New job - new life. And this means that you will have to gain authority in the team again. Respect for employees does not come naturally. We must try to ensure that the team accepts the newcomer - or, what is even more difficult, to recognize him as an unspoken leader.
COLADY will tell you how to make people respect you.
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Short tips
Don't judge others for their mistakes, and you will be judged less.
Change yourself to see these changes in your environment and throughout the world.
One person can influence thousands of others through his transformation.
Be happy and make others happy so that life can be wonderful for those around you.
Try to be cheerful and humorous.
People love someone who can make them laugh heartily. However, depending on the situation, sometimes you can do without humor, for example, when a person needs consolation.
If someone is crying, find out why, find out what happened, and how you could help them improve the situation.
Don't suck up to people if they give you hints to stay away from them.
There are many other people who will readily appreciate your jokes.
Don't yell at people, and stop telling them that they are stupid, and also humiliating them if they don't understand something right away.
Be patient with everyone.
Don't put yourself first all the time.
Think about others too, see how you can be helpful in their situations.
Treat others the way you want them to treat you.
Please be honest.
Try to stop using lies in your communication with others.
Maintain inner calm all the time, trying to avoid provocation and extinguish conflicts without leading to a fight.
It directly depends on your internal state.
Work through all your internal conflicts and fears, and you will see how you will be treated completely differently.
Always respect yourself.
Even if you are currently a good, friendly and tactful person, do not let people get on your neck.
Respect the freedom and space of others.
There are people who value their personal space, leave them alone if they move away from you as soon as you approach them.
Some people just don't like anyone.
Don't let them influence your mood, even if these people still don't like you. There are still many good people who can become your friends.
Stop being a sufferer.
If you are ready to love and respect yourself, then, of course, adequate people, not all, will love you and make you a happier person.
Reasons why others don't respect us
You began to notice that your reputation among your friends has noticeably dropped. Why does this happen and what is to blame? It is very rare for everyone around to feel disdain for an individual.
But if this does happen, there is no time to waste and it is worth understanding what was to blame. Perhaps you are surrounded by extremely rude and insensitive people, but it may also be that you yourself did something unacceptable, which led to such a deplorable situation.
But if you try and find the reason for other people’s disrespect, then it is definitely worth mentioning the following main factors that influence the attitude of others:
- Low self-esteem. No matter how people consider themselves the crown of evolution, animal instincts still make themselves felt. And among them we can mention such as the desire to show one’s own strength at the expense of weaker individuals. To put it simply, stronger animals always slaughter insignificant and useless representatives of the animal world. Start respecting and appreciating yourself, and only then will you be able to see that the opinions of others about you will noticeably improve. No one will ever respect a person who fawns and humiliates himself in front of others - remember this!
- Disrespect on your part. Do you expect people to value and respect you as a person? How do you behave towards them? Do you show appreciation for the services provided, do you show how much you appreciate your friends and acquaintances for their help and support? If you look at your acquaintances and colleagues with poorly concealed disdain, or even outright contempt, then do not think that people will not notice it. No person will strive for someone who himself does not show an ounce of respect.
Important
The reason for disrespect can also be banal human stupidity. Do not limit yourself in development and knowledge, and then people themselves will be drawn to you.
How to communicate so that you are respected in the team?
You should always look good.
They are greeted, as they say, by their clothes, but they are seen off by their minds. Therefore, everything is important - hairstyle, shoes, makeup. You should prepare for work just as carefully as you would for a date. After all, everyone knows that it is more pleasant to work with neat and well-dressed people than with sloppy, dirty people.
Try to be confident.
Speak loudly and clearly. Don't mumble or jabber. Your speech should be calm and confident. And be sure to smile at people!
When talking to new colleagues, look them in the eye.
This emphasizes your interest in communication and suggests that you are not shy in front of them.
If you cannot do this, then look at the point between the eyebrows or on the bridge of the nose. And the interlocutor will think that you are looking straight into their eyes.
Try to remember names.
Contact us immediately by first name or patronymic. After all, it has long been known that the most pleasant sounds for a person are the sounds of his name.
Be friendly and sociable.
Get involved in conversations, share your knowledge and opinions.
Don't allow yourself to be rude and rude.
Some people need to be bold towards other people to maintain a sense of confidence.
This bad habit has ruined the lives of more than one person. If you have one, then fight it.
Take up more space.
An insecure person is revealed by his modest location in space. He sits on the edge of the chair, tries not to disturb anyone, his elbows are pressed, his legs are crossed under the chair.
Remember how you behave in pleasant company. And try to take the same poses.
Maintain your posture and gesticulate less.
If you are a leader, then this should be your first rule. After all, a boss should look like a boss—seriously, personably and boldly.
Be sincere.
Even if you need to embellish something to make the right impression, don't do it. This will give you a bad reputation.
Don't promise what you can't deliver.
Keep your word always and everywhere. Otherwise, you can be branded as a talker.
In any work process, there are moments when your help may be needed. This is fine. But when helping your colleagues, don't do it too emotionally.
Such complete dedication may look like sycophancy to some people. And others may feel that you consider them incompetent employees or simply stupid people. After all, only small children who don’t know how to do anything are so joyfully helped.
Learn to refuse tactfully - so as not to offend the person
After all, due to the fact that it is inconvenient to say “no”, you may not have time to complete the task assigned to you. Politely apologize or offer to help after you've done what your boss told you to do.
Commentary by social psychologist Alena Dubinets
To earn respect in a team, you need to behave with dignity. This is a banal phrase, but very meaningful. My recommendations:
- Always say hello to your work colleagues.
- Don't ignore them.
- Listen to your colleagues when they talk about their work failures, but don't let them violate your boundaries.
- Always take care of your appearance.
- Don't let your work colleagues bully you in any way. React to rudeness and rudeness with dignity.
- Never complain to your superiors about your colleagues, or don’t mention specific names.
- Support your colleagues when they need it.
The main recommendation is to be humane and competent.
How did you achieve respect in the team? Tell us in the comments!
What's stopping us?
Every person deserves to be valued and accepted for who they are. Sometimes, for the sake of outside judgment, we turn away from what we love.
In some cases, this affects our own happiness, freedom of expression. We sit and wait for people to love us or respect us - this is our fundamental mistake .
We think that if we throw ourselves completely sincerely and enthusiastically into the struggle for universal prosperity, then it will be dishonest on our part to act for our own personal happiness.
It may seem to us that the benefits brought to our family or loved ones will automatically develop into our personal success.
This is not always the case. The more we sacrifice our interests for the sake of work or family, the more we forget about ourselves .
The main thing is that sacrifice gradually becomes the norm of life and ceases to outrage us. Physical and moral fatigue accumulates, and along with them, dissatisfaction with life. Everyone is familiar with the image of a tired woman, exhausted by everyday life. But this image of an exemplary worker, wife and mother is just an escape from the need to assert oneself.
If you tend to put extraneous difficulties on your shoulders, then get ready for the fact that your personal troubles will not become less because of this , but rather the opposite. And people who are accustomed to someone sacrificing their own needs for their sake will begin to need even more attention.
Don't count on gratitude from them, as they are used to looking at helping and caring for them as your sacred duty.
Your relationships with loved ones depend entirely on you . Often even loving husbands stop respecting their wives if they cannot force them to respect themselves. The most interesting thing is that at first, family members will be annoyed if, having decided to take care of their lives, you are unable to satisfy their requests.
What will help us
The role of the victim does not suit you at all. Find opportunities to focus on your own interests and advocate for your needs. In your busy schedule, try to allocate some time for personal use. Determine the format of your leisure time yourself.
You will have to accurately determine the boundaries of your free time and your environment . Neither telephone conversations nor requests for help, much less complaints, should distract you.
In some cases, some of the work will have to be delegated to someone else, unless you yourself enjoy the work.
When doing household chores, household members should not think that they are doing a good deed for you. If you feel guilty entrusting household chores to family members, then think about how much free time you will get. After all, you can relax and do what you love.
Don't try to please absolutely everyone . If you become famous at work as a person who is always ready to listen to stories about personal troubles and come to the rescue, then in a short time these activities will absorb all your working time.
Be responsive and sympathetic to those who actually have trouble, but do not take to heart the complaints of those who like to complain about life.
Try to position yourself so that no one can force you to do something that you are not able to do . Say the words “no” or “I can’t” when you really mean it. Don't throw these words around in vain.
Note to the manager
Everything we talked about above, of course, will help a manager who has just taken office and is striving to win the trust and respect of his subordinates. Professionalism, experience, and certain character traits will play a positive role in this.
But there are also some recommendations.
First
Immediately establish a certain distance between you and your colleagues. No particularly friendly relations with individuals. This will save you from familiarity and unnecessary conflicts. And, in addition, it will give you the right to ask your subordinates, reward and punish.
Second
Never raise your voice. Speak quietly. According to psychologists, people tend to listen to quiet speech. Psychologically unstable individuals resort to screaming.
How does disrespect manifest itself?
How to understand that you are not respected?
Lack of respect can look different, as can its causes.
A disdainful attitude towards your personality can be caused by both objective factors, that is, your negative actions, and subjective ones, when a person has formed an opinion about you based on other people’s reviews or because he is jealous.
Also, respect can be frankly open, expressed directly: in words, actions, gestures.
Or it can be hidden, when a person is looking for benefits, and therefore does not want to show disdain openly.
The most common signs :
- Open hostility. The easiest way to state the fact of disrespect. They interrupt you and go into conflict when trying to find out the reasons for such behavior. During a conversation, they do not listen, switching to other people or going about their own business.
- Constant criticism. Remarks that do not relate to specific actions. Most often, a person simply has a negative attitude towards you and does not analyze actions, their causes and consequences. He doesn’t care whether you did the right thing, since the only motive for his attack is to stroke his pride.
- Gesticulation . Varies depending on the type of disrespect. Hidden gestures, inattention, an empty, distracted gaze, “sticking” to a smartphone during your speech. Open, demonstrative ridicule, head shaking.
- Disputes and denial of objective rightness. When you express a point of view, supported by real facts or experiences, and in response you hear that this is nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. They don’t take your opinion into account, they argue, they try to sabotage decisions already made. In fact, there is open opposition to your authority.
- Your time is not valued. This is expressed in a wide range of actions. People are late for pre-arranged meetings or are in no hurry to show up. When they try to overwhelm you with other people’s affairs, believing that you have nothing better to do than rush to solve the problems of others.
Time, the central, main resource of every person, and a free, easy attitude towards your affairs is a clear sign of disrespect.In other cases, it is a marker of an irresponsible, superficial infantile who does not value either his own time or that of others.
- They don't give you favors for favors. Let’s say that in the not-too-distant past you helped a person solve a problem that was important to him. But now, turning to him for help, you are refused. At the same time, the interlocutor does not name any important, serious reasons for refusing you. However, this can also be expressed in small matters. Such situations are a reason to wonder if you are being taken advantage of. This is a manifestation of hidden disrespect.
- Lack of live contact. If a loved one regularly refuses, reschedule the meeting, citing factors that are weak for refusal. The main criterion is the frequency of failures in a row. This suggests that your company is not so important for a person and he considers other types of leisure more interesting. This also includes situations when you are part of a group that gathers without you. That is, you are not notified in any way about the meeting, and if you are caught in such a situation, strange phrases are given in the spirit of “We forgot to call you,” or “We thought you were very busy.”
- Offensive jokes. Poking fun at you is a hidden, passive act of disrespect. Especially if you have already said that such an attitude hurts you.
Rule six. When communicating with your manager, strictly control your behavior
Remember that you can only criticize your boss in a one-on-one conversation, and you should praise or thank management only for specific things. In this case, criticism will be perceived as a business discussion, and gratitude will not be taken as flattery. If you want to convey your proposals or your position to your superiors, they need to be clearly justified and supported by facts. You can argue with the boss only at the stage of discussing the project, and when the manager has already made a decision and given an order to his subordinates, it is necessary to carry it out without any objections.
Rule five. Don't flatter your boss
To win the favor of the boss, some employees begin to flatter or fawn, forgetting about their own dignity and self-respect. But such obsequious behavior causes a completely opposite reaction and leads to disrespect or even contempt from management and hostility from colleagues.
Conversation with the boss. What shouldn't you say to your boss? More details
How to achieve self-respect
You can wonder for a long time why those around you don’t respect you, look for reasons, and then indulge in despondency and self-pity. But the best way out is to work on yourself and strive to change for the better, literally winning the favor of others.
Psychologists have developed a whole list of universal rules aimed at changing thinking and habits that will help you achieve what you want:
- Keep your word. A person who values his own and other people’s time will never allow himself to make empty promises. Nothing offends others more than a given and unrestrained word. If you have promised something, then be so kind as to fulfill it. In this case, you will show yourself as a reliable and trustworthy person. But if you feel that you are not confident in your abilities, then it is better to say that you cannot guarantee your help.
- Talk less in vain. Remember that a person who is accustomed to chatting about everything and nothing gives the impression of a superficial and empty person. Take the habit of speaking briefly and to the point; this manner of dialogue will show others that you are a purposeful and serious person and will add to your sympathy.
- Say only what you are sure of. Do not get involved in disputes if you do not feel absolutely confident in your rightness and your knowledge. Be prepared to clearly argue your point of view. Your confidence in your words will definitely make the right impression on others.
- Treat others with respect. If you allow yourself to turn up your nose at another person, mock him and criticize his achievements, then where can respect for you come from? Learn to appreciate others even for small successes, don’t judge them for mistakes, and then you can count on the same attitude on their part.
- Don't draw attention to your shortcomings. Don’t forget to work on yourself every day: develop your talents and eradicate your shortcomings. Of course, you can’t get rid of all your weaknesses in one day, so just try not to highlight them. Focus on your strengths and then they will definitely hide your imperfections.
- Stop complaining about life. There is no doubt that negative emotions need to find a way out, but you should not abuse it. In almost every company you can see a person who does nothing but whine and complain about his troubles. Such an instance only causes contempt from others. Nothing can ruin a reputation faster than constant whining about life.
Why respect is not held in high esteem today
For people of the older generation, the feeling that they are respected may be lost as a result of society's transition to the skin phase of development, when the values of the anal vector were unclaimed.
Success, prestige, market relations, you give me - I give you. Whoever is first is the winner. Everything is changing rapidly: I didn’t have time to get used to one law, and the next morning the requirements changed. The main thing is to have time, not to miss the opportunity, and at least the grass won’t grow there. To be the first is the desire of the skin vector, sometimes at the expense of quality, the main thing is that it is in trend.
The owner of the anal vector, who loves constancy, has difficulty adjusting, takes a long time to get used to, the pace of skin time leads to constant stress, disruption of the heart rhythm. Lack of understanding of ongoing processes, a tendency to take offense in the absence of realizing one’s talents, ignoring one’s desires, suppressing them - all this leads to an increase in the number of psychosomatic diseases.
Conflict due to misunderstanding with the younger generation can also be seen as a loss of respect. Today the problem of fathers and children is more acute than a hundred years ago. This is explained by the transition to the skin phase of development and an increase in the volume of the psyche in the younger generation. At three years old, a child easily masters any gadget, confusing his grandparents.
Home, the support and basis of life for the owner of the anal vector, begins to pose a threat to his worldview. How can children make themselves respected in the family? What gave rise to pride and hope suddenly loses value in the eyes of the younger generation.
“What have you achieved in life? Who needs your certificates? What have you accumulated in your life?” - Sometimes you have to hear hurtful words from loved ones. The desire to have everything at once, to take the maximum from life, while giving nothing in return, baffles parents.
Once and for a lifetime
“All ages are submissive to love...”, states the poem by A. S. Pushkin. However, love seems to play a cruel joke on the owners of the anal vector both in youth and in adulthood.
At a young age, the owner of the anal vector may be tormented by the question of how to make a girl respect herself. Without respect, love quickly fades away. There is no experience and ability to show oneself in a favorable light, as the owners of the skin vector do. You can’t force respect, can you? How can I help her see the dream of many women in a slow, honest guy and love with all her heart? After all, it is the owners of the anal vector who make faithful husbands, loving and caring fathers.
A woman with an anal vector suffers no less. Having once chosen the only one worthy, she devotes herself entirely to her family, children, and husband. He does this diligently, creates comfort in the house, forgetting about his desires. Clean, laundered, always hot dinner. She tries to please everyone, sometimes to her own detriment. Over time, this situation becomes habitual, and from a beloved woman turns into a service staff. And how can we now force the husband to respect his wife, to take into account her opinions and desires?
The answer is clear: with the help of the knowledge of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, thanks to which you can make the best choice at any moment in life. Not at random, but by realizing all the cause-and-effect relationships, seeing the holistic picture of the events taking place. This will allow you not to violate other people’s boundaries, fulfill your desires, and everyone will benefit. And questions from the past, for example, how to make a guy respect himself, will only cause a smile.
Barriers to Respect
All obstacles arise for two reasons: ignorance of oneself and ignoring one’s desires. In pursuit of the ghost of other people's desires, the strength that is given to receive joy from life is lost. Joyless everyday life exhausts a person; there is no strength left even for everyday activities.
Then a variety of psychologists and success coaches come to the rescue, advising on how to love yourself and make you respect yourself, how to achieve your goal without making any effort. Which moves a person even further from what he wants, because a person can only be happy among other people. The criterion of respect is not internal, but external. People should respect you, not you yourself. This can only be achieved by realizing your talents in society for people.
Free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan will help you discover your talents, given from birth, and correctly use them to achieve your goals, as well as avoid wasting energy in the pursuit of happiness. You can register to participate here.
Author Nabiya Shatalova Proofreader Maria Klimnyuk
The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”
Causes
Why doesn't anyone respect me? If no one respects you, things are bad. Because such cases are very rare .
This means that either everyone around you is not very intelligent, rude, insensitive people, or you are behaving inappropriately.
But more often than not, such a question is the result of an illusion . It probably seems to you that everyone around you is looking askance and is only busy making plans to hurt you.
Pay attention, take a closer look at your surroundings. Perhaps there are people who treat you with warmth.
