The most common reason for women's lies is an attempt to hide their betrayal. How can you tell if your girlfriend is lying? Often this is not so easy to do: the girls are excellent actresses and skillfully dodge. Put aside your emotions and look at the situation without the influence of hormones: the article describes in detail the signs and ways to recognize a lie. All that remains is to apply this knowledge in practice. If you want to become a master of relationships with a girl, then check out my online courses on self-development and seduction!
Why do you come across lying girls?
I haven’t wondered why some guys are lucky with girls, while others always come across bitches. At the same time, initially it seems that the girl is good and decent, but then she goes to great lengths. The reason is usually the man's low self-esteem. It seems to him that the girl is the ultimate dream and he is unworthy of her. The woman feels this and begins to sit on her neck, but the man does not understand the moment when it is time to put her down. He allows himself to be treated with disdain and lies. Although there are girls who, in principle, do not recognize honest relationships, they will not get involved with tough and specific men who know their worth. Why? It's simple, because the girl won't be able to take advantage of such a guy, which means the relationship will be unprofitable for her.
Prepare to be a villain for a while
Your girlfriend won't trust you as easily as she used to after you lied. In addition, she will not be able to love and treat you tenderly in the same way for a while.
You made a mistake, you have to deal with the consequences. Therefore, be prepared for the fact that she will consider you a villain until you correct everything and enough time has passed. A kind of fierce wolf that you should beware of in everything.
Use this post (opens in a new tab) for dating ideas while rebuilding trust.
How long does it take to regain a girl's trust?
There is no right answer to this question and no set time for solving the problem. It all depends on the nature of the relationship, its duration and emotional attachment to each other. The act itself that led to the loss of trust also plays an important role.
Ways to catch her lying
Even if she knows how to lie and does it convincingly, this does not mean that it is impossible to bring the girl to clean water. Here are 3 ways to find out the truth:
- Make an unexpected call. For example, she said in the evening that she would be at home and had a lot to do. An unexpected call or even a visit will help you catch a girl red-handed. Come up with a good excuse for an urgent meeting or conversation to find out the truth.
- Just listen to it and remember it. You don’t even need to do anything: it will reveal itself with inconsistencies.
- Arrange unexpected surprises and meetings. Invite someone unexpectedly on a date, stop by in the evening just to give them flowers. She says that she will be at home, but she is not there - this is a reason to think about the honesty of her words. Or maybe you will be even more “lucky” and you will find her with someone else.
If you don’t want to test a girl, but it’s important for you to find out the truth, then use psychology and nonverbal signals. They will help you understand whether a girl is lying to you, or they will reveal other secrets.
Girls think about other people's feelings3
Representatives of the fair sex do not adhere to the rule “better the bitter truth than a sweet lie.” They understand. When a person needs to lie so that he does not become completely disappointed in himself and in his life.
If the girls all told the truth, then we could expect another great depression. Think for yourself, would you like to know that your current girlfriend accidentally met one of her exes on the street and talked with him for several hours? That's it.
Ladies are much more sensitive to people's emotions. It is usually simply impossible for them to tell the truth, which will definitely offend the interlocutor. It is important for them that the person with whom they are talking feels confident and calm, and if they say something unpleasant, even truthful, the former calm and confidence will disappear.
How to find out that she is lying without words: her body will give it away
If a girl is a good liar, then it will be difficult to find out the truth, even after flipping through all the books on psychology. She has already studied them too and consciously avoids gestures that betray deception. It is also worth considering that different people have different manners when deceiving. Try to track her reaction to small lies, but just don’t tell her what she’s saying. This is easy to do during a game like “mafia” or “poker”. Now you will know that if she smiles stupidly, then she has something to hide. There are also more universal signs that you should pay attention to:
- Dilated pupils, but they also indicate excitement and great interest.
- She automatically repeats your question before beginning her answer.
- The girl leaves sentences unfinished.
- She is nervous, but tries to appear indifferent. At the same time, when you start talking quickly in a question-and-answer format, she becomes very tense and is afraid of making a mistake.
It is more difficult if the girl is far away and it is impossible to fully assess the changes in her behavior. If you suspect a lie, you should pay attention to the fact that she has become less likely to communicate with you via video call and prefers messages. But even from a distance you can find out if she is lying.
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How to regain a girl's trust: what to say during an apology
Of course, words of apology are indispensable. First, what not to do:
- indulge in spatial reasoning about why this happened;
- relieve yourself of blame by blaming circumstances or other people;
- beg (beg) for forgiveness: “Please, forgive me, I beg you”;
- Avoid the word apology altogether;
- avoid conversations and debriefings.
Now I will give a few phrases of apology. You can take any of them and use it.
“I understand that you are angry and disappointed with my behavior right now. You're not sure you can trust me again, and I'm really sorry that happened. I shouldn't have betrayed you."
You voice how she feels, win her over, show the connection between your feelings and hers, and say what you want her to believe.
“Now I understand how much my stupid act makes you feel anger, pain and rage towards me.”
“I love you baby and I cherish you very much. It's my fault. I'm very sorry this happened."
“I analyzed what just happened. This will never happen again."
“Forgive me, my girl. I'm really to blame for you. Know that I didn't mean to hurt you. This is the most important thing for me now.”
I think you know the saying, “Strike while the iron is hot.” The same rule can be applied in our case. For example, if a girl has just caught you doing something forbidden and ugly, then after the words:
"I'm sorry!"
You can go straight to seduction and sex. Yes exactly.
Replace her negative emotions with positive ones, shifting the vector of attention. After making love, the girl will be relaxed, positive and happy. If she wants to again raise the issue of that ugly act of yours, then gently apologize again. But, most likely, she will no longer return to him.
How to recognize a lie if you are far apart
It is more difficult to figure out a girl if you are far away from each other. It’s not so easy to come here on a surprise visit and not look into her eyes to see how sincere she is. But the girl will be betrayed by correspondence, telephone conversation and behavior. An attentive guy will immediately notice the changes. To find out the truth from a distance, follow this algorithm:
- Call her and talk about simple topics. Find out how your mood is, how your day went. Let him relax and not expect any checks.
- Ask your question sharply and unexpectedly, but calmly and without hostility. If you're worried that she has someone else and yesterday she didn't answer her calls because of a date, then ask.
- See how she reacts. Aggression and attack are a wake-up call. If after the question she is confused and cannot collect her thoughts for a long time, it means that she is also thinking through a lie.
- Notice how her mood and voice changed. It's good if you communicate via video call and you can see her reaction. If she changes the topic of conversation or abruptly decides to end communication, then this is also a bad sign.
- Listen to yourself and trust your instinct. Don't be afraid to admit to yourself that she's cheating and don't cover for her. By her reaction you will definitely understand the real answer to your question. The main thing is to be calm and not put pressure on you to see the reaction to the question, and not to your behavior.
To understand why a girl lies, it is not enough to consider male reasons. If you yourself are a skilled liar, this does not mean that it will be easy for you to recognize a girl’s deception. She lies differently. Understand that if a girl lies to you, then you have definitely made one of the “10 mistakes men make.”
Girl deceives guy
The authors of the book “Strategy for Family Life” apply economic laws to all situations that arise in marriage - and they are quite good at resolving contradictions that arise between spouses and establishing mutual understanding in the family. “Marriage is economics in its purest form,” say Jenny Anderson and Paula Schumann and talk about how the economic phenomenon of “asymmetric information” harms relationships.
Too good to be true The date went great. Aaron was just a sweetheart. Smart, with a doctorate and a teaching position at a decent university. He turned out to be Jewish. He paid for dinner. He laughed at her jokes. He walked her home, kissed her goodbye, and the next day sent her an email inviting her to go out again.
Why was Leia in no hurry to answer “yes”? It's all about the same unpleasant suspicion that appeared in her after every successful date: if he is so cool, why is he still alone?
We think Leia has a point. We will explain everything to you very soon. But first, let's do one speculative experiment. Imagine that you want to buy a used car. You come across an advertisement in the newspaper for the sale of a ten-year-old Toyota Corolla DX. This seems to be what is needed.
Manual Transmission. 90,000 km. Works like new. Almost all its life it stood in the yard of my grandmother's house in Florida. Not a scratch. And for only $500!
This coming Saturday you are going to meet the seller, a mustachioed man with a ring on his little finger, who assures you that no one else will make you such a generous offer in your life.
“Honestly,” he continues, “I don’t really need money.” I'm only selling this car because of my grandmother. She is 90 years old. At this age it is already dangerous to drive.
— When was the last time she had a technical inspection?
- Uh, well, a few months ago.
- And what did they write to you there? Can I read it?
— No, I don’t have any documents with me. You'll have to search...
— When did your grandmother buy a car? Do you know who had it before? Have you been in an accident?
- Accidents? No, definitely not. Look at him! I think my grandmother bought it new... yes, of course it was new.
- Do you have a receipt?
“I’ll ask grandma, but I doubt she’ll find it.” She can no longer hold such things in her head.
Now your “just right” is more like “too good to be true.”
Asymmetric Information Economists have a name for anything that is “too good to be true”: the “market for lemons.” The term was coined by economist George Akerlof in 1970 (he received a Nobel Prize for it 31 years later) to refer to transactions in which the seller or buyer knows more about the product than the other party to the bargain - that is, transactions with "asymmetric information" - and for all the problems that arise from this.
In our story with the Corolla, the information is asymmetrical, since the guy with the pinky ring knows that the car was in three accidents, its gearbox was changed and the odometer was reset after 160,000 km - but you don’t. So you are taking a risk. If you pay 500 bucks, drive your car home, and find out the next morning that it won't start, you'll be disappointed, to say the least.
Same with Aaron and Leah. Aaron is aware that he tends to lose interest in a girl after the first night, is terrified of a “serious relationship” and categorically does not want to have children - but Leia knows none of this. So she's taking a risk. Therefore, we support her decision to behave as carefully as possible with Aaron and not immediately succumb to his charms.
Without complete information, we cannot make an informed decision. And when we can't make an informed decision, we either make an uninformed decision (which can lead to big problems, like buying an old junk or a sharp drop in self-esteem), or we quit the game and risk missing out on a really good guy - or walking away from a really good deal.
Aligning Information It's not just used cars that have problems like this. How can insurers determine premiums for health plans if they don't know for sure which of their clients are obese smokers and which are non-drinking athletes? How can a bank employee give a client a mortgage without knowing whether the payer is responsible to him or a chronic debtor? How can a company hire a new employee when it doesn’t know if it was his fault that the cafeteria at the company he recently quit burned down?
How can a woman or man decide to invite someone to their home after a date, if this someone may turn out to be a womanizer or some kind of fidgety woman?
But don't be too quick to mourn the plight of used car salesmen, insurance companies, bankers, hiring managers and singles searching in vain for their other half. Remember that asymmetric information can be aligned.
Thus, you can sell and buy a used car through an official dealer, under the program for the sale of certified used cars. Insurers can look at your medical records and sniff out everything about your bad habits over the past 30 years. The bank can improve your credit history. And employers may ask you to provide references.
As for lonely people, it is, of course, more difficult with them, but in our age you can “Google” any new acquaintance (within reasonable limits, of course) - and already at this stage you can recognize an outright psychopath.
So, from an economic point of view, information is always a benefit: the more we know, the easier it is for us to make adequate decisions and the better our market functions.
What about marriage? The same goes for your marriage. Constant exchange of information is vital to maintaining the economy of your relationship.
You always call home if you're late at work so your other half can wait a little longer for family dinner. You do not harbor a grudge, but openly talk about your hurt feelings to your spouse so that he can apologize in time. You honestly admit that today you have a headache and won’t have sex - but not because you don’t want to, but because you really can’t. For health.
Wait, what's the matter?
Isn't everything so simple for you? Don't you always call? Don't share your experiences with each other? Accumulate negativity until one day you burst through? Do you think that your spouse should learn to understand you without words? Maybe the information in your marriage is also somewhat asymmetrical?
And not only in yours! We're willing to bet that we're all getting into trouble in the communication category precisely because of asymmetric information. If you filter out some unseemly details when telling a story because you are afraid of your wife’s reaction, this is an asymmetry. If, according to your firm conviction, your husband should guess for himself what you are thinking about, what you want and what actions you expect from him, this is also an asymmetry.
We will share with you some ways to restore information balance - such as exchanging signals and the habit of saying what you think and doing as you say.
Bill and Angela Bill and Angela claim that they "searched the entire Internet" before they found each other. Both had been married before, and both were skeptical about online dating. But many of their friends found first, second and third husbands and wives online, so in the end they both resigned themselves and posted their profiles.
Bill had already felt the pain of loss (his first wife died in a car accident when he was about thirty) and the bitterness of betrayal (his second, after living with him for a couple of years, ran away to one of his friends). And now, looking through all these tempting profiles, he felt like “a kid in a candy store.”
Angela had no desire to get married again. She married her first husband right after school and lived with him for 22 years - now she wanted to make up for everything that was missed in her youth. According to her calculations, in the first year after the divorce, she went on a hundred dates and, like Bill, managed to see enough of all sorts of losers.
But at some point, Angela felt she had had enough of catching up. She got her dose of non-committal sex, apple martinis (two for the price of one) and conversations about exes. She wanted to find something more serious. She became more picky.
On Bill's first date, they went to a pond and he rented a boat. “Critical,” Angela noted, “but cute.” As they bobbed on the waves, casually chatting about fish and the delights of online dating, Angela suddenly asked Bill how his relationship with his two teenage children from his first marriage was going.
“I think they hate me,” Bill replied. “They still can’t forgive me for getting married a second time.” After my mother died, they only had me left. It was not easy for them to live with a single father, but while I had no one else, they endured everything calmly. And as soon as another woman appeared, they immediately became uncontrollable.”
Angela had already gone on dates many times with men who had children - she herself had a daughter in high school - and each of them claimed that he had a “wonderful relationship” with children, no problems after the divorce. But, looking at her own daughter, and knowing full well that no normal child would accept the separation of her parents calmly, Angela found it difficult to believe in such stories.
Bill was also glad to meet a straightforward woman who did not try to show off his eyes. “In the first hour of communication, I learned that she has a daughter who skips school all the time, and an ex-husband who pays her hefty alimony, and also that half the Internet was dating her.”
The Dishwasher Story Six months later, Bill and Angela got married. And already in the first year of marriage they were ready to file for divorce. The problem, oddly enough, was communication - despite all their captivating frankness on the first date. According to Bill, Angela never made any complaints to him.
“She expected me to somehow read her mind and understand why she was upset,” he told us. - But I'm not a telepath. And not a walking X-ray.”
Angela confirmed that it was not easy for her to tell Bill that she was not happy with something. “I have never been able to discuss conflict situations. I’m used to being silently offended.”
She told us how one day their dishwasher stopped draining, Bill promised he would fix it, but only two weeks later he finally made it to the hardware store to buy a replacement part.
“This is where everything stalled again. He always puts things off until later - this is his typical behavior.”
Typical behavior, Bill objected, is to tell your husband in plain text what you need from him. But instead Angela snapped and sulked, and he thought she was simply out of sorts.
According to Bill, he had no idea that Angela was already breathing fire until one day after dinner she opened the dishwasher, then slammed it shut and told Bill that she would rather shoot herself than wash another unfortunate plate by hand.
Problem: Unifying Equilibrium Bill wasn't an idiot. He knew that the dishwasher still didn't work. He added its repair to his list of necessary tasks, replenished every day, which he always kept in his head.
Only he did not take into account that Angela also has a growing list of necessary tasks that Bill never completed. And number one was her dishwasher.
You'll probably say that since Bill knew that the dishwasher was still faulty, he could well have guessed - at least on some subconscious level - how Angela felt about it. Fair. But economists would argue that he couldn’t know anything for sure—and certainly couldn’t estimate the extent of Angela’s agitation if she didn’t tell him anything.
Many or even most will call this paradigm - "simmering wife / unsuspecting husband" - in one word: "marriage." But we prefer to use the economic term “unifying equilibrium.” This is the name for a situation where you cannot make a choice between two different options because you do not have enough information.
In life, we often have to face a unifying balance. For example, when issuing mortgage loans, a bank may not know exactly which clients are reliable and which will be eternal debtors. In this case, he has to set the same high interest rate for everyone, which is actually not very beneficial for him, because in this way he scares off primarily reliable clients who are able to count money.
Exit: signaling Signaling can effectively level out the information imbalance. The party with the information must be able to send clear signals to the ignorant party. The signal should be as informative as possible. And the more it costs the sender - in terms of money, time or effort - the more intelligible such a message, as a rule, turns out to be.
If the seller of a used Chevette voluntarily provides a vehicle inspection report and a description of all the accidents it has been in, the buyer will be more likely to trust that the car will not fall apart on the way to its new owner's garage.
A bank whose office is located in some mansion, a monument of urban architecture, instills in its clients thoughts of something durable, enduring, and also, as it were, hints that few thieves will decide to rob it.
Luckily for Angela, she didn't have to develop clever signals. All that was required of her was to convey her will to her husband using words or some symbols. Whatever method she chose, generating the right signal would require some effort on her part, which would already allow Bill to assess the significance of the problem.
One day, during another showdown, Bill said to his wife: “Well, at least give some signs so that I can guess what you want from me. I promise to silently take them into account and not start any showdowns.”
Angela swore to herself that when something new appeared on her list of things that Bill hadn’t done, she would gain strength and bluntly express her claim to him. So one Friday, a few days after the gate in the yard fell off its hinges, Angela decided to surprise Bill with a home-cooked dinner instead of her usual processed foods.
She cooked the chicken and laid out the ugly serving napkins that Bill's sister had given them for Christmas. Those Santa napkins were an endless source of jokes in their family. This time on her husband's napkin - just in the center so he could see when he lifted the plate for a refill - she wrote in permanent marker: "I love men with a hammer and door hinges in their hands... Maybe you can please me?"
Bill fixed the gate the next day. Well, maybe in a day. The main thing is that this task immediately rose to first place on his to-do list and was completed in the shortest possible time.
What is the difference between male and female lies?
Everyone lies. Some are petty, while others are constantly and skillfully entangled with flattery. But at the same time, men's and women's lies are different. Girls use longer sentences, and guys more often repeat words such as “certainly,” “definitely,” “of course.” Instead of these words, ladies often say verbs such as “I’ll try” and “I’ll try.” Men and women also have something in common: when they deceive, they use more pronouns in conversation and correspondence. At the same time, girls place more emphasis on “I”, and men more often repeat the word “My”, “Mine”.
You can love and forgive everything, but it is better to know your worth and not allow yourself to be deceived. If a friend behaves suspiciously, then there is no need to ignore it for fear of ruining the relationship. If you leave everything as it is, you will have to constantly adjust and listen to her lie. My students are masterful at identifying a girl’s lies, find out more what I can teach you.
Hiding the truth
Compared to men's lies, women's deception is really different. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity usually lie in cases where they need a certain benefit - money, career advancement, reputational effects, etc.
Girls lie when they need to hide the truth. That is, lying is not a tool to achieve anything. Rather, it is a forced way to avoid negative consequences. For example, a woman may lie to protect a man's feelings.
