How many years does falling in love last, and how does it differ from love?

Falling in love: what is it?

There is no exact answer to how long it takes for couples to fall in love, as well as what this concept includes. However, every person has encountered it at least once in their life. In psychology, falling in love means a positive feeling that arises in relation to the object of sympathy. Thanks to it, you will get to know yourself, see new perspectives and opportunities. Falling in love appears as an obsession. She intoxicates people, driving them crazy, but they continue to idolize her and look forward to her.

READ How to tell a guy that I like him: options for confession in person and in writing

The older you are, the more difficult it will be for you to survive the state of falling in love and the more ways you have for self-improvement. A person in love concentrates all his attention on his partner. He worries about his condition much more than about his own, and begins to put his own interests in the background. Loving is hard and complex work.

It happens that people become psychologically broken because they were not ready to devote most of their time to another person. Falling in love changes consciousness, idealizing the object, which leads to ignoring the partner’s shortcomings. At the same time, a person often experiences feelings not for a real person, but for a fictitious image.

The most dangerous condition arises against the background of non-reciprocal love. Without receiving reciprocal feelings, a person becomes depressed and often falls into depression. Psychologists console us by saying that the feeling of unrequited love is necessary for normal personality development. It often occurs in people with low self-esteem. How many months love will last, as well as its appearance, does not depend on the person himself, but is part of the process of forming his personality.

READ Clear signs that a married man has fallen in love with another woman

How long does it take for a girl (woman) and a man to fall in love? And why?

–RETURN TO CONTENTS—

And yet, why does falling in love tend to last for some time and, despite even a strong feeling, end? After all, sometimes the feeling of falling in love can be so strong that in the case of unrequited love, a person can actually commit suicide! After all, every person, when he falls in love with someone, thinks that HIS love is forever!

The feeling of falling in love can really ruin a person's life. There are many examples (including those known to the author) when a person, in the absence of a mutual feeling of falling in love, simply degrades, destroying his life with the help of hard drugs. Alcohol is also a “hard” drug.

………………………….

Just in case: GOST 1972. Approved and put into effect by Resolution of the State Committee of Standards of the Council of Ministers of the USSR dated December 26, 1972 No. 2329

5.1 “Ethyl alcohol is a highly flammable, colorless liquid with a characteristic odor; it is a potent drug that first causes excitement and then paralysis of the nervous system.”

Well, when the cool guys in the country decided to make a lot of money from vodka, they decided to “omit” the knowledge that alcohol is a powerful drug (WHY IS IT “SUFFERING” TO SCARY PEOPLE?). And now GOST looks like this:

GOST 5964 – 93 clause 7.1. “Ethyl alcohol is a flammable, colorless liquid with a characteristic odor.”

All! Drink to your health!

(Continuation of the chapter “How long does it take for a man and a woman to fall in love?”):

Let's consider the question of how long falling in love lasts in more detail. Probably, each of us, either from the memory of our own life experience or from the example of children, could observe such a situation. The child really wants to be bought the toy he likes. The child feels absolutely unhappy (cries, is hysterical) just from the thought that he will not be able to have this toy!

And so they buy him the object of his great desire (a toy). In most cases, as time passes, after about 2-3 days you can find this toy somewhere under the bed. At best, the child will pay less and less attention to this coveted toy. Where did his unbridled desire to enjoy with this toy go?

“Why don’t you play with her? You cried for an hour for us to buy it for you?”

The child looks at this toy, then “listens” to his feelings and shrugs. The child's interest almost disappeared. Where does this irrepressible desire to possess the object of your dreams go? Such a change in attitude towards the desired object also manifests itself in an adult, but in relation to more serious things. In order to understand the process of reducing the feeling of falling in love, let us briefly consider one illustrative case on another topic.

In one interview, the Olympic champion in figure skating (Russia) talked about how he walked to the top of his sports career. In particular, he described his feelings, starting from the moment he won and finally received the long-awaited Olympic gold medal. A person gave the best years (or even decades) of his life in order to achieve the highest for every athlete (except for professional sports). Moreover, he gave it without any guarantee that he would definitely and certainly reach the pinnacle of his sports career. The euphoria from the highest limit of his life and dreams he had achieved lasted for two weeks! Two weeks! That's all! Then just a balanced state of consciousness of your ordinary existence.

Of course, the gold medal remained. What remains is respect, prestige, and material rewards. New perspectives in life have appeared. But, if we talk specifically about the feeling of euphoria as a result of achieving the highest goal of life, then from the very feeling of happiness there is not even an increased emotional tone left.

The psychology of such a rapid decrease in the state of euphoria from achieving one’s goal becomes clear if we consider the work of the brain, based on the basic principle of organizing this work (we mentioned this principle in previous chapters).

The work of the brain is based on the principle of comparing information that comes from the senses (eyes, ears, etc.) with information recorded in memory.

From the moment the champion realizes that he is the best in the world, he begins to feel a state of “euphoria.” The feeling of euphoria has two components.

The physiological component of euphoria lies in the increased (intensified) release of “happiness hormones”. We will not delve deeply into the nuances of biochemistry. Let us only note that there are several types of so-called “happiness hormones”, the presence of which will correspond to a certain shade of pleasant sensations.

Psychological component of euphoria. Until the moment of obtaining the highest result of one’s achievement, all a person’s mental energy (which is directly expressed in the speed of the brain) was spent on organizing actions that made it possible to obtain the highest result in competitions. At the moment of receiving 1st place, the entire amount of psychic energy was released in an instant (the problem was solved, the goal was achieved). And now the entire amount of the champion’s psychic energy is in free form, that is, at his complete disposal.

Mental energy is directly expressed in the speed of the brain (the speed of information processing by the brain).

This state of releasing a large amount of psychic energy is characterized by a vivid perception of the surrounding world, clarity of thought, a sense of life, and in all its manifestations, and an immediate feeling of happiness!

This state (the release of the maximum amount of psychic energy) occurs in a person who has just achieved his goal (the example above is with a champion). The same is true for a person who has just solved some of his big problems (the maximum amount of mental energy has been freed from solving this problem).

Let’s return to considering the reasons for the state of “euphoria” that a person receives when he achieves a certain (difficult to achieve) goal.

The reason for euphoria lies in the way the brain works. The principle of the brain's operation is based on comparing information. In the case of an athlete, comparison of information about status (position in society) before and after taking first place. At the moment of realizing his “championship,” the athlete’s brain compared the status of NOT a champion with the newly received status of the title of Olympic champion. And this is a very big, simply huge difference; for most athletes it is simply unattainable!

Based on a comparison of new information (the previous status with the new status), the brain gives a command to release “hormones of happiness” (the physiological component of euphoria). And the champion feels the full maximum of the released amount of his now free mental energy (the psychological component of euphoria).

On the next and subsequent days, the champion’s brain continues to compare the status (position) in time BEFORE and immediately AFTER receiving the title of Olympic champion. The state of euphoria continues.

But after about two weeks, the champion’s brain begins to compare the status of yesterday with the status of today. There is no difference. The brain stops giving the command to release “happiness hormones.” The physiological component of euphoria disappears! The level of “happiness hormones” in the blood returns to normal values.

SCHEDULE OF REDUCTION OF HAPPINESS HORMONES.

(PHYSIOLOGICAL COMPONENT OF A PERSON’S FEELING OF HAPPINESS).

After some time, the champion (like all of us) again has new questions, tasks, problems that arise in the process of further life. To organize these tasks, a person begins to expend his mental energy. The remaining amount of free mental energy (which is expressed in a feeling of happiness) gradually decreases.

SCHEDULE OF DECREASE IN MENTAL ENERGY LEVEL (brain speed).

(MENTAL COMPONENT OF A PERSON’S FEELING OF HAPPINESS).

A constant, non-decreasing MAXIMUM amount of free mental energy can only be experienced by a person of serene, pure consciousness . Three types of people have this state of consciousness:

1. Children (in conditions of a serene existence and the absence of an abundance of unnecessary information).
2. Crazy people (but not all of them) are those who, for some reason, have “turned off” the ability to take any responsibility for anything, including their own existence. It usually occurs due to a highly traumatic factor in the “educational” process on the part of parents or other adults. Such an “educational” process may be accompanied by: a) suppression of the child’s personality; b) by simultaneously “hammering” verbal commands into his subconscious, such as: “You are not capable of anything!”, “You cannot do anything in your life!”, “You are worthless, useless, helpless child!”, and others phrases with the same meaning of suggestion - the final incapacity of a person, as an individual. The level of awareness of the surrounding world of such a person becomes as narrow as that of a child.
3. People who are seriously engaged in spiritual practice, subject to obtaining complete spiritual knowledge that explains the basic issues of the universe, the purpose and essence of life itself (— SPIRITUAL PRACTICES: WHAT THERE ARE — (the page opens in a new “WINDOW” ).

For all other people, the state of euphoria lasts for some time, and then necessarily decreases to normal levels. New goals, tasks and problems appear, questions the solution of which takes a significant (larger) part of a person’s mental energy.

Why does falling in love pass?

Option number 1: “Fountain” . For example: a man and a woman (or a guy and a girl) are in love with each other. From the presence of each other, they both experience a state of euphoria (we discussed the physiological and mental components above). These two people achieved a very important GOAL! They found each other! But, unlike achieving other lofty goals (even achieving an Olympic gold medal), falling in love is distinguished by a versatile and varied relationship between a man and a woman (boyfriend and girl).

A gold medal is a medal today, the same medal tomorrow, and every day the same medal. The quality of the medal is not improving. The number of medals does not increase day by day. Euphoria decreases after two weeks (despite the title of the best (!!!) in the world in this sport). And the relationships between those in love with each other - women and men (boys and girls) - are characterized by many forms and diversity. Relationships between lovers have different emotional overtones. Moreover, each new day is different, in accordance with the conditions and characteristics of their relationship. Therefore, a sports performance is shown and watched for several minutes (hours), and various “Santa Barbaras” can be shown for years. And people are watching!! For years!!! (not everyone, of course, but those who have a lot of extra time).

But the principle of the brain does not change. This principle is based on comparing incoming information with information stored (recorded) in human memory. And, despite the diversity of relationships between a couple in love, the brain receives information about the same, albeit very attractive, object of its love every day. The difference lies only in the variety of relationships, which also has its limits. The brain of a person in love compares information from the present moment with information from the past. And over time (months or years) the difference in information is not detected! Hormones of “happiness” cease to be released more than under normal conditions.

The level of high mental energy of a person in love also, over time, begins to be spent on organizing and solving new constantly emerging issues, life tasks and problems (where would we be without them).

The feeling of euphoria from falling in love, which can last from several months to several years, ends!

A natural question arises: “What should we do, huh??!!!”

Let's look at another characteristic variant of the development of love between a man and a woman (girl). ……………………………

Option #2. "NOT a fountain."

In order to better understand what option No. 2 is about the development of events when falling in love and how long it lasts, let’s consider another example from sports. A little later you will understand why. This will allow you to see the situation more objectively. In one of her interviews, one girl, an Olympic champion in artistic gymnastics, talked about her feelings while receiving this highest award for an athlete (Olympic gold medal): “There was NO feeling of euphoria AT ALL!”

As soon as she received her well-deserved reward, she realized that only a few days would pass, and the exhausting hard training would begin again, and with them - injuries, pain, diets and all the other difficulties associated with playing this difficult sport (sports gymnastics is a very difficult and traumatic sport). The work of the brain is based on comparing information. The champion's memory contains information about hard training, injuries and, in fact, the abandonment of the life of an ordinary normal young teenage girl. This is the price for a gold medal and the title of Olympic champion.

The price is too high! Too high to "pay off" (feelings like) being named the best athlete in the world! The brain constantly compares incoming information with information recorded in a person’s memory. All his work (essentially) is based on this. And if the athlete’s ambitions are not too huge and the athlete’s desire to win is not so strong (“to win at all costs”), then his brain, comparing the hard physical costs of many years of training with the status of champion, will simply not give a state of euphoria! The athlete feels that he “paid” too much for the victory! Huge price! After all, life (part of life) is the highest price compared to anything!

And now, by analogy with this case from sports, let’s consider a variant of falling in love, which we conventionally called “Not a fountain.” There are often situations when the feeling of falling in love of one person is much stronger than the feeling that the object of love feels for him (or her). That is, there is NO desired reciprocity in the feelings of two people. The one who is more in love often suffers greatly due to the fact that the object of his attraction does not respond with love of the same intensity on his part.

And let’s assume that the object of strong love finally reciprocated on his part. And the resulting young couple decided to live together, perhaps even officially register their relationship. "Happy end"? ("A happy ending"?).

No! Unfortunately, in most cases this ends in greater or lesser tragedy in the relationship.

Just above, it was no coincidence that we looked at the example of a female gymnast - an Olympic champion. She felt disappointed from the long-awaited goal achieved with such difficulty! The work of the brain is based on the principle of comparing information. Based on this principle, let us consider this example of falling in love of unequal strength.

Let's say a girl who was very much in love with a young man waited a very long and painful time for reciprocity from this young man. And it finally happened! The young man reciprocated, and they got married (let's say). The girl’s brain compares the following information:

- on the one hand, information related to falling in love with this young man (agonizing expectations, suffering, anger, jealousy, despair...).

- on the other hand, the young man himself. He's finally with her!

A girl naturally expects from the presence of a young man such a feeling of happiness that will more than compensate for her past experiences, suffering, jealousy, etc.!

The stronger and more painful her experiences were (before), the more and more persistently the girl will expect absolute happiness (NO LESS!!) from the presence of this young man nearby. Such happiness that will pay off the entire mass of her past experiences associated with the expectation of reciprocity from this young man!

If their relationship had developed from the very beginning WITHOUT agonizing expectations and worries on her part, then the love relationship between them would have been perceived by the girl directly, as it is, from a “blank slate.” That is, there would be no comparison of the sensations from the relationship with those experiences that preceded this relationship.

The experiences in the past are too great for the sensations from a real relationship to surpass them in their sensations! In addition, it is with this young man that the girl has these past experiences connected. That is, the young man, with his presence, reminds her of her experiences from the recent past.

And even as a result of getting closer to the object of her love, the girl does not receive the necessary positive emotions, not to mention “euphoria”! All her positive emotions are perceived MINUS those experiences, in anticipation of this present moment. How does the girl feel in the end? DISAPPOINTMENT!

Waiting for happiness and destroying this illusion is a terrible thing! Moreover, the destruction of an illusion that relates to the main expectation of human life! The girl waited too long, thought and worried too much and idealized the object of her love too much. She married the “prince” whom she dreamed of in the person of this young man (and who else can you dream of?). And, as it turned out, she married an ordinary guy (well, really?!)

The illusion is destroyed. The price of waiting was too high (anxiety, jealousy, etc.). And, as we have already said, now ALL sensations from the relationship with her young man will be perceived by her MINUS the experiences preceding this relationship (associated with the same young man).

This is how our brain works. The principle of comparison is the basic principle of the human brain. Everything connected with this young man will be perceived by the girl together, and most importantly, simultaneously: both past experiences and present satisfaction from his presence. The girl is not just disappointed. The price of the question of disappointment is her entire future life!

Who do you think she will now blame for everything and blame for her dissatisfaction with the expected feelings of happiness? But the young man is not guilty of anything before her. In general, he may even be a very good person (it’s not just that she fell in love with him!). And the young man just can’t understand: why this girl, who was definitely (!) in love with him so much, now “nags” him at every convenient (and inconvenient) occasion. Constantly dissatisfied with something, like: “That’s not right. And this is not like that!”

The same disappointment from a long-awaited relationship in a couple will be experienced by a girl who has simply waited too long for a serious relationship. At the same time, I didn’t even feel strongly in love with a specific young man.

Waiting too long and too long for happiness invariably leads to disappointment.

And, as a result, in the end there is too much disappointment in the relationship between a man and a woman!

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From a lecture by Torsunov O. G.

“Even in mutual love there is only torment” (words from the song). Why is that? The reason is that when a person falls in love or is in love, he has a very strong feeling of happiness from his loved one. And this feeling of happiness causes a strong expectation of happiness. When happiness itself is strong, then there are no problems. But waiting for happiness creates a terrible problem. Because if you are waiting for happiness and you don’t get it, at that second your psyche immediately collapses, and you begin to “educate” your loved one, to demand your “truth” from him. And this causes him pain and suffering. And this has always been everywhere, and always and everywhere will be. (From a lecture by O. G. Torsunov).

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Question: what to do?

The girl needs to understand the reason for her disappointment from the insufficiently strong (in her opinion) feeling of happiness from the relationship with her boyfriend. The reason for her disappointment is NOT THE YOUNG MAN HIMSELF, but the peculiarities of the brain, which is based on the principle of comparison (information). She just needs to learn to perceive her relationship with a young man from a “clean slate”, now, in the morning, as it IS!!! WITHOUT deducting the long and tedious wait for your long-awaited happiness preceding this relationship!

In this case, the young man also needs to understand the reason for such “inappropriate” (but natural and explainable) behavior of his girlfriend. Understand that the reason lies in the fact that she is very much in love with him! And this is quite a sufficient reason for learning to forgive and tolerate her whims and displeasure. You can “cure” a girl only with love on your part. Love and patience. And, thereby, “outweighing” with her love all her long experiences from the past.

In life, the example described above may be different, that is, the role of “expecting happiness” will be played by a young man.

Knowing the cause, you can effectively deal with the undesirable consequences of this cause. Now that you know the cause of the problem, you can deal with the problem much more effectively. But only if you have a reasonable desire to eliminate the problem in your relationship.

- READ MORE -

–RETURN TO CONTENTS—

Signs of feeling

Falling in love is accompanied by certain symptoms. By comparing them with your feelings, you will understand whether you have this feeling or not.

The main features include:

1. A feeling of happiness and a joyful state. Positive feelings arise simply from the thought that a loved one exists. The perception of the world is changing. You begin to notice and also appreciate the joys of life. If the partner was previously a pessimist, now his views become more optimistic.
2. Daydreaming. Against the background of a new feeling, fantasies about the future arise, including the object for which they feel in love. In all dreams the couple is happy. At the same time, fantasies look quite real and feasible. In them, you can also imagine situations in which you show your best side to your partner, for example, saving him.
3. Desire for constant contact. When you are in love, you will always feel the desire to touch or talk to a person, and these will be completely frivolous topics. You may not even notice how you’ve been talking with your partner about the weather and other little things for an hour. Falling in love gives you a reason to appreciate every moment of communication.
4. Vulnerability. You become more vulnerable. Any words spoken to you will cause long thoughts, especially if they were spoken by a loved one. In addition, he can easily manipulate you. It is important to stop in time and understand whether you are being used for personal gain.
5. Willingness to make concessions. When a person is in love, he is ready to make any sacrifice. If the love is not mutual, then such sacrifice will not be appreciated with dignity, and you will feel empty.

Why does falling in love end?

Now let's go back to that girl who was clearly interested in you. You obviously saw it. I saw her sparkling eyes and how she liked your touch. Moreover, your pride was clearly jumping joyfully from the realization that this girl had clearly fallen in love with you .

And here the question arises.

She fell in love with you. She clearly made this clear to you. AND? what else did you expect from her? What else was she supposed to do?

Most men don't understand one simple thing about women. A WOMAN WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING. She won’t drag you to bed or attack you screaming, “I’m on fire.”

The exception is if you are a handsome young multimillionaire. Here, of course, women will happily do all the work for you - in the hope that you will share a fair chunk of your fortune with them.

But if you are not a handsome multimillionaire, get ready: you will have to seduce a woman. And at best, she will quietly agree with everything. In the worst case, she will make you run after her and puff.

In a word - the woman gives the opportunity, the man does all the work.

And the opportunity that a woman gives you has an expiration date. And, unfortunately, the validity period of this opportunity is extremely short. And it is calculated in days. Rarely - for weeks.

Look at the situation through her eyes. The girl met you. She really liked you. She mentally has sex with you in all conceivable and inconceivable positions. And you, instead of making her dreams come true, are stupid and... do nothing.

Thus, the moment you don't take the right actions, you both lose a lot. And you are solely to blame for this.

Differences from love

Quite often people confuse love and infatuation. The two conditions are very similar, but there are a few important differences. The main ones:

1. Duration. Falling in love lasts from several hours to several years. The longer a person feels this feeling, the stronger the attachment will become, which subsequently turns into love.
2. Development. Falling in love is formed from just one glance at an object. You don't need to know a person to start feeling intensely attracted to them. Love, on the contrary, arises only after people have communicated for a long time.
3. Consistency. Love is a constant feeling, and being in love tends to fade and reappear. You may periodically lose interest in your partner, but within a day he will return.
4. Parting. Love will remain with you, even if the object of your adoration leaves for a long period of time. Falling in love tends to end quickly once a large distance is created between the couple.
5. The basis of the condition. When falling in love, a person unintentionally tries to benefit from communication with a partner. He wants to be happy, so he strives to get what he likes. If you feel love, then you want to make the other person happy, even if it means sacrificing yourself.

Where did the love go after the wedding?

Why do many couples lose love after marriage?
In fairy tales, the story of two lovers ends with the words “and they lived happily ever after.” Undoubtedly, the ending is beautiful - but it does not carry any real-life specifics. After all, no one is interested in how they carry out routine tasks, go to the same store year after year and pick up their child from kindergarten . Gradually, this becomes boring, and the spouses want a different, more eventful and vibrant life, and the family seems like a burdening ballast. Where does love go after many years of marriage? The answer is primitive: everyday life eats them up.

Relationships doomed to break on everyday grounds have the following signs:

• A sense of accomplishment. Many people perceive a wedding ring on the ring finger as a signal that they can relax, forgetting about appearance and self-development.
• Housewife syndrome. Interests and goals are limited to a small world consisting of the kitchen, renovation, children, and TV shows. Spouses become uninteresting to each other as individuals.
• Division of responsibilities into male and female. In modern realities, this may simply be unfair. For example: a husband and wife work the same number of hours in the same position. However, upon returning from work, the wife must cook dinner, do the laundry and clean up, because these are “female” activities. Or the husband has very mediocre ideas about electrics, and his proposal to call a technician to fix the outlet is perceived by his wife as a sign of weakness.
• Ignoring actions. Many, even the most pleasant things become boring, and spouses simply forget to praise and thank each other.
• Lack of personal space. The spouses do not even allow the idea that they can do something separately from each other. Any attempt to retire is perceived as a betrayal.

So what to do if feelings fade away due to everyday life? What should you do if your love for your husband (wife) has passed, but separation is scary? Act backwards to what has happened so far! Namely:

• Look after yourself. The feeling that you are interesting not only to your chosen one, but also to many other potential partners is very important. It fuels passion, even if it previously seemed to you that it had died out completely.
• Be versatile . Just because you have a family doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a hobby. Be interested in what is happening in the world, engage in self-development.
• Share responsibilities . Cooking dinner, cleaning the apartment and loading dirty laundry into the washing machine are activities that both can do. Don't put something on yourself or your partner just because it's the right thing to do. None of us are born with basic “feminine” or “masculine” skills. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you or your companion cannot do what is required by gender.
• Become more observant. Thank each other for everyday little things: a cooked dinner, a made bed, thrown away trash, etc.

According to psychological studies, spouses who regularly thank each other are much less likely to quarrel.

• Spend time apart. The desire to be alone or socialize with friends is completely normal. Despite the established couple, you are still different individuals with your own interests . Do not limit either yourself or your chosen one if you do not want the feelings of value and importance of your union to disappear.

Duration of feeling

Psychologists say that feelings of euphoria and passion dull over time. Girls should know how long a man's love can actually last in order to be emotionally prepared for future changes in the relationship. When communicating with a loved one, your palms sweat, your heartbeat quickens and excitement arises, which indicates the development of feelings. However, over time, these sensations go away. For men, this happens after 2-4 years of relationship.

READ Infatuation and love: the difference between two psychological concepts

Falling in love lasts longer, but at the same time it has an exhausting effect. In other words, a person begins to experience severe fatigue. He may change in character and even become aggressive. Scientists also calculated how many years it takes for women to fall in love. A girl can be in love with a guy for 3 years and not experience much mental stress.

This time is enough to form strong relationships, which will subsequently move to a new level. Of course, falling in love can be carried throughout your entire life if you constantly develop and warm up your feelings.

Science's view of human relationships

Scientists have come to the conclusion that falling in love, a state caused by processes occurring in the body, is necessary for procreation. Lust, attraction and attachment are responsible for chemical reactions that lead to the production of hormones: adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.

Adrenaline is produced at the very beginning of falling in love, when there are fears associated with the object of desire. The hormone increases heart rate and causes thirst. Due to the release of adrenaline, a person begins to say stupid things, which he regrets after the effect of the neurotransmitter stops.

Dopamine promotes a state of euphoria. Drugs also cause a similar effect. The hormone is responsible for a cheerful state, decreased appetite and a huge amount of energy.

Serotonin is produced in large quantities by lovers. With the release of the “happiness hormone,” mood improves and mechanisms responsible for memory are activated. The action of the hormone explains constant thoughts about a partner.

Oxytocin is responsible for attachment. It is produced through tactile communication: hugging, physical intimacy, affection. The more touches, the more intense the neurotransmitter is produced.

Vasopressin levels are higher in couples who pay attention to sex. The more active their sex life, the longer the relationship.

When true love begins

How long falling in love will last, and when love begins, directly depends on the couple. These are individual indicators. Over time, a strong attachment arises, a trusting relationship is formed, but falling in love begins to subside. You will see flaws in your partner that you had not noticed before, and you will stop idealizing him.

If at the beginning of the relationship you were attracted to a person’s physical characteristics, now the basis of attraction will be the person’s personal positions and his spiritual world. At this time, feelings should develop into love, but it happens that the couple separates. Not everyone can cope with changes in relationships. If love has nevertheless formed, then people in love begin to care about each other even more, and shortcomings cease to be the causes of conflict situations. This strong feeling can be carried throughout your life, then over time it will only become stronger.

READ How to get rid of falling in love: useful recommendations

Love or just infatuation? What is the difference?

Of course, these feelings are of the same nature, but one should not be confused with the other. Let's look at them in a little more detail.

What are the differences between infatuation and love?

Psychology of falling in love

Falling in love is a choice of the subconscious . A feeling can arise in an instant, like a flash, for no apparent reason. Often, the object of affection reminds of someone or something from deep childhood: it could be the smell of mom’s perfume, dad’s smile, or the feeling of carefree while communicating with his best friend.

Sometimes the reason for falling in love is to compensate for the lack of parental affection. This is a common problem among children of oppressive parents.

The psyche builds an associative series and makes you fall in love, trying to prolong the feeling of unconditional happiness . A person in love sees everything through a special prism of self-deception, or, as they call it, “rose-colored glasses”: the object of passion has no flaws - only features that can always be justified. Critical thinking and logic are disabled.

A direct parallel can be drawn between falling in love and drug addiction: a person’s mind is clouded by substances. In this case, it’s a cocktail of hormones:

• Oxytocin is a hormone of tenderness and affection. Bursts of this substance are observed during tactile contact: kisses, hugs, caresses. The most powerful release of oxytocin is experienced by a new mother who holds her baby for the first time.

Three year hypothesis

There is a theory that falling in love usually lasts 3 months or 3 years. There is a deal of truth in it. This hypothesis is connected with the fact that during the first three years the couple feels euphoria, happiness and strong passion. Relationships are accompanied by joyful and vibrant feelings that strengthen the affection between people. Gradually, falling in love passes, but it is difficult for people to separate, since they have lived together for a long time and have become accustomed to each other.

If during this period a person accepts the shortcomings of his partner and tries to understand him, then the feelings will only intensify. A love connection is formed between people. In this case, love will not pass in 3 years or 3 months, but will only begin. Only selfishness and daydreaming, which are often found in a person in love, will disappear.

What is the real shelf life of love?

Love, regulated by hormones, is directly related to the sex life of a couple. Emily Nagoski, author of As a Woman Wants, describes sex as part of a motivation and reward system, and not a necessity in life - no one has ever died naturally from lack of sex life. Levels of hormones of desire, pleasure and affection can be regulated through quality sex life that brings pleasure to partners.

But love is not only sex, it is also communication between partners. Relationships become a person's comfort zone. When the level of trust between partners is high enough, a loving relationship can last much longer than three years.

In 2011, researchers in New York compared two groups of couples: some who had just started dating, others who had been in relationships for more than 10 years. People in the second group were asked to rate how in love they were with their partners on a scale of 1 to 7. During the experiment, participants were shown photographs of their partners and strangers and their brain activity was recorded. Representatives of both groups during the study showed increased signals in the ventral region of the cerebral cortex - this area is responsible for reward and pleasure. True, in “younger” couples who had been together for less than 10 years, the area of ​​the brain responsible for attachment and sexual desire responded more intensely to the photograph. However, thanks to this experiment, scientists were able to confirm that love can live for many years.

When the passion subsides

Passion is a dominant feeling that arises in both men and women. It is accompanied by a strong attraction to the object. Passion makes people's bonds stronger, but such relationships will not last forever. Their duration depends on how the lovers behave. Qualified psychologists have stated that this feeling lasts from two weeks to one year.

If there is no love in a relationship, then passion disappears quite quickly. This often happens when a couple starts living together. When experiencing passion, a person extols and idealizes his partner. Cohabitation shows people from a new side. The partner may be disappointed that an ordinary and simple person with shortcomings lives with him.

However, passion also develops into something more if people know how to listen, work on their shortcomings and begin to accept each other. When a relationship moves to a new level, it develops into care and love.

The reason for the fading of passion is considered to be psychological barriers that one of the partners builds. The main ones:

• transferring past emotional turmoil into new relationships;
• fear of trusting a partner;
• inaction and unwillingness to improve relationships;
• lack of visual and physical contact;
• lack of dialogue with a partner.

What is he like, a lover?

Understanding whether a man is in love with you is very simple.

Since hormones are involved, the woman feels it almost immediately. Everything in his behavior signals this: glances, gestures, the desire to be close, to touch, to speak tenderly.

He will become a dreamer, absent-minded, but capable of moving mountains for you. And, of course, burning eyes, sweating palms and excitement as if in a state of euphoria are also possible.

It looks like the symptoms of a disease, doesn't it? : ) Tell us in the comments about the craziest thing a man in love has ever done in your life.

All this is very touching, but... IT WILL NOT ALWAYS BE SO!

Do feelings go away over time and what can you do to maintain them?

Passion pushes people to start a family. However, when faced with home life and family problems, love leaves. People stop feeling attracted to each other and decide to separate. This happens if there are a lot of routine matters and quarrels in family relationships that are not discussed further. Without communication, resentment and anger accumulate, which only intensifies scandals over time.

However, there are couples who, after going through many obstacles and difficulties, were able to preserve their love. Often the reason for the disappearance of passion is a change in tastes and preferences. A person changes his worldview, develops and begins to notice that his partner does not share his opinion. Against this backdrop, disagreements emerge. To maintain a relationship, you need to discuss life situations with your partner and try to look at the world through his eyes. Understanding and concessions will help save love.

Even couples who have lived a long life together have encountered difficult situations and quarrels. However, they were able to understand their partners and compromise, which became a decisive step in their relationship. Dating and traveling can help you escape your routine. They will allow you to distract yourself and take a breath, but you need to continue to work, develop relationships, strengthening them.

READ How to understand that a girl is in love, but hides her feelings

Statistics say that more than 40% of couples break up after 3 years, as falling in love passes. This shows that many people cannot cope with such difficulties. However, an equally sad picture emerges with relationships lasting more than 7 years. According to statistics, they are destroyed in 60-70% of cases. This happens because couples stop working on their relationship and focus on their partner's shortcomings.

Professional psychologists advise communicating with each other more often. You need to be sincere about your plans and goals. You need to learn to admit your own mistakes and listen to your partner. It is important to understand that he wants to help you become better than you are, and not to reproach you for any action.

Falling in love appears and disappears suddenly. It is necessary to rebuild in time to be ready to move the relationship to the next level. As a rule, falling in love lasts from 7 days to 3 years, after which it develops into love. However, this does not always happen. Some couples are not ready for such a load. Not wanting to understand each other and make concessions, they break up. Relationships will help preserve understanding. You need to learn to hear your partner and compromise.

How quickly does falling in love pass?

Scientists have calculated that, on average, falling in love lasts 17 months. This time is enough to be convinced of your feelings and understand how to live further with or without your chosen one.

In men

Psychology has proven the fact that male love flares up quickly and also quickly fades away. On average, its duration is 3 years, but some manage to experience all stages of feeling in 3 days. The duration depends on the individual characteristics of the person.

If a man cannot understand himself, then time will help him. A guy in love after 2-3 years loses interest in his girlfriend, begins to notice shortcomings and is more often irritated in her presence. Therefore, in the midst of a relationship, an adult man usually makes informed decisions about continuing the relationship. He proposes to his beloved or informs her about the breakup, because he realized that the girl is not his ideal.

A girl needs to support the passionate flame of a man, work on relationships, then falling in love can develop into love.

Among women

A woman's love instills confidence in her beauty, strength, and capabilities. It's like a drug, giving you the feeling of an unreal flight. The girl is sure that her true feelings will never go away, so she reacts sharply to the dissatisfied attacks of others towards her lover. However, after some time, falling in love passes, and the woman looks at her beloved man with completely different eyes. In this case, the moment of truth comes suddenly.

READ

What guys like in girls: important components

Falling in love in women can last up to 3-5 years. The duration depends on the circumstances. For example, having fallen in love with a married man, a girl will torment herself for a long time with hopes and dreams for a future together with him, gradually becoming dependent on her chosen one. It is impossible to say exactly when she will experience a crisis of love, since girls are unpredictable. You can make forecasts based on general statistics.

If it's not mutual

Unrequited love depresses a person and makes him look like a masochist. The lover becomes too vulnerable, his self-esteem falls, he feels useless to anyone, plunging more and more into dark emotions. It is especially difficult to bear an unrequited feeling that flares up at first sight, similar to a karmic connection. Such falling in love only brings problems, not letting the person go for a long time. In this case, the help of a psychologist will not hurt.

The three year theory

There is a hypothesis that love lasts 3 years. In fact, we are talking about falling in love, which after an allotted period of time gives way to love or disappointment.

In the first three years of a relationship, partners experience a strong and mutual attraction between their bodies and feel the need to constantly see and hear the chosen one. Every meeting is filled with happiness, passion, euphoria. Vivid emotions strengthen the attachment of two people, so it is difficult for them to decide on the choice of future life. But three years of a harmonious union are an excellent start to starting a more serious and conscious relationship.

Signs that your ex-girlfriend still loves you

If a girl’s feelings have not yet cooled down, she will always try to maintain contact with her ex-partner, appearing on his social networks, tracking life events and being interested in affairs through acquaintances. She will be jealous and at the same time defiantly post her “happy” photos online.

He will look for an excuse to meet and ask for help.

She will always “accidentally” find herself in those places that her ex visits, trying to unobtrusively remind her of herself. She will complain to mutual friends about how she regrets the breakup and how bad she feels alone, hoping that the information will reach the recipient.

She won’t be stopped late to call and talk about their past together and the reasons for the breakup, especially if she drank a couple of glasses of wine.

In the end, the girl can openly say that she misses her and wants to get back into the relationship.

Natalia

How to extend the shelf life?

On average, falling in love lasts no more than three years. And there are basic things that support and nourish it. And they work not only for

Sex

It `s naturally. A desirable woman is the most powerful doping for a man. If you have fun in bed and always both of you, your relationship may have a good future.

Emotions

Yes, routine is the enemy. Therefore, any emotions and impressions experienced together are good. Attractions, joint travel, quest rooms, skydiving and, of course, moments of tenderness...

Everything that gives adrenaline and warmth.

Diversity

The effect of surprise and spontaneity in sex, in dating, in decisions - perfectly strengthens falling in love. The main thing here is not to overdo it with pressure, initiative and choose what suits both of you.

Hormones again

Female - estrogen, male - testosterone. And only the correct distribution of roles in a couple will keep them at the desired level. Don't forget that your femininity gives energy to his masculinity.

Communication

Light and casual. The sooner and more strictly you decide to “talk seriously,” the faster the magic will disappear and reality will return. It's not bad, just be prepared. Or learn to speak correctly to a man.

Hunger

It's like sugar in tea. It’s sweet in moderation, but with an extra spoon it’s impossible to drink. You can become oversaturated with each other already in the first stages - this is a risk. Because the sense of taste disappears. As they say, the difference between a cure and a poison is the dosage.

State

The better a man feels next to a woman (like Bruce Almighty or just a humble, desirable hero), the more he wants to be close. I have already said that a man falls in love not with a woman, but with his state next to her.

The following articles will help you understand yourself even better:

• What is great love
• Why is a man in love afraid of a woman?
• How to distinguish love from passion