On FrutoNyanya's Instagram account @frutonyanya_official, parents can discuss topics that concern them with specialists. In this material we have collected answers to questions given by child and adolescent psychologist Elena Mikhailovna Kravtsova during a large live broadcast. We hope they will help you understand how to act in a given situation and get lost less often.
Expert opinion
Elena Mikhailovna Kravtsova graduated from the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. M.V. Lomonosov in 2001, and among her achievements are hundreds of articles and three co-authored books. Elena Mikhailovna does not stop there: training and advanced training, as well as mastering new work techniques, continues to this day. Consults parents, conducts individual and group lessons with children. According to her, raising her own children helps to be creative in her work, since there is nothing universal or immutable in child psychology.
On the way to growing up
Children grow up, explore the world, acquire new skills, gradually getting used to situations, people, relationships, rules. Learning to cope with daily challenges like adults requires years of patient training.
The age from 2 to 5 years is the most vulnerable in terms of the stability of the child’s psyche. The lack of necessary speech and social skills imposes certain restrictions on the ability of children to find an acceptable way out of difficult situations from the point of view of adults. This is not easy at any age, and if a child who is not experienced enough, does not have the gift of persuasion, is unable to express his feelings and desires, and even does not always understand what is expected of him, loses control over his emotions, then one is even more surprised. nothing, this is more a norm than a violation of it. The result is outbursts of anger, whims, hysterics. There are few families unfamiliar with this disaster.
- Hysteria is a state of extreme emotional arousal that results in loss of self-control. In children of the first years of life, signs of hysteria can include screaming, squealing, crying, and stamping their feet. You can often see how the baby begins to bang his fists, throw objects, roll around on the floor, and sometimes even bang his head against the wall, bite himself and others.
- Parents who are already familiar with this phenomenon know that in a state of hysteria, children cannot perceive information received in the usual ways (gestures, glances, facial expressions, speech), and all exhortations turn out to be useless. Sometimes tantrums become so frequent and severe that they exhaust both the child and the adults.
- Don't believe anyone who tells you that parents cannot influence a child's bad temperament. Patience, will, wisdom and emotional stability of the adult himself are your main weapons against children's hysteria.
What are the reasons for the explosion of children's emotions, how should parents behave to prevent hysteria, what to do if it has already broken out, and when is specialist help needed?
What are children's whims and what is their nature?
This is a question for which there is no encyclopedic answer. All adults put different meanings into this word. In fact, parents are more often faced with a child’s violent emotional reaction to some undesirable events for him, calling it whining, hysterics, whims, which in fact it is not. The baby does not yet know how to express his desires and feelings in other ways. Much also depends on the child’s temperament: if he is easily excited, it is difficult for him to stop, then he will scream, fight, cry and stomp his feet more often than his peers. And this does not mean at all that the child is poorly brought up - it’s just that the processes of self-regulation in him have not yet matured. And this, of course, requires a lot of patience from parents.
Causes of tantrums in children
There are no hysterics without a reason, simply “due to bad character.” Any reaction has a stimulus, another thing is that it is not always as significant as the consequences, that is, hysteria. What can trigger it?
1. Lack of attention. If a baby notices that he can get a dose of parental attention only by bursting into hysterics, he will resort to this method more and more often; this is the tactic of young children. Adults who fall into this trap should reconsider their way of life: the child lacks your love, warmth and participation, and he is trying with all his might to find them. Frequent illnesses, impudent acts, hooliganism, antisocial behavior - these are manifestations of lack of attention from parents during school years. It’s better not to let it come to this. From an early age, try to set aside time every day for meaningful, interesting and very personal communication with your child, so that he does not need to seek confirmation of your love for himself with tantrums.
2. Inability to express your thoughts. The child cannot verbalize the desire that has arisen in him, convey his thought or need to an adult, he wants to be understood, but does not know how. This is the most common cause of angry outbursts and hysterics in children under 2–3 years of age. Teach your child to express his emotions in a more peaceful way. Communicate with your child as often as possible, read books - this will spur speech development, tell him how to behave in certain situations, how to voice his expectations.
3. Fatigue, lack of sleep, hunger easily become the cause of tantrums at the age of 1 - 2 years. For children prone to such emotional outbursts, a daily routine is very important. Maintaining the usual times for eating and sleeping is a prerequisite for their upbringing in order to prevent overexcitation from fatigue and, as a result, hysterics. The child is tired - it is necessary to create conditions for rest, he is hungry - he needs an urgent snack, he does not get enough sleep - put him to bed earlier. Avoid active games before bedtime, try not to go often to crowded or unfamiliar places: all this has a very stimulating effect on the baby’s psyche.
4. Illness. A universal reason for whims at any age, but the younger the child, the higher the likelihood of emotions breaking down into hysterics. Experienced parents know: if the baby is unusually capricious and easily loses patience, this may be a symptom of illness. Create a soft psychological atmosphere, do not demand from the child what he cannot do now.
5. Age crisis. Tantrums of this origin do not last long: they are associated with overcoming the so-called crisis of 3 years and end as soon as the child reaches a new stage of mental development. Willfulness, obstinacy, negativism, stubbornness and protest moods characteristic of children aged 2.5 - 3.5 years can result in hysterics, which are very difficult for parents to cope with without understanding the characteristics of this age stage.
6. Imitating adults. No matter how much adults might want the opposite, the natural children's desire to imitate their parents also extends to your not-so-best actions and reactions. It is useless to demand that a child follow certain rules of behavior if the adult does not follow them himself: he is easily frustrated, irritated, and loses self-control. Young children internalize parental behavior patterns because mom and dad are role models for them. The more time your child spends with you, the richer your communication, the more he will repeat you in himself. Adhere to the line of behavior that you would like to see in your pupil.
7. Miscalculations in education. Often, adults themselves provoke outbursts of anger and hysterics in children. They can be too straightforward and firm (if not harsh) in their demands on the child, which suppresses his independence and initiative. It often happens that parents do not pay enough attention to their child and are prone to connivance. The other extreme is excessive care for the child, when any of his wishes is fulfilled (sometimes ahead of schedule). Another mistake is the lack of clear rules of behavior and established boundaries of what is permitted. All this frustrates and disorients the child so much that he is unable to cope with emotions in a situation where his desires do not meet parental expectations. Poor interaction with your baby can cause tantrums from infancy onwards.
Although parenting plays a huge role in the behavior a child exhibits, it is only one factor. The root of the problem lies in the characteristics of the child’s psyche, namely, in the type of nervous system, or temperament.
Children 1-2 years old
It seems that just yesterday the child was a sweet angel, but today he has become whiny and capricious. Hello, one year crisis. Often this is what causes changes in the baby’s behavior.
This is the first age-related crisis of a child that parents face. It starts at about a year and a half, and ends by 2 years. Psychologists characterize this period as the beginning of the formation of one’s own “I”.
The baby little by little begins to realize that he is an autonomous person. He develops goal-setting when “I want” develops into “I need to achieve it.” In any way - sometimes with screams and hysterics. The child actively explores the world - when for one reason or another he is forbidden to do this, whims become a way to achieve what he wants. And yes, the baby learns to manipulate his parents. He observes their reactions to his various actions, probes the boundaries of what is permitted. It is important not to miss the moment when “real” whims develop into a method of emotional blackmail.
But don’t forget that even now a child can be capricious and freak out for completely “banal” reasons - he’s overtired or sick.
Temperament and its influence on tantrums in children
There are several types of temperament, each with its own set of characteristics that determine the pattern of behavior. Using them, it is not difficult to find out what type of child’s nervous system is and, based on this, reduce the amount of stress in his life and help him adapt more easily to life situations.
Let's talk about the main types of nervous systems and how parents can avoid tantrums in children.
1) With a strong balanced mobile (sanguine) type of nervous system, strong processes of excitation and inhibition are well balanced. Such a child is usually in a good mood, gets along well with other children, adapts to different situations, and resolves conflicts easily and quickly. Lively, often changing impressions and activities, not keeping promises, easily trained, he rarely creates problems and gets angry, almost never gets nervous - only in very serious situations. But with systematic violations of the regime, such a baby can behave like a child with a weak type of nervous system. To bring him back into balance, it is important to maintain a daily routine, avoid crowded places and noisy games for a while, and offer him some new activity or hobby.
2) When strong excitation processes prevail over inhibition processes, we are talking about a strong unbalanced mobile type of the nervous system. This is a choleric person - a very sensitive and nervous child: he does not sleep for a long time, wakes up from every rustle, is noisy, impetuous, with sudden mood swings, quickly becomes exhausted, loves to be the leader and the center of attention. When a mistake is pointed out to him, he begins to get angry and scream. If this tactic works, parents need to be prepared for the fact that this method of achieving what they want will become entrenched as the main model of negotiations, and tantrums and scandals will become a way of life.
2.1. To prevent this from happening, a child with a choleric type of nervous system must be raised and taught patiently, unobtrusively and calmly - he will happily imitate adults in demonstrating restraint.
2.2. In this case, it is important for the parent to learn to recognize the moment when the child stops listening and begins to engage in confrontation, and immediately change the topic. From time to time it is necessary to tell him that his behavior is not always correct and acceptable.
3) With a strong balanced inert type of nervous system, which is otherwise called “phlegmatic”, strong inhibition processes are balanced with excitation processes with mutual inactivity. In this case, the child quickly falls asleep, eats well and gains weight; Such children are quiet, slow, calm, reasonable, and have difficulty switching to another activity. They are good friends and they themselves know how to value friendship, they are persistent and persistent, they always finish what they start, they are afraid of other people’s mood swings, they like solitude, when no one distracts them from a game, a book or thoughts. Phlegmatic people refrain from showing emotions, which makes it difficult to understand their true mood.
It makes sense for parents to teach such a child to overcome internal inertia, to involve him more often in noisy and active activities and games, not to rush to do everything for the child (because it is faster) and not to scold him for slowness: before starting any activity, he needs to collect his thoughts and understand what is required of him.
4) A weak, unbalanced, inert type of nervous system, which is also known as “melancholic”, is characterized by weakness in the processes of excitation and inhibition. A melancholic child is very impressionable, vulnerable, self-absorbed and withdrawn, uncommunicative, anxious, prone to fears, avoids conflicts, cannot tolerate changes in life, has an unstable appetite and sleep problems. Despite low self-esteem, he knows how to adequately analyze feelings and emotions. When hysterical, he does not fly into a rage and does not scream, but whines for a long time until they pay attention to him. In a situation of stress, the nervous system of this type will be paralyzed, the child will lose control of himself and is capable of unpredictable reactions.
A baby with a weak, unbalanced, inert type of nervous system needs regular rest breaks, and it is very important to involve him in household chores, turn to him for help more often (likes to be useful) and invite him into conversations with household members. In order not to provoke hysterics in such a child, it is better for parents to avoid noisy places and activities, as well as sudden changes in the baby’s life.
Phlegmatic and choleric children are more prone than others to severe hysterics, and the former, due to the inertia of the nervous system, will take a long time to mature for anger, but when they reach the boiling point, they will surpass even more energetic choleric people in the strength of their reaction.
Children 5-7 years old
The whims of children at this age can hardly even be called whims. Rather, it is an established norm of behavior, the habit of getting one’s way not through dialogue, but by screaming and crying. Manipulation in its purest form. Most likely, the parents missed the most important moment when they could still change their reaction to the baby’s protests.
School also changes a child’s behavior. It is difficult for him to adjust to a new regime after kindergarten. Hence the tearfulness and sometimes inadequate reaction to what is happening around, the reluctance to go to school, and poor behavior in class. Problems are exacerbated by poor socialization and lack of self-confidence. Scolding and “teaching life” to a capricious child is pointless. It is important to help him overcome another age crisis. When the child adapts to school, problems with frequent whims will go away.
Parenting Tactics and Strategies
What should parents do to prevent hysterics? What is the best tactic for adults to deal with in a situation where it has already begun?
1) Avoid hysterics.
An explosion of emotions is easier to prevent than to stop. Try not to get hysterical. Monitor changes in mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness) and be prepared to distract your child from a situation that could potentially lead to a negative reaction on his part. Draw his attention to something very beautiful, say something unexpected. Be diplomatic, soften your tone, avoid direct instructions. Sometimes it is enough to express sympathy for a child’s bad mood or condition to prevent unwanted expressions of emotions. Help your baby relax: sit him on your lap, hug him, talk to him, stroke his head. Such tactics only work before hysteria or at the very beginning.
2) Understand the reasons.
Think about what caused the hysterical attack: fatigue, hunger, violation of agreements? Or was the child seeking your attention? If you know the true reason for what is happening, it will be easier for you to understand how to proceed: it’s time to go home to rest, you need to have a snack or restore justice.
If a child is fighting for your attention, you need a more serious and comprehensive approach, which will require adjustments in communication with the baby. If a baby has to so sophisticatedly attract the attention of his mother and father, he obviously lacks parental participation and confirmation of the inviolability of the position of his beloved child.
3) Use energy for peaceful purposes.
Children are bundles of energy that can be splashed out at the first opportunity. Channel this energy into a peaceful channel: walk more, maintain a high level of physical activity, play sports. Ages from 1 to 4 years are the period of mastering basic motor skills. Help your child learn to skate, ride a scooter, ride a bicycle, swim, dance, play football or other ball games, run, jump, etc. Don’t forget about creative and intellectual development: drawing, modeling, mosaics, puzzles, reading, simple counting, construction sets, puzzles are a great pastime throughout the day, especially in the morning after waking up, in the afternoon when you need to take a break from physical activity, and in the evening before bed. A child who is constantly busy with something (of course, reasonably, with pauses), does not sit idle and does not die of boredom, simply does not have the strength and desire to waste energy on tantrums.
4) Communicate.
Stay in good contact with your child: read, play, communicate, organize joint activities and leisure time, involve the baby in family affairs, discuss topics from the life of adults that are acceptable at a given age, which are necessary for the little one to understand the issues of the world order. How shops and airports work, why vacations are given only once a year, what professions there are, why people study and go to work, how and what adults spend their earned money on, how the products that end up on our table are grown and produced. By communicating with your baby not only about children's topics, you maintain a high level of trust and avoid generational conflict. It is always easy for you to find a common language with your child, and your baby does not feel too small, “not old enough” to understand something and learn something. This is extremely important both for self-esteem and for the calm and confident social development of the child.
5) Explain yourself.
In a situation of conflict of interests, your “no”, “you can’t”, “this is how it should be” is not enough. If you expect your child to behave in a certain way or perform certain actions, be clear about it. Sit down so that you are at eye level with your baby. Calmly, but firmly and in a friendly manner, explain what and why is now expected of him: to walk on the playground he must wear shoes, to play with other children he must stop taking away other people’s toys, etc.
Sometimes the baby may refuse to cooperate with you, bargain, or put pressure on you. In this case, change the subject, say something unexpected, distract him with any other object, an invitation to play, or a change of location.
If the child does not switch, do not start begging, bargaining and putting pressure on him - this only fuels the need for attention, which is often the cause of children's tantrums.
6) Negotiate.
Before going to the supermarket together, explain to your child what purchases you are going to make. A cart filled with groceries is not something that mom wanted to buy for herself, it’s for the whole family, including him. Explain why the child cannot demand something for himself if there was no prior agreement that he himself chooses the type of yogurt or the color of the toothbrush. You also go to a children's store for a specific purpose, and a huge box with a construction set is not an alternative to a small teddy bear, which was the original goal.
Explain to your child the reason for your refusal. He must learn that desires are not fulfilled on demand, that all serious purchases must be carefully thought out, timed to coincide with an important event, that for this purpose money must be specially set aside. It is good if children from an early age learn from their parents that negative emotions in response to refusal are destructive, do not benefit, and most importantly, do not solve the problem.
7) Teach your child to express dissatisfaction in a civilized way.
Tantrums happen because young children do not have other, more acceptable ways to express their feelings. Let your child know that there is nothing wrong or strange about being in a bad mood from time to time; it happens to all people. Teach him phrases that he can use to describe his state: “I’m hungry,” “I’m sad,” “I’m angry,” “I’m bored.” Praise your child when he expresses in words what is on his mind.
Don't react.
Of course, you cannot ignore a child’s tears. But if you are convinced that this is hysterical manipulation, when your capricious person controls the situation and deliberately screws himself up to get what he wants, and the “degree” only increases, you can try to pretend that this scene does not bother you.
If the hysteria has already begun, you expressed sympathy for the child, tried to talk to him and are now sure that his behavior is not related to objective reasons (hunger, fatigue, pain), continue to do your business and do not react. The baby will understand that there are no spectators, and will stop resorting to hysterics in order to achieve what he wants. In any case, he should receive a clear signal that his violent expression of emotions will not change your decision.
Psychologists advise that if your presence only fuels hysteria associated with manipulation, or if you feel that you are starting to lose your temper, simply leave the child alone. After your baby has calmed down, you can tell him that you are glad that he was able to cope with his feelings and that you understand them well.
There is an opinion that it is impossible to ignore a child during a hysteria, as this can cause him injury. This is true of uncontrollable hysterics, when the baby himself does not know why he behaves this way. But if we are talking about something that the child asks to buy, it is very important for the parent to be persistent. In this way, you will show that it is impossible to “force” another person to fulfill desires - in this case, using psychological pressure in the form of hysteria. This way the child will learn a lesson and understand that people have boundaries that should not be violated.
We advise you to read the book by psychologist Julia Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?” in order to better understand your child and the reasons for his behavior.
9) The main thing is safety.
Ignoring tactics are only possible in situations where you are sure that the child is safe. Make sure that he is not in danger: a tantrum can start in a children's toy store or next to a busy highway. Take your child away from the source of potential danger, even if this means taking advantage of the position of a stronger adult. Refrain from showing irritation and aggression: confidently but calmly take the baby into a strong hug and take him to a safe place.
10) Stay calm.
If your child has lost control of himself, he needs you with a cool and clear mind. Take a deep breath (preferably several) and try to maintain your composure. Increased heart rate, irregular breathing, perspiration on the forehead, sweating, feelings of frustration, annoyance, anger, resentment and humiliation (in the presence of strangers) are an incomplete list of reactions that you may experience in response to a child's tantrum. Don't show it, remain calm. If the child feels that he has touched your nerve, he will continue to put pressure on your sore spot. Don't yell back, demonstrate the behavior you expect from your little rebel. It is important that the algorithm of your reactions to hysteria remains unchanged.
11) Do not bribe or punish.
You want to please your baby after he was very upset, perhaps you are tormented by remorse, trying to make amends and... making a serious mistake. Rewarding a child with a toy, rides, or some rare privilege after a violent tantrum means reinforcing unwanted behavior. The kid is smart enough to connect a tantrum in the morning with a trip to the toy store in the evening.
Hysteria is the reaction of a child who has not learned to control his emotions, and this is more his trouble than his fault. After the baby’s emotions have subsided, act as if nothing happened, do not remind him of what happened. Hysterics should also not have any negative consequences. It is unacceptable to punish a child for lacking self-control and effective negotiation skills.
Remember that you are not alone in this situation. Many children behave this way at an early age, until they reach the level of speech development that would allow them to verbalize demands and arguments. They grow up, find themselves in different life situations, observe how their parents and other immediate environment cope with social challenges, and learn the most appropriate tactics and strategies of behavior for themselves.
What are the correct prohibitions?
Prohibitions are often used because they are the main form of manipulation of a child’s behavior by parents. Unfortunately, mom and dad don't always understand how to formulate and apply boundaries. For example, if a child at 4 years old fights or does not obey , parents remove him from the TV or cancel a walk. By the evening, they forget about it, calmly turn on cartoons for their child or take them to the playground. As a result, the baby gets used to the fact that all prohibitions are conditional and under certain circumstances that are incomprehensible to him, they are lifted on their own.
The child must clearly know what prohibitions should not be violated in any case.
Therefore, parents are recommended systematically teach their 4-year-old child to obey teaching him to obey according to certain principles.
The prohibition system is divided into 4 types:
- no prohibition (do whatever you want, choose for yourself what to do and how to behave);
- conditional ban (you can do it, but first you have to fulfill the condition);
- prohibition with exception (you will do it, but only under certain circumstances);
- complete ban (not allowed under any circumstances).
Explanation with an example!
There is no prohibition - the child can go to bed whenever he wants.
Conditional ban - going to bed can be moved up by half an hour if the baby has cleaned up the toys in the room or helped mom sweep up.
A ban with an exception - the child always goes to bed at 8 pm, except on holidays.
A complete ban - the baby always goes to bed at 8 pm, regardless of the circumstances and his behavior during the day.
It is important to strictly follow this system and not make any additional exceptions without good reason. Otherwise, the child will get used to the instability of the restrictions and will be capricious regularly.
Choice of punishment - rules
If the tantrums don't go away
If tantrums are repeated regularly in a child, continue after he reaches the age of 4 years, are overly emotionally charged, have serious consequences (loss of consciousness, harm to himself and others), are accompanied by sleep disturbances, appetite, aggression, bad mood, parents may need to consult a neurologist.
- In any case, if the baby is prone to hysterics (due to temperament), a gentle daily routine, adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, reasonable physical and intellectual activity in terms of load and duration during the day, quiet games in the evening, friendly, but with clear boundaries of permissible attitude with other family members, the correct tactics for parents to behave during a hysteria is the minimum set of educational measures that will help restore calm in the house.
- If children's tantrums have become the norm for your family, then there is no shortage of viewers. Whether a child seeks your attention through bad or good behavior is not important, the main thing is that he gets what he wants: the presence of parents, their active emotional involvement, and sometimes bonuses in the form of material incentives.
- You should never give in to your child’s persuasion, bribery, or attempts to pity you, otherwise you will reinforce in him the behavior that you are trying to resist. If at the peak of hysteria your nerves can’t stand it and you agree to meet your child’s entreaties, then you are sending an unambiguous signal that he managed to find an effective tactic that allows him to get what he wants.
- To avoid becoming an object of manipulation by your child, do not pay attention to those actions and reactions that you find undesirable. Praise often for the best performances and ignore the worst ones. Over time, your baby will understand what behavior you expect from him.
- If the level of physical, emotional and intellectual stress is so great that the child loses control of himself due to fatigue, it is necessary to seriously reconsider the lifestyle and daily routine in order to bring it into line with the age and psychological needs of your baby.
Remember: hysteria is not a manifestation of a child’s bad temper, which you will have to endure for the rest of your life. This is a symptom of an underlying problem, and you can solve it if you show compassion, patience and understanding of your baby's feelings. Your reward will be a warm, sincere and trusting relationship with your own child, and raising him will be an exciting joint journey from childhood to the adult world.
Psychologist's advice
A 4-year-old child does not listen - what to do? First of all, psychologists advise not to use physical punishment against a child. Firstly, parents who use such methods at some point begin to overdo it. Secondly, disobedience is a natural phenomenon, and not the whim of a particular person. Therefore, during a period of “crisis” it is better to show more love and care, rather than assault, which causes misunderstanding and resentment in the child.
Important! If we use physical punishment, then only in a mild form and as a last resort. You cannot beat a child in front of other people, slap him on the head, spank him or perform other humiliating actions. This will cause a wave of retaliatory aggression and protest.
Psychologists also advise presenting information in an entertaining manner. It is better to make education a game, not torture. Put yourself in the child's shoes: you ignore information that is not interesting to you. You don’t try to listen to it, much less remember it. So why should a child do this? More games and explanations, even fabulous ones, need to be introduced into the educational process. This approach will give the best results.
Advice from Dr. Komarovsky
What to do if a 4-year-old child does not obey, says Dr. Komarovsky. Evgeniy Olegovich won the love and popularity of parents with his loyal position towards the upbringing and health of children. His recommendations for naughty children:
- A categorical ban is placed in a situation where there is a real threat to the health and life of the child (wire into an outlet is not allowed, without a hat in winter is not allowed). Regarding scattered toys and other things, it should be explained that this is inconvenient, the room should be clean and beautiful.
- The ban must be justified, that is, it must be explained why it is not possible.
- Stand your ground until the very end. If what was impossible yesterday, but is already possible today, is not perceived by the child as truth. In addition, it is impossible for the decision of one of the parents to be canceled by the other or the grandmother.
- Learn to express your emotions and experiences. This will help him cope with tantrums and age-related crises in the future. If a little person knows how to express what bothers him, he will not have the need to be capricious.
- Punishment must be adequate and modern. That is, if a child behaves inappropriately, then you can deprive him of watching cartoons in the evening.
- In the process of punishment, one should not be deprived of what he needs for normal life. For example, food (this does not apply to sweets), drinking, walking in the fresh air.
Deprive your baby of spectators
For recurring tantrums, it is best to isolate the child as soon as the outbreak occurs. If this happens in a public place, move him to a more private place until he calms down. The most extreme option is a corner. And be sure to deny him what he really loves - a cartoon, a walk, games, sweets, etc. The child must realize that his behavior does not deserve games and attention. The length of time he spends in the calming place may vary for different children, but he should remain there for at least two minutes from the moment he calms down. If he starts acting up again, take him back. The most difficult thing here is to maintain your own calm, but this is what will help the child return to a calm state.
Teenage crisis
Physiology. At 11-15 years of age, accelerated physical growth and puberty are observed.
Psychology. Against this background, psychological changes occur: increased sensitivity, excitability, mood instability, incontinence, and possible aggressiveness. The desire for independence from adults and self-affirmation provokes rash actions: smoking, alcohol, early sexual intercourse, drugs. Teenagers gravitate toward grouping and spending time with peers. They are selfish and indifferent to others, while they really need the attention and care of adults.
What to do? A teenager should be treated as an adult, capable of making decisions and being responsible for their actions. There is no need to impose your opinion on him; try to lead him to adequate independent decisions. If your teenager's behavior worries you, consult a psychologist.
Age crises are natural. Their course depends on the child’s personality: it can be acute and painful or mild and almost unnoticeable. With the correct behavior of adults, the child overcomes age-related crises, and a calm, friendly atmosphere is maintained at home.
Let your baby feel independent
The crisis of three years always manifests itself in a child with increased independence. The kid tries to do everything himself, even though his capabilities do not always correspond to his desires. Parents need to be understanding of such aspirations. Try to be more flexible in your upbringing, don’t be afraid to somewhat expand the responsibilities and rights of the baby, let him feel independent, of course, only within reasonable limits, certain boundaries must still exist. Sometimes ask him for help or give him some simple instructions. Never interfere in your child’s activities unless he asks you to!
Be patient
A child's desire to be an adult can be used for one's own purposes. For example, if you need to cross the road, you can ask your child to translate you. This is much better than the standard: “Okay, give me your hand here, now we’ll cross the road.”
Voice his experiences and feelings for the child. This will allow him to better understand his feelings and see that you understand his condition. If you see that a child has fallen and is crying, tell him that he fell, hit himself, is in pain, and that is why he is crying. If your child was playing and broke a favorite toy, say: “You were upset because you broke the toy. You feel sorry for her. That's why you cried." If the child is happy that he was able to do something, just say: “You drew a good drawing and you are very happy. You are pleased that you were able to draw such a drawing. You're proud." And so on. Voicing emotions and feelings will help your child understand them and better understand himself.
