Illustrative photo: Pixabay.com Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy aimed at satisfying one's desires. People who try to manipulate want to control others. We often witness male manipulation in relationships with women. Such men control the thoughts, actions and desires of their ladies.
Manipulator, who are you?
In our daily life, we very often encounter manipulation. We are manipulated our parents, children, work colleagues, and store clerks. Yes, and we ourselves resort to manipulation and all in order to get the desired result. But these tricks seem harmless. Then where is the danger?
A manipulator is actually very dangerous. This is a man who thinks only about himself, his opinion is also wrong, he doesn’t care what others think. He likes to impose his way of life. I hadn’t thought about it before, but these men like to use people.
At first glance, it's perfect. He always knows how to properly communicate with women. He is intelligent, romantic, with a great sense of humor, charismatic, and courteous—just the kind of man that women might like.
Advice from psychologists
- There is no need to be afraid of manipulation. If a girl can understand the motives behind her husband’s words and actions, she automatically receives immunity. No matter how psychopathic or manipulative a man is, it is necessary to keep a cool head and make wise decisions.
- It is not recommended to respond to manipulation with manipulation. This clearly does not contribute to the development of trusting relationships - this is the main vector towards which all the efforts of family members should be directed.
- It is impossible to change another person, you can only change yourself. Therefore, it is highly recommended to adapt your behavior by not allowing someone to invade someone else's personal space. You need to properly build a defense without attacking. You should not try to punish your husband for manipulation, or resort to various tricks to change his behavior. All people are adults. If the relationship is not satisfactory, you need to break up or replay it by mutual consent. You can take a break, then come back after a week or two and change your behavior pattern with a fresh mind.
- Manipulation cannot be completely ignored. If you do not pay attention to them for a long time, a man will simply rebel due to unfulfilled needs. You can let him manipulate in a situation that is safe for the girl.
- Breaking off the relationship is also one of the options for solving the problem. Sometimes so many mistakes have already been made with a man (or lover) that parting is a matter of time. It is better not to delay this process and try to make another man fall in love with you, with whom these mistakes will not be made.
As unpleasant as it may be, manipulation in relationships is commonplace. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this. You just have to learn to react to manipulation in the right way so that everyone can be at peace with each other.
It is advisable to do everything possible to maintain an ongoing relationship with one person. This idea is used not only in religion, but official psychology also says so. This is the only way to recognize all the strengths and weaknesses of each other and learn to interact in a relationship. The main idea of this article is that you need to learn to adapt to manipulation so as not to lose yourself.
Why do you need this?
Psychologists name several reasons why men become manipulators:
- Initially, such a man has low self-esteem and is not confident in himself. He must have support in his close social circle and at the same time remain independent. He doesn't know how to trust other people. That's why he tries to control everyone. There is a desire to use other people for your own purposes. Thus, a person solves his internal problems at the expense of other people.
- As a child, all his actions were ridiculed and criticized, which is why he develops a fear of close relationships. When he uses his manipulations , he is protecting his emotions due to childhood traumas.
- He copies the behavior of his parents. When his parents used the carrot and stick method towards him. This is how, as an adult man, he behaves with women.
- Self-affirms at the expense of others.
How do you recognize you, manipulator?
How to identify a psychological rapist? After all, when a relationship is just beginning, it is impossible to determine whether he is a manipulator or just an ordinary guy. There are several signs:
- Makes you doubt your actions. When communicating with a manipulator, you will always doubt your actions. He will always lower your self-esteem.
- Narrows your social circle. He gets rid of all your family and friends. To be number one for you. He is the only one who needs you, and you don’t appreciate it.
- He is constantly fussing . You can be sure that you are right and there are even witnesses, but not him. Only the manipulator tells the truth and everyone slanders him. Why shouldn't he be offended? And you feel guilty.
- He reacts sharply to criticism. He is very hurt by small remarks; at such moments it seems to him that he is worse than his woman. And now is the time for aggression, insults, scandals, and sometimes even beatings to appear.
- Always evaluates your actions. For example, you somehow acted wrongly in some situation. They didn’t take his side when he argued. You are guaranteed to be offended. And he will prick you with this for a very long time.
When to ignore and not give in
In what cases should you not succumb to manipulation:
- When a man’s desires sharply diverge from a woman’s values.
- When there is a gross invasion of the personal space of a wife or girlfriend.
- When a man goes too far in manipulation.
When to ignore manipulation or give in:
- When it is in the interests of the family, even when the interests of any of its members are violated.
- When a girl wants to confront a man because of wounded pride, and not because of objective necessity.
- When the desire to resist arises due to the girl’s infantilism.
How can I resist you?
What then should you do if this manipulator turns out to be your friend, boyfriend, husband? Let's think about how we can live with this:
Try not to resist, but to give in. Have common sense, otherwise you will very quickly become a victim.
Love yourself. What to do if he disappears again? Yes, drop everything and go to your parents and friends. If you offend, do yourself a favor and update your wardrobe.
Don't react to his mockery of you. Make fun of him back. Remember, you are alone.
Don't panic when he tries to avoid you, and especially don't be afraid of losing him. Let go of the situation, and he will come running when he realizes that they are not running after him.
Tell him that he is so predictable that you are not interested. Give him a rebuff to his manipulations . Overwhelm him with your intellect. As a rule, they cannot stand it and run away.
Try to perceive his manipulations as some kind of game, he’s just having fun and that’s all. When he manipulates you, try to puzzle him. Instead of crying, try laughing. Or tell me, you were right, I’m not the woman you need.
Get ready
Be clear about the fact that you are being manipulated. Sometimes such relationships continue for a very long time only because the woman does not want to admit that she is being controlled. She simply chalks it up to the fact that the man is going a little too far, while he deftly crushes her under himself. The following points may be “bells” in such a relationship:
- A man decides for you how regularly you should see your friends, and sometimes even your relatives.
- Declares his love immediately after sudden outbursts of anger.
- Threatens to commit suicide or kill you if you leave him.
- Gets furious if you go out with friends.
- Humiliates you in front of other people.
- Makes you do things you don't like.
- You try once again not to do those things that pissed him off last time.
- You constantly catch yourself thinking that you are trying to please him, at all costs.
- He convinced you that no one else needs you except him.
Guilt manipulation
Analyze all the reasons that indicate to you that you need to leave. Imagine what your life will be like without this man, or rather, without all the suffering that he brings to you. Write down on a piece of paper all the advantages of breaking up, for example:
- you will become yourself;
- you will get the opportunity to meet a man who will love and respect you;
- your self-esteem will increase;
- fear and anxiety will disappear from life;
- you will no longer be afraid of his reaction to your words or actions.
Rehearse the words that you will say to a man about your intention to break up with him. This must be said briefly, convincingly and without emotion. Don't try to explain to him the reason for the breakup. Because for every fact you have, he will find a thousand justifying arguments. Don't raise your voice or cry. Just tell him that you are leaving him. Your excessive emotionality will give him the opportunity to play on your feelings again
If he is aggressive. It is dangerous to start a conversation about a breakup with some manipulators. Moreover, alone. After all, you don’t know how he will react: he will cry, get angry, or use physical force. In such a situation, you need to take care of your safety, so tell him the news in a public place or leave him a note. Postpone the breakup conversation if the man is drunk.
Live partings in your thoughts. Imagine that you have already taken this difficult step and now you are free. Going through this in reality will become much easier.
How the victim position is formed and how to deal with it
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What happens to the female victim?
Why do many women become victims of such men? How to recognize a manipulator in a man ? Yes, probably not. Absolutely any girl or woman can get into such a relationship. Such a man does not immediately begin to manipulate, but over time. When a relationship becomes strong, it becomes more difficult to leave it.
Many women have the feeling that she is doing everything wrong. A feeling of guilt appears. Women begin to think about their actions, how they will act in order to please him. Constantly make excuses, get through so that he understands you correctly and is not offended. Even if you do the right thing.
The woman gradually turns into a dull shadow of a manipulator. She is constantly in tension. Depression sets in, it’s just pure stress. Many women have the feeling that there is no other life.
Run or stay?
We now understand who a manipulator is. The main thing is to understand that not every woman will be able to resist such a man. You love such a man, and you are a strong personality and can openly confront him, then fight for your relationship. If you have no desire to be with such a man, then run away from him. No one has the right to cruelly manipulate you! Close your energy to him in the ways described above. And such a woman will simply become uninteresting to him, and he will go out hunting for a new victim.
Such a man has mental problems, and you are not a doctor to correct his health problems. You cannot build a happy family with a manipulator. Yes, and such a man himself is a deeply unhappy person. If you have no desire to be with such a man, then run away from him. No one has the right to cruelly manipulate you! Close your energy to him in the ways described above. And such a woman will simply become uninteresting to him, and he will go out hunting for a new victim.
How to get out of such a relationship without sacrifice? It will be very difficult to make a decision. Breakdown is guaranteed. Keep your head busy with something, a new project, a sport. Then you will have less time to think about the manipulator. And over time you will think less about him.
And in the end, you are alone. You must live a bright and happy life. There will definitely not be such a life with a manipulator. You will be a deeply unhappy woman. So put yourself first and most importantly love yourself!
Signs of psychological pressure
Manipulation is a hidden way to control human consciousness. It can be difficult to recognize, especially when it comes to your significant other. Based on specific signs, one can determine that a person is trying to put pressure on pity and influence in other ways.
- Feeling of internal discomfort. During communication, anxiety, irritability, and depression appear. It is impossible to feel comfortable next to the manipulator. After all, he strives to rise to the occasion, and humiliates the victim in every possible way.
- Tears, depression. The influence of the manipulator is strong: a person is deprived of his will and conscious personal aspirations. That is why, against this background, a feeling of panic arises, tears appear, and despair overwhelms. If a guy negatively influences a girl, she considers herself ugly, unfulfilled and unable to sort out her own problems on her own. This is how a situation of codependency is formed, causing considerable mental anguish and limiting habitual actions.
- Need for detachment. If after interacting with a specific person you want to withdraw into yourself, this is an alarming sign. After all, when surrounded by positive people, an individual opens up, and one wants to realize one’s talents and abilities. In the case of a manipulator, there is a desire to hide your thoughts and feelings away.
