A woman is born for family happiness. She creates comfort, takes care of her spouse, raises children and feels needed. And if the relationship collapses, the fulcrum is lost, and the soul becomes empty. How not to fall into despair and start life again? Where can I get the strength to revive hope for happiness?
To answer these questions, we need to understand the reasons for the breakup.
Love has passed
Life rolls on well-trodden rails: family worries, work, children, husband. And suddenly everything collapses in one moment. You understand that you no longer need your spouse: his feelings have cooled down. How to stop loving a husband who doesn't love you anymore? How to survive separation and cope with pain? You can find a way out of any difficult situation if you move in the right direction.
Step one. Out of sight, out of mind
There is no magic bullet that can erase cherished memories from your memory. But they can be moved aside and hidden away with the help of small tricks. A little effort and you will feel better:
- hide photos;
- we remove or throw away personal belongings;
- we stop contacting our spouse’s friends;
- We avoid places that can evoke painful memories.
If you want to speed up the process of erasing the memory of your ex-husband, make cosmetic repairs to your apartment. This will distract you from sad memories and radically change the direction of your thoughts.
Step two. Let's take care of ourselves beloved
In order to fill the emptiness in our soul, we turn our attention to ourselves. After all, in a past life there was always not enough time for this, but now there is:
- waking up and falling asleep, we confess our love for ourselves;
- Don't put off your visit to the beauty salon. A new hairstyle, manicure, pedicure, cosmetic procedures are the best cure for depression and melancholy;
- we take a vacation and go on vacation, travel, and visit an old friend. The main thing is to stay away from your home.
Step three. Everyone for themselves
Think about how you can stop loving your husband while living in the same apartment with him. To do this, try to rid yourself of daily meetings with your spouse:
- invite your spouse to vacate the premises;
- If you live on its territory, find another one. If you don’t have money for a rented apartment, ask to visit your friends or parents. Temporary inconveniences are compensated by peace of mind;
- Demand that your husband find you a separate living space.
Trying to find the answer to the question of how to stop loving your husband, understand the truth: living with him, you will not be able to cope with your feelings.
Rules of conduct after divorce if there is a child
Of course, going through a divorce is difficult, but if you have a child or several children together, it becomes doubly difficult. Children often experience the separation of their parents much more painfully than adults, so it is necessary to support your son or daughter as much as possible during this period.
Try to follow these recommendations:
- The main advice of psychologists in this situation is not to lie to the child, but to be honest about the divorce. Don't forget that children have well-developed intuition, so they quickly feel and understand lies. Find the words to clearly explain to your child why you cannot live with your ex-husband.
- Don’t make the mistake - don’t interfere, and especially don’t interfere with the children’s communication with their father. Yes, you have a lot of resentment towards him, but the children are not to blame for this, they always love their parents the same. The child will not love his dad less when he leaves the family. If you forbid children to see their father, then their psychological trauma will gradually increase, and the consequences may be unpredictable. The child may grow up to be aggressive, withdrawn and unsure of himself.
- If your son or daughter asks you questions about divorce, you cannot ignore them. No matter how hard it is for you, you need to explain everything to your child. Be honest and friendly. You should not discuss their father with other adults, your friends, for example, in front of children. After all, children are very sensitive and take everything to heart.
Listen to the following tips, they will help you avoid many problems with your child after your divorce. Keep in mind that forgetting your ex-husband is not the only task. The main thing is to explain everything to your son or daughter in such a way as not to harm the child’s psyche. The child must be sure that mom and dad will always love him!
From love to hate
If the reason for the separation is treason and betrayal, it is necessary to urgently take radical measures. The realization that you love a traitor can drive you crazy. This is a painful addiction that requires speedy healing.
Allow yourself to cry
Don't wear the iron lady mask. Give free rein to your feelings. Allow yourself to cry on the shoulder of a close friend. The main thing is that the husband does not see the tears and worries. And when it becomes easier, think about how to help yourself stop loving the husband who betrayed you.
There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help
This should become your motivational phrase. Think about what would have happened to you if the deception had continued. Humiliating position, ridicule, hints, suspicions. Do you really deserve such a fate?
Analyze the advantages and disadvantages
Having come to terms with what has already happened, try to look at your ex from the outside. There are no ideal people in nature. Therefore, you will definitely find not only weaknesses, but also negative character traits. But over the years there would be even more of them. Therefore, by breaking up, you saved yourself from unnecessary problems and troubles.
Remember this more often, but without fanaticism or anger. You need positive emotions, there is already enough negativity.
Share your grief
Any pain is felt more acutely while it is inside us. Sad thoughts, like a broken record, run in circles, increasing suffering. We need to give them a way out: to speak out. By putting your experiences into words, you will feel that they are not as huge as they seemed. It will become easier and calmer. A personal diary can become a reliable interlocutor. A written statement of feelings helps you understand yourself, distract yourself by thinking over a sheet of blank paper.
Take control of your thoughts
One of the ways to quickly stop loving a husband who betrayed you is to master the skill of managing your thoughts.
When you break up with a loved one, you want to constantly think about him. This makes it even harder. Try the following:
- As soon as memories come flooding back, switch your attention to something else. Only the activity should require concentrated brain work. Do not mechanically wash dishes, but disassemble a complex knitting pattern.
- Set aside a specific time for yourself to think about your ex-spouse. Stop yourself if you want to think at an inopportune hour. Say to yourself or out loud: “More about this later, later, not now.” These phrases will help you consciously reduce your time of suffering.
Don't stop yourself from moving on with your life
How to stop loving your husband? First of all, stop engaging in self-hypnosis and self-torture. Look at yourself from the outside. Maybe it gives you secret pleasure to constantly repeat the same thing: “I can’t live without him!”, “I want us to be together again!”, “I will die without him!”. Don't believe your inner voice, it's not that bad. Now there is free time that can be spent on hobbies, education, travel, and communication with friends. This means that new horizons, new meetings, new joys are opening up.
You can't step into the same river twice. It is truth. Therefore, you should not cling to the past. “Everything will pass, and this too will pass,” says the popular proverb wisely.
How and with whom to talk
Few women like to keep their experiences to themselves. Some people definitely need to cry “into their vest.” And that's not a bad thing. This behavior relieves stress and relieves emotional stress. It is impossible to live with a heavy heart. You just need to choose the right vest. It’s better to share your experiences with your mother, if not live, then by phone, Skype - there are so many communication opportunities now.
If you don’t have a trusting relationship with your mother, or you simply don’t want to upset her, you should go to a psychotherapist. But not everyone has this opportunity. Then the third option remains: start a diary. It can describe all grievances and experiences. You can write without being shy in expressions. That's actually good. It's as if your husband is in front of you and you are saying this to his face.
How to get distracted
You definitely need to find a hobby that will captivate you and make you not think about your past life, for example:
- When knitting, you have to count the stitches and there is no time to think about extraneous things.
- Crocheting a napkin requires reading the pattern and strictly following it.
- A funny movie distracts and entertains.
- Gardening gives physical fatigue and heals heart wounds.
- Scanword puzzles and crossword puzzles are also a good activity for the mind. By solving them, you will not think about anything else.
Positive aspects of separation
If you can’t get rid of thoughts about your husband from your head for a long time, you should remember his bad habits and remind yourself that he: snores at night, doesn’t wash the dishes after himself, throws clothes around, doesn’t give flowers on March 8, forgets to congratulate you on your birthday. But now the apartment is clean, you can go to the movies and take care of yourself. No one takes away the TV remote control; there is no need to rush after work to cook dinner for a hungry husband.
Signs of recovery
Over time, feelings will change. Regardless of why you asked yourself the question: “How to stop loving your husband?”, you will feel that you are ready to let him go and forgive him. The obvious symptoms of passing love are the following:
- don’t flinch at every phone call;
- saw that a work colleague’s hairstyle had changed;
- noticed the interested look of a single neighbor;
- stopped reveling in songs about unhappy unrequited love.
If at least one of these signs appears in your joyless life, it means that the recovery process is going well.
Why do you have to break up with your loved one?
A woman understands the inevitability of a breakup almost immediately when the relationship ceases to bring satisfaction. But an internal struggle begins, denial of what is happening. This is understandable, because the mind is not ready for change, and partners are kept in a relationship by mutual emotional dependencies, habit or fear of loneliness.
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Even if it is possible to delay the admission of defeat, that is, the termination of the relationship, it is impossible to prevent a break. The sooner a fateful decision is made, the more chances and opportunities for real happiness open up for the two partners. Breakup does not happen spontaneously, it has reasons:
- A man found another woman and fell in love with her - there is no point in saving the relationship.
- Frequent infidelity is another reason when it is better to break up.
- Conflicts in the family that never find a constructive resolution.
- The initiator of the separation is the beloved man.
- There is toxic attachment or dependency in the relationship. This connection leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
- The partners no longer have the same life goals, values and priorities.
- The couple cannot find a common language on fundamental issues.
- The man suffers from addictions and addictions.
Relationships can be terminated for no apparent reason, for example, if the partner made such a decision. Many couples begin to develop relationships, guided by passion, fear of loneliness and other reasons, the elimination of which leads to a breakup. But if a girl continues to love, then, regardless of the reasons, the breakup will be especially painful for her.
For rehabilitation
When you wake up one morning, you will feel that you now know how to stop loving your husband. To do this you need to take several steps:
- find a dress in your closet that you liked, but your spouse didn’t like;
- tidy up your hair;
- To do makeup;
- smile at your reflection in the mirror and go have fun.
It's time to get out of the state of depression and melancholy. Allow yourself something that has always given you pleasure, but was forbidden.
An aimless walk around the city, a piece of sweet cake, buying a new lipstick can work wonders and lift your spirits, better than any persuasion or sympathetic glances.
We are starting to recover
The first thing you need to do is let go of the loved one inside you! Let go completely and without any conditions and unnecessary showdowns. One psychologist said: “Yes, hope dies last. But I would have killed her first!” Why? Since we still have some hope glimmering in our souls, we constantly think: “maybe he will return?” We simply do not live a normal, comfortable, “our” life. It is better to let your husband go, without hatred and malice. And even more so, there is no need to convince children, if they have any, that their father is a “traitor.”
What is "strong love"
The word “love” is often used to describe passion, excitement, something that has nothing to do with love. Joy, suffering, greed, jealousy, seduction, submission, revenge, pride, escape from boredom and loneliness - all this is covered by the stamp “love”, although it was not even close here.
We ladies sometimes love so uncontrollably that we often simply enjoy our role as the main character in the melodramas that life throws at us. Compared to the grueling melodrama, healing will seem boring.
What principles of “true, strong love” do we know? First of all, it is always a strong codependency. That is, in other words, it is a sick attachment to a person, which is passed off as a sign of a strong feeling.
Strictly prohibited
To avoid a relapse of love torment, you should remember what you should never do:
- Seek salvation in alcoholic drinks. Alcohol intoxication only worsens the condition. And if you feel bad, then after drinking it will be much worse.
- Coming up with an excuse to call or text your husband. Remember: bridges are burned.
- Make attempts at reconciliation. It is unlikely that it will be possible to establish friendly communication, and returning to close relationships is simply dangerous.
Ways to stop loving your husband without suffering: let him go calmly
Unrequited love makes the heart bleed. Bitter tears and suffering will not help bring back love. Attempts to make a man fall in love again end in failure. After another refusal, the pain seems unbearable.
The most reasonable solution is to stop loving. Do you want to get out of a sticky situation with dignity and put an end to relationships that bring pain?
Use advice from psychology:
Don't idealize your ex. You can even make a list of all the shortcomings, re-read and realize that the break is for the better.
