The state of falling in love

Falling in love is a complex of positive emotions and feelings that is directed towards another person. Humanity has long been wondering what love and infatuation are. Are there differences in these concepts, is it feelings, hormonal surges or something else? Some people believe that falling in love is a disease for which there is a cure. Others think that this is a gift from above, and not everyone can experience such a feeling. In a state of love, a person experiences euphoria, but what then to do with an unrequited feeling, because then this feeling does not bring euphoria, but suffering. If this is a gift from above, then why does fleeting love exist?

Scientists have something to work on; periodically new theories and hypotheses are put forward about this condition, because the psychology of falling in love has not been studied. Not long ago, experts came to the conclusion that such a condition is nothing more than a physiological reaction. In the presence of the object of his love, the human brain is saturated with dopamine, and the person cannot see flaws in his beloved. How long does falling in love last? According to psychologists, on average this feeling can last up to 2 years.

The essence and definition of love

Of course, scientists have long been thinking and researching this condition, which excites the heart and mind of a person, but they have not come to any consensus. However, there are still some postulates.

A lover is a person who experiences strong emotions, passion and sexual attraction to another individual, his feelings are uncontrollable, and he is unable to force himself to stop experiencing them. A lover in his feelings receives stimulation for creativity, self-improvement and discovery. For the body, love is stress, and some scientists are sure that when a person is in love, noticeable changes are observed in his mental state, they resemble a mental disorder!

A different vision of the world

The most important indicator of the sincerity of feelings is the transformation of the surrounding reality. The world becomes bright and spacious, and people and their activities are perceived as alive, beautiful and meaningful. What is love? This is the perception of the world through the prism of this feeling.

When love is unrequited and filled with suffering, then those around you seem gray and uninteresting. How is the world perceived? Dull, small and even pressing on a person.

The main indicator of the presence of genuine feelings is the attitude towards life. The lover enjoys every day, his existence is filled with colors. At the same time, kinesthetics are also important: you want to touch your partner and feel closeness.

Reasons for falling in love

How does falling in love happen? Why does a person fall in love with someone who doesn’t seem to suit him, while another, who has much more merit, remains unattended? Everything has reasons, and even such a bright feeling as falling in love can be found.

Scientists believe that there are different reasons for falling in love - psychological, financial, hormonal, physiological. The physiological reasons for falling in love are as follows:

Inaccessibility. It is believed that the harder it is to get someone's attention, the more interesting they become.
Positive. If there is a lack of positive emotions in your life, and suddenly you meet a person who smiles, enjoys life and has a positive attitude in everything, naturally, you will be drawn to him. You will want to live like him - joyfully and cheerfully.
Mystery. Mystery is always interesting. If a person cannot understand how the object of his attention relates to him, this riddle excites and arouses interest.
Type. If this is not the first love, then, as a rule, the chosen person looks similar to the previous one. After all, falling in love is always associated with warm and bright memories that you want to repeat. In the case of first love, the situation is approximately the same: teenagers in love choose an object similar to their ideal (mother, father, movie character).
Gestures. Studies have been conducted that have proven that a person who accompanies his speech with gestures arouses more interest than one who does not. With the help of gestures, the opponent seems to penetrate into the intimate zone of the interlocutor and becomes one of his own in it.
Similar facial features. When you meet a person who is similar to you in appearance, he is automatically perceived by you as family and friends. It seems like you've known him for a long time and you trust him completely.
Eye contact. If you were able to establish visual contact with a person for more than 2 minutes, then some kind of connection arises between you. At the same time, trust and sympathy for the person increases.

Separately, it must be said that there is spring love. Spring is the awakening of all living things - plants, animals and humans too. A person's hormonal levels change slightly in the spring. The sun, warmth and bright greenery lift your spirits, everything seems more beautiful and better than, for example, in winter or autumn. Therefore, lovers in the spring are especially happy, because euphoria is given to them not only by their feeling, but also by a hormonal surge.

Hierarchy of values

The famous psychologist N. Kozlov is one of the most popular authors of the modern concept of love. How does he explain what it means to truly love someone?

In his opinion, one of the main indicators is the hierarchy of values. Each person has his own. Some people put work, football, friends, loved ones first, others put relationships with a woman first. The higher the beloved is in the hierarchy of her partner’s values, the greater the likelihood that we are dealing with sincere feelings. If a man, choosing between attending a football match and meeting a woman, prefers the former, it is unlikely that we are talking about true love.

Stages of falling in love

Scientists have determined the stages of falling in love, it looks something like this:

Evaluating stage. A person assesses the external data, mental and personal qualities of a potential lover.
Stage of interest. There is a desire to continue communication and get to know the person better. Thoughts about possible relationships appear.
Attraction stage. This stage consists of courting the person of interest.
Impression. A person tries to impress the object, show all his advantages and interest him in the same way as he is interested.
Persuasion stage. A person becomes convinced that he is in love and tries to make the object of his adoration fall in love with himself.
Strengthening the belief. A person understands that he is reciprocated (or not reciprocated), the behavior of a lover consists of the reaction of the object of attention: either it is euphoria, or painful feelings caused by refusal.
Actually falling in love is a strong desire to create a relationship.

Example

In reviews of “A Military Field Romance,” released in 1983, one can notice: the most controversial image for viewers was the character of I. Churikova - Vera Nikolaevna, the wife of Netuzhilin, the main character of the film. Finding himself in a love stupor after meeting a fighting girlfriend, for whom he had feelings at the front, he rushes between her and his own wife. Guessing and understanding everything, Vera Nikolaevna is a devoted, selfless and forgiving woman.

Who is she - a truly loving wife or just a mature lady who has nowhere to go, as some viewers think? Probably, they simply failed to see the spiritual closeness that exists between spouses. At the end of the film, it is obvious: Netuzhilin managed to throw off the veil of love's intoxication, retaining real, deep feelings for his own wife. For N. Burlyaev, the actor who played the main character, it is the character of I. Churikova that is the ideal of a truly loving woman.

Symptoms of falling in love

While psychologists and other scientists are debating what falling in love is, doctors have formulated a diagnosis - a mental disorder with a disorder of habits and inclinations. In addition, they identified the symptoms of falling in love:

obsessive thoughts and ideas;
insomnia;
mood swings;
self-pity or inflated sense of self-esteem;
blood pressure surges,
actions committed in a state of passion.

To put it simply, the feeling of falling in love can be described as follows:

cardiopalmus;
facial redness;
heat;
trembling in hands;
feeling of “butterflies in the stomach”;
complete or partial loss of logic, analysis and adequate decisions;
creative expression of one's experiences.

These are the verbal and non-verbal signs of falling in love. If we talk about where it all begins, we can identify the following obvious first signs of falling in love:

thoughts constantly return to the object;
the subconscious draws an image of heartfelt affection;
there is a strong desire to see the object again;
fear that the feeling will not be answered.

The signs of a man in love may differ slightly from the signs of a woman in love:

Changing habitual behavior. This happens not only for the better (to please), but also unconsciously: a pedant can become completely absent-minded, the life of the party can become quiet and silent, etc. This happens due to the fact that the feeling that arises always turns out to be an unexpected surprise, to which the man is not ready.
Increased attention. The lover’s gaze is always directed towards his chosen one, and when even she is not around, the man will be interested in who she is friends with, where she goes, etc.
Using different approaches. You can recognize a man in love by his unusual and unusual actions: he can get a dog so that he can run into the girl he likes in the park, enroll in courses where she goes, etc.
By the way a lover behaves in the presence of the object of his interest, one can guess about his feelings. As a rule, these are stupid actions, empty and nervous conversations. The lover’s gaze is clouded: he is afraid of making a mistake, but at the same time wants to show himself in all his glory. He may be awkward, knock over his cup of tea, drop his fork - all indicate that the person is in an extremely excited and nervous state.
The lover's gaze is directed not only at his beloved, but also at himself. He begins to take care of himself, tries to earn more, gets rid of bad habits if they are not pleasant to his lady love.

These are signs of a man in love. With a woman, things are a little different:

The girl is completely delighted with everything that her lover says and does. Moreover, she remembers everything he said or did well.
She really wants to know the opinion of the object of her interest about her.
The girl is nervous, a strange smile may freeze on her face, she becomes absent-minded and, as they say, flies in the clouds.
The girl is more active than usual: she is constantly somewhere, meeting, talking. She wants to support, advise, help, she is always in a good mood.
A girl in love begins to get involved in horoscopes, predictions, fortune telling and other esotericism.
For the girl, the world around her ceases to exist. She is completely immersed in her feelings, which she constantly shares with her friends.

Indicator - behavior

To truly love is to do everyday actions that speak more about the sincerity of feelings than words. When a partner is an asset, attention to detail comes to the fore:

Human needs human…
To smile just like that
So that my heart becomes warmer,
To worry: “There’s a draft there!”
Put on your slippers quickly.” (M. Boykova)

According to G. Chapman, each of us has our own love language, that is, actions by which the other judges whether he is loved or not. What is important here? Speak in your partner's language. Words are important to some, some value the time their lover devotes to them, gifts are valuable to a third, a fourth perceives feelings through assistance in business, a fifth through touch.

Dangerous disease

Intense love, as many doctors believe, is sometimes a rather dangerous condition for human health. The behavior of a lover is accompanied by strong stress, both nervous and psychological, that is, the human body suffers both morally and physically. At their core, the signs of a person in love are very similar to the signs of a person: a drug addict, suffering from neuroses, as well as manifestations of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

But people are not afraid of this condition, they do not go to the doctor, on the contrary, they look for love and are happy when they find it. All this is wonderful and wonderful, but only when the feelings are mutual. But if there is no reciprocity, then falling in love often becomes a serious illness that can even threaten a person’s life, especially if the lover becomes fixated on his condition.

However, everything depends on a person’s attitude to the situation, his personal qualities, will and psychological maturity. How a person in love behaves, who still hopes or already has a reciprocal feeling, was considered. But what happens to a lover whose feelings are left unanswered? This is where doctors begin to sound the alarm: after all, in this case, we can talk not only about the psychological and mental health of a person, but also his life. How to determine love that has not received reciprocal feelings? There are 3 scenario options here:

A person withdraws into himself, suffers, feels humiliated, helpless. His self-esteem plummets. As a rule, it is difficult to get such a person out of the house. Perhaps he will drink or use drugs to numb the pain that constantly torments him. Depressive states develop and thoughts of suicide appear.
A rejected lover goes to great lengths. He begins to lead a very active lifestyle, throwing himself headlong into the pool. Such people show signs of neurasthenia: they deliberately find themselves in dangerous situations, thus fleeing from their feelings. They seek to replace them with others. This is a rather dangerous condition, since in this case it can all end in severe speeding in a car, jumping off a bridge without insurance, etc.
Hysterical state of falling in love. Constant hysterics are replaced by the imposition of one’s feelings on the object of adoration. A person can achieve reciprocal feelings in different ways - threats, force, blackmail, and inducing self-pity. Each time, new ideas are brewing in his head on how to achieve reciprocity, i.e., paranoid syndrome develops.

Shows of love

In a person’s life there are periods of doubt, how can one understand whether this is infatuation or true love? In the first stages of dating, it is difficult to understand exactly how strong the feeling is, but let’s try to determine the main symptoms of love. Love from a psychological point of view depends on the emotions, sensations, feelings and aspirations that the object of love evokes.

Characteristic signs

For those who love:

Thoughts constantly fly to your loved one,
mood strongly depends on the words and actions of a loved one,
sudden changes in emotional state from happiness to unhappiness,
obsessive desire to be together, to see each other often,
idealization of a loved one,
the feeling that the euphoria will last forever.

True love is distinguished by humanity, rationality, restraint, there is more responsibility, a desire to help another person develop, and not just being together, and is less selfish.

Characteristic feelings

The feeling of a loved one - usually the loved one is the dearest, it is easy to communicate with him, there is complete mutual understanding, which sometimes surprises, there is a need for close communication. Often love arises after friendships, when people realize that they are close enough.
Freedom, equality - in close relationships it is important to feel inner freedom, and not constant control from the outside. A person himself strives for fidelity in a state of love; he can only be held back by the inner desire to be together always. It is important to learn to accept a person in all his manifestations; you can suggest, advise, but not command. Such relationships will not last. And you shouldn’t put yourself in the role of a subordinate, there must be equality of interests, you can lose your loved one, trying to constantly please, playing second roles. Any imbalance is detrimental to personal interests, health, and relationships.
The desire to care, to think about another - in true love, a person shows attention, constant care for a loved one, can put himself in his place, strives to make life better.
Love is a deep feeling . A real feeling comes from the heart and is not just attraction or mutual interest, it is deep, like the sea or ocean, penetrates the consciousness, enriches life, gives confidence and peace. The person looks happy, his eyes glow, there is an aura of goodness around him. Falling in love is a mood swing like a roller coaster.
Development of feelings - love is constantly developing, moving, it is never static, people change, feelings too. The development and strengthening of feelings is largely determined by loving people, there is a desire and steps towards it or there will be fading, based on mutual desire. It is worth doing pleasant little things, pleasing your loved ones; surprises allow you to add variety to your life and feelings.

What does it mean to truly love? Trust, care, strive to make the life of a loved one better. Initially, it is important to understand what a person needs in a love relationship, first of all; it turns out that each person has a personal understanding of love, which gives it a special meaning.

G. Chapman's book describes love languages, the psychology of expressing feelings, ways to find mutual understanding after living together for several years and falling in love.

It turned out: the main cause of conflicts is the lack of love and the different needs of men and women; each shows feelings in their own ways, which is not always understood by the other side.

Practical psychology of love helps to find ways to express feelings and emotions, considers the basic human needs for love. We are all unique and we love based on our inner understanding and life experience.

Love and infatuation

How to recognize infatuation and love? What is the difference? Well, firstly, falling in love is fleeting, but love can accompany a person throughout his life. Falling in love begins brightly and quickly, but ends the same way. People understand that they are completely different, nothing connects them, and all that was between them was a passion, nothing more. Love is an eternal feeling, it does not appear suddenly, it develops and grows stronger gradually. Love is based on strong ties, and the winds of change are not afraid of it. Love makes a person better, more perfect, 2 loving people do not need anyone else. But in relationships between people in love, a third person very often appears, which, as a rule, breaks the couple’s relationship. When falling in love passes, a person may feel discomfort and a lack of something in his life for some time, after which he calms down, and may even completely forget about the past relationship. Love never passes, even if loving people cannot be together, they love each other from a distance, and sincerely wish mutual happiness.

In fact, only love can make a person truly and forever happy. Therefore, you should not succumb to deception and rush into a relationship with a person you don’t really know. After all, sooner or later disappointment and pain will appear. Expect love - this is a lot of work, but at the same time a great joy: living with a person with whom you want to always be, having children and remaining loving and faithful to each other until old age.

How to learn to love?

Are there people who don't know how to love? Unfortunately, similar situations happen in life among men and women. Why do some people not know how to love? It is natural and obvious that a person needs love, but not everyone can build harmonious relationships; they try to oppress their partner or become victims themselves.

The reason may be personal characteristics - increased selfishness or mental deviations, as well as lack of confidence.

What people don't know how to love? A person who does not know how to love is often fixated on his own self, thinks only about personal interests , perhaps did not have an example of a good family, or vice versa - he was spoiled in childhood and got used to the whole world revolving around him. It is important to learn to observe a potential partner, learn about life experience, observe relationships in the family, this way you can see a potential “tyrant” who requires only self-love.

Why don't people know how to love? The main reasons for the inability to love are fear of showing feelings, reluctance or ignorance, although less often . A person with high self-esteem finds real feelings difficult; it seems to him that no one deserves to be around, and people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, end up in dependent relationships, where they are suppressed and oppressed.

Unfortunately, not every person knows how to love, perhaps the reason is in upbringing and inability to express feelings or in ignorance of the language of love. To love means to live the life of another person, to think about his interests, to show attention and care, but often people get hung up on personal interests.

People who do not know how to love are usually unhappy themselves; they do not understand that love is the light that illuminates the life of the lover and the beloved. People who constantly criticize, discuss, and live in negativity do not have the opportunity to find happiness, become good partners, spouses.

What to do if a man is married

If the person you like has already gotten married, the best idea would be to end up having an affair with such a person. This will preserve your psyche and will not destroy his family. Every girl wants to be the only one and loved. In rare cases, a representative of the stronger sex is ready to leave his wife and go all out with a girl he barely knows. The process of his divorce can last for years, during which he will feed you with promises and live on both sides. It will seem to you that you are in second place.

Ask a question

Please note that often such love arises from a lack of male attention, a long absence of a close relationship and the desire to prove that any man will leave for you, and not at all because this is the love of your life. Assess adequately and soberly how acceptable this option is for you.

Choosing the right tactics

The main thing to do when you fall in love is to remain calm and not show anxiety in your behavior. You need to carefully find out information about the person that interests you. After delving into several stories from his life, it may well turn out that this is not your prince.

It is not necessary to collect data alone - involve your friends, interview his acquaintances. You can collect information without arousing suspicion from your chosen one.
Men are not endowed with cunning, so they practically do not know how to skillfully manipulate, speak in hints and hide attraction. If he likes you, he will be embarrassed and study you.
Another way to find out if a guy likes you is to arrange a casual meeting. Perhaps he is going to the cinema or working out at a gym nearby. By chance, find yourself next to him. And the next date will be official.

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State Description

During the period of falling in love, the object of sympathy for a person becomes the most beautiful and unattainable. An individual experiencing this feeling begins to draw bright colorful images in his imagination, which may not always correspond to reality. However, a lover, as a rule, does not understand this.

The state of falling in love suppresses the voice of reason, the positive features of the object of love are brought to the fore, and its negative qualities become invisible. One of the main symptoms of falling in love is the unbridled and constant sexual attraction that appears to the object of sympathy.

A person experiencing this feeling loses the desire to do anything, drink, eat, rest and work. Since all the lover’s thoughts at this time are directed exclusively at the object of desire. Until the main goal is achieved, namely, the person causing this feeling does not belong to the lover in soul and body, the symptoms of falling in love do not fade away.