What to do if you are offended by your husband: how to get rid of the oppressive feeling

If it weren’t for the resentment towards my husband, this understanding would never have come to me.

I want to forgive you for your deception and betrayal. Because the family died before it could be formed. For short sex as the only expression of the relationship.

I want to forgive you for not helping me care for him when our newborn baby was screaming around the clock for months. For the quarrels, for the fact that in the most difficult moments you didn’t even hug me, looked at me with contempt and demanded that I pull myself together.

I want to forgive you for driving me away from the house that we dreamed and built together. Because your good mood is a rare guest in our house. If it happens sometimes, you go away and give it to your friends.

I want to forgive you for your stony silence, ignorance, obscurity. For your signature “don’t count on me.” Because when you leave home you don’t say a word.

I was ready for this - I wanted to forgive you. But first I had to look inside myself and face my resentment face to face.

What is resentment

Resentment is the accumulation of negative energy towards a certain person, which gradually destroys from the inside. The more serious the reason, the more difficult it is to get rid of negative feelings, switch to positive aspects, relax and let go of the situation.

READ What to do if a girl is offended: keys to understanding the female soul

Each person has his own level of sensitivity and individual sensitive points. Most often, we are offended by loved ones who do not live up to our expectations and commit unacceptable acts.

Often there are resentments against the husband, who, with his words or behavior, hurts his wife’s pride.

What not to do

In an obsessive desire to punish the offender, women often do stupid things, for which they later pay bitterly. This is because they are driven by anger, which blocks the mind.

So, what not to do in pursuit of revenge:

• damage someone else's property (scratch a car, break into an apartment, beat equipment in a fit of anger, set fire to his office), for this you can be held accountable;
• injure a negligent man;
• lose your own dignity in the desire to prick the cheater (cheat in response);
• take revenge on a rival (pursue, threaten, ruin her life);
• punish a man through feelings of guilt (try to commit suicide);
• involving innocent people (parents, children, loved ones) in this is unjustified cruelty on your part.

Revenge is still destructive. It can significantly spoil not only the reputation, but also the lives of people. Both for you (if you are obsessed with this feeling) and for the partner who once behaved wrongly. Psychologists advise punishing the offender only if there is no other way to let go of the situation. And if you let off steam through punishment, then only in such a way that it does not harm anyone. It will only be enough for a man to hurt his feelings and deal a blow to his male pride. Everything else is superfluous.

Why should grievances be rejoiced?

From a psychological point of view, resentment is a growth zone of the internal subconscious. A person is most often offended by the truth, this confirms that he accepts such criticism and agrees with it. If your husband said that you are overweight, and this makeup looks provocative, then being offended is a sign of agreement with him.

Women can regularly be offended by their husbands, but you need to understand what to do in this situation. First, determine for yourself whether you are ready to accept criticism, whether you can change in order not to quarrel. Disappointments help a person move forward, change for the better, and improve himself. Work on yourself, focus on those qualities of yours whose criticism offends you the most. You will soon notice that this will only benefit you.

How to be offended by a man correctly so that he understands you?

How to be offended correctly?
So, there are some good tips to help you have a constructive conversation.

• Let your emotions subside

Immediately, as soon as you feel offended, emotions come into play and decide everything for us. You just have to control yourself. First you need to calm down in order to behave calmly. So it’s better to step back from everything and wait, otherwise you’ll mess things up. If you are calm, you will have more arguments on your side.

• What do you want to receive

Before you start a conversation, decide what you ultimately want to get. Just for a man to understand you doesn’t count. For example, so that you are no longer late, this is quite suitable.

• Speak directly

Some people prefer to remain silent and hope that the man will figure everything out on his own. This is a big misconception. Moreover, you shouldn’t do this to your loved ones, because you’re not intentionally offended by them.

Tell your husband what exactly offended you. It should be short and to the point, without describing your emotions or details. Only after this can the discussion begin.

• Start with the good

How to show resentment in a relationship?
If you start a conversation with accusations, then it is doomed to failure in advance, because you will quarrel and nothing more. It’s better to praise him, say something nice about what happened in that situation that you didn’t like so much.

• Use "I" messages

Don't blame and say "YOU". Explain what you feel, what you are worried about, using “I”. And it’s difficult to argue with your feelings, because it’s yours. And when there is no reason for a dispute, it is much easier to negotiate.

• Don't put conditions

If you set conditions for a man, and he violates them, then be sure to do what you promised. Otherwise, all your ultimatums will be perceived as some kind of joke or just empty words. Accordingly, the man will stop paying attention to them.

• Positive ending

When the man listened to you, did as you asked and the dialogue was completed according to plan, then do not forget to make reinforcement on a good note. Say something nice to him or do something nice for him. Believe me, he will also want to do nice things for you more often.

How to Forgive and Let Go of Annoyance: 5 Steps

Every woman should know how to forgive an insult to her beloved husband, let go of the situation, and not spoil the relationship because of little things. There are 5 proven psychological methods that allow you to understand the causes of annoyance and easily get rid of them, without creating difficulties or the danger of breakups.

READ How to apologize to a guy and get forgiveness

What to do if you are offended by your husband, you need to figure it out in detail. Resentment is a destructive emotion. By keeping it inside yourself for a long time, you destroy your energy and help negativity influence your life. If you don't know how to deal with intense resentment toward your husband, review the 5 basic steps below.

Step 1: blacklist of grievances

Many girls do not know how to let go of their grudge against their husband and continue to live in joy and love. There is a good psychological technique that requires paper and pen.

At the top of the sheet you need to write your husband's name. Then it is worth describing in detail each reason that provokes destructive emotions. Having listed them, you can determine for yourself that some of them have no value in order to accumulate negativity in yourself for a long time.

In their practice, psychologists encounter situations where women are offended by their men for a specific purpose - to get attention and affection. This behavior is laid down on a subconscious level since childhood, and in adulthood it sometimes makes itself felt. If you are used to being given gifts after pretending to be offended, then this is manipulation by your loved one. You need to get rid of it, if necessary, turning to psychologists for help.

Incidents not deserving of forgiveness

You can easily forgive your husband’s minor sins, words spoken rashly, and absurd actions, but you cannot turn a blind eye to rudeness and insults addressed to you, since a girl must value and respect herself. Incidents that do not forgive:

1. Assault. Psychologists say that if you hit once, you will hit again. A man, feeling his physical strength, understands that communicating his point of view to his wife is much easier than spending hours explaining the motives for his actions. But this is done mainly by mentally weak individuals who are unable to conduct a constructive dialogue. Beating his wife over and over again, he takes pleasure in her humiliation, using increasingly sophisticated torture.
2. The husband abuses the children. He presents beating as an effective method of education, without which children will not grow up to be normal people. However, the mother is obliged to protect her children from all the offenders in the world, even if one of them is the natural father. If a woman is not indifferent to the fate of her children, then it is better to rid them of such a dad.
3. Insults in public. A spouse who likes to tell friends the details of his intimate life, without mincing words, publicly criticizes, offends and calls him names, does not deserve the love of his half. A woman who has not lost her self-esteem should say goodbye to such a man.

READ

Family relationships: the ideal is unattainable, but the paths are known

If a man knows how to admit his mistakes and does not forget to apologize, then it makes sense to try to save the family. But if the incident is repeated a second time, a third time, then you should immediately pack your things and leave your ungrateful spouse. He won't change.

Advice from psychologists

If you want to learn how to deal with grievances, read the advice of psychologists that you need to remember all the time:

1. Remember your own dignity, do not allow resentment to settle in your thoughts.
2. Resentment will bring nothing but negative emotions.
3. Charge yourself with positive emotions.
4. Relieve stress with your favorite activities.
5. Communicate more with positive people.
6. Voice all negative points.

Each person decides for himself whether to store up a grudge or immediately let it go. Agree with your subconscious to respond easily and quickly to the offender, without letting him into your thoughts.

How to be offended by a man for the benefit of a relationship?

How to be offended with benefit?
Above we talked about what is undesirable to do, but this is exactly what some women do. If desired, resentment can be directed in the right direction and even made useful for the relationship. To do this, you need to go through five steps.

Step 1. Understand what your grievance is

Of course, this is not easy to do. It’s especially difficult when emotions are running high, you want to burst into tears, scream and generally throw a tantrum. You can cry a little to feel better and calm down. Get your emotions in order and answer yourself what exactly you were offended by and why. For example, he didn't come to dinner without warning and you felt abandoned.

Step 2: Separation of Responsibility

When you understand what led to the offense, you can proceed to the second step. Think about what to put on him in this situation, and what on yourself.

That is, what your man didn’t do is his responsibility, but your reaction is entirely yours. For example, he might not know that you care so much that he would call and warn you that he will not come. Maybe you decided to make romance unexpectedly, but he was not in the know. Maybe he was just tired and decided to stay home? And he has no idea that you are already offended there.

And you should figure out why this call is so important. Maybe you want to ask if he will come at all. Or maybe they just decided to find out that he was at home and not with his mistress.

Step 3. Tell the man the reasons for the offense

Express your grievances
As soon as you realize who is responsible, you can start a conversation with your loved one and express your grievances to him, but only within the framework of his responsibility. That is, he must understand the real reason that caused his actions, and not your speculation. This is very important, because women are not always able to explain what a man is to blame for.

Be sure to explain why it offended you. For example, you were waiting for a meeting, but he didn’t come, you made a mess, and at the last moment he refused to go somewhere. In general, the explanation must be sane.

Step 4. Look at the man's reaction

Does he agree with your position? Does he support you? Is he ready to improve?

Step 5. Draw conclusions

Only after this can conclusions be drawn. And if a man does not mock you, understands that he is wrong, then you can forgive him and agree in the future so that this does not happen. Otherwise, if he puts you down, laughs, or generally thinks everything is fine, consider whether you should continue your relationship with this person.

Try these five steps at least once and you will see the results. Your relationship with your man will get better and better. You will begin to understand each other and argue less.