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Many people believe that it is impossible to fall in love with a person in a month of relationship. It's more about sympathy - a new acquaintance gradually opens up, it's interesting to spend time with him, he's pleasant to talk to. Then the feeling of falling in love may arise. And after some time it may develop into love and respect.
Romantics have a sharply negative attitude towards the smooth development of events and vote for love at first sight. Heart trembling, ringing in the ears, wings literally “grow” - a bright feeling suddenly overtakes you, and the world around you becomes different.
Signs of feeling
Falling in love is accompanied by certain symptoms. By comparing them with your feelings, you will understand whether you have this feeling or not.
The main features include:
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- A feeling of happiness and a joyful state. Positive feelings arise simply from the thought that a loved one exists. The perception of the world is changing. You begin to notice and also appreciate the joys of life. If the partner was previously a pessimist, now his views become more optimistic.
- Daydreaming. Against the background of a new feeling, fantasies about the future arise, including the object for which they feel in love. In all dreams the couple is happy. At the same time, fantasies look quite real and feasible. In them, you can also imagine situations in which you show your best side to your partner, for example, saving him.
- Desire for constant contact. When you are in love, you will always feel the desire to touch or talk to a person, and these will be completely frivolous topics. You may not even notice how you’ve been talking with your partner about the weather and other little things for an hour. Falling in love gives you a reason to appreciate every moment of communication.
- Vulnerability. You become more vulnerable. Any words spoken to you will cause long thoughts, especially if they were spoken by a loved one. In addition, he can easily manipulate you. It is important to stop in time and understand whether you are being used for personal gain.
- Willingness to make concessions. When a person is in love, he is ready to make any sacrifice. If the love is not mutual, then such sacrifice will not be appreciated with dignity, and you will feel empty.
If the romance is over, but the work remains
After a painful breakup, Bogatyrev and Podkaminskaya continued to star in the series together.
We also have the opposite example, with a less happy ending. On the set of “Kitchen,” Mark Bogatyrev fell in love with Elena Podkaminskaya, but the relationship did not work out behind the scenes. Against the backdrop of personal problems and many hours of filming at the height of the third season of the series, the actor almost decided to commit suicide, but at the last moment he refrained from the fatal step, and later returned to the set, where he continued to play Podkaminskaya’s chosen one. “This story concerns only us. I’ll say one thing: now we are in wonderful friendly relations,” the artist noted. Well, Elena generally refused to comment about the office romance.
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Is this policy correct on the part of the heroes? If the romance ends, should you stay at your current job or is it easier to quit in order to avoid tension and possible gossip from colleagues?
“Of course, remaining in the same living/working environment after a breakup is very difficult. Acting obligations, which cannot be neglected, since it violates the special ethics and laws of work on the stage/set, often lead to serious breakdowns for artists, whose profession itself requires the presence of an exposed nervous system. I think that time heals, and it is quite possible to have friendly communication after a certain period of time after the end of the novel, but not always and not for everyone. This depends on the completion of the relationship - the closure of the gestalt of this novel,” emphasizes Lyubov Anatolyevna.
Men and women
Let's find out how long a man's love for a woman lasts and vice versa. As modern psychological studies show, representatives of the stronger sex cool down faster; in their bodies, the chemical reaction that causes euphoria becomes less noticeable after 1.5-2 years, but in women it is a little longer - about 3 years. Then the feeling is replaced by attachment, habit. If partners are connected by common interests, they are comfortable with each other, then the relationship will move to a new stage, but if nothing but passion unites them, a breakup is inevitable.
Interestingly, the most amazing feeling, love, has been thoroughly studied by psychologists, who have identified interesting facts that allow representatives of different sexes to better understand each other and build harmonious, strong relationships.
Benefits and harms
Even in Eldar Ryazanov’s famous film “Office Romance,” the characters’ relationships were not easy.
It’s rare that someone decides to enter into a relationship without weighing all the pros and cons. First, let's find out whether the affair will necessarily harm work and how it will change the opinion of other colleagues about the couple.
“It is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. Much depends on the culture of the team. Simply put, this event will certainly affect the process of group dynamics in the organization. The hierarchical status of partners is also of great importance. It’s one thing when an affair arises between two employees of equal status; it’s quite another when it’s a manager and a subordinate. If the beginning of an affair, as a period of falling in love, certainly reduces the performance of both partners, then with the harmonious development of relations in the future it can create a double positive effect. The place of work becomes part of the family, part of their culture, which means that achievements in the field of sales/earnings grow. Well, don’t forget about the “peacock’s tail,” when lovers try to be significant and noticeable, shining with intelligence and productivity,” explained the “Tomboys” psychologist.
How a man chooses his wife
Choosing a life partner is important for every man. However, today it is increasingly happening that they meet and build romantic relationships with some, and create a family with others. This leads to misunderstanding and surprise on the part of loved ones and friends. To understand why a man chooses a wife other than the one with whom he goes on dates and to whom he swears eternal love, it is necessary, first of all, to consider the main reasons for his marriage.
Firstly, a man marries someone who corresponds to the ideal of a wife, which was formed in childhood, i.e. he subconsciously looks for a mistress of the house and a mother for future children. In a situation where the lady of the heart does not at all correspond to the ideal, many representatives of the stronger sex decide that they need to marry someone who will become the keeper of the hearth, who will feed delicious dinners and keep the house in order, and who can love anyone. Needless to say, such a marriage will not bring happiness to anyone.
How long does it take to fall in love or fall in love
The psychology of relationships is so individual that it is inappropriate to talk about clear time periods. Experts conventionally identify four stages in the development of feelings:
- Attraction - most people need several dates to establish the attractiveness of the object they like.
- Sympathy is a harbinger of the next stage, indicating that the new acquaintance is becoming closer.
- Falling in love - to get to know a person and be sure of the right choice, it takes at least a month.
- Love - according to experts, it will take at least a hundred days to start talking about a deep feeling.
A standard, generally accepted scheme is described. There are also cases of sudden, lightning-fast love. A new acquaintance enters your life, and after a short time you realize that you cannot breathe, hear, see and perceive the world without him. Thus, it is quite possible to fall in love with a person within a month of relationship.
It depends on a combination of factors
Each relationship proceeds at a pace dictated both by the pressure exerted on it from the outside and by the desires of the parties involved.
There are different types of love, and some of them happen earlier than others.
Falling in love can happen quite quickly. But it's not love that causes long term sustainable relationships, I think it's compatibility, trust, loyalty, good communication, etc.
When you are in a relationship with someone for a long time, the amount of love waxes and wanes and you feel an ebb and flow because love is an emotion. What you do with this emotion is up to you!
Of course, several factors come into play when figuring out how long it will take you to fall in love. These include how much quality time you spend together, how emotionally available both you and your partner are, your willingness to have an open, honest long-term relationship, your general willingness to fall in love, and the type of love you are looking for.
Can a man fall in love after sexual intimacy?
Correct answer: Yes and no. So, let's figure out what it depends on.
It all depends on the man, namely on his spoiled state and your sexual compatibility. If a man has not had sex for a very long time, and in principle it is difficult for him to get it, then at the moment of intimacy you give him a value that he is in short supply. Accordingly, the man begins to greatly appreciate and cling to the girl who gives him what he so lacked. And such a man can really fall in love after the first intimacy.
It also all depends on your sexual compatibility, namely the chemistry between you. The fact is that nature has provided everything in such a cunning way that we are blown away by people whose genes are best suited for us to reproduce. You and the man instinctively feel that you have very good compatibility at the body level, and you are inexplicably drawn to each other.
I won’t go into details of biochemistry, but just accept it as a fact that if you are incredibly attracted to each other sexually, then you have excellent genetic compatibility, and in this case a man can also fall in love.
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Now let's talk about the other side of the coin
If a man is a womanizer and is spoiled by female attention, then there is no way to fall in love with him through sex. Because sex is not a scarce resource for him, therefore the value of intimacy for such a man is less. This is the first point that every girl should understand.
The second fact is that men and women produce completely different hormones after intimacy. Namely: after great sex with a man, a girl produces oxytocin (the hormone responsible for affection). Those. a girl is able to fall in love with a man after the first intimacy due to the production of this hormone.
While a man does NOT produce oxytocin after intimacy with a woman. Instead, he produces happiness hormones in large quantities (which are not responsible for attachment to a partner). Therefore, a man gets pleasure, but does not become attached to a woman. This fact is the main reason why girls end up in open relationships, and not men. But why is nature arranged this way?
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It's all about evolution and our biological goals. At an evolutionary level, it is important for a woman to attach a man to her after intimacy, so that he will care for her and her offspring. Those. It's all about offspring and children. If a woman in ancient times remains pregnant and without a man, then with a high probability she will die. Yes, times have changed, and we no longer live in caves, but the instincts remain, because... It was in wild, not modern conditions that humanity lived for most of its existence.
But a man, from a survival point of view, does not need to become attached to a girl after intimacy. A man will not walk pregnant for 9 months, so he does not carry any risks. His task is to fertilize as many females as possible (yes, this goes against public morality, but you can’t fool nature), so the likelihood of an elite male becoming attached to a woman after mating is minimal.
It looks like I'm talking about the animal world. But yes, we are animals. There is no need to think that we are somehow unique and very different from other mammals. Yes, we differ from other species of animals in having a more developed cerebral cortex, we think at a completely different level, unlike the same cheetah, but our instincts and limbic system are the same.
So, let's summarize: a man does not become attached to a woman after sexual intimacy (the exception is the situation when a man has a shortage of sex). But a woman is able to become attached to a man because she produces oxytocin.
And an unequal situation arises in which a woman risks falling unrequitedly in love and ending up in a “Sex Only” relationship. How then can a woman avoid such a fate and make a man fall in love with her?
Retreat instead of a happy ending
Lyubov Rosenberg is a Gestalt therapist, expert on TV federal channels and psychologist of the sixth season of the show “Boys” on the TV channel “Friday!”
We have already considered the situation when one hero of an office romance has a family. But often things don’t work out the way they did for the Meladze brothers: a married man decides to divorce, but his lover “gives in” and breaks up with him. Why does a participant free from marital obligations refuse to continue the relationship when the main obstacle to reunification disappears?
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According to the psychologist, several options are possible. Firstly, probably one of the partners did not regard the relationship as long-term; for him, it was permissible only without serious obligations. “There may be a general fear of long-term relationships, based on previous experience or the parental family scenario. In this case, he was quite happy that his partner was married, and when he decides to divorce, it becomes dangerous, as it entails obligations,” explained Lyubov Anatolyevna.
In the second option, the unconscious goal becomes precisely to prove one’s strength and raise self-esteem at the expense of the partner. When this happens, the person turns out to be uninteresting.
“We almost always heal and meet our needs through relationships, simply by using each other,” the Gestalt therapist believes. “It turns out it’s unconscious and sincere.” We believe that this is love, it is forever, but as soon as the task is solved and there is no interest in continuing the relationship, it ends. It is quite possible that for the married partner the goal of the new romantic relationship was precisely to leave the family union, but he did not dare to do this for fear of loneliness. Having divorced, he begins to behave differently, which leads to a break in the relationship. And here, too, the goal has been achieved.”
Is the game worth the candle?
In the film, Batyrev and Loza played spouses.
In the case of Anton Batyrev and Evgenia Loza, the romance that began on the set of the film “On the Swing of Fate” resulted in marriage, but less than a year later the spouses separated. But they said that for the sake of Loza, Batyrev left his wife, who gave him a son. Well, three months after his divorce from Evgenia, Anton was already dating his chosen one, Anna.
Does this mean that our hero is, in principle, polygamous, or did he simply “mess up”, mistaking falling in love with his movie partner for serious feelings?
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“I think that Anton is simply amorous and perceives every falling in love as a sign, as the apogee of feelings and desires to be with his chosen one. I can even imagine that being with him when he is in love is not easy. There is a feeling that he shows his feelings too clearly and demands the same from his partner. You can drown in love, you can strangle with it. In general, the roots of this behavior may be in deep childhood trauma, in an anxious type of attachment to significant people. I take this as a request for therapy/working through with a psychologist such a recurring behavioral pattern,” concluded our expert.
Konstantin Meladze easily got along with Vera's daughters from previous relationships
The Meladze brothers, because of their affairs with the lead singers of VIAGRA, destroyed their families, but the result was positive, because they found happiness and entered into marriages that continue to this day. So is it possible to somehow understand that a relationship with a colleague is worth deciding to leave your spouse? Or is it always a lottery?
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“There is no universal answer to this question. The stories of the development of the novels of Valery and Konstantin Meladze are just examples of long-term and natural relationships, when everything was thought through many times and feelings were tested for strength and truth. It happens in life that one relationship has exhausted its resource and new ones are needed for further life. We have no right to judge and accuse people of impermanence. Everyone also decides this question for themselves, in accordance with their conscience and true desires,” summed up the Gestalt therapist.
Harassment
Previously, Proklova said that at 15 she fell in love with Oleg Tabakov, so those around her related revelations about molestation to the personality of the deceased director.
Relationships in the workplace also have a very unsightly side. After the #metoo movement that thundered throughout the world, the topic of harassment and oppression by superiors towards subordinates is especially acute. In the West, everyone is talking about Harvey Weinstein, but in Russia, everyone is talking about Elena Proklova’s loud statement about sexual assault by a famous director, followed by similar messages from other actresses. How to avoid harassment and what to do if something like this does happen?
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“A person always has a choice. Elena Proklova and the girls who accused Weinstein had it, Lyubov Anatolyevna is convinced. “I am absolutely sure that any kind of harassment is unacceptable, especially when it is associated with manipulation and comes from a hierarchical position of permissiveness. But there is an understanding of benefit. After all, all statements were made many years later. Why was the harassment not reported immediately? Every person has the right to protect himself by refusing an offer. This is the role of victim, known to everyone, which is very convenient to put on and live in it, suffering and expecting sympathy. There is only one piece of advice - don’t be silent! Or choose what is more profitable for you.”
Photo: Mosfilm/Legion-Media, Instagram.com, personal archive, still from the film “Shine, Shine, My Star”, still from the film “On the Swing of Fate”
