Self-centered person: signs and ways to cope

Self-centered people are easy to recognize, but it is really difficult to communicate with them and find a common language. They generally like to talk about themselves, and can be quite dismissive of other people's points of view. A self-centered person is consumed by his own grandiosity. He looks down on his friends and loved ones with a sense of superiority, which often manifests itself from the position of “I’m better than you.”

This type of person is defined by other people as unpleasant and annoying. We've all dealt with this type in our personal relationships, brief acquaintances, at work and elsewhere. Below are some of the most annoying behaviors of such people. You may have experienced some or all of these behaviors.

Annoying behavior of a self-centered person

Reckless driving at high speeds without regard for other people. Driving as if the man or woman owned the road. They refuse to wait, to yield, to slow down, and quite often show rage by using the car horn.
He makes trivial complaints or threats to call the manager if they don't like something in the store.
Turns any conversation into a story about yourself, regardless of the topic.
Shows loud verbal irritation while waiting in line.
Expresses physical and emotional tantrums or verbal bombast.
Ignores other people's emotions.
Does not apologize or regret that he was wrong or offended someone.
Exhibits arrogant behavior with a need to be right.
Is too critical of other people.

When we focus only on ourselves, our contacts with people are reduced. As our problems and concerns become more significant to us. But when we think more about friends and loved ones, our world expands as a result.

Causes

Parents can unknowingly harm their child by surrounding him with overprotection

Egocentrism has its origins in childhood.

The child’s parents at one time had serious difficulties, life problems, and now they are trying to protect their child from all this. On the one hand, one can understand their actions. They really want a better fate for their baby. However, on the other hand, a mature toddler will not be adapted to life’s problems and will not be able to get out of difficult situations. He will believe that everything can be achieved without making any effort. A grown-up child will perceive other people as an obstacle to his goals and will seek benefit for himself in everything. Such a person is psychologically unstable.
Parents raise the child, indulging him in everything, satisfying his every need. Having matured, a person does not understand why no one wants to give in to him, does not want to fulfill his demands and requests.
Parents, sometimes unknowingly, put their child on display, pointing out to acquaintances, friends and neighbors that their child is the best and most talented. From childhood, a child is accustomed to his exclusivity.

How to deal with self-centered people

Try to ignore them. Remember that these people thrive on attention. So try to ignore them, don't look them in the eyes, and avoid communication. If possible, stay away from such people. And refrain from contacting them. Instead, invest your time and energy in more positive people.
If you meet such a person on the road, then try not to succumb to his provocations. Instead, focus on your own safe driving techniques and keep your eyes on the road.
If you still cannot avoid contact or communication, then try to ask him questions that have nothing to do with this situation.

Egoist and egocentrist: what is the difference

Egoism and egocentrism are different concepts. With selfishness, selfish behavior is observed, focused on one's own interests to the detriment of the desires of other people. An egocentric person behaves similarly, but not because he opposes his own interests to the interests of others - he does not notice them and, unlike an egoist, often acts unconsciously.

With selfishness, a person defends his interests, clearly analyzing the current situation. With egocentrism, there is an inability to objectively analyze the situation, the inability to grasp the connection between different phenomena. In some cases, an egocentric person is capable of complete selflessness and altruism, although his help is often not only not required, but also gets in the way. An egoist clearly understands when someone needs help and when they don’t, and deliberately neglects the needs of another, realizing that this can bring inconvenience to himself.

How to deal with egocentrism

If you realize that you have similar character traits that are inherent in selfish people, then to get rid of them, you will need to make a lot of effort. And naturally, this takes time and your desire to change. You can start by putting yourself in other people's shoes. These could be your loved ones, work colleagues, supermarket clerks, and so on. Think about how they feel when their opinions are not taken into account and are not taken seriously. How would you feel if you were treated this way?

This is explained by the structure of the cognitive system

In fact, we are simply not ideally processing S. Samuel, EW Legg et al. Egocentric bias across mental and non-mental representations in the Sandbox Task / Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology information. Our cognitive system is built on heuristics - simplified rules for making decisions and evaluating facts. They save brain resources and our time, but sometimes lead to errors.

Most of the time we look at the world from our own point of view. We evaluate and remember events based on it. And even realizing that we need to look at the situation through the eyes of another person, we cling to our own view of things. And this does not allow us to adequately evaluate L. Ross, D. Greene, P. House. The “false consensus effect”: An egocentric bias in social perception and attribution processes / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology situation.

It's quicker and easier to assume that other people think the same way we do. But this leads to erroneous judgments.

Another reason is related to the memory device M. Ross, F. Sicoly. Egocentric biases in availability and attribution / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The brain builds a bias that puts self at the center of everything / The New York Times memories around ourselves. And if you are asked to list events over the past five years, you will quickly remember what was connected with you personally. This happens because one's own presence is always the center of attention.

In addition, additional factors also influence: age F. Riva, C. Triscoli et al. Emotional egocentricity bias across the life-span / Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience and language proficiency P. Rubio-Fernández, S. Glucksberg. Reasoning about other people's beliefs: Bilinguals have an advantage / Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition. Teenagers and older adults are more susceptible to the self-centered effect than people between the ages of 18 and 60. And those who speak two languages are fewer than people who speak one.

A message for self-centered people

I'm sure some of you reading this article will see similar behaviors in your lives and in yourself personally. But this article is not intended to insult you or imply that you are not a decent person. We all deserve the same love and respect, regardless of our annoying behavior. And we can all learn from our mistakes and learn that we need to be considerate and empathetic to other people and not just think about ourselves.

I hope that this article will encourage many people to introspect. Which in turn will lead to the understanding that we should all be more loyal and respectful towards other people. And understand that our behavior affects people close to us. So work on yourself and become better.

Where do you most often encounter self-centered people?

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What to do

How to help an egocentric person

It is not easy to interact with an egocentric person, but if the person is dear to you, you do not want to leave him, but want to help him change, then you will have to work hard.

Do not express your dissatisfaction openly if your partner himself is not ready for this.
Express your dissatisfaction, but without accusatory forms. Criticize the actions, not the person.
Try to find out the reasons for your partner's egocentrism. Perhaps this is a defensive reaction, which means he feels vulnerable, or a manifestation of an inferiority complex, the influence of a feeling of shame, intrapersonal conflict or life uncertainty.
A confidential conversation will help you find out and get rid of it. After all, an egocentric person will enjoy talking about himself; your job is to approach this in the right way.

Most often, the egocentrism of an adult has childhood roots. We need to talk to the child on our own or with the help of a psychologist (and he always lives inside us), to find out what he was missing or is missing. And then work on a specific problem that forces a person to become fixated on himself and demand the same total worship from others.

What to do if you are self-centered

You will have to work mainly with the help of self-persuasion. To do this, it is important to understand and accept a number of truths:

Every person is an individual. He has his own interests, needs and beliefs. No one has the right to encroach on this freedom.
There are social stereotypes, beliefs and values. To accept them or not is everyone’s personal choice. But we need to know and acknowledge them.

Next you need to change your thinking and behavior, according to these truths:

Don't get angry at those who ask you to grow up or consider the opinions of others. Choose 1-2 people whom you can potentially trust (it is clear that an egocentric person does not trust anyone, and therefore potentially).
Don’t expect to be indulged, and don’t indulge yourself once you decide to fight.
Try to describe what other people feel or think about you or the world. It is useful to discuss this later, speaking out loud. A sort of “guess it.” Only by playing “right or wrong” can you develop empathy.
Learn to communicate, take an interest in the lives of other people. Really listen to them.
Remember what I mentioned about trust? Ask your friend to guide you all day only with his desires, but at the same time commenting on every step. Firstly, you will feel under the influence of an egocentric person, and secondly, you will see the world through the eyes of another person.
Consciously force yourself to regularly think about how other people feel. Gradually this will become a habit. At first you can do this in writing.
Do not give advice or recommendations unless asked for it. Those who are interested will be asked to tell you about your success, and you will be able to talk about your loved one on every basis (this, by the way, is not so uncommon if you acquire a circle of close friends and are ready not only to talk, but also to listen).
Make it a rule that before you call someone or come to visit, consider whether this person is ready to see you, whether he can help. For example, in a home with small children, calling early or too late will probably not be welcome.
Read literature, watch films, and then retell the story from the perspective of several characters. This will help you understand other people in the future.
Discuss specific situations with friends. Let them tell you their vision, compare it with yours.
Engage in socially significant activities or enroll in a theater school. An egocentric person lacks recognition, a sense of importance and relevance. But if you do something like this, don’t shout about it at every turn. Otherwise it will again become egocentrism in its purest form.