarrels in complete mutual understanding and trust, how to solve grinding - in a new article.
What kind of women do Scorpio men like - complete and detailed revelations from Scorpios.
Video lessons on how to properly tongue kiss a girl and a guy - step-by-step and cool instructions.
What do men say about cheating?
It’s sad, but according to statistics, almost all husbands think about sex with other women at different periods of marriage. Wanting more than you have is one of the laws of the male consciousness; the natural instinct of a breadwinner cannot be eradicated. But it can be muffled and calmed down by achieving a stable environment, but few men understand this as they gain experience and reach a more mature age.
Thoughts about betrayal begin to occur to men during the most difficult periods, when a happy life is interspersed with conflicts and misunderstandings, refusals or interruptions in sex, when a man’s desire reaches its peak. If at such a moment there is an available, free and attractive woman next to a man, thoughts of betrayal will invariably arise, even if the man drives them away. It takes enormous effort to remain monogamous when natural instincts try to take over and the attraction to one's own wife begins to fade.
Quite often it happens that husbands who love their wives infinitely, nevertheless, cheat. Despite the fact that frequent betrayals quickly lead to the discovery of deception, today it is quite easy to change and not get caught. There are a lot of instructions on the Internet on how to hide infidelity, but the main mistake women make makes this task easy and simple: inattention to their husband or deliberate denial of the fact of infidelity.
According to statistics, men who have sexual intercourse with their wives less than 4 times a month cheat 5 times more often than spouses with a high percentage of intimacy in family life.
The problem is that a man who is thinking about cheating does not think about the consequences. Even when possible betrayal is only looming on the horizon, the man thinks that the relationship will change, the wife will change on her own and become the same as before, or even better, but he himself makes no effort for this. As a result, when expectations are not met, a man, out of anger and resentment towards his wife, commits adultery and comes to the paradoxical desire to be exposed in this. Thus, without realizing it, the man is trying to show his wife how much her insensitivity oppresses and hurts him.
Men do not know how to express what is stored in their souls like women. Therefore, a wise wife needs to sense her man’s mood swings and prevent dangerous moments. Sometimes timely attention can dissuade a man from wanting to change, especially if he himself does not want it.
Why doesn’t the husband say anything and stay in the family?
Let’s close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them. The most common reasons are the following:
- He doesn't need all this fuss about dividing property.
- He doesn't want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
- He doesn't want to go to court and fill out all this paperwork.
- He doesn’t want to disrupt the family idyll.
- The husband wants the child to grow up with his father.
- He doesn't need quarrels and scandals.
- He has a family home where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
- It’s so good and cool for him when he can sleep with two girls.
- He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.
Communication Compensation
I meet men who want attention, warmth, love, to be seen as a man, a person, and not just a father and husband who must buy groceries according to the list and pick up the children on a schedule and screw in the light bulb.
Of course this is important! But at least once listen carefully to your man. Just listen to how it was on the first dates. Even if you think you know everything about him, he has something going on every day.
Even if he says something absurd or nonsense, let him say it, don’t comment harshly, don’t criticize, don’t devalue him. Everyone has the right to fool around.
Sometimes it's a way to get your attention. Ask your man what would he like? What is he missing? If he found something in another woman, then it is not in you or you have stopped giving it to him. Often this can be a banal feeling of being a person who is interesting to a woman.
A person who is admired, thanked, so much so that “it would not have been possible without him.” A person who is listened to with an open mouth.
The task of each of us is to look at the object of a man’s passion and ask the question what is it about her that captivates her.
Honestly admit to yourself, “Am I giving this?” and ask yourself, “How can I give what another woman is passionate about?” It's important to understand: you can too. And you have more advantages than the other, since you also know your man. They just stopped showing it.
Here you need to return to the state in which you gave your man what he needed (otherwise he would not be with you).
Remember the period when you first met. This is not only an external manifestation, it is your internal state, it is energy that is realized from the inside out.
