What to do if you are unemployed? Expert advice

In this article we will tell you:

1. 13 reasons for female loneliness
2. Fighting the fear of loneliness
3. 12 tips on how to avoid being alone for life

After parting with her loved one, a woman is often tormented by the thought of how not to be left alone. Indeed, in most cases, each of us perceives a new serious relationship as a step towards a marriage that will last happily ever after, and the husband will be a reliable protection against loneliness.

But the relationship is over, the pain is cried out, the comforting portion of ice cream is eaten... And the fear of being alone forever begins to sharpen the heart. If all of a woman’s relationships end in separation over and over again, she inevitably thinks that she bears the “stamp” of loneliness. How to overcome this fear and not be left alone even after many failures?

Fear and love are two components,

two sides of the same coin that are constantly present side by side. So the question is, who are you friends with more often?

We humans have a working tool, which we call consciousness. Its important feature is to evolve and increase its dimension in space. We call this process the growth and expansion of consciousness.

So, measuring the level of your consciousness, the presence of the process itself, is only possible through understanding with whom you are more often friends, what you more often choose: love or fear.

In friendship with fear, a person is afraid of everything: of being misunderstood; look wrong; suddenly they won’t support him; his point of view will be wrong; suddenly the decision made turns out to be wrong.

Fortune tellers are held in high esteem here: will I be happy with this person or not; I will make money from this job; the boss will be good or unlucky again; what kind of job to look for; where is my money; suddenly this job doesn’t pay; suddenly the husband will kick you out or leave for someone else.

A person in friendship with fear is afraid of everything, he always thinks that he is taking risks. In all areas: relationships, career, money. A person lives from states of low vibrations: fear, guilt, resentment, claims to life and fate.

Fears keep a person within limits and conditions. There are many situations in life that you don’t like and don’t suit. But for change to come, it is important to change something. But fear holds on and everything remains the same.

Fear of running out of money

People who have experienced serious financial shortages or material problems in the past may continue to live in the same scenario, as if their wallet was a source of problems rather than pleasure. The fear of lack is recorded in the memory so strongly that over time it manifests itself in the woman’s lifestyle. Psychologist Anetta Orlova discusses this topic.

“A rich man who becomes poor behaves like a rich man for another 40 years. The poor man who was poor behaves like a poor man for another 40 years after he gets rich.” This Eastern wisdom largely explains the nature of this fear.

It is believed that when earnings decrease, a woman gains weight, apparently in the hips and waist, as if protecting herself from her own fear. In general, the strong fear of being left with nothing is expressed differently for everyone.

One possible manifestation is extreme workaholism. By the way, it is recognized as one of the forms of benign aggression, that is, such a reaction is characteristic of active, life-loving and purposeful women. Women who experienced material need in childhood begin to work very hard in adulthood. Earnings come to the fore for them. And the main motive for their constant employment is to prevent a repetition of the situation with material hunger. Such women begin to control the entire space around them, they achieve a lot, but often acquire masculine character traits.

There is another manifestation of this fear. People who have experienced conflicts with their material well-being begin to look for sources of income by any means necessary. Most often, these are people who do not want to work hard; they try to find a source of survival not within themselves, but outside. You've probably met representatives of this type. They say that there is no work anywhere, that they are not the right age, they are ready to be boring and grumble endlessly, but at the same time, if they are offered a job, for example, as a cashier in the subway or a spectator in a television extras, they will grin and say that this job is not for them. Such ladies put on the mask of an unhappy person and take on the role of a victim. These are people offended by fate who supposedly simply do not have the opportunity to earn money - they do not have the abilities, means and fortunate circumstances to start making good money. Such a person is constantly in search of some kind of resource: he writes to specific authorities, receives subsidies, cries to relatives and throws requests for help left and right. They are especially brutal in the struggle for inheritance. This sacrificial image sometimes turns at lightning speed into the image of a persecutor, who can be frightened by the employer, the bailiffs and those who share apartment meters with them.

Another type is people who are afraid of losing everything they ever earn. Often such fear occurs among the descendants of those repressed or dispossessed. At the genetic level, these people remember that being rich in the family is life-threatening, as a result of which they show laziness and disinterest in the sphere of material realization, and those around them cannot understand where the roots of this behavior are. Such people don’t even try to make money, believing that “since they won’t succeed anyway,” then there’s no point in even trying.

Sometimes a person earns a lot and at the same time spends all the money instantly, doing this in a completely unconstructive manner. You can't call him a shopaholic. A woman can happily spend half her salary on a bag from the latest fashion collection, and then save on kefir. The reason for such illogical actions lies at an early age: in childhood, these people were deprived of some opportunities and could not afford what their peers had. Growing up, such a woman wants to compensate for her childhood desires; she still feels like a little girl who walks past shop windows with unattainably expensive toys, and is now trying to buy the most impossible thing. You don’t have to look far for an example: one of my friends, a 23-year-old girl, is a typical impulsive shopper. As a child, her family moved to Russia from Kazakhstan and for a significant time, until they got an apartment, they lived in a dormitory. No worse than others, but, of course, quite modest. A few years later, things started to improve: my parents began to earn good money, my heroine went to get a higher education. From the very first year she started working part-time. The laudable desire for material independence turned into a disregard for studies, but did not lead to financial independence. On payday, an invasion of the shopping center was organized - and the money was gone! It is noteworthy that the items purchased were expensive: luxury cosmetics, clothes from boutiques. Now a friend of mine works two jobs, earns twice as much as her peers, and at the same time managed to put 4 (!) loans on herself for the most ordinary things! A person cannot save up for a down payment on a small car, let alone a large sum...

A woman’s fear that she will be left without money is intensified by the following factors: negative experiences in her past life (unsecured family) and complete financial dependence on her husband (the husband is the only source of income in the family, and the woman does not earn money or does not have a profession).

Fear of the future is due to the fact that we perceive any surprise as a negative fact - something can happen, and we will be powerless. Today, a material resource is not a luxury, but a means of livelihood. This is a guarantee of better quality services (education, medicine, food) and, as a result, a safer life. The need for safety and security in humans is the second most important after the primary physiological (hunger, thirst, sleep, sex), the so-called basic needs. So the set “apartment, work, circle of friends, relationships with parents and children” is a contribution to your personal peace of mind.

Fear breeds uncertainty.

You are not sure, you have no guarantee, although you go like everyone else.

What if you try and take a step towards your dream? Small? Scary.

A person relies on thoughts—horror stories—and begins to live from them. Where do these horror stories come from? This is a previous negative experience, as well as the unsuccessful experience of other people, and maybe fictional movie characters.

The universe works differently. Take a step, then another opens. Yes. Choice and step are work. You just need to face fear.

I myself went nowhere during one of the periods of my life, which led me along the path of change.

The inspiration to write this article was a letter from my student, she is a psychologist.

“It turns out that my clients show me my insecurities, my attitude towards myself and my knowledge? My swing. My wish is for everyone to be a good psychologist.

And do you know what I allowed myself? I gave myself permission to not like other people. I agree that my point of view may not be accepted and that is normal.

But that doesn't mean I have to go out of my way.

Thank you, Marina, for teaching me to believe in myself!”

How to help a loved one?

We have a cheat sheet on this topic, but in short: be there, be patient and compassionate. At the same time, try not to intrude, do not judge, do not give unsolicited advice and do not decide for your loved one what kind of help he needs.

It's not as simple as it seems.

Alexander Rykiel:

“You can offer money to a loved one only if you understand why he needs it.

Money issues between loved ones usually spoil relationships. There are many reasons to quarrel with the person to whom you gave money.

Even if you have no expectations about when they will return, you still become dependent on each other, which can negatively affect the relationship. I am, of course, not talking about those situations where there is not enough for food or for a very significant medical operation.”

If nothing calms you down, think about two things: firstly, millions of people around the world are going through the same thing right now, and secondly, this period will end someday anyway - either everything will get better, or we will adapt. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years we will remember 2021 only as a reason for jokes.

Alena Vanchenko, psychologist, trainer, lecturer:

“Physically and mentally, fear and curiosity are felt equally. So when you're feeling terrified, why not say to yourself, “I'm so curious about what kind of job I'm going to find now.” And the brain will react: “Oh, this is curiosity!” The physiology has not changed, but the mood and sensations are different.”

If you don't like it, it's a signal for action.

A man travels in a reserved seat carriage. Suddenly he realizes that it would be more comfortable to extend the journey in the SV carriage.

For this to happen, you need to get out of one carriage and go to another. If such a transition does not occur, then the journey will continue in a reserved seat carriage.

So, creating yourself, your life, is a choice: to remain in fear or to get out of it and live out of a feeling of love.

Public speaking occurs in everyone's life; important dialogue, and it doesn’t matter with a partner, with a child, with a mother. I often worry that I might make a mistake, but suddenly it won’t work out.

Who is susceptible to nomophobia?

No one is immune from it, but research suggests that some people are at greater risk than others. Meaning:

• Age . Youth are more susceptible to addiction Cell-Phone Addiction: A Review than adults. This is especially true for teenagers from 14 to 20 years old.

• Floor . According to early research, men are more prone to nomophobia. According to the latest data, the risk is still higher in women. On average, they spend more time on their phone. Although both sexes use gadgets for the same purposes - mainly for messaging, and then for everything else.

• Phone model . Owners of sophisticated smartphones are more prone to nomophobia than owners of simple push-button phones. Because the development of addiction is not related to the device itself, but to the opportunities it provides.

• Presence of other disorders . If a person already has, say, an anxiety or panic disorder, they are at greater risk of becoming dependent on their phone.

Let's look at what fear is.

We begin to be afraid, it would seem, well, okay. And at this time a person does not belong to himself, he is completely overcome by fear.

Increased heart rate, headaches, trembling of limbs, nausea, and anxiety. These symptoms cause a surge of adrenaline, changes in blood composition and pressure.

This is the state when we find ourselves in a fight or flight situation. This is the state before an attack on an enemy, a hunter of prey. This is how the reptilian brain works. We feel a change in our physiology and we begin to slow down. This is exactly the anxiety that we need and it is important to turn into useful energy.

As soon as you feel the presence of adrenaline in the blood (fear), this is a powerful signal from the subconscious that says: WE ARE READY TO ACT.

Further, due to the fact that we do not translate this readiness into action, a condition begins to accumulate, like an unpleasant feeling of fear. Anticipation of something terrible.

And if we translate this state into action, then delight comes. For example, when I was young, it was scary to go to a disco for the first time. We came, we don’t show that it’s scary. If you stand on the sidelines, fear accumulates. And if you follow the impulse of action, then delight.

Prepare for the inevitable

All these questions need to be asked not only by those who are already experiencing financial difficulties, but also by those who are just predicting their possibility. But there is no need to panic even if you lose your job. After all, a calm, healthy attitude towards the problem that has arisen precisely as a problem, that is, something that necessarily has a solution, is one of the first conditions for a successful exit from the crisis.

What should or should not be done first?

According to financial coach, leader of trainings on personal finance, increasing income and investing, Alexander Evstegneev, under no circumstances should you take out new loans. “You're already in a difficult situation,” he says, “and new debt will only make your financial situation worse. And ultimately, it may leave you, roughly speaking, without pants if the situation with coronavirus drags on for a long time.”

You definitely need to protect and not spend on trifles (even if they seem extremely important) the available financial cushion, if you have one: even a small cash reserve will help feed your family for some time in the event of a job loss or temporary disability. An indispensable condition for this is personal financial planning, which will reduce expenses. And for those who have money stored in deposits or savings accounts, or have some shares, under no circumstances should they rush to withdraw or sell them! “Yes, such behavior was completely justified once in the 90s, but now everything is completely different,” says Alexander Evstegneev. “And if you behave smartly, then after the crisis you will become noticeably richer than you were before.”

As for work, first of all, as advised by psychologist, personal and career development specialist Oleg Shurin

, it’s better to prepare for her loss today in advance. “You should not think of the place of your current work as the center of your universe,” says the specialist. – On the contrary, you should think of it as just one of the steps on your career ladder. Make it a rule to regularly review vacancies on specialized sites, even if you do not intend to change your job at the moment or in the foreseeable future. Regularly studying job vacancies will help you psychologically reduce your attachment to your current job, and if you lose it, it will be easier to get through this stressful moment and be mentally and emotionally ready for change.”

Negotiation practice

1. We take a breath, one deep exhale. Reconnecting with our unconscious. It is important not just to react to fear, but to restore connection with the signal that came from the unconscious. Place your hand calmly on the place where this feeling of fear arises. If you train, you can remember this state of fear and discomfort. Usually this is the chest area, solar plexus.
2. Close your eyes, turn inward, direct your attention deep into yourself. It’s as if you can mentally reach out and touch this place. Turning to your Divine, to your Higher Self, ask to guide you through this dialogue: “Dear unconscious, thank you for this signal. And now I ask you, turn this feeling, which is not very suitable for me at this moment, for me it is uncomfortable, into a feeling of warmth and inner readiness to act.
3. Observe how heat and internal energy accumulate in this place. This is how I feel about it. It's all about the sensations, the feeling. If something is not pleasant, then we can ask our subconscious to transfer this state to another one that is pleasant to us. This signal, into some other form of signal.

How to recognize nomophobia

A few statements will help with this. Are you a nomophobe? , with which you can agree (“Yes, this is definitely about me”) - or disagree. The more “yes”, the higher the likelihood of nomophobia.

• The first thing I do after waking up is check my phone.
• And the last thing before bed too.
• If I wake up at night, I will definitely check my phone.
• I never turn off my phone or put it in airplane mode, even if circumstances require it.
• When my smartphone has 30% charge left, I panic because it is about to run out.
• If I forget my phone at home, I come back for it, even if I go out briefly to the store or throw out the trash.
• All my communication takes place mainly on the phone. Even if I'm meeting someone, I still constantly check my device.
• I carry my gadget with me everywhere. If I forget it in the next room, I feel uncomfortable.
• I try to respond to messages promptly. Any pause makes me nervous.
• I get stuck on my smartphone for a long time, even if I pick it up just to check my email. Sometimes I get distracted and completely forget about my plans.
• During any activity, I stop every now and then to see what's new on my phone. I don't leave him alone when I'm watching a movie, eating, chatting with a friend, doing a hobby, working out - in general, never.
• When the network doesn’t pick up, I get nervous and can’t do anything because I’m constantly checking to see if a signal has appeared.

How to deal with nomophobia

Analyze rational fears

It is important to understand what exactly you are afraid of, and then think about how to help yourself reduce your fear. For example, you are worried that your phone will run out and they won’t be able to reach you on an important issue. Or that the smartphone will be stolen, and you will have to spend a tidy sum on a new one. In this case, you can find a practical solution to the problem, say, buy a power bank or figure out how to carry your phone so that it is safe.

Naturally, this is a fight against symptoms, and not against the disorder itself. But this approach will help reduce anxiety.

Have a conversation with yourself

Several other modern disorders have been linked to telephone use, such as:

• FOMO (fear of missing out) is an obsessive fear that you are missing out on something interesting.
• Prevalent Hallucinations Syndrome during Medical Internships: Phantom Vibration and Ringing Syndromes - when it seems as if the gadget is vibrating and requires your attention.

Understanding that there is little urgency in the phone actually makes it easier to depend on it. You will hardly be able to remember the times when you didn’t check your notifications and the world collapsed.

The exception is if you need to instantly respond to messages for work. Then delay can be critical. But even in this case, it is better to negotiate with the management the speed of an acceptable reaction, and not to figure it out for him.

Avoid using your phone whenever possible

Dependence is formed, among other things, due to the fact that almost all life is actually concentrated in one device. Work, entertainment, communication - everything is in the gadget. But all this can be redistributed so that you need less of a phone.

For example, you are reading a book on your smartphone and, most likely, every few minutes you are distracted by checking social networks or doing something else. Replace the device with a paper book. It feels different in your hands, however, an electronic one is also suitable. The temptation to look at your phone will still remain, but it will require more effort, and it will be easier to make sure you don’t get lost in it.

A wristwatch will help you avoid situations where you decide to check the time, but end up losing an entire hour somewhere. In general, there are quite a lot of ideas for replacement.

Remove smartphone from bed

Most likely, you charge your phone at night, and it lies right at the head of your head. You use the nearest outlet or even an extension cord so that you can check the gadget while lying down. But it will charge perfectly even where you cannot reach it. Moreover, it is better to put the device aside some time before bedtime, and after waking up, do not immediately run to it.

Try it