Who doesn't dream of love? This is such a wonderful feeling about which they compose songs, write poems, make films and TV series. Love pushes people to exploits, good deeds and relationships. In principle, love binds people together, which encourages them to start families and have children. If it were not for this feeling, people would not do such pleasant things, children would grow up in single-parent families, and hearts would never experience “ticklish” emotions. However, it is love that raises many questions.
The most common of them are:
- What is love?
- Does it exist?
- How to determine what a man loves?
- How to determine what a woman loves?
When a person is in love, he longs to know about the feelings of his other half. Often people in love are so dependent and blinded by their feelings that they do not want to see obvious things. Love not only gives pleasant and good moments, but also makes people stupid, helpless and weak. What is this feeling? Let's find out in this article.
Definition of true love
In fact, there is no clear definition of true love as such. Yes, and it is very rare. Only not many people manage to experience this feeling. But almost all people on the planet dream about it.
True love is expressed in the manifestation of feelings, because of which a person can radically change his behavior towards the object of his adoration. For example, if someone caused you trouble, offended you, humiliated you, then you may not only experience a feeling of anger, but are often ready to begin to take revenge on this person.
But if your loved one did the same actions, then you, of course, will also be offended, and even angry. But you won’t even think about revenge.
Scientific explanation
Love undoubtedly does exist, but from a scientific point of view, it is not so easy to explain the feeling. Science believes that the right hemisphere of the brain, which controls human emotions, is responsible for love. They also secrete some hormones and substances that are subject to feelings: phenylethylamine and oxytocin.
Phenylethylamine is produced in small quantities in one of the parts of the brain. The substance acts like a drug: it excites, provokes the desire for intimacy. The effect is also short-lived. Getting used to phenylethylamine, the body reacts less and less excitedly to the desired object.
Oxytocin is a hormone that affects the genitals and lactation. It is responsible for sensitivity, so a guy or girl in love wants to hug and touch their chosen one as often as possible. The hormone affects feelings of affection.
If a person intelligently loves himself, then the substance and the hormone are in balance, which leads to the choice of a worthy partner.
How does true love arise?
It is impossible to immediately understand whether you have real feelings for your partner. After all, they say that love at first sight does not exist. And the first year of your relationship, as a rule, is determined only by the feeling of falling in love, which is based on certain qualities of the person and sexual attraction to him.
While you live together, you have disagreements that can lead to quarrels and scandals. At this time, your feelings are tested for strength. And, if the number of positive emotions from living together has decreased, it means that your feelings could not stand the test. At this stage, a large number of couples break up.
But, if you have learned to find compromises and reduce tension during a showdown, and also learned to understand and feel each other, then you can be congratulated - you are close to the true feeling of love.
How to develop real feeling
Simple sympathy can develop into love between a man and a woman. The arguments confirm the fact that at one moment feelings can flare up, and they can no longer be stopped. That's why sometimes love comes without asking permission. But everything remains in the hands of two people, if they want feelings to develop, then they open their hearts, but if not, they keep it locked.
The main thing is to clearly understand that love does not appear in a short period of time. This feeling develops over the years, it must endure all tests and survive. Appearance does not play a big role in this matter; today it is there, but tomorrow it is gone. What is important is what is in a person’s heart, his inner world – joys and experiences.
You need to love for something specific, and not just for pretty eyes. A person should be attracted to his qualities, attitude to life, goals and desire - this is love between a man and a woman. Sex is just an addition to everything else, a gift that married couples enjoy.
Is there really true love?
There is a belief that true love only happens once in life. But the problem is that even the brightest feelings can fade over time. But the need for love remains. Therefore, a person can fall in love again and more than once.
Many people equate true love with first love, during which they were completely open to their crush. At this time, no one thinks about what this openness and complete trust can lead to. Our heart is wide open for our loved one.
But, over time, the feelings that seemed real to us pass. Passion fades away. True, this process can take quite a long time. And, if the feelings have faded away completely, then the person starts a new relationship or remains alone. If faith in true love is alive, then throughout life, even after being in several relationships, a person continues to look for that one person in whom he can again trust and open his heart. If the first experience was too painful, a person loses all hope of finding true love. The confidence settles in his heart that love does not exist at all.
From the experience of such relationships, the image and understanding of true love is formed. And since this image is different for everyone, it is impossible to give an unambiguous definition of love.
What psychologists say
Some researchers compared falling in love with a great illusion and called the feeling just a spiritual instinct. But the majority still stopped at the fact that this state is transformative, therefore it is healing for a person. Here are some examples of the understanding of love by famous psychologists.
Erich Fromm
Erich Fromm understood love as the eternal triumph of the divine in man over a single moment, everything earthly. He suggested studying it as a work of art, exerting mental strength in order to fully understand what was happening. You need to have patience, enlist complete dedication and not be afraid to fail.
The feeling of being needed is a necessary feeling for the formation of a trusting attitude towards the world. Well-being in the soul is impossible without the development of heartfelt affection. Based on this concept, even unrequited love must be perceived as the perfection of nature, a gift given from above.
Arthur Petrovsky
This researcher proposed treating love as a way of comprehending objective reality. His thoughts deserve special attention, since they help to comprehend what is happening and analyze everyday events. Arthur Petrovsky endowed love with value only because this feeling helps a person become better, develop comprehensively, and change his attitude towards life.
Without a doubt, love exists. This feeling deserves special attention. True love is easy to miss because it does not catch the eye like falling in love and does not become the subject of endless speculation.
Can love be faked?
This wonderful feeling cannot be imitated. And no matter how much you and I would like to recreate it, nothing will work. The heart cannot be deceived. When people begin a relationship, they begin to fall in love, which can turn into a real feeling. But if this does not happen, then there is no need to talk about any real love.
There may be another scenario. If two people, living together and, initially, without falling in love, have learned to understand and respect each other, then, over time, they can be visited by a guest called “True Love”.
A few steps to help strengthen your love
It is necessary to constantly strengthen love. After all, if you don’t add wood to the fire, the fire will quickly go out. Likewise, love needs tender manifestations. These are not necessarily expensive gifts or pompous words. It is enough just to be close, to share all the sorrows and joys between two.
Small expressions of feelings will always be welcome. A small flower or a note of recognition can make a person a hundred times happier than something grandiose. All you need is a little, and this is attention and a strong shoulder nearby. A person must be sure that he is not indifferent and that people are interested in his life.
Candy-bouquet period
The most wonderful stage of a relationship is when you want to pause the whole world and just enjoy each other. This stage is called the candy-bouquet stage or the stage of falling in love. You remember that there are still several stages to true love? By the way, at this stage it is not recommended to make serious decisions about a common future: marriage, children, etc.
Signs of falling in love:
- Idealizing a partner
- The desire to spend as much time with each other as possible
- Lack of interest in other people
- Feeling inspired, inspired
This period lasts differently for everyone - a month, half a year, a year. But it definitely ends, moving to a new phase. This is for the better, because scientists have proven that at the stage of falling in love, a person’s brain activity is as if under the influence of narcotic substances. If this period had lasted longer, physical and nervous exhaustion would have come very soon.
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
How to prove your love? Psychologists believe that love can be proven in different ways . There are several proven methods that will help improve relationships.
What does your favorite color say about a person? Find out about this from our article.
For guys
How to convince a girl that you love her?
In order for a girl to feel the love of her chosen one, it is necessary to talk to her more often about the future .
We need to make joint plans, talk about our desire to have a beautiful home and children.
Usually, women have this picture already in their heads; she will be glad if she hears similar desires from the lips of her beloved . The girl will understand that they value her and want to start a family with her.
There is no need to be afraid of frank conversations. Any fears or disagreements should be discussed immediately.
Before going to bed, in a comfortable, relaxing environment, you should calmly have a heart-to-heart talk and dream together. This brings people together and eliminates any fears . The girl will trust the young man more.
You should ask the girl how she sees her future and whether she considers herself happy. The guy should ask what she expects from life, what prospects please and inspire her most.
This will show that the chosen one is serious , it really matters to him what his beloved dreams of, what he wants to achieve in the future.
Love must be fueled by actions. A girl should be surprised in every possible way and please her. It’s great if a guy gives you a bouquet of flowers, with or without reason, invites you to a restaurant, or arranges a romantic evening at home.
You can organize a picnic, go on a trip, breaking out of your routine.
And of course, the chosen one must definitely give compliments: thanks to them, she will glow with happiness, feel tenderness and care.
There is no need to hide the surging feelings. If you want to hug a girl, kiss her, press her closer, you should definitely do this.
The other half will be delighted with such manifestations. It wouldn’t even occur to her that they don’t love her. She will be confident in her beloved .
How to get your beloved man back after a breakup? Practical recommendations will help you!
How to prove your love to a girl? Find out from the video:
4.Patience
In a traditional society, religious and cultural traditions contribute to the preservation of marriage, but in modern society they are greatly weakened. Understanding and working on oneself can help a modern person get through this difficult stage. Many intuitively understand this and it is during this period that they most often seek advice from a psychologist, read specialized literature, and attend seminars. The crisis of the third year of marriage often coincides with the third or fourth stage; this is the very moment when the love boat crashes into everyday life
You can observe the following picture: by the beginning of the fourth stage, many already have a child, the woman transfers almost all her attention to him. Relationships become much more casual
But since now there are new common goals, property, children, it is impossible to follow only emotions and desires. Therefore we have to endure. But the task of this period is not at all to endure the hardships of living together with clenched teeth. If you do this, then such patience may sooner or later burst, or the moment will come when the children grow up. Then the old problem will rear its head again and the couple will feel that the “glue” that kept them together all these years has disappeared, and they again find themselves faced with an unresolved situation: what should they do with each other next. The task of this period is completely different. Tolerance towards one's neighbor is the germ of wisdom and true love. This is a step that helps to overcome selfishness, accept the individuality of another person and understand that “if you want to change something, start with yourself.” If you know how to respect not only your own opinions and desires, but also the needs of your partner, and see in him an individuality, and not dough for sculpting your ideal, congratulations, you are nearing the end of this stage. During this period, there are also quarrels, but they are already manageable, and there is an understanding that the sun will appear again from behind the clouds after a while.
“Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think that sexuality is love. But that's not true. Sexuality, passion is very animal, it undoubtedly has the ability to develop into love, but this is not real love, but only a possibility” Osho Zen Tarot. VI lasso.
How is love different from other feelings?
We can often confuse genuine feelings with “deceptions.” Let's see where we might be wrong.
Falling in love is a strong passion, attraction to a person, “rose-colored glasses,” intoxication and the inability to reason soberly about the object of love. Love is attraction, but sober with awareness of all the pros and cons of the partner.
Attachment is control and putting your desires first, conscious or unconscious benefits from relationships (for example, you should always be there so that I don’t feel lonely), and a requirement for submission. Love is selflessness, emotions, energy and orientation towards the desires of the loved one.
Friendship - people have common goals, values and interests, they are pleased with the same actions. For example: I develop children in the Montessori system, my friend too, we discuss progress and set goals that we achieve together. Love is the same thing, only with attraction and passion. Loving people can also be great friends.
And now briefly:
What could be the stages of love in psychology by year?
It is unlikely that couples who managed to overcome the temptations of all stages and come to the final stage will remember how many months (years) this or that stage lasted.
Video: 7 stages of development of love between a man and a woman
This is very individual - some become a full-fledged family in 5-7 years, while others may take a quarter of a century.
It is not for nothing that popular wisdom calls only the date of the 50th anniversary of marriage “golden”: a huge period of time must pass for the spouses to become, as they say, “do not spill water.”
Many note that by this time they even become similar in appearance to each other.
Why do we need knowledge of the stages of love? It's simple: with this information, every young family will be prepared for the difficulties of the first years of life together.
Crises will not end in divorce: on the contrary, they will push the couple to a new round of relationships.
The spouses, knowing that the highest reward awaits them - love - will overcome all difficulties together, and their love boat will never run aground.
How to understand that you truly love someone
¨ Excitement. When a loving person appears, you begin to worry for no reason. As a result, you may drop your cup or see your hands shaking wildly. You can't string words together into one sentence;
¨ Skin pigmentation. Without knowing it, you may feel awkward and blush. Even standing in a cool room. But each person has individual skin pigmentation and its manifestations are individual. Your cheeks may turn red, only your ears may turn red, or, on the contrary, you may turn pale in front of everyone;
¨ Conversations and thoughts. Don't know how to understand whether you love a person? You are in love if you constantly talk about your object of adoration. His image does not leave your thoughts. When you try on this or that outfit, you definitely think about whether he will like it. Imagine different situations with your participation in the main role;
communication. When you talk to him, you like his voice. You write to him very often, sometimes even too much. You expect a response to the stupidest messages, even those that have no text. In conversation you often use the word “We” rather than “I” and “he”. It's rare to call him by his name. “Trying on” his last name;
¨ Magnet. You are completely, completely, constantly drawn to him. You can tell whether you love a person by the fact that you always strive to be where he is. You often meet “by chance” in different places. Sometimes you just don’t understand how this meeting could happen, but your heart knows which paths to take;
¨ Recoil. You want to give everything to your loved one. Nothing worries you except your general happiness and its pleasure. You are ready to make any sacrifice for the sake of well-being in a relationship, and you react to any of his whims with dignity.
You can understand that you love a person with the help of folk wisdom. One of them says that when people are in love, they often quarrel, but when they are in love, quarrels become a rare occurrence. It takes a lot of strength for love to remain in your hearts, but even more strength is needed to recognize this love. Don't miss the chance to love the one and only person who will become your whole world. Love and be loved!
