Why a man can hit a woman and what to do about it

The topic of domestic violence has been widely discussed lately. Social movements are emerging that direct their activities against this social phenomenon. And this is not surprising, because even if a wife calls the police on the fact of beating by her husband, there is no certainty that appropriate actions will be taken. In addition, practice shows that women themselves withdraw applications and do not proceed with the case.

“Hitting means loving” is an axiom that has been firmly entrenched in the minds of the fair sex since pre-revolutionary times. It was considered the norm for a man to “punish” and “teach” his wife. Modern society adheres to a different point of view. Yet assault is widespread throughout the world.

Why do men beat their women? The main reasons are jealousy, alcohol intoxication, and the personal characteristics of both.

Jealousy

Jealousy is the feeling that makes you do crazy things, including beatings. There are many known cases where murders occurred for this reason.

“Being jealous means loving” is an expression that has won the hearts of romantic ladies. However, when jealousy has no basis, causes a storm of emotions and occurs with frightening frequency, we can talk about its pathological basis.

Reasons for jealousy

• low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence;
• narcissistic personality disorder, feeling inferior;
• self-defense - a man who has more than one betrayal behind him begins to incriminate his half in every possible way so that she does not suspect him of infidelity;
• middle age crisis;
• flirting, arousing interest;
• difficult past experience associated with betrayal.

In Islam

Seeing Eastern women, it seems that these timid and defenseless creatures will endure any insult and betrayal. Muslim men can freely flirt with any woman they like in front of their own wife. A girl should be able to endure such scenes with dignity and a smile. Therefore, many people think that a man can safely take out his anger on his lady, and she will not say anything to him. This is wrong. Of course, the Koran allows a man to teach a woman with his fists, but this does not mean that representatives of the stronger sex obey such permission. Eastern guys treat their chosen ones with respect and do not allow themselves too much. They don’t even question whether it’s okay to beat women. A wife is a submissive creature who can fulfill any whim, so why beat a woman who makes a person happy.

Muslims idolize women and, despite their intemperance, behave in a civilized manner at home. Therefore, to the question whether it is possible to beat a woman in Islam, there is one answer - it is not possible.

Alcohol

Alcohol is a catalyst for many inappropriate actions and crimes. Under its influence, a person’s consciousness changes, moral standards become more blurred. For this reason, he begins to believe that hitting a woman is normal, understandable, and even natural.

For a person prone to physical violence, in a state of alcoholic intoxication, every little thing will seem significant, affecting his human dignity.

Another reason why drunk men may use force is unsatisfied sexual desire. Scientists conducted a study, the result of which showed that alcohol makes men perceive women more as a sexual object. When they do not get what they want, intense anger arises, which, accordingly, results in aggression.

Family fight: the saddest Russian tradition

Victims of violence have always existed in our country; just remember history. A couple of centuries ago, beatings were not only not condemned, but even encouraged. It was believed that in this way the husband showed his authority in the family. Even if, during the next family brawl, a man killed a woman, those around her turned a blind eye: she, the fool, was to blame, so there was a reason, there was nothing to provoke.

The current situation is little better. They began to pay attention to deaths and rapes, but even representatives of law enforcement agencies often turn a blind eye to the fact of beatings. And women who contact the police often withdraw their own statements, believing that in this way they will destroy their family. “After all, he is a good person. Well, I was tired at work, I drank, and here I am with my reproaches. It happens to everyone?"

Sadism

Relationships that include sadism are most often entered into by those who systematically experienced physical abuse in childhood. The psychology of women with victim syndrome is quite simple: they instinctively choose men with sadistic tendencies and unconsciously provoke them to violence with their behavior, as if giving permission for beatings. Any unimportant reason can lead to a beating, for example, an insufficiently ironed shirt or over-salted borscht.

A woman may be addicted to beatings. She complains about her husband, cries, shows bruises and abrasions, and the righteous anger and condemnation of her husband from others gives her pleasure, so she continues to forgive her beloved tyrant over and over again. Thinking about her situation and taking any action is not beneficial, since deep down she is happy with the state of things.

Interesting! For every sadist there is a masochist. Such people can live quite happily in marriage until a very old age and even treat each other with respect. Some are aware of their inclinations and transfer them to the sexual sphere.

Why does a husband beat his wife?

Scandals and quarrels that end in beatings can bring participants to the dock. Why do they beat people, even if punishment for the crime is inevitable? Some people do not know that for causing bodily harm there is a penalty in the form of suspended or actual imprisonment. Those who know about the punishment hope that it can be avoided.

Sometimes people commit beatings in the heat of a quarrel or during the heat of passion. It is believed that in a state of passion a person cannot control his actions, which means he can avoid punishment. Those who are under the influence of alcohol also cannot control their actions. Wives suffering from alcohol addiction are in a particularly dangerous position. After all, after the euphoria from taking a dose of alcohol, there inevitably comes a stage of unbridledness and decreased self-control, and then a hangover phase.

During this period, the alcoholic may experience irritation and aggression. Anyone who comes to hand: wife, children, pets can be abused or beaten. When choosing between loneliness and violence, remember that fate can give you a chance, and you will meet someone who will blow away the dust from you. Do not despair and do not be afraid of losing a sadist and rapist. Be afraid of living your whole life in a constant nightmare.

On our website there are many other interesting articles about relationships between men and women:

• Which men should you not marry?
• Active and passive men in relationships.
• How to understand that a girl does not value relationships?
• How do women live in Africa?
• French husbands, what are they like?
• I'm married, but I fell in love with someone else.
• Men who choose older women.

Feeling of power

Abuse is psychological (emotional) violence. It is this that serves as a prerequisite for physical violence, which gives a feeling of power over another person.

You can recognize an abuser by the following signs:

• a woman carefully controls her words and actions, does not express her own opinion, so as not to cause anger or insult from a man;
• the man condescendingly convinces the woman that she incorrectly perceives the world and events around her, thereby reducing her self-confidence and her adequacy. A typical manifestation can be considered the phrases “Are you confusing something”, “Are you all right? This didn’t happen,” “I never said that,” etc.;
• the partner controls all the actions of his half, he can call or write SMS every hour with questions about her whereabouts;
• playful insults;
• constant apologies for trifles from the woman;
• a man’s attitude changes from hot love to coldness and vice versa without explicable reasons;
• the partner does not recognize the merits and achievements of his couple;
• a man uses restrictions on communication, sex or money as punishment;
• a woman doesn't want a man;
• a woman feels sorry for a man.

As a result, little by little the man gains control over the life of his passion. Then it will be easy to strike the first blow, she will have no one to complain to, she will not be able to do anything to defend herself due to intimidation.

Does your husband hit you accidentally or on purpose?

Perhaps, reading an article about why women are beaten, you are upset and believe that you have become a victim of a tyrant. Applying physical force to a girl always causes her to be shocked (of course, if you don’t practice boxing yourself).

But sometimes representatives of the fair sex interpret the use of physical force against them incorrectly:

• If you were hysterical, and your man grabbed you to calm you down, then this is unlikely to be violence.
• If the beating was inflicted accidentally.

But if he bangs his fist on the wall or threatens to beat him, then this is violence. Even though there were no beatings.

Threats are already violence

Provocations from a woman

It is not always possible to blame one man for beatings. There are women who deliberately bring the situation to a critical level with humiliation, insults, scandals over minor reasons, and hysterics. They enjoy winding up their lover and arguing with him.

Personal reasons

Moral satisfaction, elevating one’s personality at the expense of one’s husband, receiving attention, pity, a positive attitude, and the appearance of intercessors—this is the goal of female provocateurs.

Important! In such cases, there are rarely “full-fledged” beatings. Most likely, this is a slap, a slap, a push, etc.

Material benefit

Men feel bad after what happened, feel guilty and try to make up for it with gifts or pleasant deeds, surprises.

Note! In such cases, practice shows that beating incidents are not repeated with another girl.

It’s interesting that such girls manage to get away with it even when they have a lover and it becomes known.

The relationship lasts exactly until the moment the guy begins to understand that he is crossing boundaries, that he wants to hit him more and more, just to keep the girl silent, and that something needs to be done about it.

Can the victim provoke the rapist?

It is widely believed that women themselves are to blame for the misbehavior of their men. Society especially loves to blame those who dress revealingly (and thereby allegedly provoke a man), flirt with other guys, and behave “incorrectly.” None of these explanations justify abusers, otherwise they would not raise their hands against modest, quiet and gentle girls who sincerely love their family.

Psychologist's opinion

In order to understand at first whether a guy is prone to physical aggression, psychologists recommend taking a closer look at his behavior. For some, the first signs may appear already at the first meeting, while others may last for several months.

Signs of a tyrant

1. Tendency to act impulsively.
2. Pathological jealousy.
3. Provocations, outbursts of anger for no significant reason.
4. Sadistic tendencies towards the weak: animals, children, homeless people, etc.
5. Ignoring the framework of decent behavior and laws.
6. Classes in combat sports (boxing, karate, sambo, judo, etc.).
7. Neurological and psychiatric disorders.

The answer to the question “Why does a man beat a woman?” It will help a lot on the first date: the guy’s attitude (justifies, defends or condemns) to this phenomenon can reveal his own inclinations.

Important! Domestic tyrants are afraid of publicity and the presentation of their actions to a public court, so it is necessary to notify friends and relatives about what is happening. Then the man will behave more modestly.

The danger of a relationship with a tyrant is as follows:

• broken psyche, depression, low self-esteem. All this negatively affects all spheres of life, that is, a woman cannot build a successful career, raise children with dignity, or self-realize;
• programming the future family life of children. Psychologists have proven that people subconsciously look for the kind of relationship that their parents had, even if this marriage was terrible;
• death. You can never say for sure when the beatings will be your last.

Fact! More than 50,000 women die at the hands of their lovers every year.

What to do if a man hits a woman is up to her to decide. Leaving a sadistic husband is never easy. To decide on this, you need to prepare.

Preparing to break off relations with a tyrant husband.

1. Searching for a place of residence that is unknown to the husband. There are crisis centers for women that provide temporary shelter, protection and psychological assistance.
2. Accumulation of a sum of money that will allow you to support yourself and children (if you have any) for the first time.
3. Take a vacation from work, since this is the first place your husband will go to search.
4. Setting an exact date for the escape. The husband should not be at home at this time.

If a woman still wants to save the relationship, then she and her husband need to go to a specialist. The success of this enterprise is the exception rather than the rule. A psychologist or psychotherapist can only help if the man himself admits that there is a problem and wants to get rid of it.

Is it really possible to influence an abuser?

The sadistic behavior of guys often hides unlived childhood traumas, sexual violence committed against them at a young age, and painful breakups with previous passions. These problems are resolved with a psychotherapist, and the man himself must express a desire to change. But since working on oneself is difficult, time-consuming and expensive, the abuser chooses the easy way out, taking out his anger on loved ones. It is a rare rapist who is able to rethink his behavior and seek professional help. Therefore, the main advice to women who for some reason endure domestic violence is one: end this relationship.

Statistics

If you look at the statistics, you can see terrifying numbers. Approximately 10 thousand Russian women a year die at the hands of their husbands. Inadequate men who cannot account for their actions grab knives and other weapons that are at hand. It is impossible to call such circumstances normal. If you look at the number of statements received by the police, you can also be confused. Can't people live peacefully? This means that they cannot if the spouses do not hesitate to ask strangers for help in resolving conflicts. It's sad to realize that the police in most cases don't even solve domestic dramas. Such cases are often not even considered unless there is serious injury or death. Therefore, I would like to hope that mothers who are raising their sons will be more attentive to instilling respect for the female sex. It is necessary to explain to growing men that they cannot hit girls. Such a prohibition must be well fixed in the male consciousness, so that even in a fit of passion the young man cannot violate it. Only in this case are positive changes in society possible.