- September 9, 2018
- Psychology of communication
- Raisa Bogacheva
Most of humanity tries to tell the truth, but there are people who sometimes lie, and there are those who do it all the time. What do you call people who lie? It is clear that not in very good words.
Sometimes a person lies to protect someone. Even after meeting people, after a few minutes they begin to lie to each other. Every day a person hears from several dozen to several hundred deceitful phrases and sees several thousand deceitful movements. Everyone is very interested in the question of why people lie. Psychology gives the following answers.
Why do people lie
If a person constantly lies, the psychologist’s answer is the following: he creates an image for himself. That is, they talk about some adventures or exploits in order to appear in the eyes of the listener in a better and brighter light. They make up stories or exaggerate their abilities to make people think how wonderful they are. There are people who lie just like that, without any reason, simply because they like it. Some people may lie to unsettle their interlocutor. Other people lie to protect relationships or feelings.
For example, if a spouse cheated, he will lie to save the family and relationship. Or he will praise his wife for her new blouse, even if he doesn’t like it, just so as not to upset his beloved. Sometimes a person lies to protect another person from some consequences.
For example, if a child faces legal liability, then the parents will protect him, even if he is guilty, so that the life of their child is not ruined. Sometimes such a lie is justified, because it helps to avoid an unnecessarily severe punishment. There are people who lie for the sake of their own reputation and in order to impress.
For example, they lie about their financial situation in order to arouse interest in their personality, or exaggerate their work opportunities in order to get a good job. They resort to this form of lying in order to get career growth, a higher salary, for some kind of self-interest. Some liars lie to avoid some kind of conflict situation. For example, children may tell lies to avoid punishment or fear disapproval.
Manifestations of a pathological tendency to deceive
The obsessive urge to write doesn’t just appear. Its origins must be sought in the past, in childhood grievances or shocks. Sometimes a constant desire to lie is characteristic of people who have mental and personal difficulties.
Symptoms of pathological lying are characteristic and pronounced. To identify them, you need to listen well to a person’s speech and analyze the details. A person prone to deception may retell one story many times. However, in his narratives the writer contradicts himself. There are constant inconsistencies in the details of the stories. A liar simply does not notice them. Pathological liars tend to tell lies about such significant things as illness or the death of relatives and friends. Such a feature becomes an unpleasant trait for others, who at first take the words of the writer as truth. Of course, they sometimes have to experience anxiety. Anyone who is prone to abnormal lies believes that he is not doing anything wrong. If he is convicted of a crime, the person tries to justify himself (the documents were lost, and friends who saw everything with their own eyes cannot get in touch).
Influence on others
Some liars lie to somehow influence others. They think that deception sounds more reliable than the truth, and thanks to this they control the situation.
When a person begins to lie systematically, he can no longer stop; lies give rise to new lies. And the more he lies, the harder it is for him to tell the truth. Pathological liars think that if they admit that they once distorted the facts, then they will be exposed and the whole truth will be known. Fearing this, they continue to lie even where it is not necessary. In stressful situations, a person does not think about little things and to save himself, he begins to lie and believes it himself. It is more profitable for him to lie and believe than to tell the truth.
Sometimes people who lie a lot engage in wishful thinking. It seems to them that dreams can become reality if they just exaggerate a little and throw dust in the eyes of others. Whatever the reason for the deception, the person feels awkward at this moment. And the reaction of the interlocutor is very important, who may say “I don’t believe it” or “stop making up things.” The liar will then lie even more to protect his reputation and show that he is telling the truth.
Low self-esteem
The reason for lying can also be low self-esteem or some difficult life situations that a person has experienced. It could be criticism or unrequited feelings. Other people have a hard time accepting a situation and it’s easier for them to come up with something and lie so as not to fall on their face. Instead of thinking about his problems, a person comes up with some new and interesting facts about his own life. As a rule, people become liars from adolescence, when the teenager may have experienced some kind of social conflicts or was humiliated. And in order not to experience this again, they lie, thus protecting themselves. Lying is not a habit, it is a natural human trait.
Involuntarily touches any part of the body
0
For example, a liar usually touches his throat, chest, or stomach. “I have often witnessed this type of behavior in the courtroom when I acted as a consultant. When I see a defendant involuntarily touching his throat, for example, it most often means that the testimony of one of the witnesses is making the defendant nervous.”
How does this happen in children?
Not only adults, but also children cheat. What is the reason for this? It happens that children's lies do not harm, but benefit, but it also happens the other way around.
Let's figure out when and for what reasons children lie:
- Up to 3 years. At this age, children do not know how to lie at all; it is not physiologically given to them. The child’s brain is not yet capable of inventing; it pays its attention only to what is around it in reality.
- From 3 to 4-4.5 years. At this age, the child fantasizes, comes up with some images, he composes some fables, which in principle cannot exist. At this age, lying helps the child develop and learn.
- 4.5-5 and older. The child lies about everyday and domestic issues. For example, he lied that he had done his homework, but he didn’t even know what the homework was, he skipped class, and said that the teacher canceled it and didn’t come.
Warnings
You can misinterpret a sign and in vain accuse a person of lying
- You shouldn’t be overly suspicious and look for deceivers in everyone you know.
- Remember that no method gives a 100% guarantee of identifying a liar.
- Signs of deception can appear in groups, or they can occur individually. Therefore, sometimes it is difficult to determine whether a person is lying to you or not.
- Remember that people are individuals. Each individual can digest information and react to it in their own way. The signs of lying shown by individual people may also differ. Some will easily deceive, while others will not be able to do it at all.
- You may encounter a person who lies on a professional level. It will be almost impossible to recognize his deception. But even here you can try to bring the person to clean water by asking additional questions. Perhaps he will get confused in his lies.
- You need to understand that nonverbal signals do not in all cases confirm a lie. In some cultures, for example, staring at your interlocutor is bad manners.
- Signs of lying, manifested at the physiological level, for example, increased sweating, may not be a symptom of deception at all, but of problems with the health or physiological characteristics of the body of a particular person.
Now you know how to recognize a lie by facial expressions and gestures, behavior, words and looks. You will be surprised how often we are deceived in everyday life. Remember that lies are sometimes good. Perhaps a person is hiding something because he does not want to hurt his interlocutor. However, there are times when it is better to know that you are being lied to. It is possible that they want to harm you with such actions.
Types of Liars
There are 7 types of people who lie all the time:
- Psychopaths. These are people who lie for their own benefit, even if they find themselves in a situation where they need to help someone, they will easily lie for their own benefit.
- Extroverts. These are people for whom lying is as easy as breathing, and they themselves believe what they say.
- Narcissistic people. These are people who lie in order to get attention.
- Sociopaths. These are individuals who live and breathe lies.
- Pathological liars. These are people who lie constantly but never admit it.
- The youth. Teenagers can cheat an indefinite number of times; this is a natural stage of socialization. It is difficult for teenagers to fit into society without using lies.
- Salespeople are people who lie all the time in order to earn as much as possible.
The older a person gets, the less he lies. It is difficult to say what causes this, but this fact exists.
Unexpected questions
Of course, a person can be well prepared for a lie and think through his answers in advance. Therefore, deliberate lies are quite difficult to detect. However, if a person has prepared well and thought through the answers, then it is worth asking completely unexpected questions. He who tells the truth will find his bearings and consistently move the story forward. Whoever lies will not be able to tie ends meet.
How to determine that a person is lying?
It's easy to find out. There are 3 ways to understand this.
- The first way is facial expressions. One of the signs of lying is shifting eyes or staring too closely. Also, when a person is deceiving, he looks either to the left or up.
- The second way is gestures. When a person lies, he clasps his hands or hides them in his pockets, also moves a couple of steps away from the interlocutor, may clutch his cell phone or hold his bag tightly.
- The third way is conversation. When deceiving, a liar's voice begins to tremble and he begins to speak more slowly, indistinctly, in order to come up with a lie during the conversation.
Watch your speech
In addition to body language, it is also worth analyzing the features of speech.
Usually we know well the personal qualities and behavior style of loved ones, so it is not difficult to replace changes in their behavior and speech. But if in front of you is a stranger or an unfamiliar person, you need to work on his basic behavior, as they do in the FBI.
We first calm people down to understand how they behave in normal, minimally stressful situations. Thus, by finding out what their baseline behavior is, we can track changes in behavior regarding a specific issue.
Some people begin to speak faster, their voice may become higher, or they begin to make more mistakes in conversation, forced interjections appear, they begin to cough, etc.
Liars are more about convincing you than just making a point.
Therefore, sometimes they will repeat the same thing several times - just to be believed. Their words become weak at the beginning or end of a statement.
You need to be aware of strategic delays, such as when someone answers a question by saying, “That's a good question.” This kind of beginning is used to “forge” an answer. It just so happens that this tactic is used by both honest and dishonest people, so in itself it does not indicate deception. Some people are very careful in their answers, so a lawyer of Bill Clinton's caliber will be very careful in constructing his sentences, choosing his words carefully.
