How to stop being afraid and decide to quit your unloved job

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The future simultaneously beckons and frightens people. The familiar environment does not allow him to develop, but allows him to enjoy the appearance of security. Suppressed fears that force you to hold on to a job you don’t like can be overcome: every fear has its own root cause.

Fear prevents many people from quitting a job they don’t like.

Psychologists say: “if you are afraid to quit, you subconsciously crave dismissal.” Responsibilities that are not enjoyable and create unnecessary stress must be replaced with activities that bring true satisfaction.

Sources of fear

The main task of any individual is self-realization, that is, finding one’s place in life, including getting a good job. In this matter, one of the most important factors influencing the evaluation of a position is the size of the salary and the opportunity for career growth. The desire to find a job that meets the needs of the individual pushes one to look for a new place, but the person is afraid of losing his usual way of life, and therefore postpones dismissal for an indefinite period.

Fear is due to reasons such as:

• negative experience;
• financial difficulties;
• temporary loss of opportunity to work;
• disability;
• suppressed childhood fears.

When a child is taught from childhood that there is no justice in the world, and work is only difficult, then even as an adult, this person cannot perceive the surrounding reality differently. He is sure that there are no good prospects in life, and therefore there is no point in wasting time trying to improve something. This person is not sure that it is worth quitting a job if you don’t like it, since in his opinion the new place will most likely be no better than the current one.

We know how Habr readers quit

A year ago, the author of Verovir published a wonderful, sincere article on Habré about layoffs. It has one drawback - it is too subjective and emotional, although the author does not hide this. With the permission of the author of the text, we use the survey results to analyze the reasons for dismissal among Habr readers and talk about behavior in each case.

▍So, what did the survey tell us? (serious sample - 2490 people)

48% of respondents changed 3-5 jobs, which is quite typical for the modern commercial sphere; there is a high percentage of those who changed jobs more than 6 times - 17%, about the same number of stable ones who changed jobs 1 time (the question was formulated a little incorrectly; most likely, this included those who did not change jobs at all.

Among the reasons for changing jobs, the most expected is bad attitude from management (and this is worth listening to), the second is insufficient wages. A fairly high proportion is occupied by socio-psychological factors: burnout and internal conflict. Surprisingly, the legacy stack encourages only 18% to change jobs.

38% of respondents consider their job ideal, but the remaining 62% are very unstable in relation to their current workplace. This is a reason to think about it and start working on retaining, rather than finding, personnel.

35% of respondents are ready to leave their job with an increase in income by 25%, the same number - by 50%, and 13% each want either a double salary increase or are not ready to leave (in fact, both of these categories are most likely satisfied with their work).

Among the reasons for dismissal, everything is quite standard: the most popular reason among dismissals is voluntary (among those who responded, 93% went through this), 12% - at the request of the manager and 14% due to layoffs; 17% according to the agreement of the parties, popular in the IT sphere, and only 4% did not pass the probationary period (I think there are many here who left the company at this stage).

Diffidence

Fear of such a dramatic change as moving to another position is based on a lack of self-confidence. A person hesitates to look for other options, partly because he has no idea what position he can handle successfully. Doubts and fear of losing what he has accumulated and gained do not allow him to move on. The employee performs any duties without the slightest protest, since he is convinced that more serious matters are beyond his strength.

Self-esteem influences many aspects of personality, and it depends on it:

• ambition;
• desire to gain education and experience;
• desire to achieve goals;
• relationships with others.

Self-doubt is a clear sign of low self-esteem. Such a person is afraid to take risks, break established boundaries and do anything alone. For him, losing his place is almost tantamount to losing the meaning of life. A person thinks about difficulties all the time. and such thoughts plunge him into panic. Low self-esteem limits the choice of specialty, since the old, familiar business is considered stable.

The team has a huge influence on a person. Having worked in one place for a long time, an employee suffering from self-doubt cannot decide to go to another organization, if only because he will be surrounded by unfamiliar people there. In addition, even if this specialist does not like the job, it is inconvenient for him to quit, since he believes that he will let his colleagues down.

First way

How to cope with the stress of being fired? Psychologists have long proven that the emotional state of a fired person is comparable to the feelings that people experience after betrayal or divorce. Therefore, the consequences, especially for those with a weak psyche, can be very severe, ranging from depression and insomnia to nervous breakdowns. To survive a layoff and stay healthy, you need to follow the tips we present below.

Fear of change

The fear of changing positions is explained by the fear of a possible future, as well as the fear of losing control over the situation.
After leaving a familiar place, a person faces many unknown events that frighten someone who is used to controlling his life. It is difficult for such a person to accept unpredictability. Fear of a new job is associated with a loss of authority and the possible uselessness of existing skills. Starting all over again in a new place is quite difficult for this employee. For him, atmosphere and experience are more important than salary increases. The pressure exerted on a person is also important: the more that is expected of him, the less rights he has to make an erroneous action.

Most often, such fears plague people who have experienced an event that caused them severe psycho-emotional trauma. To get rid of bad memories, they immerse themselves in productive activities, the cyclical nature of which distracts them from worries.

Expand your range of interests

“Go somewhere you haven’t been before, but where something interesting is happening.” Elena Rezanova.

If you want to radically change your life, first you need to determine your range of interests. We often plunge headlong into the “work tunnel” and see ourselves in only one role. We work in one direction and do not try to try ourselves in other areas. But there are so many opportunities around!

Ronald Reagan worked as a radio announcer for a long time. And then he became President of the United States. Director Bryan Cranston worked as a loader in his youth. Suze Orman worked as a waitress until she was 30, and is now among the TOP Forbes lists. And there are hundreds of such stories. Few people find their calling the first time. But if you fold your hands and go with the flow, achieving success will be impossible.

Try yourself in everything. Go to trainings, learn from online videos, try a variety of lectures. Constantly look for something new and unknown for yourself. Eventually you will be able to get out of the jam and figure out what to do next.

Decision making algorithm

The fear of changing jobs must be eradicated. Psychologists believe that one should act carefully and without unnecessary haste, which can lead to stress and new unpleasant events. A person must clearly understand that his fear of quitting will not disappear on its own, and therefore he needs to find its root cause. When it is eliminated, the employee will be able to move to another job.

Experts recommend adhering to the following algorithm of actions:

• deciding on the need for change;
• preparation for a gradual transition;
• searching for a suitable position;
• additional training if necessary for the new location;
• morale;
• change in thinking.

There is no need to make a decision in a fit of anger or despair. If the fear of change comes from a lack of self-confidence, then rash actions will only worsen the situation. The person will lose his comfort zone, and at the same time will not find the strength to continue the struggle, which will most likely lead to stress and subsequent depression.

The decision to change a position should be carefully considered, without haste or unnecessary emotions. Quitting a job and going to look for another position without professional training can leave a person disappointed, and therefore he needs to gradually get used to new thoughts and conditions.

Finding a job that will meet all the requirements of an individual is quite difficult, but do not despair. The following may help with this issue:

• special trainings and classes;
• visiting a psychologist;
• hobby;
• frank conversation with loved ones.

The proposed options for action can soften the transition from the comfort zone to the unknown world. It is imperative to remember that many people experience fear of changing their established lives, and doubts about their own knowledge and strength arise in almost every person. In addition, you should accept the fact that no one is immune from mistakes and failures.

Plan

Before you joyfully throw your resignation letter at your boss’s desk, think about a plan of action. It should include everything you will do after you are left without work and without income. Even if you want to take a week off first, this should be included in your plan. By the way, a little rest is very good and recommended. During this time, you will relax, restore strength and put your thoughts in order. Then you need to start taking active action.

Your plan should detail all your next steps and goals you want to achieve. Whatever the new activity, you need to think through all the possibilities for its implementation, where you can go, who can help, what you personally can do. Engage in strategic planning: a week of action to achieve a goal, four weeks to achieve a larger goal, two months to achieve an even greater goal, etc.

Without a clear plan, you risk getting into trouble, i.e. use up your savings, go into debt, fail to find an opportunity to realize your potential, start a new search for the “old” job and return to what you wanted to leave, but in an even worse form. Remember that your plan is your way of moving from your previous life to the desired one.

A change of scenery

When an employee, while at an enterprise, feels discomfort, cannot concentrate, and does not experience satisfaction from his job duties, psychologists recommend analyzing the situation in order to understand the reason for this condition. If the problem lies in the profession, then changing the type of activity is simply necessary.

If the feeling of fear before changing work responsibilities is caused by complexes or a low assessment of one’s abilities, then you can try to overcome it yourself. To do this, you need to decide to change your lifestyle.

You should gradually mentally separate work responsibilities and the people who are associated with them, because changing positions does not mean the end of friendly relationships. It’s quite possible to communicate with colleagues who have become friends outside the office, especially if you have common hobbies. In this way, a person will be able to maintain close relationships that are important to him, which will help him more easily cope with leaving his usual environment and adapting to a new workplace.

In order to decide on a new specialty, you can use career guidance tests. They provide an opportunity to understand what types of activities bring joy and inspiration to a person. Even a hobby can become your favorite profession, because with the right approach, almost any activity will bring a stable income.

Maintain a good relationship with the company

It happens that dismissal occurs due to conflicts with colleagues or management. Good news from scientists: Office wars are likely nothing personal for employees. An organization is a separate system with its own laws, in which conflicts occupy a special place and perform their functions.

In conflictology, at least four meanings of office wars are defined:

• team unity (for example, employees unite “against” the manager);
• a signal about more acute situations within the team, which are disguised as superficial conflicts;
• an impetus for the creative development of the organization, when it is necessary to look for new solutions for the development of the company;
• changes in the socio-psychological climate within the organization.

Therefore, if a conflict arises with co-workers, just know that you are in some kind of acute situation for the company as a whole, even if it seems as if you were guilty of something or made a mistake. Dismissal is the way out of this situation, and there will be no emotional intensity outside the company. You may have noticed that during the working day you only talk with colleagues about problems, but as soon as you find yourself in an informal setting, negative emotions go away and the topics of conversation change.

Try to ignore the irritation and look at the situation rationally: before leaving, it is important to communicate with colleagues in an informal setting in order to leave a pleasant impression before leaving. This is not difficult to do. Treat your colleagues to a farewell pizza, personally exchange contacts with those employees who are pleasant to you or could be useful, write a final letter thanking you for working side by side and encouraging you not to lose touch. At the interview you will definitely be asked about the reasons for leaving, and after that they may check your references, so the more contacts you can maintain, the better for your career.

Increased self-esteem

To successfully raise self-esteem, you need to look at familiar things differently, that is, you should concentrate on the merits of an individual, trying not to pay attention to its shortcomings, which only interfere with normal development and the achievement of new goals. Activities that do not bring material benefits allow you not only to gain self-confidence, but also to relax and forget about problems for a while. In this regard, sports, for example, regular visits to a fitness club or jogging, give good results. By working on the body, a person increases self-esteem and gets rid of many complexes.

In the process of changing your attitude towards life, you need to stop looking for excuses and justifications for your weaknesses. In addition, along with physical activity, the brain should also be stressed. Foreign language courses, creative activities, applied arts, and the like are suitable for this. Traveling or at least walking in nature will help you break away from your usual world and look at everything differently.

Automotive training helps raise self-esteem. These exercises consist of a person repeating words every day in front of the mirror that motivate him, inspire him and set him up for positive thinking. Gradually, phrases become fixed in the mind, causing sincere belief in them. The undoubted advantage of such auto-training is that it can be carried out at any convenient time.

Meditation and yoga classes bring peace and relaxation. In addition, they help put thoughts in order.

Finish things

“If possible, complete all projects and try to transfer all matters to a successor, if there is one, or to a manager,” advises HR manager Nina Leonidis. “Firstly, it’s professional, and secondly, it will help avoid unnecessary conflicts.”

Thirdly, you will leave a good memory of yourself, which is very important for your business reputation. The professional world is very narrow even in big cities, let alone small ones, and if you leave your colleagues on the run, one day it may come back to haunt you, even if now you have a new job “in your pocket” and it seems that there is “even grass” in the place you are leaving don't grow.

And leaving with dignity is like an adult. No matter how your relationship with the team developed, you had clients, projects and affairs that should not hang in a vacuum with your departure.”

Perhaps you yourself have found yourself in situations where you have to delve into the affairs of a resigned employee for a long time. Therefore, when leaving the company, act as in the song of the group “Zveri” - leave gracefully.

• Unfinished projects. If someone has not yet been found to take your place, distribute current projects among your colleagues. If your colleagues are already overloaded, then write a letter explaining this to your successor.
• Instructions and answers to questions. Regardless of who gets your work, create small instructions for working with your tasks. For example, how to handle work programs or what algorithm to use to communicate with clients. It can be in the form of questions and answers: this will make further work on your affairs easier, and will also set standards for work in general.
• Clients and partners. Everyone with whom you worked must be notified of your departure. Compose a letter for the company's clients and partners with the contacts of your colleagues, whom they can contact on business issues.
• Supervisor. The manager should be aware of the stage at which you are completing things. In addition, inform him about the difficulties that you encountered in the process of work: this will help to painlessly introduce a new person into your place.

Learning a new profession

We must not forget that changing a profession means learning new skills. Having decided on the area of ​​future activity, you need to study it as thoroughly as possible. There is no need to rush while studying, because even if you have natural inclinations, it is impossible to become a good specialist in one day. Hurry will only create additional stress, which is already more than enough during the job search period.

If a person has decided to change his field of activity, then he needs to learn more about the chosen specialty, take training courses or improve his qualifications. All this will allow you to prepare for new responsibilities, give you confidence and become the basis for successful work activity.

Before choosing a specialty, it is recommended to carry out certain preparation:

• get acquainted with data on popular vacancies;
• study the relationship between supply and demand in the industry of interest;
• select training programs, if necessary.

In order for your studies to bring maximum benefit, you should be guided not only by desires, but also by possibilities. For example, for a person who works shifts, studying at home using online courses is suitable. In addition, you can better get acquainted with a new profession on weekends. You should take your studies seriously, as new knowledge is easier for those who study more. And the employer will immediately pay attention to an applicant who is well versed in the production process.

However, even a person who has no experience, but strives to find a suitable specialty, will definitely get the desired job. You should not count on the fact that the employer will immediately hire a newcomer for a high salary or a responsible position, but if the employee likes the new responsibilities, then career growth will not be long in coming.

A person spends a significant part of his life at work. Labor activity allows you to earn money, assert yourself and develop. But if it does not bring pleasure, does not provide financial stability and independence, then the specialty needs to be changed. A person’s fear of change, as well as his lack of confidence in his abilities, can interfere with this. New knowledge, sports and, if necessary, consultations with a psychologist will help you decide to quit your unloved job.

Airbag

This point is very important and needs to be given primary attention. An airbag is what will allow you to overcome difficulties at the stage when you quit and remain “free floating”. At first, a new activity may not be profitable or may not generate the income that you need and that is familiar to you. Therefore, when you are planning to quit, you should have some savings in reserve. In general, it is recommended to have an amount equal to six of your salaries at your previous place, i.e. an amount that can cover the costs of six unemployed months. But for many, saving even that much money is unrealistic. If you consider yourself one of these, then find an opportunity to provide for at least three months. Firstly, if you are able to work at your current job for another three or four months, you can start saving a little. Secondly, take into account your future payment from the employer. Estimate these amounts and add them up: if you manage to cover the basic costs, then you can safely quit. Remember, without an airbag, it is better not to take risks, but to take care of creating one. Although, of course, there are those who take risks.

Dismissal of a pensioner

How can a pensioner survive dismissal? After all, people of this age are more vulnerable in such a situation. Often retirees devote a lot of effort to the enterprise and are attached to it with all their hearts. For them, work has long become an integral and very important part of life. Therefore, it is much more difficult for them to cope with depression.

Were you fired from your job after retirement? What to do? Typically, retirees still have many friends from their service. Don't forget about them and shut yourself off. Support from loved ones can help. Remember that retirement is an excellent opportunity to live for your own pleasure. You have a lot of time that you can spend on yourself and your hobbies - take walks more often, find yourself a hobby.

TK: dismissal. The legislative framework

Any dismissal must be based on Article 80 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation. Be sure to familiarize yourself with this law and read all the amendments that have been made to it.

If the case is complex, then it would be useful to contact a lawyer. You must make sure that everything is happening according to the law and the boss is not trying to deceive you by not paying the required compensation. In a stressful situation, people rarely think about the legal side of the matter, as they are in a phase of denial or anger. And when emotions become dull, it is too late to demand something. If you yourself cannot understand the legal intricacies, turn to your loved ones for help.