There are no ideal people. Each of us can be cheerful, sociable, nervous or withdrawn. There are predominant qualities and it is by them that a person’s character is determined. It greatly influences interpersonal relationships and success in various industries. If the chosen model of behavior causes inconvenience: aggressiveness scares people away, tearfulness annoys others, and isolation does not allow making new acquaintances at all, a person thinks about how to change his character.
What is temperament
It is a collection of opinions and attitudes towards various issues, as well as traits that affect all aspects of life. Through it, values, worldview, as well as approach and implementation of intentions are formed.
Etymologically, the ancient Greek word “χαρακτήρ” had a different interpretation; it was used to determine the unique signs of coins in minting and meant “sword, brand,” but over time it passed into the everyday lexicon with the meaning “trait, sign.”
In psychology, there are several interpretations of what character is. This:
- certain, typical behavior;
- a set of motives and methods of action;
- reflection of the inner world in the outer.
The last definition seems interesting, it implies that a person is trying to find a balance, to adapt to the way society works, but he does it individually, not like others, because he is guided by his own worldview.
This leads to the main feature: temperament is always unique, no two people are completely identical, although there are similar ones. Therefore, it is customary in society to talk about “good” and “bad” character, although this only means that someone behaves inappropriately to generally accepted norms, which are based on the habitual behavior of the majority. Another social cliché is “characterless,” although a healthy person cannot have no temperament at all, he is simply soft and compliant. The desire to adapt to society and meet its expectations leads to individuals wondering how to change their character for the better.
The traits that are included in this set reflect a person’s attitude towards the following:
- To people. They distinguish between introverts and extroverts, sociable and secretive, responsive, respectful, as well as suspicious, silent and even rude.
- To work. They talk about hard workers (workaholics) and lazy people, proactive, ambitious and down-to-earth, passive people.
- To yourself. These are selfish, egocentric, proud, proud and modest people. Self-esteem and self-respect are considered a positive quality - this is a healthy manifestation of self-esteem without vanity and without self-flagellation, victim syndrome.
- To things. Such characteristic features can be called sloppiness and neatness, frugality.
In addition to these four groups, the attitude towards money and consumption (greed, stinginess, squandering) remains interesting; to the beloved (romanticism), to the Motherland (patriotism).
What obstacles might you encounter?
- The human psyche has such a property as inertia, that is, the desire to leave everything as it was, not to change. Its main weapon against a person who is ready to remake himself will be laziness, fear and indecision.
- The familiar environment perceives a person’s attempts to change very negatively. Usually, if someone manages to change radically, then their social circle gradually appears different. The system does not want to lose a participant and seeks to pull him back.
- It is very difficult to achieve certain results without a clear action plan. The feeling that everything needs to change is not enough.
- Negative attitudes often prevent you from achieving what you want: “I’m not worthy,” “nothing will work out,” “initiative is punishable,” “what if I make a mistake,” and others. Usually they are laid down in childhood, and they are difficult to understand unless you specifically think about this topic.
- Changing your character is quite difficult. When there is no support from family or like-minded people, the goal can remain only a dream.
- Failures make you stop halfway. They undermine self-confidence, activate fears, laziness, and make you doubt the correctness of your choice.
- The desire to leave everything for later prevents you from achieving your goal. When a person knows how to change himself beyond recognition, and realizes the enormous amount of work that will have to be done, he does not always have enough motivation or strength to start acting. He tends to leave everything until tomorrow, until Monday, etc.
How is it formed and when is it not too late to improve your character?
There are features that can be called innate. Of course, people are not born with characteristic features, but there are physiological prerequisites for their development. For example, if a child’s brain is very active, they say that he grasps things quickly (on the fly), they note flexibility of thinking, and a desire for knowledge. There are, on the contrary, children who are thoughtful from birth - they usually do not fall or get into trouble from the very first steps, even if they started relatively late.
But the development of temperament is largely influenced by society. In childhood, these are first parents and relatives, then kindergarten teachers and peers, and in school years - teenagers and teachers. In most cases, behavior is copied, the baby learns the rules - what is possible and what is not. That is why it is so important what kind of example relatives set for the younger generation.
The most productive time for character development is the age from 2 to 10 years. During this period, the child’s mind is the most inquisitive, he is inclined to learn new things, but is still little adapted to thoughtful analysis, so to a greater extent the child simply repeats.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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But it's never too late to change. The best conditions for change are a transition to a different environment. For example, moving, entering a university, changing jobs. This is not only communication with people, but also the complexities of the new environment. Here there are different “laws” and norms, here you need to adapt to the majority. Usually, when a person finds himself in such a place, he is partially cross-pollinated over time. If he does not have flexibility, then they say about him that he is principled, uncompromising, although this just means that he does not adapt to his environment.
Some traits also appear at a later age - after marriage and the birth of children. These are two important stages when you have to get rid of selfishness and pride. Usually there is patience, a certain tolerance for the feelings of loved ones.
Another mechanism for the emergence of characteristic features is the development of habits. This is how parents act when they first force them to brush their teeth, ears, and clear the table in the morning and evening, and then they note the cleanliness of a family member, since he has been performing his usual actions for a long time and now cannot live without them.
Does it change over the course of life?
Previously, there was an opinion that a person’s personality is fully formed by the age of 25 . And it is precisely at this age that all the main character traits are laid down and if they can be changed in the future, then only slightly.
But various studies in the field of psychology have proven that a person’s personality continues to change in adulthood .
This happens under the influence of life experience and other factors.
Is it possible to change your character on your own? Find out in this video:
What is character made of?
If a son in childhood is similar in behavior to his father, then this is only 7% of genetic predisposition, and the rest is a repetition of habits. Children strive to be “like adults”; they choose the person who evokes the greatest respect in them. So they dream of the profession that their idol has, and learn the words they pronounce. But in the course of life, many factors affect each of us.
Upbringing
This is one of the most difficult processes and the more natural it is, the better the result. From childhood, the basics of social norms are instilled - etiquette, patriotism, love of animals and nature, respect for older people and everyone around in general. At the moment, an awareness of other people's boundaries is developing - you should not take toys from the sandbox, you should not hit, pinch or scratch.
But there are also insidious mistakes in the educational process. An excessive desire to protect against mistakes and guardianship can lead to learned helplessness syndrome. This is the name for the behavior of an adult who is afraid to change something, to start a new business, because in childhood he was told “You won’t succeed”, “You’ll quit anyway.” An overprotected boy, especially if he was raised in a female family without a father, can become very soft and easily offended. And a girl who was told that she should be an adult and independent can grow into a woman who does not possess feminine traits - gentleness, caring.
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Environment
Culture, religion, as well as living in a city or small town matter here. Usually values, views, and norms of behavior depend on this. Comparing an Eastern woman raised in Muslim traditions and a Western one, we observe a big difference in temperament. The way your character changes when you move does not mean that your fundamental views will be shaken.
Area of interest and work
When choosing a job, some people want a mobile place - communication, travel, while others like numbers and solitude. The same goes for hobbies: a pedantic and meticulous person is more likely to engage in embroidery or collecting car models, while a quick-tempered, energetic person loves sports and extreme sports.
Finding new interests is one way to influence character. If you lack perseverance, you should start weaving with beads, putting together puzzles, and try your hand at knitting.
Also, when changing jobs or finding a hobby, your social circle changes, new people appear who you involuntarily want to imitate. But, unlike childhood, an adult is able to analyze what exactly attracts me to this person, what characteristics I do not yet possess.
What do the characteristics depend on?
So, we see that character can be changed. How can you change your character? The first place to start is by changing habits or ways of reacting in certain situations. Secondly, you need to understand that after certain character traits are changed, you will need to constantly “work” on them.
The ability to change your temper depends on numerous factors:
- age - the older a person is, the more difficult it is for him to “work” on himself and try to change something about himself;
- congenital characteristics - for some people the ability to change their character is “innate” by nature, others have to make great efforts to correct something in themselves;
- education - only from parents or close relatives can you learn about such concepts as good and evil, independence and softness, determination and laziness;
- interests are an indicator of character that determines a person’s behavioral foundations;
- social circle - the people around you have a great influence on the habits and behavior of a certain person.
Is it possible to change your character on your own?
Different people deal with change in different ways. Some are more susceptible to change, others less so. But in any case, you will need to do some serious work on yourself, which includes introspection and subsequent adjustment of behavior. Remember also that habits shape our qualities; often giving up smoking and alcohol or daily exercise can significantly change your life.
An effective way to solve the problem is to contact a specialist. Sign up for my consultation and I will help you understand yourself and give advice on adjusting your personality.
Charge with positivity
Have you ever wondered why there are few truly happy people in the world? The thing is that we often do not know how to rejoice. Smile more often, give positivity to your relatives and colleagues! The manifestation of the best qualities of character begins with the ability to see beauty in everything that surrounds us. Notice how beautiful the sunrise can be, how unique communication with near and dear people can be.
If you learn to get the necessary boost of positivity every day, you will feel cheerful all day long. Having an optimistic outlook on the world is very important if you want to succeed. As a rule, happiness accompanies those who know how to appreciate it. Smile more often, show concern for your loved ones, appreciate all the good things in life. You can always find a reason for joy if you have the desire.
Recommendations from psychologist Daria Milai: how you can change your character
Depending on the psychological type, individual programs are selected. But if you want to start making adjustments yourself, you need to follow these tips.
For the better
- Weigh your pros and cons, do it as frankly as possible, left alone with yourself.
- Find a reason to change. Is laziness stopping you from finding a job? Is it rude to start a love relationship? You need to motivate yourself, find a goal.
- Read good books thoughtfully. The classics raised their generation on novels; they contain a large share of moralizing - evil and vices are usually ridiculed or punished, virtue triumphs.
- Develop self-control. Restrain angry impulses and negative emotions. This will be very useful in life.
- Seek help from friends and family, ask what traits they consider unnecessary or overdeveloped in you.
To a harder one
- Discipline yourself. Set a goal and achieve it, get into the habit of running in the morning or drinking only one mug of coffee, start taking a contrast shower, if necessary, go on a diet or play sports.
- Write down the qualities you want to see in yourself.
- Be resistant to manipulation and provocation.
- Try to smile - a positive outlook on the world helps you achieve your goals.
- Fight your complexes and fears, most of them are a figment of your imagination.
- Learn the word “No” and use it when it is beneficial. Enough with charity at work, delays, blockages and weekends spent there, defend your point of view and rights.
- Love yourself. This is also the ability to express yourself. Only a woman who cares about her body, health, and moral satisfaction is able to feel genuine interest from the outside.
Can a person change his character beyond recognition?
If you need to not only correct the image, but also change it altogether, literally “start from scratch,” then you should act according to the recommendations:
Ask a question
- Perform a personality analysis. We're confident you'll find traits worth keeping.
- Accept all your pros and cons. Only after awareness will come the opportunity to change something. It's never too late to become new.
- Look around. Is there someone in your circle you should look up to?
- Visualize. Imagine yourself renewed - what are you like?
- Change your environment: wardrobe, apartment, city, friends, work.
Do everything the other way around
This method is often used by impulsive and conflict-ridden people to control themselves. The essence of the method is to perceive your desires and impulses as an incentive to do the exact opposite. If you have rationally recognized and come to terms with the idea that your character is far from ideal, begin to change it in practice in the most radical way. Willpower will help with this. For example, if you want to yell at a subordinate or family member in order to impose your will, this is a signal that you need to smile and give in. If you want to prove that you are right, this is a signal that you need to calm down and make a choice in favor of a compromise.
Changing character: 5 steps to success
Follow the instructions step by step, each step should be completed with the utmost honesty and thoughtfulness.
Analysis
You can keep a diary for several weeks, but write down not events, but the qualities that you showed in situations. For example: “Today I was too lazy to go to the gym” or “Because of my principles, I disagreed with a colleague, and we ruined the project due to my fault.” There should be a place for positive traits here, this is very important, for example: “I prepared cupcakes for work, a programmer from the neighboring department said that I was very economical and feminine, and invited me on a date.” After a month, you can write down all the qualities in two columns - pros and cons.
View from the outside
Look at a person who behaves in a similar way. It is usually easier to evaluate others than ourselves. Remember that the same can be said about you.
Role Model
Create a collective image - self-confidence, like your sister, cheerfulness, like your college friend. These can be acquaintances or famous personalities, idols.
Control
Set yourself goals and achieve them. The habit is reinforced within three weeks - this is your minimum when self-control is tested. To make the task easier, you can encourage yourself or make a schedule, use a calendar.
Good deeds
There is no need to look for grandmothers with packages to carry them across the road. Every person needs a good attitude. Give compliments, offer all possible help. Set a goal for yourself to collect at least 10 thanks per day.
Algorithm of actions
It is important to find a role model
- There must be an understanding of what traits need to be developed.
- Engage in replacement. It will be difficult for a person to get rid of something right away. First you need to try to minimize the manifestation of bad traits.
- Find something to emulate.
- A person who seeks to change must have some kind of motive, and a fairly strong one. For example, when a family collapses due to a man’s rude behavior.
Unlocking talents
Each person has unique tendencies towards something. Only often we forget about them and do not strive to develop our existing abilities. This is a big omission, a colossal mistake that must be corrected as soon as possible. Discovering talents contributes to character correction. How? The fact is that a person who has found his place in life certainly becomes happy. He stops complaining about dull everyday life, does not strive to conflict with others, and does not spread gossip behind his back. The negative manifestations of life simply do not interest him. A happy person is busy with inspiring thoughts, he has a need to share his joy with others.
Think about what type of activity is especially close to you? If you still haven’t found yourself, maybe it’s time to devote precious days, hours and minutes to this issue?
Ask yourself questions
But this advice is more complicated. But you can also start using it today.
Think about your goals, choose a few key ones. Now make a list of task questions using the formula “Did I do everything possible to...”.
You don't have to make this list to impress anyone. These are only your questions and your life. But there are a couple of things to consider. Are these questions important to your life? Will they help you become who you would like to be?
Questions may relate to work and creativity, family, health and education. The list of tasks should be structured so that you can evaluate them daily. Below are a few questions from Marshall Goldsmith's personal list. On a scale of 1 to 10, he rates the effort he put into completing each item.
If your score on trying to be happy today was low, then tomorrow will be a new day to try harder. And if after a month you notice that you haven't made any effort (to get more sleep or exercise, for example), this will help create emotional momentum for change.
