Active listening: techniques and exercises to develop skills

Active listening is a useful skill for establishing deep contact with your interlocutor and effectively finding a joint solution to issues. This is a difficult communication skill that can sometimes cause confusion. For many people, listening is a passive reception of information from people around them.

The attitude towards contact with an interlocutor was accurately described by the American satirist Mark Twain: “Most conversations are a monologue in the presence of witnesses.” But this position becomes a trap, falling into which we misinterpret the meaning of the conversation. The dialogue ends with misunderstandings, unpleasant feelings, and problems in relationships. How to avoid this?

What is active listening

Active listening (AL) is a complex communication skill in which participants interact directly or indirectly with each other. The theory of active or empathic listening technology was first described by the American psychotherapist Carl Rogers.

It would seem that there is nothing difficult about listening to your interlocutor. But, as a rule, during direct communication a person hears only what he wants to hear or something catchy; the rest of the information is not noticed by the brain, since at that time it is busy with some other thoughts. With active listening, a person abstracts from his own emotions and experiences and focuses on the perception of speech.

Rapport

This technique involves “attaching” to an opponent through various “channels”: intonation, speech, breathing.

Intonation

The same phrases, spoken with different tones, can convey different meanings. Using this technique, people express certain emotions and states, so it is important to monitor not only what you express, but also how you do it. When establishing contact with a person, this method of identifying with him gives an incredible result. With proper intonation, you can achieve the impression of complete understanding and similarity, which, of course, encourages further interaction.

Pace

Represents the speed of speaking, as well as the duration of pauses and hesitations. If you speak too quickly, this indicates internal tension, as well as excitement. If your remarks, on the contrary, are slow and sluggish, this reflects some apathy. However, this speed or slowness also depends on the type of temperament of the individual. In any case, to reduce the nervousness that you feel yourself or from the person with whom you are talking, try to reduce the haste of your speech.

Breath

Breathing mirroring allows you to be on the same “plane” with your interlocutor, and then adjust it to the emotional wave you need. For example, if your friend is irritated and breathes quickly, you can first establish contact by feeling the frequency of the change in inhalation and exhalation and adjusting to it. And after the interaction occurs, try to rebuild it to other emotions, gradually starting to breathe more calmly.

Use in communication psychology

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The method of active perception is a technique used in psychological practices, in psychotherapeutic consultations, during various trainings in order to better understand a person’s feelings and experiences.

The listening technique in communication psychology is used for:

• directing the conversation in the right direction;
• assisting in understanding, evaluating and remembering information;
• encouraging the interlocutor to answer the necessary questions;
• insurance against incorrect interpretation of information;
• establishing psychological contact with the interlocutor and harmoniously building a line of conversation;
• establishing conflict-free coexistence in society.

Tips for a bad listener

It also happens that you should get rid of your interlocutor as quickly as possible. The reasons may be different: from reluctance to communicate with a specific person to reluctance to listen to long monologues. An alternative technology can be created based on active listening techniques. With its help, the interlocutor will feel a reluctance to communicate with him. What concepts do not apply to active listening techniques?

• Silence, lack of emotional reaction to words, ignoring the interlocutor.
• Constantly answering questions with questions.
• Dismissive posture, facial expressions.
• Interrupting the interlocutor, moving on to your own personal topics.
• During a conversation, be distracted by phone calls and do other things.
• Sharply criticize your interlocutor, immediately pointing out his mistakes and miscalculations.

This alternative technique should not be used constantly. People need communication and empathy. Only in rare exceptions should you remember which concepts do not apply to active listening techniques. It is best to politely explain that your counterpart has chosen the wrong time to talk. Try to avoid annoying interlocutors, giving preference to positive people.

Barriers to Active Listening

Despite the desire to listen carefully to the people around you, there are not always conditions for this.

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What can interfere with active listening:

1. The desire to hastily draw a conclusion (based on one’s own worldview and existing life experience) before all the necessary facts, arguments, and evidence are clarified.
2. Tendency to selectively perceive information (hear only what you want to hear).
3. Bias.
4. Prejudice.

Important! In addition to active listening, there is also passive listening, the essence of which is the ability to silently listen to the interlocutor.

Types of active listening

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The process of active perception of information can be divided into 2 types, which are defined:

1. male active listening;
2. female active listening.

Male active listening

This method of perceiving information involves carefully listening to the interlocutor, a comprehensive analysis of the information received, asking clarifying questions, active participation in the discussion of the subject of the conversation, and reflection. Most often used during business meetings, negotiations, and conferences.

Women's hearing

Women's active listening

This is a more emotional and open way of communication, in which empathy is used to become closer to the interlocutor, to inspire his trust, and to sympathize with his problems. In the process of communication, the emphasis is on feelings and emotions, and not on the amount of information transmitted.

Bottom line

People contact each other through communication. Speech is one of the ways to build relationships and connections. Active listening is a method of successfully establishing contacts between people who are interested in it. The result of its application can please and surprise many people.

The culture of modern communication is quite low. People talk a lot, often without listening to their interlocutors. When silence occurs, most often people are immersed in their own thoughts. And when a conversation arises, people try to interpret what they hear in their own way. All this leads to misunderstanding and incorrect decision-making based on the results.

Developing active listening eliminates all communication problems. Establishing friendly contacts is the initial advantage of this technique.

Active Listening Technique

Yu. B. Gippenreiter in the book “Miracles of Active Listening” declares the enormous importance of this phenomenon in the life of every person who wants to have effective communication with people around him.

There are several most common active listening techniques:

• “Echo” is a verbatim reproduction of the last phrase with a questioning intonation.
• Paraphrasing is a brief summary of the main ideas from what was said (as a rule, it begins with the phrase: “If I understand correctly, then ...).
• Interpretation - expressing an opinion about the true intentions of the speaker, made on the basis of perceived information (a typical phrase begins with the words: “I think that you ...”).

Each technique, in turn, includes several integral components:

1. Neutrality, that is, unconditional respect for a person without criticism, condemnation or subjective evaluation.
2. Kindness, friendliness, sympathy for the interlocutor.
3. Sincere interest in the person, encouraging the desire to tell.

Each active listening session is built according to a specific algorithm:

• Establishing eye contact (the eyes of the interlocutors are at the same level). Examining your interlocutor from head to toe or the surrounding environment may indicate that the topic of the conversation is uninteresting or of secondary importance.
• Moderate use of facial expressions and gestures (nodding the head, assenting, listening with the whole body).
• Asking clarifying questions, asking for clarification of unclear points in the speech.
• Taking into account the feelings and emotions of the conversation partner, empathy.

Important! It is important to distinguish between asking questions and asking questions. The first indicates inattentive listening to the interlocutor, the second, on the contrary, speaks of active communication.

Listen and hear

Briefly about the main thing

So, we figured out what to use and how to use it. Let's summarize the main points and move on. The very first thing you need to do is adjust physically. Adjust the timbre and speed of your voice to the wavelength of your interlocutor.

During his story, you copy his facial expressions and give signs of agreement between his sentences. The toes of your feet should point towards the interlocutor. You meet his every glance into your eyes.

In your speech you use the keywords of your interlocutor. These can be words of a visual, kinesthetic or auditory nature. You repeat his key phrases in your own words and ask a follow-up question.

Towards the end of the negotiations, if you did everything correctly, then the interlocutor himself unconsciously begins to adapt to you. This means that he completely agrees with you and is ready to sign a contract and perhaps even make some concessions.

Techniques related to the elements of listening

The following techniques are used for active listening:

• Pause. Helps you understand what you heard and express your comments during the conversation. The speaker can thus emphasize certain elements of speech.
• Clarification. Allows you to clarify, detail what was said, or not to hush up the sensitive points of the issue being discussed.
• Retelling. Provides an opportunity to find out whether the information is correctly conveyed and understood, helps to place emphasis on the necessary arguments and facts.
• Development of thought. Encourages interlocutors to participate in the conversation and express their opinions on the subject of discussion.
• Reporting the perception of the interlocutor (transmitting your opinion about the speaker).
• A message about self-perception or a description of one's own feelings.
• A note on the progress of the dialogue (polylogue) – an assessment of the communication process.

Tips for being a good listener

Basic active listening techniques promote positive interpersonal communication. With their help, the interlocutor will feel attention to his words and experiences. Knowledge of techniques and the ability to use them will create a sense of self-worth in your counterpart, which will help you quickly reach a consensus.

• You should not interrupt or interrupt a person. This technique of active listening will allow you to bring the main idea to the end.
• After asking a question, be sure to wait for the interlocutor’s answer and not answer for it.
• Maintain eye contact and turn to face the speaker.
• Establish feedback, ask questions, nod.
• You should not immediately refute the information you hear. First, delve into the essence of the conversation, understand the motives of the interlocutor.
• Do not give in to the speaker’s aggression. Try to level it out with patience and calmness.

Active Listening Techniques

The AS technique helps to understand the deep meaning of all spoken words and penetrate into the inner world of the speaker. In everyday life, such penetration is called empathy, which manifests itself in 3 levels:

1. Empathy (showing the same feelings that the interlocutor shows).
2. Sympathy (the desire to help to alleviate the suffering of the interlocutor).
3. Sympathy (benevolent attitude towards a person).

To develop the innate ability of empathy, psychotherapist K. Rogers suggests using the following methods:

• regularly fulfill your obligations;
• express your feelings sincerely;
• show complicity with the internal experiences of the interlocutor;
• refuse to perform typical roles during a conversation.

Techniques of active perception

The essence of the active perception method is the ability not only to hear spoken words, but also to see the deep meaning hidden behind them, which can be revealed with the help of short phrases that encourage the interlocutor. It is necessary not only to let the speaker speak, but also to actively participate in the process of transmitting and receiving information.

Examples of active listening

An example of active listening can be considered most dialogues in which there is a specific topic for discussion:

• Conversation between the seller and the buyer (first the seller carefully listens to the buyer’s wishes, then the interlocutors change roles: the seller offers options for solving the problem, and the buyer listens and chooses).
• Communication with children. It is important to listen to each child and not only understand the immediate needs, but also help the child deal with his emotions and desires. Sometimes active perception helps to encourage the baby to take certain actions or teach some new skill. Active listening is widely used in pedagogy.
• Relationships between friends and relatives (allow you to establish a comfortable atmosphere).
• Communication between business partners helps develop a business.
• Participation in increasing sales efficiency. A successful sales manager knows how to properly present his product and force a potential buyer to make a purchase. To do this, the part uses techniques such as nonverbal communication, paraphrasing, clarification, and summarizing skills.

Communication with a child

Important! The ability to listen carefully to your interlocutor can be cultivated through long training. This will not only help you to be considered a pleasant conversationalist, but will also give you the opportunity to receive more information.

Listening skills

During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively and competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. This is of great importance for mutual understanding with your counterpart.

To be able to listen means to perceive the flow of information from the narrator. A person’s level of culture will allow him to politely listen to his interlocutor and tactfully refrain from harsh statements and disdainful facial expressions.

The ability to listen depends on personality type, intelligence, communication culture, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional during listening, inattentive, and often interrupt the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.

Many professions involve listening skills. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. Efficiency and a culture of listening are important for business communication. There are special techniques that facilitate the perception of information. Active listening will help support your interlocutor and show the significance of his story.

Active listening exercises

Before you begin to master the technique of active listening, it is worth understanding the basic principles of active listening:

• Give up the habit of interrupting your interlocutor;
• Maintain steady eye contact;
• Answer the question if it suggests an answer, and do not try to look for answers to rhetorical questions;
• Show feedback: support, nod your head, encourage to continue in short phrases;
• Do not prevent the outburst of unfavorable feelings (in order not to take negativity upon yourself, you need to temporarily abstract yourself from negative energy and continue communication after the outburst of toxic emotions).

After accepting and mastering the principles of AS, you can begin training the ability to actively perceive information.

Exercise in pairs

The first exercise is done in pairs, where one person acts as a speaker, the other as a listener. Over the course of 5 minutes, the speaker talks about several personal problems with an emphasis on his own difficulties. The partner at this time uses all methods and techniques of active perception. A minute after finishing this part of the exercise, the speaker analyzes the actions of the listener: what helped and what hindered him from talking about himself. For the next 5 minutes, the speaker talks about his successes and achievements, and the listener tries to effectively use AS techniques, taking into account previous mistakes. Over the next five minutes, the listener retells what he understood and remembered from the monologue, and the speaker reacts to the story only with positive or negative head nods. Moreover, if the speaker reacts negatively, the listener corrects himself. After completing the first stage of the exercise, the partners repeat the training, only changing roles. At the end of the lesson, they summarize and analyze which role is more difficult: the listener or the speaker.

Active listening skills training

Exercise “Damaged phone”

To complete this task, 5 people are needed: a speaker and 4 listeners. The speaker and the first listener remain in the room. The speaker reads a text describing a certain event, the partner listens carefully and tries to remember the details of the message. After reading the text once, a second listener is called, and the text heard by the first listener is retold to him. The actions are repeated until the last participant hears his version of the text. Then everyone gets together and compares the story of the 4th listener with the original.

The exercise shows that people remember information selectively, according to their worldview and life experience.

Mindfulness Exercise

The coach divides the group into threes. Each participant is given a short essay. For 3 minutes, all partners simultaneously read their texts out loud and try to hear the messages of the other opponents. The task of each participant is to hear and remember the information coming from other people as much as possible. As a rule, several times such an exercise turns out to be practically fruitless, but over time people learn to isolate the essence from a scattered flow of information.

Thus, the method of active listening is important not only for professionals, but also for every person. Active perception of information occurs very often; almost any dialogue contains elements of AS.