Sooner or later, conflicts between spouses inevitably arise. This is not always associated with a cooling of feelings - moreover, the flip side of strong passion is precisely quarrels.
If you quarreled with your wife once or quarreling has become a habit, to maintain the relationship you need to be able to resolve conflict issues competently so that both parties are satisfied.
- Domestic quarrels
- The wife does not agree to reconciliation
- Strong quarrel
- Control of emotions
- Gross mistakes
- How to stop quarreling
- Reconciliation
- Help from a psychologist
Ordinary quarrel
A domestic quarrel can arise literally out of nowhere: your wife bought tickets for the wrong movie, forgot to take your favorite jacket to the dacha, etc. Such events do not cause the world to collapse, but they can often make you seriously angry.
The situation is especially “explosive” if you are going through difficult times: constant stress at work or the presence of other irritating factors. You can also be the culprit of the quarrel - it doesn’t matter who started it first. You need to be able to get out of a situation with dignity, without offending your partner’s feelings.
The main rule for resolving any conflict is not to attack from the shoulder. To help you hear each other, take a time out, spend some time alone and think about the situation. Once you cool down, you may see things in a different light.
You will also have time to choose the right words, which will allow you to avoid spontaneous accusations and insults. Once you've calmed down, start the conversation first. Even if the fault is not on your shoulders, be stronger and wiser - meet your loved one halfway.
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Overcoming a conflict situation involves three successive steps:
- Time out for reflection.
- Resolving the issue that caused the quarrel (buy tickets for the movie you want, find another jacket at the dacha, etc.)
- A conversation during which you explain your position on an issue and share with your wife your thoughts on how to avoid similar feuds in the future.
In the case of movie tickets, you can promise her to take over the purchase of tickets in the future. This way you will protect yourself from her possible mistakes and will be responsible for this area of joint leisure on your own.
How boundaries appear
The world around us constantly tests our strength: at work there is always a colleague who is ready to shift his responsibilities onto others, in companies there is an annoyingly frank friend, and even some friends tend to sit on our necks. But the most difficult thing to build healthy personal boundaries is in your own family.
A person is not born with ready-made boundaries. On the contrary: first the baby develops as a part of the mother’s body, and then, in the first months of life, he is in complete psychological fusion with her. Gradually, until the age of 17–20, the new person gains independence.
For a child to become a full-fledged adult, not only his efforts and time are required, but also the active assistance of his parents. But they do not always play a constructive role in this process, and sometimes they actively interfere with healthy growing up.
Toxic parents are not called toxic because we don't like them. Most of them - controlling, helpless, drinking and using violence - are united by an unconscious desire to keep the child with them at all costs in a state of codependency and submission.
Personal boundaries are a relatively new concept born out of a culture of individualism. They were widely discussed in psychology only in the 1960s–1980s. Just two or three generations ago, an extremely close-knit family, closed from external interference, was considered an excellent survival strategy, and not at all a pathology.
