How to make a husband respect his wife and are afraid of losing her, 5 practical tips from psychologists

In this article we will tell you:

A woman's contribution to her husband's loss of respect for her
If the reason is in the husband
Shows of disrespect
How to make the right decision
How can a woman regain her self-respect?
When does it make sense to fight for a relationship?
5 practical tips from psychologists

Sometimes in family life women face disrespect from their spouse. The reasons for this are different. And how to make a husband respect his wife and be afraid of losing her? We'll talk about this in the article.

Every couple wants to maintain a relationship for as long as possible, preferably for life. A man and a woman usually start a family in a state of love, when everything seems rosy.

But over time, family life reveals different facets of the personality of both spouses, including not the best ones. Psychological science helps prevent discord and experience difficulties in relationships.

A woman's contribution to her husband's loss of respect for her

The reasons why a husband stopped treating a woman with tenderness are varied. Conventionally, they can be divided into

Ungroomed wife

Everyone knows that women love with their ears. But often the weaker sex forgets that men also need to nourish their love feelings, and the appearance of the other half plays an important role in this. Before the wedding, girls carefully look after themselves, trying not to lose their boyfriend, and after marriage a metamorphosis occurs.

Of course, in family life a couple faces many worries - small children, work, financial difficulties. But even if you don’t have the opportunity or desire to visit expensive salons, you can always find time to wash and style your hair and put on clean, neat clothes. After a difficult day at work, a man still deserves to see not an aunt in a dirty robe, but a beloved woman who cares about her appearance.

Communication style

This point is similar to the previous one, only we will talk not about external, but about internal filling. If for a long time a man has heard nothing but discontent and “sawing” at home, over time his wife’s speech will cause him nothing but irritation.

No matter how much he loves his wife, he will not be able to resist negative feelings. As in the famous proverb: “A drop wears away a stone.” He will either remain silent or answer questions sharply.

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But in your desire to please with words, you shouldn’t go too far. Of course, you should always try to smile when you meet and greet your husband affectionately. But in case of fatigue or illness, it is important to be able to show your condition and express your desires.

If you couldn’t restrain yourself, for example, because of problems at work, words of apology will come in very handy.

Problems in intimate life

For men, sex is a very important part of life. Quite often, women, knowing this, try to manipulate their husbands through intimacy. They either have a “headache” or simply have no desire.

We must remember that such behavior is akin to walking on the edge of an abyss. Of course, it is important to defend your point of view and not forget about your desires, but not with the help of the weak points of a loved one.

Hostility on the part of the husband can also arise if the wife does not want to lead a rich intimate life. Sex as a scheduled duty quickly kills any desire for this particular person, which in the future can lead to a search for pleasure on the side.

Lack of self-development

Even if a woman is in order with all of the above points, the risk of losing respect from her husband remains. It is associated with what is called self-development, or rather with its absence.

Women who, due to circumstances or by choice, stay at home are more susceptible to this condition. They may get carried away by monotonous TV series, stupid talk shows and similar activities, which is why they lose topics of conversation.

But in many ways this development of events is determined by the internal state. A working woman will justify her reluctance to learn new things by being tired, and her interests may very soon narrow. If she has abandoned common hobbies with her husband and has not found new ones, he may lose interest in his wife.

There are also hidden signs of disrespect for a woman:

The wife is the last to know everything, and most often from friends and relatives. The husband does not consider it necessary to talk about anything, about his plans, for example, about where they will go on vacation with the whole family.

Does not allow you to do what you love or hobby. At the same time, he creates fog, and it looks like he cares about his wife.
Doesn't keep his promises.
Pays attention to other women, compares them with his wife, while the wife is always in a losing position.
Doesn't pay attention to his wife's requests, spending time on gadgets.

Needless to say, living with such a man is very difficult, and the question arises - why live with such a man? In the name of what? Love?

But, let's be honest, what kind of love can we talk about if they wipe their feet on you?

I will never believe that you can love a person who mocks you, is rude, rude, calls you names, humiliates you and does all the other things that can happen in such a destructive relationship.

Personally, I think such relationships are psychological violence against a woman.

= = =

You can justify yourself ad infinitum as to why I live with such a man, but life won’t get better from it. Frequent excuses for why I tolerate such treatment almost always sound the same:

I love him;
I have nowhere to go;
I don’t have a job and my child is small;
He loves me, he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing;
I feel sorry for him, I’ll leave and he’ll disappear.

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In consultations, women often say that they have no choice, they cannot break off the relationship because they are financially dependent on the man.

There is always a choice! Another thing is that it’s scary. It's always scary to change your life, especially so radically. I remember when I was already an adult and got married, I once asked my mother: “Why don’t you leave your father?”

In response, I heard, I have nowhere to go, I’m no longer a girl to wander around apartments.

By the way, she was only about 45 years old then.

Unfortunately, the fear of change does not allow you to take care of yourself, create normal conditions for life, and perhaps in the future, meet a normal man and create a relationship with him.

There is such a deceptive moment, it seems that if I understand why my husband treats me with disrespect, then I can change the relationship.

Of course, there are certain reasons why things happen. But will knowing the reasons somehow help influence the situation?

If the reason is in the husband

Unfortunately, it happens that a wise wife has analyzed her behavior, corrected her shortcomings and is trying with all her might to maintain peace in the family, but the husband does not change his attitude. In this case, we need to talk about whether the cause of the discord is in the spouse himself. What points are we talking about?

Selfishness and infantilism of the husband

Psychology believes that selfish behavior is rooted in the lack of independence and immaturity of the individual’s psyche. Such a person is accustomed to having someone else make all the important decisions for him.

He lives only for his own pleasure, avoiding any unpleasant moments. Therefore, when his wife does not agree with his opinion and offers another solution to the problem, this greatly irritates him.

By and large, an egoist respects no one but himself. No matter how patient the other half is, it will not be easy for them to get along. Only strong love and acceptance will help smooth out the rough edges in such relationships.

Sometimes this gives results, and the infantile person finally begins to think about responsibility and not blame everyone around him for failures. He gains respect for his wife for tolerating his shortcomings. But whether his half’s feelings will disappear during this difficult time, the question remains open.

Financial dependence on a man

In our country, a common family model is where the man is the breadwinner and the woman takes care of the house. Many couples like this position. It allows a man to feel like the head, the master of this small world, where everything depends on his decision.

This situation relieves women of financial responsibility and the need to be torn between home and work.

It would seem, what could be the catch if the spouses are happy with everything? In fact, a woman in such a relationship, due to financial dependence on her husband, also becomes psychologically dependent.

Something happens in a man’s life - problems at work, he liked another woman, or his own wife simply began to irritate him - all this will affect his wife. Most often she has nowhere to go, especially with children; finding a good job without experience is also unlikely.

Aggression

This aspect of male behavior is worth special consideration, because a woman’s response to it should be quick and unambiguous.

If in the case of selfishness there is hope of finding a common language, especially if the husband himself is ready to improve, and financial dependence can be prevented from the beginning, then aggression cannot be changed on one’s own.

Often violence, including physical violence, is accompanied by alcohol abuse and drug addiction.

Many women mistakenly believe that if they are patient, the situation will improve. But the experience of psychologists, social services and law enforcement agencies shows that male aggressors do not find the strength to stop immoral behavior.

You should not expect either respect or fear of losing your spouse from such a partner - if it appears, it will be until the next outburst of anger.

Mental illness

Many mental illnesses manifest themselves quite early - in childhood or adolescence. But what if such a disease began when the person was already married?

In this case, is it worth looking for ways to make a husband respect his wife and be afraid of losing her?

Without a doubt, it is painful to realize that a loved one periodically turns into someone alien and often aggressive. I want to return everything, endure it and wait for a happy ending. Sometimes, in cases of indolent disease, this tactic works for a while.

But, for example, schizophrenia is dangerous because of its unpredictability and obsessions. Therefore, it is important to make the right decision in time and put the safety of yourself and your children, if any, first.

Why do we need a reputation?

Reputation, of course, cannot buy us the love of people, but with its help we can get those valuable resources that every person needs: respect and politeness. Of course, not all of us crave the same warmth that comes with a good reputation. This is usually important when we lack self-love; it helps compensate for our inherent lack of self-confidence. It’s as if we are looking for confirmation from the outside when we are not internally sure that we are worthy of love.

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Shows of disrespect

Just recently, the husband was gentle and caring, but now a woman increasingly feels uncomfortable in communicating with him. Sometimes she cannot fully understand that her husband has ceased to respect her and, apart from irritation, feels nothing.

Let's list the clear signs that feelings have cooled.

Constant reproaches and reproaches, expressions of dissatisfaction.
There are few or no tender words in speech.
A man can insult his wife with obscene and offensive language.
The husband does not seek to hug or caress his wife.
Conversations in such a family do not go well; they are short, to the point, or with irritation.
A man is bored with his wife, he strives to spend more time outside the home, in the company of friends.
Ridicule or lack of interest in the wife's hobbies, work and hobbies.
Disrespect for a woman’s moral values, constant teasing on this basis.
A man who does not respect his wife allows himself to humiliate her not only with words, but also with actions. Often this is expressed in the use of force to fulfill his whims.
Depending on the character, the spouse either begins to completely control the woman, her communication, work, travel, or is absolutely indifferent to her and is not interested in her life.

Why are they respected?

Respect is based on recognition of a person's merits .

These could be character traits, behavior, views and beliefs, achievements, etc.

Since the nature of men and women is very different, they evaluate their partners according to different criteria.

Women

Which women are respected? Men never lose interest in women who:

They know their “worth”. The most popular are those representatives of the fair sex who, first of all, respect themselves.
They will never impose themselves, show excessive persistence, agree to unworthy offers, etc.
They have their own range of interests . Often in family life, wives concentrate all their attention on their children and spouse, forgetting about their own needs. As a result, they cease to be interesting to the partner. A man always respects his soul mate, who has his own activities, goals, and plans.
Attractive to others . The demand of a woman “on the market” immediately increases her value. Often a man grows cold towards his other half due to negative changes in her appearance, style, and behavior. But as soon as a girl takes care of herself and acquires a circle of fans, her partner immediately begins to show more attention.
They act feminine. This concept includes a whole set of qualities: the ability to please the opposite sex, run a household, show care and attention, and always look attractive.
Femininity is inherent in those representatives of the fairer sex who are in harmony with themselves and are clearly aware of their nature.

Men

Women value the following traits most in their partners:

Confidence. A man makes all decisions himself without regard to the opinions of his parents or friends. He knows how to take responsibility and meet expectations. All his actions indicate the presence of character and will.
Success . This is not only material wealth, but also the presence of a certain social status. In this case, the age of the partner plays a big role. Of course, a young guy who just graduated from college yesterday cannot boast of significant achievements. Mature men are already assessed by their partners precisely from the point of view of their merits, since the absence of them indicates lack of initiative and laziness.
Self-sufficiency .
At first, obvious interest may flatter a partner’s vanity, but gradually a man’s excessive concentration on her person will lead to a loss of respect for him and the appearance of irritation. The partner should not constantly call, write, share all the hobbies of the chosen one and constantly be aware of all her affairs.
Physical endurance . A man is, first of all, a provider and protector. For this reason, representatives of the stronger sex must develop not only strong-willed qualities and intelligence, but also physical strength. Next to such a partner, any woman feels confident and protected.
Restraint . Since, due to their psychology, most women are prone to excessive expression of emotions, they feel the need to have a partner nearby who will balance them. Men who remain calm in any situation and do not give in to women's hysterics always command respect.

How to make the right decision

Living in such an environment often becomes unbearable, and the woman thinks about how to change the situation. There are two ways out - either leave such a man, or try to regain his respect for yourself. Each option has its pros and cons, the main thing is to understand which is more.

In the case when a woman tries her best to save her family, endures her husband’s attacks, takes every action to bring love back into the relationship, but all in vain, it makes sense to think about divorce.

Marriage is not a game of one goal, it is a home that two people build. This especially applies to violent men with addictions and mental illnesses. But sometimes even an adequate man can become offended or change his life attitudes so much that it becomes impossible to return love.

But, fortunately, most men also want to build trusting and close relationships. Anything can happen in life: resentment, fatigue, problems. But even a frozen heart can be thawed again if you choose the right behavior. Let's talk about this now.

When should you give in and when should you not? How to respond to tantrums?

Most wives are very easily manipulated by their husbands. For example, they throw tantrums, they can threaten suicide, children, or whatever.

Here we must very clearly distinguish what causes this hysteria. If it is clear that real tears are flowing, that the woman is tired, tired, has lost control of herself, is twitching, squealing, then beating her or admonishing her with words is pointless.

In such cases, no matter how difficult it may be, it is better to just hug and feel sorry. Be silent, caress her, so that the wife’s emotions are released. Let her rest, sleep, feed her. You need to talk later, when contact has appeared, and she will come to her senses.

The women are very weak now; they can barely cope with one child. But criticism, scolding, and harsh reactions do not make them stronger. It’s not for you in the army to push those who are lagging behind by kicking them. Understand this: women think differently! Advisers are tough to build a woman - into the firebox!

You need to give in in the following cases:

When a wife is unable to control her emotions. The teacher stretches the grade for a weak student so that he believes in himself, or deliberately does not ask and allows him to sit out.
When the wife's arguments are truly reasonable. The student suggested the right decision to the teacher, who praised him, gave him an A, and allowed him not to stay for an after-school period.

If you don’t control yourself, then it’s better to leave the house and wait a couple of hours outside until everything calms down. The main thing is to avoid large-scale family scenes and not descend into shouting and beatings. It's in your own legal interests

, and the children’s psyche will be healthier.

A great way to respond to tantrums is to boycott. Be silent for a couple of days, during this period her emotions will fade away, thinking will begin to dominate over hysteria.

IMPORTANT:

A tantrum can be (and often is) an act of manipulation. Hysteria can also be a necessary release of emotions; there are women of this type who need to scream. The man’s task is to briefly hug and feel sorry, but not to get involved in these games, not to manipulate.

Otherwise, to restore authority, the gradual introduction of rules and principles by which the family should exist is necessary. As soon as a woman feels the strength of her companion, that he is not falling for her games, she will become an obedient wife, although sometimes she will try her old tricks.

How can a woman regain her self-respect?

Before taking any action, it is important to understand what caused this situation. The result will then be achieved faster, and this will happen again later.

Women who are prone to introspection find it easier to understand themselves and understand whether she has provoked a man with her actions.

At the same time, knowing his weaknesses, the wife can develop certain behavioral tactics that will make the man afraid of losing his wife.

First

The first and basic rule is that no one will respect a woman if she does not respect herself. Now the husband is taking out his irritation on her, then it will be the children. You need to find your strengths and focus on them.

Perhaps it’s culinary skills, or maybe organizational skills. It is important to have your own “territory” that no one can enter without permission. A woman who is tired after work has the right to rest, and a woman working from home has the right to silence.

Second

When a woman learns to respect herself, it will be easier for her to teach her husband to do the same. Basic gratitude for a delicious dinner or cleanliness in the house should not be something extraordinary.

A man needs to realize that his wife performs her household duties voluntarily and can stop doing so at any time. For example, because I haven’t heard “thank you” addressed to me for a long time.

Third

Self-love also manifests itself in taking care of your body. This is why it is difficult to sympathize with sloppy women who, due to laziness, do not take care of their figure and appearance.

No matter how much a man loves his wife at the beginning of the relationship, it will become increasingly difficult for him to maintain strong feelings if she is not well-groomed.

The fight against excess weight, a beautiful hairstyle, a fresh look and suitable makeup, stylish clothes - you cannot do without this in search of self-respect.

Fourth

The inner world is no less important than the appearance. A woman may look like a model, but there is nothing to talk to her about. In addition to purely feminine hobbies, such as needlework, for example, it is not a bad idea to share hobbies with your husband.

Many women go with their husbands to sports matches or fishing, but traveling and skiing together will be an excellent bonding link. If active recreation is not interesting, most often you can still find a compromise and common topics, if you wish.

Life without reputation

In this situation, there is only one way out - to begin this kind of test, a feat in its own way as difficult as hanging on a cliff, holding on with your bare hands in a strong wind.

What to do? To begin with, psychologists say, you need to accept yourself and the situation, your misdeeds. The next stage is building a new kind of social life, built around amazing sincerity and vulnerability. You will be forced to tell it like it is. There's no need to be any more ashamed.

It takes a whole new set of friends in front of whom one can be oneself in a way one could never be before everything fell apart. This helps a lot if these friends themselves have lost their reputation. These are, for example, former prisoners, fallen businessmen and politicians. These people have a special kindness that they show towards those who have suffered due to their own mistakes. However, animals are also good, because they rarely judge.

One more thing: when a person realizes that he has nothing left to lose, he finally experiences relief and freedom. And making an impression on the whole world is no longer part of his daily routine. You can enjoy a special ease, even indifference - all that is the privilege of those who have survived a reputational disaster.

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When does it make sense to fight for a relationship?

Before you begin the journey of seeking respect from a given man, you need to answer the question: how necessary is this?

There are several relationship options when you shouldn’t waste time:

a man does not respect and never has respected his wife. He was initially determined to dominate and humiliate, for which he looked for a wife with low self-esteem.

Get your self-respect back? Easily!

First, answer how you managed to lose him. Don't answer me, answer yourself. Without being shy or hiding anything.

How did it happen that you stopped being pleasant to yourself? Have you forgotten how to fight back? Always saying “yes” without being as cool as Jim Carrey, but only giving others an extra reason to push you? Too dependent on other people's opinions? I understand, bro, sometimes someone or something opens your eyes to yourself and you understand that you can’t live like this any longer. What to do?

Do something that makes you uncomfortable

Oh, this is my favorite topic. Recently, one of my bros and I were walking around a sports store without any particular purpose - we were just looking at what interesting things they were selling there. By the way, I note that about a month ago I started running, and therefore I was interested in running equipment.

Previously, running sneakers left me deeply indifferent: they look ugly, at least not as stylish as the sneakers of my usual format. Now I took them in my hands and realized that I would not leave the store without them. They are so light, almost weightless! Bro did not approve of my choice: he said that I would look like a gopnik. “But this is for running!” - I objected.

“Like a running gopnik,” the dude conceded. And I spat on it and bought it. Because let him run around in shoes that are not suitable for this activity.

What do I want to say? We all think about other people's opinions about us, even if many do not want to admit it. But you know what? This opinion goes nowhere beyond their heads or kitchen conversations. Even if on the street they mistake me for a gopnik, it’s nothing special: people will just pass by and immediately forget about me. Forever.

Try. Do what you think looks strange in other people's eyes. Do something that has an invisible barrier in your head. Do what you are afraid to do because of public opinion.

One by one, discover these filters in yourself and break them. You will notice that society is like water: when you leave circles on it, they disperse and disappear.

Your “weird” habits turn into something like the status quo.

Embrace the awkwardness

When you watch interviews with famous people, you notice that the best way to get them talking is... by silence. They understand that they must fill the pause, and sometimes they blurt out things that they themselves are not happy with.

Perhaps silence is awkward for you. I feel awkward when it suddenly hangs in the air and drags on. However, I'm working on it and I have to say that in most cases staying silent is still much better than babbling meaningless nonsense or royally screwing up by saying something you shouldn't have said. This is one type of awkwardness that needs to be accepted or overcome.

Another common type of social awkwardness is making a mistake or being the victim of a mistake and not saying anything. Life teaches us that forcing ourselves to talk about an uncomfortable topic is much better than gracefully avoiding an uncomfortable question. As long as you avoid it, it won't go away.

I read that former US President Bill Clinton used to say: “When someone pushes you, push them with double force.” This is what I understand: much better than any awkwardness. When you play openly and without double meanings, everything is clear. There is no passive-aggressive behavior, and those around you clearly see what your priorities are. Start using this strategy!

Give up boundaries

Closed-ended questions with a prescribed range of answers are a complete mess. “What will you want, borscht or pasta?” I might want a salad, but they don't give me that option, so I, like a fool, think about which dish I don't want least. For what? You can go and make a salad.

“Mom, I don’t want to be an engineer. - And by whom? Painting pictures or begging on the porch?” Neither one, nor the other, nor the third. I want the fourth one. And I feel as if I have three possible answers, two of which are very bad.

Dude, in life every question can be open, you can offer your own answer to any one. Don't fall into the trap of other people's options. You can't let others dictate your terms. Don't listen to anyone and decide for yourself what you want to choose from.

Tell the truth

This doesn't mean turning into a complete asshole. However, there are enough evasive people in the world without you, trying with all their might to avoid conflict. Nobody wants to enter into confrontation with others.

A fact will remain a fact, no matter what you call it. The king does not become more clothed when his subjects choose not to notice his nakedness.

It depends only on you whether you want to say out loud what everyone themselves understands, but does not dare to say.

One more thing: don’t think for others. Telling the truth means stating a fact, and not adding your own assessments and emotions to it.

Start a new life

This step is impossible without all the previous ones.

If you get to this level, you can begin to explore a new world with a clear conscience - one where you always do everything right, as long as your actions do not harm others.

Do you want to wander around an abandoned building? There is no problem if you are willing to live with the consequences of your actions. Do you want to try hanging or BDSM? Go ahead, but remember: you yourself are responsible for the consequences of your actions.

When you choose your path, you will begin to understand that everyone can understand any of your oddities. After all, they are what make you interesting and worthy of attention.

None of this will happen if you don’t stop caring about other people’s opinions. Take control of your thoughts and you will become stronger.

Snatch your self-respect from the clutches of others. Do it today. Right now. Wear stupid clothes. Do something weird. Tell someone the truth.

Source: https://BroDude.ru/vernut-samouvazhenie-legko/

Rule two. Showcase your business skills

To earn your boss's respect, you need to show that you have business acumen. These include not only professional knowledge and work experience, but also labor discipline. Make it a rule to not be late for work, to be conscientious in your professional responsibilities, to submit all reports on time, to maintain normal business relationships with all colleagues, to respect yourself and others, and to do things that give you self-respect. You must learn to realistically assess your capabilities and only take on work that you can handle. This will avoid the manager's dissatisfaction if the task is not completed on time.

The boss is a tyrant. How to avoid becoming a victim of the arbitrariness of managers Read more