How to understand people: simple ways and techniques to find out the essence of a person

• October 6, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Ekaterina Vladimirovna

Not every person has the ability to understand the motives and actions of other people. But without this it is extremely difficult to build personal and work relationships. The ability to understand others, as well as to determine the inner essence of each person comes with years and experience. Therefore, you need to start learning this art as early as possible. Fortunately, this is not as difficult as it might initially seem. There are several simple ways to understand people. To complete them, you only need to develop such qualities as sensitivity, attentiveness and the ability to observe.

How can you tell by your face?

First of all, when communicating with another person, you pay attention to the face. It is from this that you can very quickly understand the emotional state of your interlocutor. The face can be completely different: funny, smart, insightful, cunning.

There is an opinion that only the face is considered the most accurate source for reading information. In fact, this is not entirely true, since it is easy to control the condition of the face if desired. Only professionals are able to thoroughly read a person’s emotions by micromovements of the eyes, lips, and so on.

If another person has a need to hide his feelings, then he will do it, and nothing will be clear from his face. Still, it is better to know the recommendations of psychology on how to better understand people by their facial expressions. Sometimes it’s not possible to determine true feelings, but it’s easy to determine whether someone is lying or not. There is a branch of science called “psychology of lies.” How to understand that a person is lying, knowing the subtleties of facial movements? This is how this direction works, but often people meet two-faced people; how to recognize them, read the publication: https://www.syl.ru/article/378829/kak-ponyat-chto-chelovek-dvulichnyiy-i-kak-im-ne -stat.

Psychology: reading people - key 2 skills

The most important thing for reading people to work effectively: 2 things: how to understand the psychology of the person in front of you, what’s on his mind. And it doesn’t matter even if this happens by email, on VKontakte, by phone or in person. Regardless of the method of communication, it is important to be here and now and not have your head in the clouds.

To keep in shape, such experienced businessmen love extreme sports, which, willy-nilly, force them to keep themselves in the present tense. And if you fly away somewhere mentally, you may simply not return physically - this is the specificity of extreme sports enthusiasts. They have to train this whole thing on a volitional level.

There are other trainings, for example, a practical course on communication. Every good person can train their ability to be here now and really look at the one who is in front of you.

An acquaintance of his wrote to a person on Vkontakte that his mother urgently needs help - transfer money to my card. And he, without hesitation, translated. It’s a shame, it’s embarrassing to be a curmudgeon and once again check whether it’s a scammer who hacked your account. But you are transferring decent money to a certain card - and you could first call your friend to see if this is really so.

And if you train the ability to be here and now, the ability to look at what is really in front of you. Not your ideas about something or someone, but reality, then you will be able to notice different things and as a result you will very quickly understand the essence of a person. You will be able, for example, to understand: he is really upset or he is playing.

Body

According to many experts, the source of information leakage is the human body itself. In many situations, the interlocutor is able to control his emotions on his face, but at the same time he is unlikely to be able to hide them on his body.

First of all, gait can tell about a person’s internal state. It is unique for everyone, which is why any change in a person can be understood.

1. The heaviest gait is in a state of anger.
2. If a person feels his importance and a sense of pride, then his step will be wide.
3. During great experiences, a person practically does not move his hands.
4. But in a happy state, the body seems to soar and fly above the ground.

It is not always possible to notice the emotional state of your interlocutor by body gestures. Most often it is hidden under clothes; in a state carried away by one’s problems one cannot notice clenched fists, tapping fingers, or swaying feet. How to understand a person by his behavior? Psychology clearly states that it often communicates an emotional state.

What is physiognomy

Photo by Ehsan: Pexels
Physiognomy (from the ancient Greek words meaning "nature" and "interpretation") is a method

determining a person’s personality type, his mental qualities and state of health, based on an analysis of external facial features and his expression. In physiognomy, there are 10 facial features:

• Forehead - character traits.
• Eyes are a reflection of intelligence.
• Cheekbones are a sign of strength.
• Nasolabial folds are a symbol of life expectancy.

• Eyebrows symbolize power.
• Chin is strength of character.
• Ears are a symbol of life potential
• The nose is a symbol of wealth.
• The mouth is a symbol of individuality, sexuality and sensitivity.
• The hollow above the upper lip is a symbol of sexuality and fertility.

By studying this method, you will find it very interesting and exciting to recognize a person’s character and inclinations by external signs.

Meaning of words

With a person’s speech, everything is quite simple, since you hear the words, perceive and analyze them, but a person does not always tell the truth, pronounce it to the very end.

Very often you can encounter lies. Also, sometimes there are problems with vocabulary when it is not possible to express all desires.

It turns out that with the help of words, the body or facial expressions one cannot fully express oneself, much less understand another person. How, then, to understand others? Everything is very simple. To feel the worries and experiences of another person, you just need to put yourself in the place of your interlocutor, feel the other person’s state, take into account behavior and reactions.

It is this simple truth that is very often forgotten and not used. No one thinks about the condition of others, solving only their own problems. It turns out that close people are deaf to problems, which causes reciprocal indifference and misunderstanding.

Artificial intelligence

In fact, the ability to try on a particular situation has nothing to do with predicting the behavior of another person in such circumstances. After all, each person has his own consciousness, which can be very different from ours. Therefore, today psychologists are increasingly relying on the capabilities of artificial intelligence, which may turn out to be more accurate in predictions.

Experts from the University of Westminster have already developed automated software and analyzed almost 8 thousand email addresses. The program was supposed to distinguish fake addresses from real ones, and its predictions turned out to be accurate in 70% of cases. In the future, there are plans to use the software to identify fraudulent visa applications or check marriage forms.

And scientists from Vanderbilt University, using artificial intelligence, were able to predict a suicide attempt. They collected data from more than 5,000 patients with physical signs of self-harm and, based on a study of their medical history, gender, age and place of residence, the program was able to identify a subsequent suicide attempt with an 80-90% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt within the next two years, and with a 92% probability of a subsequent suicide attempt. within the next two weeks.

Three main theories of relationship psychology

To better understand strangers, you should remember the general aspects of the psychology of people and relationships. After all, human behavior also depends on the characteristics of the psyche. They will help you find the answer to the question “How to understand a person?” books on psychology, various theories. A large number of theories that have studied these issues reveal psychological aspects. To the frequent question “Why don’t people understand each other?” psychology is able to give an answer, since it has long understood the main causes of phenomena closely related to it.

Dunbar number

Researcher Robin Dunbar has spent a lot of time studying the relationship between the activity of much of the cerebral cortex (neocortex) and social behavior.

Observations were made first on large groups of primates and their social behavior. Research has shown that the larger the surface of the neocortex, the more individuals there are in their communication; there are noticeable connections and patterns.

When studying people, the theory was confirmed. It was found that every person has a social circle. Some people from it are very close people with whom they maintain constant contact. Most often there are about 12 people. There is also a social group consisting of 150 people. There is constant communication with these people, perhaps even rare. Gradually, old ties weaken and disappear altogether. Therefore, you should not be offended if a person stops communicating over time, it means that he has someone new.

Rule 10

WHAT PEOPLE LAUGH AT:

ABOUT THE FUNNY AND THE MOCKERS

The laughter of others can evoke both positive and negative emotions in us. It all depends on what caused it and how sincere it is. We laugh with pleasure with a person who has a sense of humor, and try to avoid conversations with evil mockers.

Humor is always positive laughter; it cannot offend anyone. If there are people around you who are excellent at making people laugh, then you are lucky. It is pleasant and comfortable to communicate with such people. They have the ability to turn any uncomfortable situation, any embarrassment into a good, good-natured joke. If in a conversation with such a person you suddenly run out of topics to talk about, your interlocutor will definitely tell you some fresh anecdote or funny incident from his life. True, comedians can be quite annoying: they can insist that you listen to the joke they just learned, even if you are not in the mood. They will encourage you, try to infect you with their own laughter. It is useless to brush them off; it is best to find the strength and time within yourself - and listen to their story, thanking them with a restrained smile. You shouldn’t take their jokes with displeasure. Ironic people, like creative people, are very proud. If you don't appreciate their joke, they may be seriously offended by you.

Laughter is a hidden weapon. With people who know how to laugh, you need to always be on guard so as not to miss the moment when good-natured humor turns into evil ridicule or satire of you. Mockers are a special type of people who are constantly looking for flaws and shortcomings in those around them, which can become the theme of their next ironic or even sarcastic story. We don’t mind listening to a story about an absurd incident that happened to our friend, but we don’t really like it when we ourselves are the object of ridicule. With ridicule

nicknames are bad jokes, you just have to give them a reason for fun, and you will find yourself yet another hero of their sparkling stories. Therefore, you should not indulge and support them, laugh with them at their stories, which go from the category of humorous to the category of evil and sarcastic. If the mocker gets angry in your presence and his jokes go beyond the boundaries of the ethical norm, and it becomes unpleasant for you to listen to his “witty” sayings, then you should interrupt the interlocutor and ask him to change the topic. If he ignores your request, then use the enemy's method. Remember the golden rule: a mocker can laugh at anyone, but he cannot laugh at himself. Remember some funny, even ridiculous incident from the life of your interlocutor, in which he was not up to par, and, as if by chance, turn the conversation on this topic. Tell a story in which your mocker turns into a jester, fill the story with a lot of comical details, then your joker will feel uncomfortable. He will definitely be embarrassed and try to end your conversation as quickly as possible. This way you will put the joker in his place, and next time he will be more careful and tactful with you.

Hanlon's razor

The simple humorous saying “Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity” belongs to Robert Hanlon, who has published more than one collection of similar sayings. The only thing that can be corrected in this statement is to replace the word “stupidity” with “ignorance.” It is the lack of a complete picture of what is happening that affects a person’s perception of any events. Therefore, first of all, you should understand the situation and assess the cause of what happened.

For example, you received an email from a colleague with obvious criticism of an idea or a proposed project. At first glance it may seem that this was done with malice, but perhaps there was a simple misunderstanding of each other. Trivial ignorance in this matter can cause a conflict situation.

Nature of the phenomenon

Glossolalia can have a very different style; it is influenced by the speaker’s usual speech and the number of languages ​​he speaks.

The first theorists who studied this phenomenon were convinced that glossolalia had nothing to do with real language. She cannot perform any of the functions of speech. In addition, such “sentences” are quite often immediately forgotten by the speakers themselves.

Moreover, it is also impossible to transform glossolalia into some language that is close and understandable to us; it is simply an imitation of ordinary speech and nothing more.

Such speech behavior can be easily mastered if desired; you just need to relax and improvise. You can also train the pronunciation of such pseudowords. So, during one of the scientific experiments, people were given recordings of very emotional expressions, and against this background, many of the participants themselves were able to glossola. That is, in this state a person is aware of what he is saying and can easily control himself, but still more often glossolalia is associated with special emotional experiences. For the same reason, it cannot be classified as a symptom of any mental disorder.

But still, some mental disorders - schizophrenia - can be accompanied by schizophasia and glossolalia. Incoherent speech may be the only way autistic people can communicate.

And glossolalia sometimes resembles baby babble - that is, it can be considered as a type of pre-speech behavior consisting of individual sounds and syllables. Babbling is a kind of training for a child who in the future will learn to pronounce words and link them into sentences. And babies often accompany their “conversations” with rhythmic movements of their arms and legs; speech therapists say that coordinated actions are a very important stage in speech formation.

Some forms of glossolalia can often be found in art. For example, singing without words (vocalism) or the work of poets of certain movements (futurists, symbolists).

Herzberg's Motivation Factors

This theory can help in communicating with colleagues or friends. How to understand a person? Psychology will always tell you, even if the behavior is strange and inexplicable. The theory is that satisfaction and dissatisfaction from an activity are not the ends of one straight line. She argues that job dissatisfaction has many causes. These include:

• features of company management and policy;
• working conditions;
• control;
• interpersonal interactions in a team;
• salary amount;
• safety;
• status of a person in the workplace.

It turns out that if they are not there, then there is dissatisfaction. But this does not mean that if they are present there will be satisfaction. Most often, satisfaction does not depend on them, but on another group of reasons, which are called “motivation”. These include:

• confession;
• success and career growth;
• achievements;
• the work itself and the workflow;
• opportunities for self-realization.

From such a theory it follows that you can work in a prestigious, highly paid job, but at the same time feel very bad because of relationships in the team, your low importance, and lack of responsibility. And sometimes a person occupies a position with a small salary, but at the same time he is in demand, his work is valued, and he is incredibly happy about it. He is excited to go to work every morning.

First of all, this will be useful for heads of departments and companies to understand the psychological state of the team. This will help people who want to leave a high-paying job, because they often hear: “You’re crazy, what else do you need with that salary?” This will help you understand the person. How does psychology interpret such a command? She calls not to judge for an act that is alien to oneself.

Socionics: us and information

The essence of socionics is as follows. People differ in how they perceive information, process it, and produce results. According to this theory, all people are divided into 16 sociotypes (and the type does not change throughout life). Each type has certain unique features that distinguish it from others. Therefore, knowing the type of person, you can say, if not everything, then a lot about him. Skeptics usually say: “So, it turns out that every 16th person is your copy?” Of course not. A sociotype is the backbone, but the “meat” can be different. For example, upbringing, education, intelligence, creative abilities form a personality based on a certain type. And, of course, as individuals we are all unique.

The sociotype, in turn, shows what our strengths and weaknesses are, what the direction of our psyche is and what motives drive us.

In short, the type is obtained as follows. There are 4 pairs of characteristics that form a type:

1. How we perceive information: sensory (based on the 5 senses) or intuitively (based on the same 5 senses, but primarily on the 6th – intuition);
2. How we process information: using logic (analysis, calculation, structure) or using ethics (emotions, relationships);
3. How do we produce the result: rationally (plans, predictability, reliability) or irrationally (spontaneity, inspiration, inspiration, unpredictability);
4. How the psyche is aimed at interacting with the world: extroverted (openness, contact, expansion) or introverted (closedness, minimal contact, deepening).

We are designed in such a way that everything is mixed in us at once, but from each presented pair of signs, one thing always (!) predominates. For example, you cannot be 50% logical and 50% ethical; something is inherent in nature.

Combining with each other, these characteristics make up 16 sociotypes. For example, from the first pair, sensory is dominant in a person, from the second – logic, from the third – irrationality, from the fourth – extraversion. So we got one of 16 types. He is called a sensory-logical extrovert. By studying the characteristics of this type, we can learn a lot about this person.

Tips from professionals on how to understand other people

How to build relationships with other people, how to understand a person? Psychology defines these questions as the most difficult tasks in life. Don't ignore studying books. Numerous works will help you learn to communicate with people and tell you how to understand that this is your person; psychology evaluates many life situations. Professional psychologists offer several tips that should help in communication.

1. Every person always thinks that he is doing the right thing, so to understand him, you should look at the situation from a different angle.
2. Each person has his own point of view and behavioral characteristics on any situation. Don't think that your solution to the problem is the only correct one. You need to leave other people the desire to do as they see fit.
3. Don't take everything to heart. First of all, when communicating, you need to really realize that the other person is confident that he is right.
4. You should not think that the interlocutor knows how the other person feels at this moment. He may not even realize how the words spoken affect anything. How to understand a person? Psychology will help to understand such issues.
5. Everyone has their own world of perception and range of feelings, so it is worth considering that the other person has their own thoughts and feelings.
6. To begin to understand other people better, you can try taking an observational position. If you simply watch a person and watch his behavior, you can better begin to understand the world around you.

Using the STEVE method

This method is very similar to the Big Five, but it measures how calm, precise, playful and dominant a person is. With its help, you can figure out how to understand people, find common ground with them, and influence them. To do this, it is necessary to take a number of measures:

• Pay attention to the person's openness, extroversion, playfulness and tendency to have fun. The most open people are more organized, responsible and have increased creativity.
• Monitor a person’s behavior in stressful situations. This will tell you how capable he is of solving problems on his own.
• Determine whether a person is prone to domineering behavior. If he has determination, purposefulness, activity and perseverance, then he is a rather powerful person.
• Pay attention to a person’s pedantry by assessing his appearance and surroundings. People who take care of order in their things are more responsible and constant.

The combination of the “Big Five” and “STEVE” methods will help quickly reveal the inner essence of the person of interest.

Relationship

How to understand that a person likes you? Psychology will help deal with this issue.

To begin with, it is worth understanding that a person who cares about another always shows interest in the latter: in his/her conversations, topics and problems raised. This is an attempt to bond over something in common.

Physical contact is not universal, but in many cases (such as stroking the arm, touching the shoulder) can serve as another signal.

Although, frankly speaking, in order to understand that one person likes another, you need to have very serious psychological knowledge and possess the same skills (which the majority of the population cannot boast of).

Using the Big Five Method

This concept is based on several of the most pronounced aspects of personality: openness, friendliness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and extraversion. These personal qualities can reflect how predisposed a person is to conflict, new knowledge and communication. Understanding a loved one thanks to these properties is quite simple, since these qualities will constantly emerge during close communication. But with a stranger, for example, a colleague, distant relative, new friend or business partner, it will be more difficult. To determine the level of these personality aspects, you need to do the following:

• Constantly monitor a person’s reaction to change.
• Pay attention to his habits to assess conscientiousness, responsibility, organization and awareness.
• Observe the interaction of a person with the people around him. This way you can determine the level of his extraversion.
• Ask open-ended questions to the person you are interested in. Detailed answers will allow you to evaluate his friendliness.
• Monitor the presence of neurotic states: moodiness, pessimism, anxiety, irritability and unpredictability.

Learning how to understand people is not difficult. You just need to always be attentive and closely observe the person you are interested in.