Leaving “in your hearts” is sometimes a completely understandable act after a heated quarrel. But if the husband left home after a quarrel, then it may be emotionally difficult for the wife - due to unsaid arguments, the inability to make peace, anxiety about where the husband went... The women's site sympaty.net will tell you how to act.
The question is, where and why does the husband’s ears,
Usually a woman worries much more than how to “steer out” of this quarrel into the peaceful channel of married life. But we suggest not to worry without additional “bells”, but to wait until the man comes on his own and is ready for a constructive conversation and reconciliation.
Escape directions
When a spouse leaves the family nest again, you need to know exactly where he is going.
- His visits to his parents are completely different things, but if his loved one runs away to his comrades or his mistress, then the matter takes a completely different turn. But in any case, the outcome of both options is unpredictable. Even if the husband ran under his mother’s wing, in most cases she will take his side, which will strengthen his lack of initiative and belief in his own rightness.
- However, going to another woman will definitely not alleviate the wife’s suffering at all. Unlike his legal wife, his new sweetheart will not bother him with problems or reproaches at first. And if she is wise enough, then she will generally try to lure the defector to her, wrapping him in care and affection, making it clear where he is better off. The rival will behave like most mothers-in-law, stirring up and slightly provoking passions around a family problem.
- There is a contingent of over-aged boys who, in the event of a quarrel, run away to their friends. This behavior is quite rare, since at this age most of the comrades themselves have already gotten married. A long and frequent presence of a guest in their house will be unpleasant not so much for them as for their other halves. Here you can take advantage of the situation and lure your friend to your side as an ally in bringing your spouse home.
- It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen: it has its own “hole.” The spouse can take refuge in a dacha, garage, country house or other real estate. This alternative is quite convenient for the wife, since in solitude he will put his thoughts in order, relaxing without attacks from the outside. And then, after some short time, he will already be packed for the reunion.
Why is he leaving?
His surrender from the battlefield is a clumsy attempt to avoid conflict. Probably, as a child, he did not learn to defend his opinion, put forward his own arguments, or admit that he was wrong. He continues to adhere to the principle “I don’t see, it means it doesn’t exist.”
He does not want to understand that the conflict will end only when both sides come to a compromise. And it turns out that he won’t have to make any decisions, and then you cool down, the conflict seems to end on its own.
In this case, the reason that led to the scandal will not disappear anywhere. It will come up in conversations again and again, leading again to a quarrel. And each time the intensity of passions and emotions will intensify until the relationship breaks off.
What to Avoid
The most important rule is to survive at least a day without doing anything. In a fit of feelings, there is a high probability of breaking things and aggravating the situation. After your spouse escapes, try to calm down and sleep through this matter. Naturally, it will be very difficult to do this alone, but you need to gather your strength and try to talk with close friends and family. In the end, you can turn to psychologists for help, instead of falling further into a quarrel, calling his parents and tearing the hair out of his mistress’s head, while simultaneously filing a claim for divorce.
So, recommendations:
- Although blackmail is a criminal offense, many short-sighted ladies often resort to it. Relying on his love for children and an elementary sense of ownership of property, they try to manipulate these motives. Nobody likes coercion, and if it works, it will be temporary. He will find a way to get around these underwater rocks in the future.
- Tears are not the most reliable assistant in a quarrel. Pity has never cemented alliances, and it won’t strengthen it this time either. The only thing that can be achieved is to strengthen his self-esteem against the background of the humiliation of his missus. After all, by his behavior he makes it clear that he can accept any of his actions.
- Loud scandals with threats and fights are worthy only of market women and hillbillies. There is a direct possibility that because of such behavior, the spouse will not want any more communication at all. Especially if you consider that he has a quiet and gentle seductress. And among his relatives you can acquire the mark “khabalka”.
- You definitely shouldn’t show off your legal knowledge by presenting a “certificate of spousal affiliation.” A stamp in a passport is a real deal, but going and submitting papers for divorce will not be difficult for your spouse.
- And you certainly shouldn’t wash your dirty laundry in public. Don’t rush around all your friends and girlfriends. Don’t tell them about your suffering with such a “bastard.” First of all, it looks stupid. Then, for many people, the misfortune of others gives very acute pleasure, while others can take advantage of the situation and take the “goat” away.
To get your spouse back
Try to look at marriage relationships from the perspective of an outsider. It is advisable to consult a psychologist for this - it is difficult to be impartial in such a situation. It is necessary to understand whether what happened is a pattern or a spontaneous outburst of emotions.
Perhaps the marriage had been cracking at the seams for a long time, but we refused to admit it and did not try to do anything. If so, then everything is natural. Breakup would happen sooner or later as a natural stage of a relationship. The couple needs to understand how much they need each other. And then all that remains is to wait and maintain good relations.
If you still want to return your husband to the family, he should know that his other half is yearning and waiting. Otherwise, the spouse may decide that he is not needed. And not to return, even if he himself goes crazy in separation.
There are other possible reasons for the rupture. The couple lived as usual: they discussed family problems, argued, quarreled, and reproached each other for something. But before, the man was angry, he could remain silent or shout, but he did not leave.
It turns out that the intensity of emotions has become too strong. Who is to blame for this is not so important. It is necessary to keep a man from rash actions. In this state, he is capable of filing for divorce. Or start an affair to let off steam and get revenge. Then it won't be easy to get the relationship back. This means that you need to find your husband, treat him kindly, and apologize. Even if he gets angry at first, he will begin to calm down and will not commit reckless acts.
When family relationships collapse, it is especially important not to forget about the children. They suffer the most from the fact that dad is no longer around. Overcome your own weakness, become a support for them. But under no circumstances turn her against her husband. Children really need a father. Losing love and respect for him is too difficult a test for a child’s psyche. Let them see each other. In addition to taking care of the children, this is another point in our plan to bring my husband home.
During the breakup, try to become the same person you were before meeting him. After all, he was once madly in love with that woman. Take care of yourself, devote more time to caring for your appearance. Go visit your friends, visit the fitness center, update your wardrobe. You do all this for yourself, not for him. You just have free time to regain the chic that you had before you got bogged down in family life.
Be confident in yourself. When meeting with your husband, behave in such a way that he understands that he has offended you greatly, but do not act like a victim. Smile, talk calmly, but slightly aloof. Now he is probably expecting a violent reaction from you - accusations, screams and tears. Show that you have pride and live quietly without him.
During your life together, you probably have developed a common circle of friends and acquaintances. When your husband leaves, friends are divided into two camps: some are on your side, others are on your husband’s side. Don't lure mutual friends over to your side. Do not ask them for details of his personal life - this will become known to your husband and will only turn him away from you. Communicate with everyone as if nothing had happened. Avoid talking about the breakup - you will probably have other topics to discuss.
Make new acquaintances, surround yourself with interesting people. Go to the movies, theaters, and some events without it. Look for opportunities for entertainment, fill your life with new events. But you shouldn’t start romances yet. First, make sure that your husband cannot be returned. Or that there is no longer a need for his presence nearby.
Don't think about running around to fortune tellers and psychics. Their services are expensive and their services are questionable. As a result, in addition to an empty house, we will get an empty pocket.
The best tactic is to wait. If a man lives with another girl, he will not necessarily be better off with her than with you. The first romantic feelings will soon subside. They will be replaced by gray everyday life: dirty socks, tasteless dinner, each other’s unpleasant habits. You lived with him for a long time and probably learned to make his life comfortable. You know exactly what he likes for breakfast, how many suits to pack for his business trip, what medicine to give him for a runny nose. Your opponent does not have such advantages.
He is used to an established life, and building a new family means getting used to new rules. Not every man can survive such stress. So in most cases, husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses return home.
In any case, for a man to want to return, you need to talk to him. Calm, friendly, frank. If the spouse is too offended or enraged, he may not have such a conversation. There is no need to insist. Please try again after some time. The main thing is that he can at least listen without answering anything. And it is important for a woman to choose the right words. Let's say it will be a monologue, but the husband will remember it. He will comprehend everything, draw conclusions and, most likely, return to his family.
The return of a man is possible even after a divorce. The main condition, without which the further development of normal relationships is impossible, is forgiveness. Only if you sincerely forgive each other can your family exist. Omissions, insults and mutual reproaches are the first path to defeat.
Methods for smoothly returning a husband after a quarrel
From Mom
Since the child is always the most important thing for the mother, the wife of the departed spouse must understand that communication for the purpose of reconciliation must take place in no man's land. It is extremely important that the mother-in-law does not participate in the rendezvous, since for mothers there is no worthy chosen one for her son, even a drunkard and rowdy who is always right. There is no need to philosophize at the meeting; you need to simply and sincerely convey how much they miss and love him. Should suggest coming back one of these days. But veiled and carefully.
From a mistress
The same method applies here as from the mother - lure him into a neutral zone, carry out psychological treatment without any reproaches or poking him with betrayal, and after the husband returns, decide on further actions. You can also try using magic and rituals. There is one “BUT”. First of all, it is important to find out for yourself the need to return, even if it is a loved one, from a woman with whom he has already had an affair, and most likely will do so again.
From friend
If the friend of the spouse who sheltered him is legally married, then with a 99 percent probability the friend’s spouse is unlikely to tolerate him for a long time. Therefore, in this situation, you just need to be patient when the spouse himself appears in his native land. But if his “brother” is single, then the husband can “register” with him for a long time, savoring the family quarrel. In this case, an urgent meeting for negotiations is required.
From the "hole"
This is the simplest option, but not without its subtleties. Usually, spouses cannot stand loneliness for a long time due to psychological and everyday hardships. The returnee should be enveloped in love, care and warmth, fed with his favorite food, and only then try to find out what happened. But softly.
How long will it take
If a loved one decides to leave, this does not always mean forever. It will take some time for the head of the family to return. Return times depend on certain circumstances:
- motive for the departure of a life partner;
- how the relationship will develop after a quarrel;
- What will the wife do to get her partner back?
If the faithful went to his rival, then, according to statistics, he will leave her. At the end of the candy-bouquet period. Approximately it takes less than six months. If you analyze why your husband left for someone else, how to get him back is quite clear. So:
- the homewrecker is outwardly more attractive, more beautiful;
- the mistress has a lot of free time;
- she does not burden the man with household chores and does not show dissatisfaction;
- the rival has a wealth of sexual experience.
If you fall out of love, after a few months the faithful will see the light and discover that the new passion is a simple woman, like thousands of others. She may also forget to wash her hair and be tired after a day of work. She will start demanding to hang up a shelf and buy groceries. He realizes that history repeats itself and will return to his legal wife.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Conclusion
Whatever happens, we should not forget that a family is at least two people and in quarrels, responsibility lies on both sides of the conflict. Before starting peace negotiations and making a date to get your loved one back, there is a need to find out the following:
- What is the spouse's fault? What do you need from him?
- The significance of the topic around which there was a quarrel.
- Determine your responsibility in this quarrel.
- What actions were taken to prevent the incident.
- Why couldn’t you convey your reasons to your spouse?
It is worth knowing that your spouse’s flight from the combat zone with you is just a timid attempt not to get involved in a quarrel. Most likely, the husband is simply not able to openly admit his immaturity and lives by the “head in the sand” principle. However, the situation cannot be resolved without the participation of both sides of the scandal, therefore, the spouse will be forced to shoulder all this on her fragile shoulders, so as not to lead to escalation and further divorce.
If you have a similar situation, use the services of our specialists. For the first time - free!
Husband abuses alcohol in company
If your husband drinks with friends, and systematically, you need to understand the reasons for this phenomenon:
- Suspicions of alcoholism. Many men do not attach much importance to periodic drinking with friends, not considering it a problem. A woman needs to understand whether the problem really exists. If at the same time a large part of the family budget is spent on such festivities, health deteriorates and the psychological climate in the family suffers, the problem of addiction needs to be solved. Start with a heart-to-heart conversation, express your concerns and find out why your husband is doing this. Then make a plan for vocational rehabilitation.
- Avoiding problems at home. How comfortable is communication between spouses? How is the father's relationship with his children? By eliminating intra-family troubles, you can solve the problem and forget men’s hobbies for alcohol like a bad dream.
- If gatherings in bars with friends are the only alternative to free time, you should think about family leisure. If spouses have common interests, it is worth trying different ways of cultural recreation together, then there will simply be no time left for meeting friends over beer.
Look for common interests and plan family leisure time
Again, this should be done softly and without commanding intonations like: “So, we’re going to the skating rink today, and no questions asked!”
It is important to learn to hear each other, accept everyone’s interests and conclude: what of all this can we accomplish together? And is it really so important for a wife to go on a fishing trip she hates just to limit her husband’s communication with friends?
Family traditions can be an important point in the general pastime. The rituals that people perform together bring them very close. You can choose a specific day of the week and an activity that will bring joy to both.
One more thing - how to talk to your husband about household responsibilities? Direct and open. Instead of blaming the lack of help, you need to explain that it is difficult to cope with all the housework on your own. And the strength and skill of a partner would be very useful. Many psychologists recommend that couples simply divide responsibilities.
Correction of family communication
This is probably a good place to start. If your husband spends the lion's share of time with friends, you need to eliminate the factor of the negative atmosphere at home. It is worth taking a critical look at yourself: how often conflicts occur, what mood the husband is greeted with, how often the spouses discuss something other than problems.
You should realize that no one wants to come to a house where they are always dissatisfied with something, constantly showing their fatigue, burden and sacrifice. The latter very often manifests itself in phrases like: “I am everything to you, and you...” It is better to exclude “you must” from the vocabulary. A problematic and quarrelsome spouse, no matter how cruel it may sound, is not needed. Any husband will escape from this: spending time with friends is more fun!
Of course, no one is ironclad, and everyone wants to throw out their negativity. But it’s better not to do this on a loved one. Self-education and self-improvement are the key not only to your own comfort, an opportunity to occupy your free time, but also a way to always remain interesting for your husband, whom you want to come to. Find something you like, develop, improve. It works!
And finally - freedom. Everyone knows the truth that you want more of what is forbidden. That is why it is important to learn not to bind yourself and a man with constant control. Freedom is not permissiveness. This is an opportunity to choose. And, most likely, the choice will be in favor of the one who provides this opportunity.
Make friends with the "enemy"
Wise women know that it is important to be friends with their rivals. At least keep them at close range. Why not try this tactic with your husband's friends? You should join the company unobtrusively, on the basis of common interests and with the consent of your spouse. Most men really appreciate it when their woman gets along well with her friends. It is very important that the wife understands that friends are an integral part of a person’s life. They do not always “take” it away from the family, but they are also able to provide a resource and emotionally nourish life.
In addition, it is quite possible that it will suddenly turn out that these people are quite pleasant and interesting personalities with whom you yourself want to spend time?
