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Everyone knows the old saying: “He is jealous, which means he loves.” And some men show their love in this way on any suitable occasion. But pathological jealous people don’t even need a reason; the most harmless reason is enough. A relationship with such a partner is a real test, because... a woman has to face total control and unfounded suspicions. But there are also girls who dream of making a guy jealous. Those who have never experienced jealousy believe that they are deprived of something. One gets the feeling that the man does not value his chosen one enough and is not afraid of losing this relationship.
The nature of male jealousy
If a guy is not at all jealous of his girlfriend or wife, this does not mean that he has no feelings for her. The nature of jealousy is dangerous and insidious. Most often, spouses who become jealous are those who live with the fear of losing their loved one and have low self-esteem, which prevents them from opening up to their loved one and trusting them.
Confident husbands who have a favorite job, business, hobbies, friends, always avoid such feelings in order to preserve the relationship. If there is no mistrust even during the wife’s contact or communication with other men, it is worth thinking about the husband’s indifference.
READ How to make your husband jealous and when it is really necessary
Girls come to see a psychologist with a problem: my boyfriend is not jealous of me. They don't know what to do, how to make him feel this way. Experts approach the discussion of this topic only from a professional point of view. It is rare to find a psychologist who will argue that jealousy is good. On the contrary, many couples come with a problem, asking for help in getting rid of this destructive feeling.
If a man is not jealous at all, it means that you are simply not giving him enough reasons for this or he is simply too confident in himself. According to statistics, it is mainly women who are afraid of losing their breadwinner and protector who succumb to this feeling.
How to deal with a jealous person
What should you do if your boyfriend’s jealousy is seriously interfering with your relationship, but you love him and want to maintain your connection?
It all depends on how his jealousy manifests itself.
- Make the jealous person walk in your shoes. Become his mirror image for a while: be jealous of everyone, even colleagues who work after retirement, stage scenes of jealousy in public, control correspondence, monitor SMS messages on the phone, in general, do everything that you do to him and he is in relation to you. This behavior of yours, on the one hand, will help him gain self-confidence, because if a girl like you is jealous of him, then he deserves it. On the other hand, having experienced in his own skin all the “delights” of life with a jealous woman, he will reconsider his own behavior.
- Talk to your loved one frankly. Find out the reasons for his excessive jealousy. If he is unable to overcome his fears of losing you on his own, suggest that you seek help from a psychologist together.
- Try to react as less emotionally as possible to his attacks of jealousy. With angry outbursts, a jealous person tries to make you justify what you did not do and assure him of your boundless love. If he does not get what he wants, gradually the outbursts of jealousy will fade away. However, at a time when your relationship is not overshadowed by such scenes, assure the guy in every possible way that for you he is the best in the world.
- If a guy is very jealous because he is pathologically possessive, be careful because this relationship could be dangerous for you. Never forgive a guy for assaulting you in a fit of jealousy. Please note that such situations will only happen more often over time. As soon as you notice that your boyfriend is having a hard time controlling his anger, leave him immediately. When breaking up, try not to hurt his self-esteem, otherwise you risk acquiring your own worst enemy. At the same time, it would not be superfluous for him to know that there is someone to stand up for you: a brother, a father or good friends who will always come to the rescue in difficult times and protect you from an annoying jealous person.
Jealousy of adults
Family relationships are built taking into account many principles; they differ from ordinary teenage love. The presence of jealousy in families is an unpleasant phenomenon, so most people try to get rid of it. Sometimes wives ask a psychologist or friends why a man is not jealous; they are afraid that he has stopped loving. But married people subconsciously develop a feeling of loyalty and devotion to their partner, so jealousy fades into the background.
If the husband is not jealous of his wife even if there is a reason, then it is necessary to figure out why this is happening. When it is difficult to talk to your spouse on your own, you can find out the main reason for this phenomenon at an appointment with a psychologist. A specialist will help you find answers to any questions, tell you how to save your marriage and improve even the most hopeless relationships.
Why is a wife not jealous of her husband? Is there any reason for concern?
There are several factors due to which a woman may not be jealous of her partner:
- characteristics of character and temperament that affect her emotional state;
- absence of reasons that give rise to feelings of jealousy.
Why isn't the wife jealous of her husband? She can stop being jealous of her husband, understanding the possible reasons for what is happening. Begins to build relationships on mutual respect, which is supported by sincerity of feelings. But if sometimes a struggle of feelings and doubts occurs in her soul, then no one will notice it.
A woman may not have jealousy at all if there is no reason. This is typical for families in which the husband is in the sight of the wife at work and at home. Not all men like it. Well, those who are happy with this situation live well.
It happens that a wife’s jealousy goes away along with her personality development. Positive changes and high self-esteem contribute to the disappearance of fears and selfish manifestations inherent in this feeling.
But, depending on the circumstances, a woman may not have jealousy if:
- partners respect each other, there are no omissions or deception between them;
- Trusted relationships have been built taking into account personal freedom;
- all emotions and feelings are transferred to another person - a small child, a stranger, a seriously ill close relative;
- heavy workload during the period of passing various exams or defending a diploma project, concentration on new work responsibilities or some aspects of professional growth;
- factors are involved that restrain or suppress manifestations of jealousy - willpower, pride, the desire to look respectable and dignified;
- there is no more love, all that remains is coexistence in the same apartment - the woman, in this case, has good financial security, independent of her husband, and she will accept the separation calmly;
- the woman was very tired of everyday problems and troubles, difficulties at work and with raising children.
The wife may have negative experiences in the past. In a similar situation, her statements or unambiguous hints were received with hostility by her husband, which led to serious discord in the family.
The wife's changed behavior cannot be ignored. The absence of jealousy means that she has distanced herself from her husband’s feelings and experiences.
Reasons for indifference
If you want to understand why your beloved guy is not jealous, you should understand the main reasons for his indifference:
- lack of sympathy and feelings;
- complete trust in your partner;
- a high self-evaluation;
- lack of reason for jealousy;
- confidence in the fidelity of a girl or wife.
If a man is not jealous at all, this does not mean that he doesn’t care. There are many happy families who do not experience this unpleasant feeling. It is foolish to think that they treat each other with indifference. Their relationship has been tested for years, and the level of jealousy, mistrust and suspicion is a completely different matter.
READ Female jealousy: causes, symptoms, ways to get rid of it
Having been married for more than 5 years, spouses gradually forget that they can suspect their partner of something. They get used to the relationship, the thought that the other half might leave does not even arise in their minds.
Before making certain decisions and drawing conclusions, it is worth understanding the reasons for indifference, talking with your spouse and finding out why this feeling is not present in your relationship.
Where does the question come from?
If you have warmth, respect, understanding and wonderful sex, there is no need to create a problem where there is none. He’s not jealous - maybe he just trusts and loves?
Think about why this thought appeared in your head. Who or what made you doubt yourself?
This question alone is a sign of your shaky self-esteem. Yes! Also, apparently you have too much free time.
To help yourself, on a piece of paper, write down in your own hand all the aspects of your relationship that you doubt. In which you feel insecure, inferior, and awkward.
It could be anything from sex to cooking. Most likely, you want to be valuable and significant to him precisely in those moments that you write about.
For a man to appreciate you, you don’t need to manipulate. If you suspect that your cooking is not tasty, take a cooking class and feed him an amazing dinner.
Gratitude, admiration and attention - that's what you will receive in return.
You need to let go of your own complexes and fears, work on your self-esteem and improve your condition. Remember, while you doubt and think, you are wasting time and standing idle in your own development.
You, like a car in a traffic jam, need to be the first to turn on the turn signal in order to change lanes - otherwise there will be an accident.
For example, if you have a misunderstanding about sex, ask what and how he would like. Voice your wishes.
How to induce feelings of jealousy
Women come to a psychologist with the words: “My husband is not jealous, which means he doesn’t love me.” This is actually a misconception. Some men hide their feelings so as not to offend their partner with unfounded suspicions. But if you still want your husband to be jealous, you can force him to do it artificially.
To do this, psychologists recommend using the following methods:
- beautiful clothes, bright makeup;
- training in the gym with a male trainer;
- returning home with a bouquet of flowers;
- stories about colleagues who compliment you;
- go to a restaurant with your friends, and after returning, tell your husband that strangers treated you to dessert or a glass of wine.
In such situations, you need to know when to stop, otherwise your spouse may become angry. Control the level of his jealousy, if it suddenly goes beyond the limits, immediately show him that he is the only one you have, and other guys are just gray mass.
Psychologists do not advise joking with this feeling, since it often leads to conflicts and family destruction. If there is no jealousy in your life, you can be happy about it. You have a strong and stable relationship, where there is only understanding, loyalty and mutual support.
READ How to stop being jealous and screwing yourself up: advice from a psychologist for women
Ways to evoke emotions
What to do to correct the situation:
- pay attention to your appearance. Perhaps it's time to play sports, visit a beauty salon, or update your wardrobe. Having seen positive changes, a loving man will not remain indifferent;
- spend more time outside the home. Meet your friends, go to the cinema. Give the man the opportunity to feel that you have some business and interests that are not related to him;
- ask frankly about the feelings of your chosen one, explain to him your fears. The conversation should take place in a calm, trusting atmosphere, without claims or accusations.
Advice from psychologists
All psychologists unanimously say that jealousy has no place in strong and stable relationships. Many women take this personally, assuming that it is impossible to start a family without her. This is a complete misconception, because it is jealousy that causes the destruction of relationships and causes distrust in each other.
Psychologists give advice in order to save the family, learn to trust your partner and avoid reasons for jealousy:
- Spend a lot of time with each other, go outdoors without children, go to restaurants for romantic dinners.
- Trust your significant other, control is inappropriate here.
- If an unjustified feeling of jealousy arises, immediately resolve all conflicts on the spot, avoid accumulating negativity, as it can result in a scandal.
- Do not give reasons for jealousy, this will definitely not save your relationship.
Strong families are built only on trust and mutual understanding. There is no room for scandals and suspicions. If your husband is not jealous, then consider his behavior a compliment, because he is confident in his choice and has no reason to mistrust.
What is this feeling?i
Jealousy is a feeling that everyone can experience, regardless of gender or age. A baby will never behave calmly if he sees his mother paying attention to someone else. With age, jealousy begins to spread not only to relatives, but also to those who are dear to the person. Some people know how to hide this feeling, while others cannot resist showing off their nervousness to everyone around them.
From a psychological point of view, jealousy is a strong emotion manifested in a person’s desire to control any processes that do not depend on him. Strong emotional stress can lead to unpredictable consequences.
