Personal crises and the causes of their occurrence - how to cope with the disorder

An identity crisis can occur in the life of every person. Life is a cruel joke: when you have all the cards in your hands, it suddenly asks you to play checkers. Many users of social networks have probably heard this expression. And one cannot but agree with him. Sometimes life's troubles, misunderstandings with others and problems in personal relationships unsettle you. But sometimes the situation gets worse. A person loses the meaning of life, faces depression and suffers from insomnia. This is how a personal crisis develops. How to deal with it?

What is an identity crisis

Translated from Greek, crisis is a decision or turning point. Essentially, this is a clash of old views and priorities with new ones. What previously seemed important and came first is relegated to the background. The methods used to achieve goals become less effective.

In psychology, an identity crisis is a state when a person can no longer be the same as before. He gets into a dead end, tries to find a way out and often does not find it.

Everyone who faces a crisis describes it differently:

• feeling of loneliness even among family and friends;
• tension, stiffness, emotional fatigue;
• an oppressive feeling of hopelessness from which you cannot hide;
• feeling of isolation from others;
• need for outside help;
• the desire to find a way out of the void as quickly as possible.

Many people feel like they are not living their own lives. It’s as if they are in a huge transparent ball, separating them from others.

A personality crisis can be identified even from the outside. It has a number of characteristic symptoms:

1. Unstable emotional state. The person does not show interest in the events happening around him. It is difficult to make him smile or laugh sincerely. He doesn't express his feelings.
2. Detachment. The “patient” is immersed in himself. He doesn’t care how his family and friends live. If someone tries to talk to him or provide help, irritability, anger and aggression appear.
3. Sleep problems. Most often it is insomnia. A person sleeps poorly, often gets up during the night and, as a result, has difficulty waking up in the morning.
4. Deterioration of health. Loss of appetite, which is why you constantly feel weak. Lack of sleep leads to discoloration of the skin and the appearance of dark circles under the eyes. A person often suffers from colds because his immune system cannot fully cope with its functions.

In especially severe cases, the help of a specialist is required.

What will knowledge of the topic give you?

Photo by Rizky Sabriansyah: Pexels
Our task is to help you understand the issue of the crisis, so to speak, to introduce you to it. When you find out what he is, you will no longer be afraid of him and perceive him as something bad. On the contrary, a crisis is a kind of guiding star that conveys to you that you are at the stage of life’s turning points.

We will not go into demagoguery, but rather let’s begin a detailed study of the stated issue.

Causes of crisis and inhibition in personality development

A personal growth crisis develops for many reasons. They are associated both with everyday problems and with changes in consciousness due to age.

Lack of good motivation

It is almost impossible to force yourself to do anything if you don’t have the desire to do it. When you don’t have goals, you don’t want to move forward.

Financial difficulties

The most direct and cloudless road can easily be ruined by a lack of money. Especially if it arose unexpectedly, as they say, out of nowhere. This includes unexpected expenses, such as due to a serious illness or an unplanned move.

Feeling lazy

In this case, the person is his own enemy. He himself hinders his development. But you just need to put in a little effort, and the situation will change for the better.

Pressure from

Others do not accept those who behave differently from them. That's why they try to change such people. These attempts drive the latter into depression and dead end.

Age threshold

The most serious reason for the development of personal crises. According to psychologists, both children (3, 7, 14 years old) and adults (18, 30, 40, 60 years old) are susceptible to them. It is during these periods that a person rethinks his life, revises his priorities and values.

You can notice the onset of a crisis on the eve of your birthday. The birthday boy, instead of rejoicing, experiences incomprehensible anxiety and panic. He has a desire to draw a line under the past years and draw conclusions. He is worried about a lot of questions regarding what he managed or did not manage to do.

One or more specific situations

These include the death of a loved one, problems in a personal relationship, or a deterioration in one's financial situation. These situations always happen unexpectedly. After them, a new life begins, full of uncertainty and frightening unknown. This is what leads to the development of depression, which leads to failure in other areas.

Change of world view

The search for new guidelines and determination of priorities also lead to the development of an identity crisis. A person evaluates the lived period of time from the height of experience and tries to correct mistakes. This provokes the appearance of anxiety and depression.

Childhood - problems and guidelines

In children, crises are also associated with certain changes in their worldview, the acquisition of new skills, and knowledge of the world around them. Lev Vygotsky [1], a Soviet psychologist and founder of the cultural-historical school in psychology, called the most popular age-related crises in childhood:

• neonatal crisis – separates the embryonic period of development from infancy;
• 1 year crisis – separates infancy from early childhood;
• 3 year crisis – transition to preschool age;
• the 7-year-old crisis is the connecting link between preschool and school age;
• teenage crisis (13 years old).

It turns out that a little person, having just been born, is already going through a crisis. But regarding further crises in children, the opinions of psychologists differ. Thus, A. Leontyev argues that “In reality, crises are by no means inevitable companions of a child’s mental development. […] There may not be a crisis at all, because the child’s mental development is not spontaneous, but a reasonably controlled process—controlled by upbringing” [2].

Crisis periods in children are more age-related than in adults, as they are associated with the development of cognitive abilities and individual character traits.

In children under 7 years of age, crises are associated primarily with the desire for independence associated with the development of cognitive needs, and the accompanying prohibitions of adults.

But at the age of approximately 7.5-8.5 years, the child develops a so-called sense of psychological autonomy (later, student-aged youth often experience something similar). The most difficult thing for parents is to determine the necessary degree of independence for children during these age-related crises. Gross violations of a child’s personal boundaries, severe restrictions on his attempts to understand the world and make independent decisions, as a rule, have sad consequences in adult life .

According to psychologists, such children, as a rule, grow up to be very indecisive, uninitiative and shy people who turn out to be uncompetitive in the labor market and unadapted to adult life, and also avoid responsibility for their actions. Therefore, the main advice is to find compromises with the child, develop the ability to negotiate, justify prohibitions, and most importantly, show respect and attention to children, their desires and choices.

Stages of development of an identity crisis

Like any disease, an identity crisis has several forms. Each of them has its own symptoms and signs.

Immersion phase

It begins with an unreasonable deterioration in health. A person experiences tension and stiffness, excessive fatigue and constant tiredness. His actions are chaotic and even senseless.

At this stage it is difficult to concentrate on one thing. Hundreds of thoughts are swarming in my head. They pull out the most unpleasant moments from memory. Over time, consciousness turns into a black hole that sucks in more and more.

Deadlock stage

It seems to a person that he is left completely alone. He finds nothing better than to withdraw into himself. Nothing good comes from this dive. Endless introspection and thinking about the past only intensifies the experience.

The oppressive feeling of loneliness brings with it fear and uncertainty. At some point, emotional exhaustion begins. On the one hand, this is bad. But on the other hand, the person finally understands that he needs to look for a way out of the current situation. The best part is that he has the desire and strength to act.

Crucial moment

Despite the decline in moral and physical strength, a person begins to pull himself out of a state of crisis. He no longer hides inside himself, clears his consciousness of non-working attitudes and opens up to new experiences and ideas.

At this stage, it seems that the world has taken on different colors. Lightness, a sense of freedom and, most importantly, the meaning of life appear. Plus, a person sets goals, albeit small, but quite achievable.

How do we help?

We offer professional psychological assistance in the form of psychological consultations and long-term psychotherapy.

The difference is that consultations can be one-time in nature and devoted to a specific narrow topic stated by the client. Psychotherapy is long-term, in-depth work focused on the client’s personality. Psychotherapy with elements of psychoanalysis helps to identify the origins of problems, understand them, and carry out deep changes in character that inhibit personal development and interfere with a full life.

Depending on your personal preferences and recommendations of the psychologist, you can choose one of the proposed forms of work.

How to make it easier for yourself to cope with a crisis

There are several ways to cope with an identity crisis. The main thing is to recognize the presence of the “disease” and be ready to take decisive action.

Make an action plan

To do this you will need a blank sheet of paper and a pen. You need to write down everything that causes unpleasant emotions and dissatisfaction, and also identify the area of ​​life in which problems have arisen. This will help to see the cause of the crisis. Often it is on the surface.

Afterwards you need to write what to do next, how to get out of the crisis. The last step is putting the plan into action. It will be effective only in cases where it exactly meets a number of requirements:

1. There is a clear goal. A person knows exactly what he wants: change his field of activity, get a second education, start a family, etc.
2. Motive identified. There may be two, three or more. The main thing is that among them the most important one stands out.
3. Search parameters are defined. You need to accurately describe your desires, needs and dreams. This applies to absolutely everything: daily routine, future work, relationships with family and friends, leisure, vacation, etc. It is important to see goals and know ways to achieve them.
4. Understand what is needed to change the situation and overcome the crisis. For example, to change jobs you need to take advanced training courses or at least study the job market. And to make new acquaintances, you need to visit public places as often as possible and spend more time communicating, both on social networks and in person.
5. Follow the plan exactly. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to relax. It takes time to achieve visible results. Therefore, do not panic if it seems that all your efforts have been made in vain.

It is also important to praise yourself even for the slightest successes. If you see only negative aspects, you can lose control over the current situation. Praise will help you concentrate, become more confident and move on.

Find support

As stated above, in the first two stages of the development of the “disease,” a person seeks solitude. He feels good about himself. However, to improve the situation, you need to remain open to communication. You can tell anyone about your experiences: your spouse, relative, boyfriend or girlfriend, or even a casual acquaintance on social networks. The main thing is that the person is sympathetic and interested in a sincere conversation.

At the very beginning of the conversation, you need to ask the person not to interrupt or judge. His goal is to listen carefully and, if possible, support.

It is important that the conversation is as honest and confidential as possible.

Find inner support

This is difficult to do. Especially when the world around has turned upside down. However, this is one of the most effective ways to survive an identity crisis.

So, confidence in justice, in the benevolence or kindness of people acts as an internal support. A person needs to understand that he, like everyone else, is part of this world and plays an important role in its structure. Awareness of your own worth helps cope with despair and loneliness, as well as overcome anxiety and panic.

Experience everything that happens to you

You should not run away from your emotions, even if they are not entirely pleasant. This is our life and there is no escape from it. Therefore, you need to feel all the current situations, and then draw conclusions from them. This will help you realize your mistakes and gain invaluable experience.

Be prepared for unexpected discoveries

They won't always be happy. Perhaps during a crisis, not very pleasant qualities will be revealed, for example, laziness or envy. Or maybe the person will understand that in fact he is not as kind as he wants to appear to people. In any case, you will have to accept the new yourself.

Over time, you will realize that the world around you is not always bright and colorful. Sometimes it is painted in gray tones. This is called accepting things as they are.

Catch the rhythm of life

Every person has it. But during a crisis it gets a little confusing. There are three ways to return to your normal lifestyle:

1. Pay attention to natural rhythms. This could be the sound of rain, the sound of a waterfall, etc.
2. Join the mechanical ones - the ticking of a clock, the sound of wheels on a train.
3. Take advantage of the rhythms of other people's lives. This includes singing, dancing, and round dances.

Each of these options helps you find your own rhythm and bring back your zest for life.

Talk to people who have already experienced a personal crisis

Why do this? There are two reasons:

1. Conversation helps get rid of the feeling of loneliness that haunts everyone who is faced with an identity crisis.
2. Other people's experience makes it possible to find new ways of experiencing one's own crisis.

All people are different. What helps one often turns out to be of no use to another. But why not try using the tips?

Try new things

This advice continues the previous one. Don’t immediately rush to look for and implement new ideas. It is better to wait for the time when a stable desire to act appears. A good example is a parachute jump. If you do it in a state of despair and impasse, the situation will only worsen. If the crisis is left behind, the jump will bring a sea of ​​positive emotions and a charge of vigor.

Psychologists recommend listening to your inner self. If new desires and needs appear, they need to be satisfied as quickly as possible.

Remember that the crisis is over

To a person facing an identity crisis, it seems that there is no end or edge to the problems. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness and despair. In this case, the only thing that can help is the realization that sooner or later there will be light at the end of the tunnel. How quickly it appears depends entirely on the person himself.

Signs of a personality crisis

• feelings of inferiority;
• fear of making important decisions;
• changeable mood;

How to overcome personal crises in life and relationships?

• irritability;
• unusual actions;

• changes in activity: from elation to apathy;
• Negative thoughts often appear: about old age, about the fact that life is passing, and significant goals have not been achieved;
• the feeling that the usual way of life is changing, and nothing can be done about it;
• any criticism and comments are perceived more sharply than before;
• sleep disturbance: frequent getting up at night, and difficult getting up in the morning;
• the feeling that a day is like a year: it lasts long and monotonously;
• detachment, which will manifest itself in avoidance of reality and immersion in oneself, one’s own experiences.

What is the essence of the process?

As follows from the name itself, we are talking about crisis phenomena that unfold at the level of the individual and, therefore, affect her (you are not only she, as well as the body and mind, with which identification usually occurs, largely due to the corresponding learning).

There are circumstances that affect the “I” more than others, capable of crushing it. Kayo. Some become drunkards, others shut themselves off from the world, others sink into quiet despair or anger at everyone and everything... But! This is just a starting point from which you can go anywhere. Not only to the bottom - up.

There is, however, a subtlety. The process itself is aimed at suppressing (the former), and accordingly sets a downward vector of movement. If a person is identified with the suppressed (former), surrenders to the power of what is happening, and does not use it arbitrarily (relying on the Will), further fall is inevitable. It occurs all the time. There are many more broken people than those who were able to rise from the ashes. Be reborn. Not that it was that difficult. It will be much more difficult if this is not done. You just need to do this. Although, of course, you will need to work hard.

Subjectively, this is the time when darkness descends on you (darkness), white light becomes unkind (the energy of the night in some cases has a positive effect), chaos in which a new order can be born if you, on the one hand, allow it to establish itself, and on the other hand the other will begin to fully participate in the process, take care of your own (restoration), getting up from your knees. Not out of pride (what is happening very effectively gets rid of it), but in order to move on, to return to Life, to Live better, more fully than before.

The crisis itself is defined, among other things, as the moment when the old thing stops working and a new one needs to be developed. Otherwise, in the “best” case, stagnation, in the worst case, complete decline. The old has become obsolete. Either remain in ruins, or, having gathered one’s courage (having enlisted His support, trusting in Him, but not doing bad ourselves, doing everything in one’s power, out of the thirst to get out - to Live), move on. Despite everything.

One might add, perhaps, that a personal crisis is not a spiritual one, which is a completely different story, although sometimes they are very closely interrelated. For example, the latter may occur as a result of the former. And the first often happens due to ignoring the spiritual component of existence - physicality, mentality, ego, which are not expanded due to the expanses of the Spirit, which is why they are oppressed.

Types of existential crises

Existential crises are of the following types:

1. Crisis of responsibility and freedom. The emergence of this crisis is due to the fact that life circumstances put pressure on the individual. A crisis of responsibility and freedom may arise in a teenager who cannot cope with the school curriculum. People who take on overtime work in production are also susceptible to this existence. Being in a crisis of freedom and responsibility, a person feels the need to radically change his life, but does not feel the resource for decisive action.
2. Mortality crisis. A person encounters this existence 3 times throughout his life: in early childhood, in adulthood and in old age.
3. Crisis of purpose. An existential vacuum in the soul occurs when a person does not have a clear life goal. Anxiety and irritation are caused by the fact that the brain of a person who has no goal cannot find something to do. In order to do something, the brain begins to stir up the past, forcing a person to regret what he has done, to sadly remember what can no longer be returned. An individual who is stuck in the past and engages in endless self-flagellation cannot be happy in the present. He also cannot plan for his future.

Relationship between existential crisis and other conditions

An existential crisis entails disturbances in the emotional-volitional sphere. This personal pathology is associated with many mental disorders. As a rule, a painful search for an answer to the question of one’s life purpose causes in a person such states as:

• Bad mood;
• apathy;
• helplessness;
• indifference to what you previously liked.

The mental states of an individual listed above can be both a consequence of the onset of existence and its causes.

The task of a person who has developed emotional states associated with experiencing an existential crisis is to understand their root cause and find ways to deal with them.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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