15 Essential Steps to Overcoming Jealousy and Mistrust

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Jealousy occurs not only in love, but also in different types of relationships: friendly, business, family. This negative feeling can ruin your life. It also negatively affects the health of a person, who often wants to cope with jealousy and mistrust, but does not know how to do it. In this case, expert advice will help.

What does jealousy mean?

Jealousy is the desire for undivided dominance over a desired object or subject. For some people, this is a sign of feelings; for others, it is a manifestation of uncertainty about their own worth.

Jealousy, although it can shake up a relationship for a while, carries with it negativity. Often, like an ax, it cuts all the threads that connect people spiritually. Accompanied by anger, fear, helplessness.

Jealousy is closely related to the concept of competition. It can manifest itself against the backdrop of competition. It happens the other way around, when competitors are constantly seen against its background. This feeling often arises if a person experiences a lack of affection and attention from people significant to him. But when it arises constantly, then we can talk about such a character trait as jealousy. These negative emotions not only do not indicate the presence of love in relationships, they hinder their development and strengthening.

Distrust in relation to another person arises as a result of some of his actions. It is often compared with jealousy. These are concepts that are close in emotions and meanings. But it is difficult to say that they mean the same thing. Mistrust can breed jealousy. A person is often initially inclined to be suspicious of people. This problem needs to be solved within yourself.

Trust each other

Learn to trust each other; serious long-term relationships cannot be built without mutual trust. The walls of family happiness, the foundation of which is based on suspicion, will not stand for long and sooner or later will collapse, crushing under the rubble all the good things that happened between you.

In jurisprudence there is the concept of the presumption of innocence, that is, a person is considered innocent until proven otherwise. It would be nice to apply this rule to relationships between partners.

In other words, make it a rule to discard any rumors, gossip, as well as your suspicions, unless they have solid evidence.

It sounds simple, of course, but not always and not everyone manages to control their temperament. In this case, nothing better than dialogue has yet been invented. Calmly and without strain, tell how you love and appreciate your loved one, openly share your doubts and worries. And in most cases, it turns out that there is simply no reason for jealousy.

How to determine the cause

To be able to overcome jealousy and mistrust in yourself, it is worth finding out what factors provoke it. The source of these unpleasant feelings can be several reasons.

1. Low self-esteem is the most common factor that leads to jealousy. Often a girl or guy on a subconscious level considers himself unattractive to his partner. They may not be sure that the chosen one experiences the same feelings and will not prefer them to another, better person.
2. Fear - a person is afraid of losing someone he loves. Often this is a social fear, when they don’t want to be alone. They are afraid for their future lives, they do not know how they will exist without a partner, morally and financially.
3. Selfishness is a feeling that often gives rise to possessiveness in a person. He wants to get a monopoly in the life of his chosen one. Interferes in all his affairs.
4. Negative experiences that a person had in a previous relationship. Often it leaves a deep imprint on the soul.
5. Envy is a negative feeling when a person believes that others get more out of life than they do. This happens, for example, in couples where one partner has more rights and freedom than the other.

Jealousy can also give rise to other complexes and fears. Often jealous people repeat the behavior of their parents because in childhood they repeatedly saw scenes of jealousy in their relationships. Jealous people can judge their partners by themselves; they attribute similar inclinations and habits to them. Often a person himself cheats on his partner, but does not want to be treated in this way.

Delusional ideas

If in the previous case the man is sure that his girlfriend has a lover, then at this stage he knows this for sure and can even name the name of his rival. He no longer needs to search for evidence, but sees it in the most harmless details. For example, he can explain a girl’s choice of clothes by saying that her “passion” likes this blouse. At this stage, ideas of jealousy completely subjugate a person’s behavior. From a psychological point of view, delusions of jealousy are a mental disorder, a disease, and it is impossible to cope with it on your own.

Is jealousy always negative?

Jealousy is a kind of seasoning in relationships. If the dosage is optimal, it will give a richer “taste” to life and make it exciting. But if the feeling takes on a negative connotation, then you shouldn’t expect good from it.

Jealousy can also have a positive impact on a relationship if a person recognizes his shortcoming and changes his perspective on the relationship. But to do this, he must understand what negative effect this feeling brings.

Negative aspects of jealousy include the following factors:

• constant mental discomfort of the jealous person, because he is tormented by fear and mistrust. Often this condition leads to depression and somatic diseases;
• envy that a person shows towards others. He cannot normally perceive other people's happiness. Often this emotion pushes one to act rashly;
• dependence on a partner or loved one. A jealous person perceives insults acutely, and compliments become like a drug for him. The result is a painful relationship;
• destruction of friendships, family or love relationships, which is provoked by someone who is jealous. Rarely will a partner tolerate terror, control and baseless accusations.

Temporary jealousy that increases the passion of lovers or stimulates them to work on themselves is justified. In all other cases, you need to try to eradicate it from your soul.

Keep yourself busy

If you just can’t cope with the feeling of jealousy and don’t know how to deal with it, then try to keep yourself busy with something. As sociological surveys have shown, among housewives who are not busy with anything other than housekeeping, the percentage of women susceptible to attacks of jealousy is noticeably higher than among those who are busy with other household chores.

This is explained quite simply. For housewives, their social circle is kept to a minimum and, as a rule, their interests are family and relationships. And this vicious circle can awaken a terrible beast - jealousy. The recipe for the fight in this case is quite simple - you need to occupy yourself with some activity that would go beyond the usual circle of concerns.

This could be reading, walking, going to the gym, making new acquaintances or renewing old ones. In general, everything that will help you break out of the routine of your usual way of life.

How to overcome mistrust in relationships

Among the causes of mistrust and jealousy, there is no such feeling as love. This is natural, because the basis of negativity is completely different factors.

More than 70% of couples, according to statistics from practicing psychologists, are destroyed due to excessive suspicion of one of the partners.

There are numerous cases where family quarrels motivated by jealousy ended in murder. Therefore, it is important to learn to control your emotions. To do this you will have to make every effort.

Preparatory stage

To cope with negative feelings, you should start with simple actions.

1. Admitting to yourself a weakness is an important condition for working on your inner world. Only in this case can you begin to overcome the negative state.
2. Establish the true background of the emergence of mistrust. Knowing the reason, a person will be able to fight his fears.
3. Analyze the feelings that arise in scenes of jealousy. Often this is fear, anxiety, envy, anger, hatred, etc. Having understood his feelings, a person will try to control them in subsequent attacks.
4. Tell the subject about what is tormenting him. For example, sincerely admitting your thoughts when your loved one is late again can prevent future delays. He, understanding the feelings of the chosen one, will try to make it to the meeting in time. The main thing is to talk about your experiences without hysterics and accusations.

There is no need to brush aside the symptoms inherent in a person. It is important to understand that the problem exists, and we need to get rid of it. It’s worth setting out a plan of action for yourself to counter your negative emotions.

Work on yourself

Mistrust and jealousy can be overcome if you follow the recommendations for psychological work on yourself.

1. Change your attitude towards yourself, because the cause of suspicion is often low self-esteem. You should treat yourself better, highlight your strengths, learn to appreciate and respect your own personality. You need to pay attention to yourself - change your hairstyle, go to the movies, get rid of bad habits, join the gym. You need to do everything to increase your self-esteem.
2. Eliminate fears that have power over a person. Everyone does not want to think about what will happen when fears come true. But you need to be realistic. It is worth imagining not only negative emotions, for example, during a breakup with a loved one. You need to think about what will happen in a year, five, etc. So a person realizes that at first it will be hard for him, but then he will be able to come to his senses. It is necessary to think about how life will continue.
3. Attract positive emotions. You should think about your positive qualities that your loved one likes. Having analyzed your strengths, you should demonstrate them to your partner more often.
4. Taking your free time with useful activities will help distract you from negative thoughts. You can draw, read or do what you enjoy in your spare time. Then there will be less time to control your loved one.
5. Redirect negative feelings in a different direction. You can write down your emotions in a diary and share your experiences with a friend. It is worth curbing your imagination, which makes it impossible to soberly assess the situation.

You can get rid of anger in other ways. For some, it helps to go to the gym and throw out their negativity on a punching bag. Another option is to chat on Internet forums with people who have the same problem. If a person realizes that he is not able to cope with the problem on his own, he should seek help from a psychologist. An experienced specialist will be able to find points of support and give valuable advice.

Working on relationships

To overcome jealousy, you need to make changes in your relationship. To do this, you need to follow the recommendations of experienced family psychologists.

1. Learn to trust - you should not come up with “evidence” against your partner if he does not give reasons for jealousy. You need to let go of negative experiences and suspicion, which is often difficult to do. But when a person achieves a positive result in this direction, he will see positive changes in his partner’s attitude towards himself.
2. Change the wording - if you have a desire to find out where your beloved was and what he did, try to ask questions more gently. For example, instead of categorically demanding an answer, you can ask how the husband spent the day, if anything special happened, etc. A person who wants to save a relationship should stop playing spy games. It's better to ask about everything directly.
3. Do not strive to be together all the time, because your partner needs freedom. If a woman wants to spend more time with her loved one, she should organize joint leisure time, but not impose her ideas.
4. Trying to generate positivity - anger, envy, and other negative emotions only widen the gap between partners. The science of psychology says that a person is subconsciously drawn to cheerful people, people who are full of positive energy.

To improve your relationship, you should learn more about your partner’s desires. We must show him attention and care. Try to solve the difficulties that arise together. You need to become more attractive to your loved one. It is necessary to strive to develop relationships.

A person must train himself to express positive emotions. This can be done in front of a mirror or in communication with relatives. It’s worth trying to smile more, learn to give compliments, and make nice things. Soon such positive manifestations will become a habit.

Forget about the past

Often women, and even representatives of the stronger sex, with some kind of paranoid persistence, are jealous of their other half of their former spouses (if this is not the first marriage) or girlfriends (friends) with whom they had intimate intimacy. Any contact, be it SMS, call or personal meeting, is regarded as a confirmed fact of betrayal.

There is a good Russian proverb on this topic: “Whoever remembers the past is out of sight.”

Of course, losing your sight is unnecessary, but we all have certain baggage behind us. After all, it is stupid to assume that an adult did not have a first love or did not try to build relationships with anyone. And it’s also stupid to demand that your partner cross out his entire previous life - it’s simply impossible.

What to do in such a situation? Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and try to imagine your feelings if you were forbidden to communicate with friends or people you know. Representatives? Here is the answer to the question.

But this does not always work. There is another option - to delicately talk to your significant other and try to convince you to limit communication. But let me make a reservation right away: this is far from the best solution to the problem. It’s better not to torment yourself and your partner with jealousy, but tell yourself that you are together and your loved one chose you.

Consultation with a psychologist

This can be considered a last resort if other methods of dealing with jealousy do not bring positive results. It should be noted that visiting a psychologist is still considered something exotic by most residents of our country. Few people are willing to discuss their family problems with strangers and still pay money (unless this is a free consultation).

Will this method help deal with jealousy? It’s difficult to say, but if we focus on the experience of Western countries, where visits to psychologists and psychotherapists are commonplace, we can assume that this method at least has a right to exist.

Some tips on how to deal with jealousy

• Dialogue is the most faithful assistant in the fight against jealousy. By throwing tantrums and blaming your partner for all mortal sins, you are unlikely to solve the problem, but rather, on the contrary, will only make the situation worse. But a calm heart-to-heart conversation, during which you can voice your suspicions and express your wishes, will only be beneficial. It will also not be superfluous to discuss the norms and rules of behavior in society that will suit both partners and will not cause attacks of jealousy in one of them.
• Give your partner personal space. Every person needs his own “cave” in which he can be alone and relax. Personal space should also include communication with friends, favorite hobbies and interests. You can’t constantly get hung up on each other; you need to learn, at least sometimes, to give freedom to your partner, but not to confuse it with permissiveness.
• Look after yourself. When a couple starts dating, everyone tries to make the best impression, to show only their good side. But over time, most of us are no longer so zealous about our appearance. It seems like they’ve known each other for a long time, and they tied the knot a long time ago, so why all this extra trouble? But the man remembers the image of a beautiful and well-groomed lady with whom he proudly walked through the streets of the city, and the woman was crazy about the caring and gallant gentleman who was always ready for small (or large) madness for her sake. Don't forget about this, otherwise one of the partners will start looking for their memories on the side.
• Don’t provoke each other, don’t play on your partner’s emotions, because he can respond in kind.
• Visit a psychologist. If you feel like everything is getting out of control and nothing is helping, then maybe this will be your last chance to save the relationship.

Why are we jealous?

Before we understand ways to overcome this feeling, we need to understand why we succumb to jealousy in the first place. To do this, we present the opinion of the American psychologist Seth Meyers, who has written more than one work on family psychology.