Male persistence in relationships, its main manifestations

Overly persistent people who do not understand or do not accept refusal are akin to a real disaster. Even if you cannot classify yourself as a social phobe or misanthrope, once you meet such a person, you can forever lose faith in humanity. How is it that someone simply does not understand what is being imposed?

Photo by Gary Barnes from Pexels

In fact, this can be either unintentional or on purpose. Stubborn people surround you everywhere. Such a person could be a colleague from whom it is simply impossible to get rid of, or a neighbor who does not recognize the limited free time of her random interlocutor.

If you still don’t know how to get rid of such obsessive comrades, but continue to waste energy on them and suffer for the sake of someone else’s whim, the time has come to find out some truly effective ways to ward off the “clingy”. But first, let's try to understand their psychology.

In this article:

Why some people are obsessiveWays to get rid of an obsessive person

Intrusiveness in relationships on the part of men

Usually the situation develops in such a way that the guy behaves obsessively and does not see anything bad in his actions. The girl feels discomfort, but does not speak directly, she is afraid of offending her boyfriend.

Patience runs out quickly, warm feelings fade away. An obsessive guy in a relationship can ruin everything and lead the couple to a breakup.

How to get rid of obsessive-compulsive disorder?

There is no cure for obsessive-compulsive disorder. But the patient can significantly reduce the impact of symptoms on his life with the right treatment.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 1% of U.S. adults have suffered from OCD in the past year. Although most patients with OCD respond to treatment, some continue to experience symptoms [FDA, 2018].

Treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder includes medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, or a combination of both. Although most patients with OCD respond favorably to all of these treatments, some continue to experience symptoms after treatment.

Drug treatment

Psychiatric medications called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors help many people control their obsessions and compulsions. These medications help increase hormone levels in the brain [Cedars Sinai, 2021]. On average: it takes 2 to 4 months for the drugs to show their effectiveness.

If symptoms do not improve with these medications, some patients may respond well to antipsychotic medications [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

Sometimes children with obsessive-compulsive disorder may require antibiotics if the disorder is determined to be caused by a streptococcal infection [Cedars Sinai, 2021].

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy can be an effective treatment for adults and children with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Research suggests that certain types of psychotherapies, including cognitive behavioral therapy and other related treatments (such as habit reversal training), can be as effective as medications for most patients.

Cognitive behavioral therapy helps change the way you think. In a form called exposure and response prevention, the clinician places the patient in a situation designed to produce anxiety or compulsions. The patient, in turn, learns to reduce and then prevent his thoughts or repetitive actions [WebMD, 2020]. Cognitive methods are excellent at helping a person identify, understand and overcome their fears.

Neuromodulation

One type of neuromodulation, transcranial magnetic stimulation, uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells. A more complex procedure, deep brain stimulation, involves implanting electrodes into the head [WebMD, 2020].

The US Food and Drug Administration has approved the marketing of a deep transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) system for the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder [FDA, 2018].

A TMS machine is a non-invasive device that is held above the patient's head to create a magnetic field. It targets a specific part of the brain that regulates symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“Transcranial magnetic stimulation has shown potential to help patients suffering from depression and headaches,” said Carlos Peña, Ph.D., M.S., director of the Division of Neurological and Physical Medical Devices at FDA's Center for Devices and Radiological Health. US medicines. “Patients with OCD who have not responded to traditional treatments now have another treatment option” [FDA, 2018].

The agency analyzed data from a randomized, multicenter trial of 100 patients, 49 of whom were treated with a TMS device and 51 with a non-functioning (sham) device. Patients already receiving drug treatment for OCD maintained their current dosages throughout the study [FDA, 2018].

The experiment assessed patients' symptom reduction on the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Scale, a common measure of OCD severity. The results showed that 38% of people responded to TMS therapy, while 11% responded to the use of a sham device.

The most common adverse reaction was headache, reported by 37.5% of patients receiving transcranial magnetic stimulation and 35.3% of patients receiving sham treatment. There have been no serious adverse reactions associated with TMS use. Other adverse reactions such as pain, discomfort, cramping, or twitching were mild or moderate and resolved soon after treatment [FDA, 2018].

As with most mental disorders, treatment for OCD is usually individualized and may begin with medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of both. For many patients, working with a mental health professional is an adjunctive treatment or is used when medications are not effective [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

Today, research is being conducted on new approaches to treating people whose obsessive-compulsive disorder is difficult to treat with conventional methods. These approaches include combined and complementary (increased in number and strength) procedures, as well as new methods such as deep brain stimulation [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

It's also worth noting that simple things like meditation, yoga, and massage can help with the stress symptoms of OCD.

Signs of an obsessive person

Many guys want to take care of girls, protect them, protect them, and know about the events happening in their lives. If you do not stop in time, such guardianship can develop into importunity with characteristic signs.

Excessive attention

All people periodically want to be alone or take care of personal matters. The girl may have a meeting with her friends planned for the evening. She has the right to spend time without the presence of her boyfriend. The phone is not an extension of her hand to be online 24/7 and communicate with her gentleman.

Annoying guys don’t understand this, they shower the girl with reproaches and get offended.

When your partner wants to mind her own business, she should also find something to do (read a book, meet friends, visit her parents).

If a man constantly offers his company, then in the future he is unlikely to show himself as a good chosen one. It will be difficult to build a family and a healthy union with him.

SMS control

SMS chats, social networks and instant messengers make people's lives easier, but some couples find it inconvenient.

An obsessive guy in a relationship constantly writes text messages to a girl with similar content: “Where are you?”, “What are you doing,” “Why don’t you answer?”, “Why are you silent?” etc. From the outside it looks like attempts to control. Excessive importunity violates other people's personal boundaries, causing rejection and a feeling of hostility.

It is important to remember that love between two people is built primarily on trust.

Restrictions and prohibitions

Overly intrusive guys sometimes demonstrate an increased sense of jealousy towards a girl. This is explained by his low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.

Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. The guy forbids his beloved to wear bright makeup, wear revealing outfits, or meet with her friends. All this is explained by strong love. The gentleman believes that a woman should have enough of his company, because he cares, gives gifts, takes her to the movies.

Even if a girl goes out somewhere, her lover always follows her and does not leave her alone.

From such manifestations of care, a girl’s relationships with others can deteriorate and social ties may be disrupted. When one partner does not take into account the desires of the other, the union cannot be called harmonious.

The desire to induce intimacy

Intrusiveness in a relationship on the part of a man is often explained by the fact that he wants to persuade a girl to have sexual intimacy. The guy constantly touches her, makes dates at late times, asks to come to her house or invites her to his place.

Sometimes a man expresses ardent declarations of love, even before he has had time to get to know the girl properly. This is also done for a reason; in this way he wants to quickly move to the stage of closer interaction.

A young lady is not always ready for intimacy. A partner’s obsessiveness violates her personal boundaries and can cause a feeling of fear.

The pursuit

It is considered the norm for an obsessive man to spy on a girl, look for information about her place of residence, phone number. When he finds out her address, he arrives at it, endlessly asks the girl to come out, take some time, and begs to go home.

This behavior already goes beyond the boundaries of not only politeness, but also adequacy. In such a situation, the girl should tell her family and friends about this situation, and perhaps contact the police.

Causes of obsessive-compulsive disorder and risk factors

Psychiatrists have still not come to a consensus on why people develop obsessive-compulsive disorder. But, despite the fact that the reasons for its appearance are unknown, there are several main risk factors that can, to a certain extent, influence its formation.

Genetics

Twin and family studies have shown that people who have a first-degree relative with obsessive-compulsive disorder are at higher risk of developing and developing obsessive-compulsive disorder [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

Brain structure and functioning

Imaging studies have shown differences in the frontal cortex and subcortical brain structures in patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder. There appears to be a link between OCD symptoms and abnormalities in certain areas of the brain, but the link is not yet clear.

According to some neuroscientists, people with obsessive-compulsive disorder do not have enough of a chemical called serotonin in their brains [Cedars Sinai, 2021]. Research is still ongoing, and understanding the causes will help identify specific, individualized treatments for the disorder [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

Wednesday

Some studies have reported a link between the environment in which a person grew up and the occurrence of obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms. There are suggestions about the influence of psychological trauma received in childhood on the formation of neurosis. However, more research is needed to better understand this relationship [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

In some cases, children may develop OCD symptoms after a streptococcal infection. This is called pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with streptococcal infections [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

What is the difference between an assertive and an obsessive person?

Perseverance is the desire to achieve a goal. It can also manifest itself in the gentleman’s attempts to win the girl he likes. However, the guy acts carefully, does not violate the woman’s personal boundaries and does not create inconvenience for her.

Obsessiveness is also the desire to get your way. The difference is that a clingy man offers the girl his company, care, etc., but she does not need it. He is often offended because he is sure that he is guided only by the best intentions, and this is not appreciated.

Symptoms of obsessive-compulsive neurosis

Patients suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder most often know or suspect that the ideas that haunt them are unrealistic. Some of them, on the contrary, may think that they are true. This effect is called limited comprehension. But in any case, even realizing the whole truth, they cannot independently get rid of obsessive thoughts or stop repeating actions.

The most common examples of obsessive thoughts:

• extreme obsession with dirt or germs;
• constant doubts about previously performed actions (for example, checking several times in a row whether the door is locked);
• obsessive thoughts about violence, hurting or killing someone, or harming oneself;
• obsessive preoccupation with order, symmetry, or precision;
• persistent thoughts about offensive, sexual activities or prohibited, taboo behavior;
• thoughts that contradict personal religious beliefs;
• a strong need to know or remember things that may be very minor;
• too much attention to detail;
• increased feeling of worry about what is happening around you;
• aggressive thoughts, intentions or behavior.

Compulsive behaviors are repetitive rituals used to relieve anxiety caused by obsessions. They can be excessive, disruptive, time-consuming, and interfere with daily activities and relationships [Cedars Sinai, 2021].

Compulsions include:

• washing hands too often;
• numerous checks of completed actions;
• long periods of time spent touching objects, counting, and thinking about numbers and sequences;
• adherence to strict rules of order (for example, putting on clothes in a strictly defined sequence);
• accumulation of objects;
• grouping objects or arranging things in a certain order;
• repeating words spoken by oneself or others;
• repeated repetition of the same question;
• repeated use of harsh words or obscene gestures.

In the most severe cases, the constant repetition of rituals can fill the day, making normal routine impossible.

Some people with obsessive-compulsive disorder also have tics. Motor tics are sudden, brief, repetitive movements such as blinking and other eye movements, uncontrollable facial grimaces, shrugging of shoulders, and jerking of the head or limbs [National Institute of Mental Health, 2021].

OCD symptoms may come and go, decrease, or worsen over time. Trying to alleviate their condition, adult patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder avoid situations that evoke these ideas or even start using alcohol or drugs.

Sometimes patients with neurosis also experience other mental disorders, such as anxiety and depression. However, during truly serious psychological shocks (for example, war or disaster), the symptoms of the disorder may disappear for a while.

Symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder can affect all aspects of a person's life, such as work, school and personal relationships.

Not all rituals or habits are signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Each person can check their things several times in a row or scroll through the same thought all day. But a person with this disorder usually:

• cannot control his thoughts or behavior, even if they are intrusive and may cause him discomfort and inconvenience;
• spends at least 1 hour a day on them;
• does not enjoy performing activities or rituals, but may feel short-term relief after performing them;
• experiences serious problems in everyday life due to obsessive states.

Many people with obsessive-compulsive disorder recognize that thoughts, impulses, or images are products of their minds that are excessive or unreasonable. However, the anxiety caused by these intrusive thoughts cannot be resolved through logic or reasoning.

Some patients with the disorder attempt to relieve distress caused by obsessions through compulsions, ignore or suppress obsessions, or distract themselves with other activities [American Psychiatric Association, 2020]. Unfortunately, this is almost impossible to do without professional help.

Why men are clingy in relationships

Annoying guys don't always realize that they are behaving incorrectly. They usually bother girls for various reasons:

• the desire to profit from someone else’s wealth (if the girl earns well or is financially secure);
• psychical deviations;
• lack of tact and education;
• bad experience in past relationships;
• difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex.

In the first days or weeks of dating, a lady will be pleased with increased male attention, but then it can turn into a real nightmare for her.

Types of obsession

In general, there are two types of obsession:

• The first is when he listens to a person attentively and gives small compliments, but communicates very little himself. This type of obsession is caused by a person's sympathy for a certain person. There is no need to worry too much, because most likely the person enjoys the presence of other people. Even if he or she is of the same gender. In this case, the best solution would be to simply talk to the person. Perhaps he just wants to ask for something or do something good, but he is embarrassed because of his complexes.
• In addition to the first type, there is also a second type of obsessive people. These people always try to impose their communication everywhere. Wherever they find it: subway, at home, work and similar places. Such people monitor the online mode of social network accounts for hours. Constantly, when you meet them, they can present monotonous dialogues that are tiring both physically and mentally.

How to learn to behave correctly with obsessive people

If obsessive people often stick to you, and these may not only be boyfriends, perhaps the reason is in you. You are too well-mannered, you don’t know how to refuse, put people in their place harshly, and allow them to violate your comfort zone and personal space.

Psychologists advise in such cases to reconsider your qualities:

1. Firstly, as long as you try to be good, no one will want to break up with you. It’s more logical to become a bad person so that all your fans want to leave you.
2. Secondly, we should become a little more selfish. Another person invades your territory, ruins your mood, and makes you worry. Why do you feel sorry for him and not for yourself? Do you consider yourself more worthy of suffering? If you want to stop persecution, you should take care of yourself, or rather, wish for yourself only those friends, relatives and loved ones who are interesting to you. There is no need to surround yourself with numerous acquaintances. You can be happy without them.
3. Third, allow yourself to wish not to communicate with someone. Often parents, teachers, educators and society in general tell you to always be friendly with everyone. But how often have you become a victim because you were trying to be friends with everyone? Not all people are worthy of your friendship. Not all people are worthy of being trusted. Not all people need to be your good friends. You have the right to communicate not with all people. You have the right to be rude to those who impose themselves. You can isolate yourself from those who are not interesting to you.

Which women are most likely to encounter intrusive, annoying men?

Psychologists say that a woman subconsciously attracts an annoying man when she has very low self-esteem and really lacks love. Usually everything comes from childhood - this is a child who was disliked by his parents and paid little attention to him.

Such a girl will show with all her appearance that she does not like the obsessive person, but will unconsciously indulge his behavior.

“Victims” of annoying boyfriends should realize that their personal boundaries are too weak and the pursuer is subconsciously drawn to those who can be broken. The “victim” also lacks love, and she is ready to let anyone into her borders, and the pursuer chooses such victims. You need to analyze how and why you allowed the stalker into your life.

People who respect their boundaries will try to avoid an intrusive person, while others will endure, get irritated and accumulate negativity towards him. Sometimes it can even lead to outright hatred.

At first glance, it may seem that the “victims” are tired of their boyfriend’s importunity. But, being honest with themselves, they admit that they are pleased when so much attention is shown to them. The victim receives love, and the persecutor gets his needs for love and recognition met. And as long as there is subconscious mutual benefit, this situation will exist.

When the victim realizes that her annoying lover is bothering her only because she allows him to treat her that way, she will change her behavior.

Mistakes that lead to obsessive behavior

In the context of relationships, most people have the same goals. When a person appears who attracts us, his significance for us is high. Our goal is to make our importance high for him (to please him). To some extent, we are talking about expectations and an adequate attitude towards them.

You like a girl. It doesn’t matter at what stage - you don’t know each other at all, or sometimes you cross paths, or you’re just friends. To put it simply, you want her. But what is your true goal? What determines your motives?

Let's say you saw her on the street. You feel self-confidence, it is fueled inside by the fact that you are used to getting your way. You want to come up and get acquainted, and everything would be fine, but the goal is inadequately inflated.

“I like her so much that I want to have sex with her immediately ,” you think. “Oh my God, this is a girl! I'm ready to get married right now! . “I wouldn’t hesitate to invite her to have children together!”

Perhaps these are slightly exaggerated examples, but I know that a man is capable of painting himself an inadequate picture of the future, having received only a ray of hope for its existence.

So you want to meet one of these targets - what's wrong with that? Nothing, but there is one nuance: your significance for this girl is still zero. Most likely, when you approach her, she will not think that she also wants to immediately go to the registry office with you. Not because there is something wrong with you, but your expectations are clearly higher than what you can adequately count on right now.

Expectations give rise to dissatisfaction with what is happening. It seems to you that she should immediately throw herself on your neck, but this does not happen. And since you were not going to lose - you had already drawn your future together, came up with the names of the children and imagined your sex in vivid colors - you want to make every effort to win.

It seems to you that the end justifies the means. And also - that you have nothing to lose in this situation (there was nothing before you tried to get acquainted). But it is not so. Especially if this is not an acquaintance on the street, but you, for example, already knew each other and are in the same society.

1. The guy set inadequate goals for himself, dictated by his unsupported ambitions.
2. The significance of the goal itself is so high that it seems to you that everyone around you should appreciate it.
3. You expect a proportional reaction from the girl, but she simply can’t get it. At best, she will simply refuse.

In an amicable way, your goal should have been formulated like this: “I really liked her. She suits me. What can I do? Try to get to know her . That's the goal - to try. If you succeed, you will be happy. No means it’s not fate. And we will have to come to terms with this, since we are not talking about conquering a mountain, but about a real person with his own thoughts and plans.

Inadequate goals can also lead to great disappointment. It’s even good if the girl refused at the very beginning. What if the relationship starts? You can start building with completely different expectations, and then the ending will hurt more.

Reasons for obsession

There are many reasons why obsessive people stalk. One of the most common reasons is that a person lacks communication. This is most likely due to prolonged exposure to long-term social isolation in terms of information exchange. And then I stuck and found a living sphere where I could pour out all my experiences or life events. The best solution would be to make new acquaintances. You might recommend going to a club or park with him to introduce him to other people. If you have friends, then consult them. But, remember that it is necessary to explain to him that it is not good to constantly write or call everyone and everywhere.

If you don’t want to introduce him to friends, then try to give him a book that describes various methods of communicating with people. Most likely, after reading it, he or she will understand his or her mistakes. If the obsessive person isn't reading the book or thinks they're in danger of being cut off, talk to them directly. Try not to insult him or humiliate him because this type of person is very sensitive. Keep it brief but effective.

Even if after a personal conversation or another technique a person continues to impose communication, then you need to act radically. Try to bombard him with questions during the conversation so that he cannot talk about himself. Most likely, interest in the individual will disappear. Also try to create an argument where you dominate. Give him worldviews that contradict his own beliefs. After all, it is not interesting to come into contact with a person who is not straight or inherits a different philosophy of life.

If an obsessive person continues to stalk you for more than three to four months and no measures work, then you should contact the police or psychological rehabilitation service.