11.05.2021
Dissatisfaction with appearance is one of the top five reasons for turning to psychologists. In adolescence, appearance is a particularly sensitive topic, as serious metamorphoses begin to occur with the body. Some people gain weight, some grow taller, many people develop acne, girls develop breasts, guys develop mustaches and beards. And all this - against the backdrop of the first romantic feelings and the natural desire to be attractive.
Teenagers often worry, for example, about the size of their nose or ears, scars, or braces. This often becomes the reason for the appearance of complexes, low self-esteem and self-doubt, and negatively affects the quality of life. Social networks with photographs of “ideal” people whom you really want to be like add fuel to the fire. Despite the trend of body positivity, celebrities broadcast their beauty standards.
How to stop having complexes because of your appearance and not spoil your life - we’ll figure it out together with psychologists from the Children’s Helpline.
Learn to perceive yourself without judgment
To do this, you can try the “Conscious Mirror” technique. To complete this, you will need a large mirror to see yourself in full height, and a stopwatch (all smartphones have it). Stand in front of the mirror, start the stopwatch and start looking at yourself. As soon as the first negative evaluative thought appears, press “stop” on the stopwatch. Write down how long you lasted without self-criticism. Repeat the exercise daily. A good result is to calmly, without criticism, examine yourself for 5 minutes.
An example of studying yourself in the mirror:
“I have short, slightly curly brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin with minor blemishes” is a neutral description of appearance, keep up the good work.
“I have short, slightly curly brown hair, brown eyes, fair skin with ugly pimples” - here a negative assessment of the skin condition is already given. The exercise is over for today, press “stop”.
Your task is to describe what you see in the mirror, without giving yourself negative assessments, without remembering “how it was before” and without planning changes. Don't make harsh emotional remarks or compare yourself to others.
By regularly performing this exercise, you will learn to look at yourself without judging and accept yourself for who you are.
Consequences
It is often easier for people not to evaluate themselves than to begin to believe in themselves. As the symptoms of the complex begin to progress, the individual's behavior changes and can affect the family. As a result, the married couple will break up, and the notorious person will no longer be able to become happy: his terrible appearance led to divorce. If the patient does not love himself, then the people around him will not respect him. The search for one’s own negative qualities will lead a person to accept the problems that arise as a normal phenomenon.
Often people who feel indecisive about their own abilities remain lonely. They simply withdraw into themselves, after which they lose friends and loved ones.
If an appearance complex is accompanied by a superiority complex, then you can lose the trust of your relatives.
When the appearance complex reaches its final stage, mental trauma occurs. It can even drive a person to suicide. This way the patient will solve all his problems. If there is no acquaintance or relative nearby, then unauthorized death may occur. With a complex appearance, people often turn their plans into reality.
An untreated complex can cause divorce
Focus on the positives
Often teenagers are dissatisfied with a specific part of their body or its condition, but are fixated on this “flaw” so strongly that they begin to perceive themselves as ugly in general. They do not notice their advantages and attractive sides.
Once you have learned to look at yourself without judgment, take a green pen and write down what you like about yourself. The list must contain at least 10 advantages; the maximum number of advantages is not limited. If you can’t immediately gain the required amount, repeat the exercise again. Refer to your list regularly to boost your self-esteem.
Make a habit of focusing on positive characteristics. You can praise yourself, give compliments and be sure to smile at your reflection. This exercise will help you learn to perceive yourself positively.
How to stop feeling complex about acne?
A complex regarding juvenile acne affects almost all adolescents during puberty. The increased growth of hormones provokes excessive secretion of sebum, which causes the appearance of boils that can significantly spoil the appearance. The fight against them should begin with a visit to a cosmetologist, as well as the realization that the period of exacerbation of acne is the norm, completely disappearing after 2-3 years.
Acceptance of oneself and one’s appearance has special knowledge here. Psychologists strongly advise girls who are worried about acne to focus not on the shortcomings, but on the advantages of their appearance: plump lips, long hair or a beautiful bust. You can also resort to the services of a photographer and have a professional photo shoot showing your appearance in the most favorable light. Such manipulation will allow a woman to love herself and accept herself with all her shortcomings.
A visit to a cosmetologist and choosing the right skin care will also help correct oily skin type and increased sebum production. Treatment should begin with a selection of a special diet that excludes smoked products, confectionery sweets, fried and fatty foods, which increase the production of sebum.
For inflamed boils, it is recommended to use ointments Levomekol and Zenerit, which have a drying effect, as well as drugs: Verocutan, Acnecutan, Polysorb (removing toxins and normalizing the functioning of the sebaceous glands), vitamins B and E and brewer's yeast.
A good effect will be achieved by manual or ultrasonic cosmetic cleansing, which removes impurities from deep in the pores and fights the appearance of acne, as well as herbal infusions of St. John's wort, calendula and chamomile.
Take care of youself
There are many ways to make yourself more attractive. Sometimes it’s enough just to start taking care of yourself: change your clothing style, choose colors and styles that are more suitable for your body type and skin color, get a haircut. Start looking after your health: proper nutrition, facial care and moderate exercise can bring you the desired shape and clear skin, as well as a good mood, increased self-esteem and the habit of smiling. And a smile is the best decoration.
Instead of worrying about your appearance, experiment with style, think not about how to fix yourself, but about how you can take care of yourself. Agree, the desire to become the best version of yourself is better than the desire to meet other people's standards.
How to get rid of the complex and dysmorphophobia.
First
Behind the obsession with appearance lies something deeper - fear.
A person is afraid not just for his appearance, but that those around him will not accept him as ugly, will not give him due attention (will not admire him), will not love him and may reject him, and this will lead to mental pain.
But here it is important to understand that, by and large, you are at least overdoing the fear of dislike and rejection. In fact, this fear is simply stuck in your psyche, it has become obsessive, and you are controlled not by common sense, but by a harmful belief and OCD mechanism.
After all, even if in reality you are not a “written beauty or macho,” this does not mean that no one will love you. Everyone has their own preferences, views and values, you just need to meet your person, but that’s a different point.
And “shortcomings” in appearance are often generally invented by people themselves; it only seems to them that something is wrong with them, because their real appearance in some way does not correspond to the ideal, internal image of a successful and happy person that has developed in the past (men, women ).
Second,
find people of the same sex with the same appearance as you, who are successful, cheerful and attractive. They will be an example for you that with such characteristics you can be happy and achieve a lot.
Look at what makes them attractive to others, even though they may not be perfect in appearance. Perhaps you will see that it is their naturalness, openness and self-confidence.
Also take a closer look at their behavior, what and how they do, how they communicate and behave.
And then sometimes remember this, gradually it will make a positive contribution to solving the problem.
Third
People with dysmorphophobia or a complex about appearance often underestimate themselves and consider themselves uninteresting.
They can belittle their other qualities, even positive ones, this all only reduces self-esteem. A person may think: “He’s so cool, I won’t come over, I won’t even be able to maintain a dialogue, what if I blurt out something, and they’ll look at me like I’m a fool.” His entire internal state screams: “I’m not worthy!”
People may avoid the opposite sex and try to be inconspicuous; women may not wear makeup and wear bright, fashionable clothes, not seeing the point in this, they say: “Nothing will change anyway, no one will love you.”
In other cases, it may be the other way around, a person tries very hard to please, tries to control himself in everything in order to seem better, and some, feeling unattractive, even show unconscious aggression, like: “If I can’t attract, then “I’ll destroy, I’ll destroy”, this easier".
It is very important here - someone doesn’t like to admit their right ! That is, allow yourself to be yourself, imperfect, and believe that you are worthy of your happiness as you are , you are good as you are with all your characteristics, strengths and weaknesses!
Stop being ashamed and afraid of your real self, admit your shortcomings, come to terms with them and don’t focus on them, because changing something for the better is only possible from a state of acceptance , and not anxiety or dissatisfaction.
And start noticing your strengths! To see and record them, there is a simple and effective practice (the main thing is not to be lazy and do it).
On a piece of paper (in a diary), slowly, thoughtfully and without lying, describe at least 20 (even the smallest) strengths of your appearance: not only your face, but your body as a whole.
Well, in life, remember a simple rule: “My body is my business”!
Fourth
, you don’t need to think that all hopes should lie in charming only with kindness and intelligence, not at all, this way you won’t seduce anyone, and counting on someone’s condescension means putting yourself in the position of a victim who can be devalued at any moment .
You need to count on YOURSELF and charm, both internally and externally, which will begin to reflect your self-confidence, cheerfulness and sincerity if you begin to truly develop your inner world, value yourself, take care of yourself and strengthen your broken, crushed EGO (strengthen, not inflate).
And first, if you really want to become more attractive, start with your body.
After all, our appearance is not only the face or one part of it. Appearance is you, whole, whole.
In addition to the face, this is your physique, tone, your gaze, burning or dull eyes, a smiling or suffering expression on your face, your posture and manner of behavior. Appearance is all of you!
Therefore, you need to take care not only of your face (to a reasonable extent), but also take care of yourself. Everything needs some part of your attention.
If you can’t do much with facial features and certain physical, natural data (at least without money), then you can do with complexion, tone and facial expression, here almost everything depends on you.
Engage in suitable exercise, healthy eating and gradually get your body in order (if it is not all right).
The benefits will not only be physical, but will also have a positive impact on everything. Fifth (the most key)
To get rid of a complex or dysmorphophobia, you must definitely replace it with something! It is impossible to simply get rid of something, because there will be an emptiness inside, which is worse than even an obsession.
Therefore, it is extremely important to change the course of life, the very way of life and internal values to new, useful ones, which will gradually become a priority for you instead of a painful obsession with this idea.
You need to gain the ability to rejoice and be inspired by yourself , just like that, just from your state of mind of peace, inspiration and some kind of creative realization in life (self-expression).
By and large, you need to make a firm CHOICE: What is more important to you: spiritual comfort, cheerfulness and achieving your new goals, or a vain, painful fixation on appearance?
Now you get it, appearance is more important than happiness.
And before you make a choice, you can remember and vividly (in images) imagine past situations and answer the following questions for yourself (I recommend doing it on paper):
- How do you feel, how do you behave, what do you think about (being alone and among people) when your attention is focused on appearance?
- How does this affect your relationships with others and loved ones?
- What does this deprive you of in life, what opportunities?
And then, ask yourself: “What do I really want (what does my soul want)? How do I want it and why? How will I feel and how will I live without this complex?
Remember these questions and answers periodically, especially in difficult moments.
And then try every day to direct at least a little attention and energy to the realization of your new (useful) desires and goals. Without switching the focus of attention, nothing will happen; what we focus on is how we live!
Sometimes remember and tell yourself:
“I am interesting as a person, but not only my appearance determines my personality.”
And learn to enjoy life, you only have one. In any case, learn to be happier and you will look better.
Psychology
The secret fears of most women have a clear justification: the fear of being of no use to anyone, of not being able to build a family. They react more sharply to loneliness, so they need a constant partner. Skilled marketers deftly take advantage of the peculiarities of the female psyche, creating complexes in millions of girls around the world.
Causes
Possible reasons for the development of internal fears:
- single-parent family;
- traumatic experience;
- mental disorders;
If society demands from a man high incomes and maintaining a family, then from a woman - to be beautiful 24 hours a day, give birth to a child and maintain comfort in the house. A career is not considered a priority for a young girl. Therefore, subconscious experiences arise due to appearance and failures in personal life.
Read also: “Fast and Furious. Hobbs and Shaw"
Modern men, like women, are very demanding. To start a family, a girl must be “a courtesan in bed, a mistress in the kitchen, and a queen when visiting.” No person can create such an image without neurosis and internal conflicts.
At the same time, being smart and self-sufficient is not at all necessary. How many of you were told at school that girls don't need science? This attitude can be seen at the university as well. Many older teachers are condescending towards girls.
"Men are smarter." “You can’t jump over your head.”
Derogatory remarks about women's mental abilities, coupled with the pursuit of beauty standards, create the effect of a bomb exploding. 90% of girls have at least one complex.
What complexes can women have?
All women's fears are associated with the following experiences:
- worries about appearance;
- fear of appearing too stupid or too smart;
- fear of loneliness.
Is excess weight an aesthetic discomfort or a direct threat to health?
How many people, so many opinions. There are no standard ideals in modern society. All people are different, as are their concepts of beauty. Some men prefer “tasty” shapes (for example, in the East, ladies with curvy hips and breasts are desirable, local men idolize them and are ready to carry them in their arms!), while others adhere to other standards.
Don’t try to force yourself into far-fetched boundaries. Excess weight can be very useful and becoming. Suffice it to recall the popular trend in fashion today - plus-size models who are not ashamed of themselves, but, on the contrary, show how beautiful they can be. Love yourself for who you are.
Another thing is that sometimes there are too many extra pounds, and excessive weight is harmful to health (negatively affects the functioning of the cardiovascular system, metabolism, etc.). In such situations, you should think about how to quickly lose weight in order to return your vital signs to normal.
Safe diets for weight loss
To the queries of users on the Internet “how to lose belly fat at home”, “how to quickly lose weight without dieting”, “how to lose weight in a week, a month”, “how to quickly lose belly fat” and other similar search engines provide thousands of answers. But how can you figure out which of the proposed methods and diets will not harm your health?
According to the medical community, there are simply no safe diets for emergency weight loss. Such methods always involve risks for the body. Moreover, after painful fasting, in most cases, the lost kilograms do not return on their own, but within.
But there are some secrets that will help bring the needle on the scale closer to the desired values:
1. Balanced diet.
Try to eat less high-calorie and unhealthy foods, such as fried potatoes, flour products, etc., replacing them with vegetables, cereals and boiled dietary meat.
2. Refusal of salt.
10 grams of salt retain 1 liter of water in the body. By reducing your daily intake of this supplement, you will help normalize your water balance.
3. A glass of water instead of a high-calorie bun.
Liquid will reduce the feeling of hunger. A glass of water half an hour before meals will help normalize your appetite and prevent you from eating too much.
4. Moderate consumption of fruits.
Nutritionists classify berries and fruits as carbohydrate-containing foods (except for green apples). Vegetables, on the other hand, contain beneficial fiber.
5. Visiting the sauna.
If there are no contraindications for health reasons, the sauna will have a positive effect on the body: metabolism will be stabilized, the process of removing toxins will be stabilized, and the condition of the skin will improve.
Paris Hilton
It would seem, what kind of complexes can torment a shocking celebrity? As it turns out, Paris Hilton is embarrassed by her feet. With a height of 170-odd, her foot size is 43 (and according to some sources, 45).
She often laments the fact that she can't wear designer shoes. Instead of beautiful shoes, stores offer her “clown shoes.”
Nicole Kidman
The actress has never suffered from excess weight, but she has one drawback that does not give her peace of mind - a small tummy. Because of him, rumors constantly appear in the press that Nicole Kidman is pregnant.
Despite their success and wealth, celebrities are the same people who are ashamed of their features. Moreover, sometimes they hate something about themselves that many women envy them for. Why are you embarrassed about your appearance?
Stretch marks
Psychologists conducted a survey and found that 99.9% of men believe that their significant other has a beautiful body. At the same time, the women themselves voiced several complexes related to appearance. In particular, they were very embarrassed about having stretch marks.
While you are struggling with cellulite and stretch marks, your gentlemen do not even pay attention to them. Yes, perhaps you should not leave these problems unattended, you need to try to solve them, make your body even more attractive. But you shouldn’t get complex because of this. Love your appearance with all its flaws. And then men will have no choice but to love her too.
