How to make peace with a friend after a quarrel

Hello dear readers. In the lives of each of us, sooner or later a quarrel arose with a friend. Some experienced conflicts with their best friends. After the scandal was over, when emotions subsided, the question arose of how to find a path to reconciliation with your best friend. It is especially difficult when you cannot understand the essence of the problem that caused the conflict. In this article we will try to figure out what should be done if a quarrel has already taken place, what to do to maintain friendship.

Methods of reconciliation

Making a phone call is a way to reconcile with your best friend
. Let's look at exactly how you can ask for forgiveness:

send an SMS to a friend's phone;
write on a social network or messenger;
write an email or a regular one by hand;
call a friend on the phone;
video chat with a friend;
asking for forgiveness live on the radio is appropriate if you are sure that your friend is listening to this radio station at that moment;
talk in person.

When choosing the method that suits you, keep in mind that a lot depends on the specific situation. In one case, it is enough to ask for forgiveness by writing a message on the phone, in another you will have to write a whole poem explaining your behavior.

You can also read about ways to reconcile with a friend.

Sequencing

First, you need to realize that your best friend, even if he is very offended now, feels the severity of what happened. It is likely that he worries no less than you and also wants to make peace, especially if your friendship has lasted more than one year and the two of you have already experienced a lot.
Secondly, you need to understand how your friend feels. If you can explain his behavior, it will be easier for you to approach him.
No need to worry about how to take the first step. You should not hope that your friend will decide to be the first to reconcile. It is important to understand that the more time is lost, the more difficult it is to restore the old relationship. But you will still have to wait for some period. You shouldn’t rush to make peace immediately after a quarrel. Allow your friend to cool down and deal with his emotions. Sometimes you need to wait a few days.
Before you go to make peace, you should analyze the whole situation, realize what was the reason for the quarrel, who is really to blame. But you should not engage in analysis in the first hours after the scandal. You also need to calm down, look at the situation from the outside, and not only from your point of view, but also put yourself in the place of your friend.
If your analysis has led you to believe that your friend is to blame for what happened, you need to determine for yourself whether it’s worth putting up with him at all. Everything could happen due to the character traits of a comrade whom you will no longer be able to change. Perhaps he betrayed you, therefore, there is no guarantee that he will not do this again in the future. Therefore, it is important to evaluate the whole situation, to understand whether you need this reconciliation at all.
If you understand that the conflict occurred because of you, you need to think about whether you can change and no longer behave in such a way as not to provoke new quarrels in the future. If you decide that you can cope with your negative traits in order to preserve your friendship, proceed to the reconciliation stage.
When you're ready to connect, call your friend on the phone or write a letter, but it's better if you go up and talk in person. It is possible that the comrade will be overly offended and will not want to make peace. In such a situation, do not despair. Perhaps he needs more time to be ready to improve the relationship. Of course, it all depends on what caused the conflict. If, for example, you stole a girl from your best friend, it is not surprising that you are now relegated to the category of enemies and reconciliation is impossible.
Remember that the process of building relationships must be correct. It is unacceptable to humiliate yourself or slander yourself, even if you are to blame for the quarrel. If the blame lies with you, say that you regret what happened and will try everything to not repeat what happened. If the fault is on a friend, you can behave as if nothing had happened, invite your friend to the bar, sit over a glass of beer. But you should not express your dissatisfaction with his behavior and point out that he is to blame for the quarrel, otherwise a new conflict will develop.

Reconciliation is only the end of a quarrel, but not its outcome. In order to prevent the conflict situation from happening again, it is important that you and your friend draw mutual conclusions. After a serious scandal, you need to conduct an analysis and come to certain conclusions. Such heart-to-heart communication will be the final point for neutralizing your conflict.

Bide your time

It is impossible to heal the wounds immediately inflicted. This will take some time. Therefore, before you go to make peace, wait at least a day. Your feelings will subside, your friend will come to his senses, and then you can talk. If you go to apologize on the day of a quarrel, then any wrong word can add fuel to the fire and increase the scale of the conflict. As the famous saying goes: the morning is wiser than the evening. Don't solve your problems in the evening with a tired head. Better sleep with the problem. In the morning, a quarrel that seemed like a disaster in the evening will seem like a trifle.

How to get your friend back? After you have a fight, give each other time to cool down and think about the subject of the dispute. In a few days, you and your friend can reconsider your views and better understand your opponent's point of view.

What to say

In a situation where the conflict occurred through your fault, it is extremely important to ask for forgiveness from the person you offended. Also, if you are not to blame for the conflict, but your friend is convinced otherwise, you can also apologize. This is necessary in order to regain his location. Let's look at what words you can resort to on the path to reconciliation:

"Please forgive me…";
“I shouldn’t have done that...”;
"It's my fault…";
“I didn’t want to quarrel with you...”;
“I will do everything to improve...”;
“Our friendship is dear to me, I don’t want to lose it...”

These are examples of what can be said. But don’t go too far when using all of the above phrases. This way you will lower your dignity in the eyes of your friend.

Believe me, this situation occurs not only in elementary school.

Still from the film "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"

Initially, the conflict between your two friends may seem to you like a relic of elementary school, when everyone quarreled with each other, made peace, and then bullied each other again and stopped communicating again.

However, as you have already seen from your own experience, adults can also quarrel, truly taking offense and pointedly ignoring each other. Moreover, the most unpleasant situation in such cases is when both of these adults are your friends, whose conflict is definitely not in your interests.

In such cases, a difficult choice always arises: what is the best thing to do. To intervene or to remain on the sidelines, whether to invite them to your birthday or celebrate it first with one and then with another, and many other questions.

In this material, we have given five main tips on what to do when both of your friends are in conflict.

Reconciliation after a strong quarrel

Sometimes the conflict is indirect, does not represent anything serious, and occurs out of stupidity. But there are also situations when two best friends fight for a serious reason. It is important to understand that after a serious scandal, the path to reconciliation can be very long. It is possible that this will take even a month. But if you are truly best friends, then reconciliation will come.

First of all, you need to understand whether it is worth putting up with at all. If the scandal was so strong, and the reason was significant, perhaps it’s time to put an end to it and not put up with it at all.
If it has been decided that reconciliation is still necessary, remember that you are adults, so you need to talk seriously and be responsible for your words. You shouldn’t resort to phrases like “you’re always quarreling,” “you always behave like this,” “but you...”, “what about yourself?”
It is extremely important to keep your conflict personal. No matter what happens to you, no matter what the quarrel was dictated by, it is unacceptable for third parties to appear between you and your best friend at the moment of reconciliation. You always need to make peace one-on-one, especially if the quarrel was serious.

It is possible that as you grow older, you or your friend has changed so much that communication has become very difficult, and conflict situations are becoming more common. Then you should take everything for granted, transfer the relationship to the category of friendships, and do not strive for closer contact.

Where does manipulation begin?

Sometimes friends abuse their position and begin to make some profit from their friendship.

Showing signs of manipulation:

They begin to complain about life and difficulties. There are always a bunch of reasons why something doesn’t work out, they complain about their health and are always willing to receive any help.
When we meet, the conversation is only about his problems and his life. The second party always turns out to be only a listener and an adviser whose problems are minor.

Gradually, the complaining friend becomes a manipulator. Of course, people need to help, especially friends. But sometimes you have to ask yourself the question: is your friend really helpless?

Friends need to be helped to learn to solve problems, and not to develop and maintain the habit of relying on others.

It is better to immediately sort out such relationships than to gradually accumulate grievances and then, when a reason is found, to quarrel with the person.

Making peace from a distance

There are times when two people manage to quarrel, despite the fact that they are at a great distance from each other. Often this is due to misunderstanding, a selfish mood, or a third party who has made efforts to develop the conflict. In such a situation, it is extremely important to reconcile as quickly as possible. After all, the fact that you do not have the opportunity to look into each other’s eyes further complicates the reconciliation process. Your friendship may end much faster; it will be almost impossible to return it.

In such a situation, you can start by writing a message. It is better if it is sent by email or on a social network than two lines of SMS sent to a mobile phone.
If you are writing a conciliatory letter, start by listing the qualities you value in your friend. Be sure to indicate that you want to improve the relationship, as you value friendship. The message can be concise but meaningful. It is important to avoid deviating from the topic and repetition. You can end it by writing that you would be very happy if a reconciliatory conversation took place and you could communicate in person.
Naturally, in a personal meeting, in addition to words, your reconciliation would be accompanied by a manifestation of emotions; we cannot achieve this when writing a text. But when a friend makes contact, you can move on to the second step - calling.
If your friend is in another country, you can use video communication, for example, call on Skype. This will give you the opportunity to look each other in the eye and express some complaints. But it’s better if the conversation takes place in a normal environment with positive intonations.

Human relationships are built on mutual support, mutual understanding, and respect for each other. Therefore, before starting a quarrel, see if you can find a path to peaceful reconciliation.

Change your character

Don't know how to get your ex-friends back? If people distance themselves from you, it means they had their reasons. Try to find them. Chances are they didn't like your personality or behavior. Reconsider your views on life and yourself. You may not be as nice a person as you think you are. If many friends suddenly turn away from you, then you should urgently take serious measures. Talk to loved ones. Ask them frankly what is wrong with you. Say that you will not be offended by criticism and that you need it to work on yourself. Listen carefully to everything they tell you and take action. Change your habits, behavior, character. This will help you soon get back the people you have lost.

Adviсe

While in a calm state, determine for yourself why you are friends with this person, remember his good qualities. Memories of pleasant moments of your friendship should give you courage and determination to take the first step towards reconciliation.
If you want to have a heart-to-heart talk, find a quiet place.
If you decide to write a message, do not blame your friend for what happened. Even if it is his fault, behave with restraint, do not prove that you are right, otherwise the quarrel will only get worse. Reconciliation will be impossible.
During a personal conversation, maintain eye contact.
Be sincere and remain a good listener. Let the friend also share his feelings.
If you notice that your friend is not yet ready for reconciliation, do not put pressure on him. Show your understanding, let him have more time to think about the situation.
Do not let other people know about your problems and relationships with your friend.
During reconciliation, do not raise your voice or reproach your friend.
You should not bend to your friend’s demands and desires if they differ from yours. Even if you are to blame for the quarrel, you do not need to indulge because of the feeling of guilt. It's better to compromise.

Now you know how to make peace with a friend. Sometimes the cause of a quarrel lies in constant tension, an accelerated pace of life, which adds unnecessary aggression and causes a lack of time for normal communication. Remember how dear this person is to you, how important his opinion, presence and communication with him are to you. Restore your friendships and try to avoid situations in the future that could break your friendship.

How to make peace with friends: large-scale conflict

But it also often happens that one member of the company does not see eye to eye with everyone else, or does something that literally undermines the trust of all friends. Making peace in this case can be challenging because group reactions are much more complex than individual reactions. In this case, psychologists advise starting small and trying to restore good relationships with those friends who are closest in spirit. There are always such people. But you can use a simpler method: to make peace with friends, a simple and frank heart-to-heart conversation will not hurt. It is important to speak out sincerely, without hiding anything. You should be prepared for an initial cold meeting and negative reactions from friends, numerous questions and unfriendly glances, but if friendship is truly important to you, all this is worth enduring.