What is love - 7 steps of its birth and 10 facts about lovers

This article was developed under the heading: Psychology.

Section: Feelings.

In the process of people interacting with each other, special bonds are formed between them. These connections are based on the range of emotions and feelings that arise in a person. One of the most powerful attachments is love and the infatuation that accompanies it. But what is this feeling? How to distinguish love from attraction and infatuation? This article will discuss the main signs of love.

Let's look at what this feeling of “love” is.

Definition of love

“What is love?” - a question that was asked not only by psychologists, writers, but also by philosophers. Therefore, it is necessary to dwell on specific scientific positions that describe such a phenomenon.

From a scientific point of view

The meaning of love in science is considered from different positions. Love is often associated with biological and chemical processes that occur in the human body. We suggest considering this process:

1. The primary reaction of a person to another object (object of love) is associated with the presence in the body of testosterone (male hormone) and estrogen (female hormone), which are directly responsible for the reproduction of offspring;
2. The feeling itself is associated with the release of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol (excitement, anxiety, fear), dopamine (responsible for the feeling of falling in love - “butterflies in the stomach”, euphoria, attraction, dreams in relation to the object of love), serotonin (influences the fact constant thoughts about a person);
3. Next, we look at the attachment stage, in which oxytocin and vasopressin play a critical role. It is well known that oxytocin is identified as a decisive substance that forms our constant fascination with a person. The presence of this hormone allows us to talk about tenderness, trepidation, and attention to a loved one.

Each hormone gives a signal to the human body

From a psychological point of view

Psychology is a subjective science due to the fact that for each individual a specific concept is associated with his own emotions and feelings. This does not allow us to identify a single term to answer the question “what is love?” If we bring the existing positions to a consensus, we can highlight the following criteria:

1. Respect for a person - accepting the interests, hobbies and views of a partner. Lack of desire to suppress a partner, that is, the exclusion of abusive relationships;
2. Showing empathy and understanding;
3. Caring for your partner;
4. Responsibility for relationships. This means that love presupposes the emergence of responsibility among partners not only in relation to each other, but also in relation to their union as a whole.

There is no common understanding of love in psychology

Love in philosophy

“What is love,” “What is love, what is this feeling” are constant questions of philosophy. Therefore, it is necessary to consider the most popular positions of philosophers on this issue.

Erich Fromm is a famous philosopher, one of whose most popular books is “The Art of Loving”

According to Fromm, love is the desire for interpersonal unity. In fact, in his works, Fromm says that love is an ideal state of interpersonal unity, when a person finds a mature answer to the question of his existence.

Sigmund Freud - founder of psychoanalysis

He considered love as the sexual attraction of one person to another. He equates all human emotions and feelings to accompanying factors, the main purpose of which is the desire for sexual intimacy with a specific object.

Friedrich Engels - one of the founders of the theory of Marxism

Among other views, Engels's position is strikingly different. In his opinion, love means mutual respect between persons, understanding, freedom and equality.

However, none of the approaches can describe the feelings that you and I experience for a specific person. For the most part, people view this phenomenon through the prism of their own experiences, fears, and desires, so the identified terms can be strikingly different from each other.

Concept in literature

In most existing books, the feeling in question is the central element of the narrative. And this is justified, since every person sooner or later asks the question “What is love?” Of course, each literary hero came to his own understanding of such a feeling. Let's look at the most interesting literary definitions:

1. Goncharov "Oblomov". In this novel, the answer to the question “what kind of feeling is love” is considered as a special moral test for the characters. It is assumed that the feeling itself causes a special kind of suffering in a person - sadness, anxiety, disappointment, etc.;
2. S. Yesenin. The work of this poet was considered defiant and frank for the period of his activity. However, if you read the poet’s lines, you can note that for him love is the highest feeling and the special goal of every person to experience it;
3. L. N. Tolstoy “War and Peace.” In this novel, the question “what is love” is examined through the development of the main character, Natasha Rostova. From feelings of love and attraction, she comes to peaceful unity and understanding with Pierre Bezukhov. This is represented in Tolstoy’s understanding as eternal and inexhaustible love.

In literature, the main issue at all times has been the theme of true love.

From a domestic point of view

Love is a special feeling. The word “love” is heard quite often in ordinary conversations within the family or alone with your partner. From an everyday point of view, love is affection, understanding, trust, attraction to a person.

Views from biology, philosophy and psychology

From a biological point of view, the body of a person in love produces dopamine, which promotes feelings of passion and pleasure, as well as satisfaction. These hormones reduce the feeling of fear and nullify negative emotions. A person can also react to pheromones released by a partner.

Love is an interaction of hormonal surge, psychological experience and genetic factors. When a person falls in love, it is as if internal guidelines are triggered that determine a suitable partner.

From a psychological point of view, love is the highest degree of positive attitude towards a person, which a person places at the center of his needs and interests.

Psychologist Sternberg identified three components in the concept of love:

• intimacy (emotional support, trust, closeness, help);
• passion (the presence of sexual attraction);
• commitment (remaining faithful to a partner).

Love according to Sigmund Freud is true gratitude, shown by fidelity and devotion.

From a philosophical point of view:

• Socrates considered love as a special spiritual state;
• For Plato, it is a relationship between two unequal people, in which one person loves and the other is the beloved;
• Aristotle viewed it as a person’s excessive confidence, which he had not previously experienced;
• Descartes saw in this concept only physical passion;
• Pascal believed that it is the driving force that helps to know God.

How is love different from falling in love?

This question is probably the most pressing at the moment. Many people turn to psychologists to analyze how they feel about their partner. And quite often love is mistakenly equated with affection, falling in love and codependent relationships. It is a generally accepted fact that falling in love is one of the stages of a romantic relationship, therefore, it is a stage that can lead to feelings of love.

We invite you to consider the distinctive ones in order to determine what love is and how it differs from falling in love:

Table of the relationship between love and infatuation

How is love different from other feelings?

In fact, the feeling of love can be compared to almost all feelings we experience. However, we can focus on the most important comparisons, which will be discussed below.

Love and affection

You have probably heard or even used the phrase “I love him (her) so much, I am so attached” more than once. But is such a comparison so positive?

Attachment is often equated with dependence, which is clearly not a healthy factor in a relationship. Attachment is a feeling based on a specific time period. This means that attachment is more like a habit towards a person. For example, your partner is convenient for you because your relationship has existed for a long time. This is called attachment. Accordingly, it is impossible to compare love and affection, since one is an ideal idea of ​​the unity of souls, and the other is a habit.

Sometimes attachment can arise in love. For example, you have been living together for 10 years; against the backdrop of love, a habit may arise towards a person, since you have been sharing life with him for quite a long time. However, love cannot arise from initial attachment.

Love and dependent relationships

Dependent or codependent relationships are a very common problem in psychological practice. Quite often people confuse the feeling of love and dependence towards a partner.

Codependency suggests that people are so absorbed in each other that it prevents them from thinking about themselves and their own lives. Codependent relationships have the following characteristics:

1. Thoughts that you do not have the right to spend time alone with yourself or with other people around you;
2. You are trying to fill all your time with just your partner;
3. The possibility of separation, even short-term (for example, a walk), is seen as a threat to you and your relationship;
4. You don’t see your own development;
5. All your thoughts are occupied by only one person;
6. You can easily neglect your desires and interests for the sake of another person (it should be distinguished from altruism);
7. Life seems impossible without a partner.

Codependency is a serious problem for modern couples

How is love different from friendship?

The origins of these feelings are identical - true friendship is just as selfless and sincere. However, it is still possible to define some criteria that distinguish these two feelings from each other:

1. Friendship can be extended to several people at once. Whereas love presupposes a specific person who is the source of emotion;
2. There is an opinion that friendship is only possible between people of the same sex. However, this position is not correct. Friendship can also arise between a man and a woman;
3. Friendship is also based on sympathy, so there are often cases when friendship develops into love and subsequent relationships between individuals;
4. In love there is always a sexual attraction to a person, while in friendship this aspect is overlooked. But if a relationship develops into a romantic one from friendship, then attraction may arise;
5. Love is selfless, while friendship is still based on common interests, views and benefits. For example, you can learn something from a person, so it maintains your friendly interest;
6. Friendship is more stable than love.

However, it is worth remembering that with a long friendship and the emergence of confidence in a friend, feelings of love are natural. Love comes in different types - between a parent and a child, friendly, between partners, etc.

Friendship can be the initial stage of love

Difference from passion

Passion is more of a sexual desire, a surge of hormones in the body. Hormones are responsible for human sexual needs. Therefore, passion is a superficial feeling that does not imply the presence of any care, attention, understanding, respect, which is characteristic of the feelings of love. You don't plan a future with a person, you live here and now, trying to satisfy your needs.

What is love?

Definition

Love is a long-term and strong attachment, which is associated with warm actions towards the object of affection. Love is an endless source of energy with which you can realize all your dreams. A person’s emotional involvement is required, otherwise it is just a service for profit. And if you do not do anything for the sake of your loved one, then such a feeling can be called passion or temporary infatuation.

Psychologists understand love as a sensual phenomenon between two people with their own path of development. In other words, it is not something that just appears out of nowhere: it only develops through joint efforts.

Types of love

So, love can arise not only between partners, but also in other types of relationships. Let's look at the most common and familiar varieties.

Friendly or platonic love

In ancient Greek philosophy, there was a fairly widespread opinion that platonic feelings that arise between equals are the strongest and “ideal.” This type of love is free from sexual attraction and presupposes intimacy based on emotions, problems experienced together, and life experiences gained together.

Family love

What is love in a family? In such a unit of society as a family, people coexist with each other not only on the basis of formal blood ties. This relationship is called family love. The feelings that a parent has for a child are indescribable and limitless. In the family there also arises a very strong responsibility for each other, mutual assistance, a desire to help and solve problems.

It is often said that a mother’s love for a child is its ideal and selfless manifestation.

Obsessive love

This type of love is very related to the codependent relationships already discussed. People who experience mania for the object of their desire are characterized by low self-esteem, uncertainty, and lack of understanding of their position in life and place in society. For such people, love is a way to satisfy their ego, increase self-esteem and assert themselves. Therefore, the feeling itself becomes a salvation from unresolved problems.

Lasting love

This is exactly the kind of feeling that a couple can have when they continue to stay together for a long time and build their relationship. Such a love affair involves a unique harmony and unity. To identify this particular type of feeling, you need to pay attention to the following signs:

1. In conflict situations, both partners strive to find a compromise;
2. Partners show patience and understanding towards each other;
3. Both express interest and desire in continuing the relationship and make every effort to achieve this result;
4. Constant development of both partners and the development of the relationship itself.

Self love

You have probably often heard from a psychologist, friends, and family the phrase that “in order to be loved, you must first love yourself.” And this phrase is true. Only a healthy and harmonious person can build full-fledged and high-quality relationships with others.

Self-love is the most important component for building any relationship. You must fully understand your significance, fight against imposed complexes, love all personality traits, work on yourself, develop, and be aware of your personal boundaries.

Loving yourself is the key to a successful relationship with another individual.

In the dictionary of Synonyms 3

(ardent, selfless, disinterested, passionate), attraction, infatuation, attachment, inclination, inclination, weakness (for what), passion, predilection, devotion, gravitation, mania, sympathy, fidelity, favor, favor, favor, goodwill, predisposition; Amur. “And I have an attraction to you, a kind of illness.” Mushroom. Burn with love for something. Love cooled down without being reciprocated. Blind, insane passion... Wed. . sometimes conveyed by the additions and: Anglophilism (love of the English), bibliophilism, Judaphilia; Anglomania (unreasonable love for everything English), balletomania, bibliomania, music mania. Prot. : . See friendship, nourish love, object of love, feel love…..

Stages of development of love

In psychology, there are five main stages that lead a couple to the emergence of strong love. However, many couples break up because they cannot go through these stages. Let's take a closer look at them:

1. Love. You feel an incredible desire to spend time with a person. This is accompanied by passion, attraction, a storm of emotions (12-17 months);
2. Formation of you as a couple. At this stage, people make a conscious decision to continue the relationship - start a family, children, get married, live together;
3. Frustration and withdrawal. It is during this period that the largest number of separations and divorces occur. You begin to focus on your partner’s shortcomings and feel irritated. This is where the main conflicts arise;
4. Working on love/humility. You begin to accept a person’s shortcomings, try to find a compromise with each other, smooth out corners. You accept love for a person despite annoying traits;
5. Love. It is at this stage that closeness and unity are formed.

Thus, we can conclude that love is a very long process, which is accompanied by conflict situations and getting used to each other.

Achieving true love can take years

In the Dictionary of Synonyms

(hot, selfless, disinterested, passionate), attraction, infatuation, attachment, inclination, inclination, weakness (for what), passion, predilection, passion, cupid, kind of illness, friendship, desire, children squeak in eggs, devotion, commitment, gravity, mania, sympathy, passion, fidelity, favor, favor, favor, goodwill, predisposition, love; romance, mischief, shura-mura, cupids, intrigue, affair; (additions -filism and -mania): Anglophilism, bibliophilism, Judaphilism; Anglomania, balletomania, bibliomania, music mania; sexual intercourse, fucking, fucking; love affair, close relationships, partiality, aphrodite, love, intimate relationships, craving, hunting, erotic, adoration, feeling, love, philia, agape, bhakti, taste, connection, partiality, lust, eros, weak string, matters of the heart, tender feeling, tender passion, heartfelt inclination, philanthropy, (cool) lamur, beloved, beloved, cupid, love-carrot, affection

How to define love and recognize falling in love

In general, we have already examined the characteristics of these feelings. The listed signs will allow you to determine exactly what feelings you are experiencing, and will also allow you to guess what feelings your partner has for you. However, love is not only internal sensations, but also special non-verbal signs that are expressed externally. Let's look at what love means in nonverbal communication between a man and a woman.

Nonverbal signs of love in women

1. Strong care and guardianship for your life partner;
2. A woman takes more care of her appearance. Here we are not talking about gender stereotypes that women wear makeup or dress up only for men. In this case, it is assumed that the woman is trying to take more care of herself in order to feel more attractive to her partner;
3. Shyness. Quite often, women feel shy if they really like the object. This sign is more typical of falling in love, when a storm of emotions does not allow you to control yourself. However, if a woman is confident enough, such a characteristic is not necessary;
4. Sexuality. A woman tries to be sexy for a specific person (both men and women), since it is infatuation and love that, unlike other feelings, is accompanied by sexual attraction;
5. Increased attention to your partner. A woman notices many details in her appearance, and also shows increased interest in her partner’s affairs/work.

Nonverbal signs of love in men

1. Touching, stroking, attention to appearance;
2. Indifference. Yes, despite the fact that it is often perceived as something negative, men often show indifference to the object of their love;
3. Confidence. A man in love will happily and with great desire share his thoughts, feelings and experiences. At the same time, he will try not to seem weak to you;
4. Unexpected signs of attention;
5. Increased interest in your partner;
6. In the first stages, it is necessary for the object of love to be as close as possible and more often in the man’s field of vision.

The manifestation of love is accompanied by various non-verbal signs

FAQ

Let's look at the most popular questions that people have when building a romantic relationship.

Why and for what they love

It is impossible to give a definite answer to this question. Each of us has an ideal or image, which, when coincident, sends signals to the brain to release love hormones. Probably, for a clearer answer, you should ask your loved one about this. In general, the following factors can be identified:

1. External image. Despite the fact that love itself is weakly connected with a person’s external appearance, since we love the soul, attractiveness for a person is still an important factor. Quite often, your inner qualities are so strong and important for your partner that your image in his head itself acquires the necessary features of attractiveness;
2. Support and understanding. Each of us is looking for a reliable and faithful person in a partner who will “lender a shoulder” at any moment. When a person shows attention to the problems, interests and life of another, this is very impressive and attractive;
3. Care. People strive to be in peace and harmony at home, so care is one of the components of the emerging feeling of love;
4. Self-development and striving for better. The individual is attracted to independent, strong and established individuals who love themselves, are aware of what they are and are trying to improve.

The ideal of love is not always accompanied by positive feelings. If you have had trauma, mostly childhood trauma, you will associate love with a painful image. For example, your mother constantly devalued your aspirations, humiliated you, but at the same time showed love. Most likely, in your partner you will look for a mother figure who will humiliate you and criticize you. It is precisely these negative criteria that will signal the brain about the release of hormones responsible for falling in love and attraction.

What is needed for mutual love to arise?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to force a person to love you. However, according to statistics, the strongest couples are those that arise from long-term friendships. There is no need to try to force a person to like you. You need to work on yourself, and if your partner sees in you the image in your head, then mutual feelings will arise. If not, don’t expose your life to constant suffering, let go of the opportunity to build a relationship with this person and move on.

Don't try to force a person's feelings for you.

How to find love and learn to love

This question is more philosophical. Finding love is, according to many philosophers, the main meaning of human life. However, there should not be any searches as such. There are many stages of socialization in your life - school, university, work, hobby groups, friends, in which you can meet that same person. In our opinion, it is better to adhere to the attitude of fatality in your life. The only thing is that if you lack communication and attention, then don’t sit at home, constantly immerse yourself in new companies and acquaintances, try to make your life more interesting.

Learning to love is a more difficult question. Love does not recognize selfishness, and accordingly you must strive to understand a person and recognize him as a separate, independent person. If you feel indifference to everything, blocking emotions, consult a psychologist. It is a specialist who will allow you to reveal your aspirations for love.

How long does love last?

There is a rather interesting book, “Love Lives for Three Years.” Many people had a negative reaction to this book. However, if we talk about falling in love, it can really last up to three years. We have already said that falling in love is the first stage of love. And it is after this stage that couples most often break up because they cannot overcome their differences.

The period of love is limited to 12-17 months. But depending on the individual person, this period may be shorter – up to 2 months. When endorphins and oxytocin decrease, a person experiences a decline in the emotions that were characteristic of the person at the very beginning. This becomes noticeable externally - the partner begins to show indifference and become irritated over trifles. You both need to strive to solve problems peacefully and come to a compromise in order to build a stronger relationship.

Falling in love can last up to 17 months

Is love at first sight possible?

In this case, it is more correct to talk about falling in love. Falling in love occurs just at first sight. However, a stronger relationship with a person, as already noted, is built only over the years.

What myths about love 'erase' knowledge of psychology

Is love at first sight real?

Love at second, third... sight can be bright, rich, inspired and unique. Psychologists often consider situations when a person believes that this is his real soul mate, and then meets another, and the world turns upside down again.

The object of love is one for all years and all centuries!

The first love seems to be the only one, but then the second comes, and feelings are ignited again... In the world, 25% of suicides occur due to the fact that many rivals compete for the favor of “one love.” So for whom is she really the only one?

In a truly loving heart, either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy. Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Every person has a soulmate, the main thing is to spot her in the crowd of numerous passers-by and not miss her, so as not to break the agreement of eternal and happy love.

You cannot live in a world where there is no love, when the other half is completely indifferent to you, because the time will come when true love will appear, and one of the partners will remain “overboard”, in a sea of ​​​​tears and sad illusions.

There are at least a million options for meeting your soulmate; perhaps this requires changing your place of residence, social circle, work, study, but the choice will be made, and the probability of a successful one is quite high.

Does eternal love exist?

Psychologists do not make loud statements on this matter, and the thought of a lover can live for a long period, but the foundations of family life can change these ideas.
The higher the need for love, the more acute this problem is. Most often, love is interpreted as respect, trust, understanding of each other; often a person falls in love several times, because he was not lucky enough to find his ideal. In fact, not everything is so simple, you need to move forward, not dwell on imaginary fantasies and erroneous ideals.

It is difficult to reason sensibly under the influence of the love hormone, but you simply must draw a conclusion and move on with your life!

Is it possible to get married without love?

Is there always love when creating a marriage, but it is worth noting that the intensity of passions also cannot guarantee a strong relationship and a successful union.
So where to look for the golden half? How to become happy without love? Yes, marriage without feelings is sad

, but on the other hand, as the French novelist Beigbeder noted, love lasts for three years, and after that a trusting contact is established, a relationship that will keep the couple together or lead to separation.

Problems in the field of love can arise due to the fact that everyone interprets this feeling in their own way. In psychology, there is no one correct solution to how to define love; there are many varieties of it.

Perhaps today you will love your other half as a brother/sister, friend, and tomorrow that flaming feeling will come that will allow you to create a strong and happy family for many years. Love will be glorified as a divine feeling, a bright transformation of life, driving you crazy.

Love is joy, understanding each other without words, mutual satisfaction
, in this case we can talk about strong further family ties, and the birth of children will become a magical unity of this marriage.

'Imaginary' love

If relationships between people arise against the background of internal emptiness, or the replacement of one partner by another, then they can be called dependent, and most often doomed to a sad existence.
This is a serious psychological problem, not everyone can bear such responsibility, in such relationships there is no free choice, most often such individuals remain lonely and unhappy for the rest of their lives.

Don't be afraid of the smart ones. When love comes, the brain turns off. Elena Zhidkova

“Feelings are the element of actions that are not subject to anyone!” In such a field, betrayal, mistrust, suffering, meanness and the destruction of such a wonderful feeling as love can arise.

You need to learn to love and be happy without any conditions, just as a mother loves a child; she plunges headlong into this state and does not set any selection criteria for herself.

If there is emptiness in your soul, then you first need to understand yourself why this happened, and not fill it with someone based on rash actions. Until a person loves himself and accepts himself with all his shortcomings and contradictions, it is unlikely that anyone will do this for him.