“I’m leaving for someone else”... Words that put an end to relationships and ruin joint plans. This is treason and betrayal. In terms of the intensity of emotional experiences, separation from your husband is equal to a natural disaster. A huge wave of negative emotions rolls in - fear of loneliness, guilt, self-doubt, anger and resentment towards a partner, hatred of a rival. But in any emergency situation, it is important to remain calm and composure. In the article we will talk about the reasons that push men to cheat. What to do after betrayal - get a divorce or try to return your husband to the family?
What to do if a man leaves the family
First of all, you need to understand: a man will not just leave the family - there will be a good reason for this.
Analysis of the situation
Human psychology is designed in such a way that before making a responsible decision, he will think about the current situation several times and consider different ways to resolve it. Consequently, the man who abandoned his family made a balanced decision.
A woman should calm down and understand what reasons prompted her husband to leave the family
The wife whose husband left her should calm down and think about the current situation. After accepting the breakup of the family, it is recommended to think about who you can tell that your husband has left, but is not filing for divorce. By sharing her problem with a loved one, a woman talks through the painful issue, receives a different point of view and possible ways to solve it.
Strategies for the future
If the wife immediately realizes that the fault for what happened lies with her spouse, she needs to understand whether she is ready to forgive, or whether the relationship is over. In the first case, you need to give the husband the opportunity to prove himself, ask for forgiveness and try to bring the family back. If a woman feels guilty about herself, do not be shy to meet the first half, especially when both of them still have love.
If the spouse is not ready to forgive the misdemeanor of the other half, it is recommended to do everything possible to forget the unpleasant moment and start moving on with life.
To speed up the process, you can switch to your child, start taking care of your appearance (join a fitness club, get a fashionable hairstyle, update your wardrobe), immerse yourself in work or increase the time you spend communicating with friends (of the opposite sex).
Friendships between ex-spouses
The third option is to try to stay on good terms. Contain anger and negative feelings, calm down and try to communicate in a positive way.
Time-out
To understand your true attitude towards the fact that your husband has left for his mistress but is not getting a divorce, you need to stop communicating. Time spent apart will make you realize how much a woman needs marriage.
Results
Leaving a family, divorce, discord, quarrels and mistresses are all difficult psychologically and physically. There are no two identical stories and no miracle way to make everything work. If you want everything back, exhale, let him go, direct your strength to not lose yourself and restore your inner peace. It is worth accepting the idea that fate took away the worst of life in order to give a chance for happiness. Statistics are inexorable, husbands come back, but usually when no one is waiting for them.
Write your story or your thoughts on this issue in the comments.
Why do men hesitate to get a divorce?
Reasons why a husband does not file for divorce:
- Availability of common property. The problem is relevant in families where there is a lot of jointly acquired property - cars, an apartment, a country house, a bank account, etc.
- Fear of the unknown. Even the most determined men are afraid of what might happen in the future - his mistress will not want to be with him, he will stop loving the new woman, etc.
- Having children together. This is especially true for offspring who are not in infancy, but are aware of themselves, and with whom it is interesting to spend time (usually over three years old) - men do not immediately become attached to children; love for the younger generation comes as they grow up.
- Feelings for my wife. Even if the spouse left for his mistress, the years lived together are not in vain and the attachment formed in marriage remains for a long time - the person becomes close, almost a relative, and not everyone is able to end the relationship.
Having children in a marriage is one of the reasons why a husband does not want to get a divorce.
Another reason is fear of social pressure. Since all people live in society, they tend to take into account the opinions of others, and many men are afraid of being judged. This keeps them from acting rashly.
The final decision is up to the woman
During a conversation that should dot all the i’s, you cannot allow your ex-husband to get carried away by memories of “how good everything was” and show weakness towards his guilty appearance if he decides to play on feelings of pity. It is necessary to immediately cut off his attempts to bargain, requests to give him time to settle all issues with his mistress and generally get into his position. Any compromises on this basis will lead the situation to a dead end and will only add new problems to existing ones.
Faced with the impossibility of dictating their terms, most men stop “keeping face” in order to lull their partner’s vigilance and reveal their true intentions. Perhaps, having become convinced that the real goal of her ex-lover is not the revival of love, but a return to her own comfort, the woman herself will not want such a relationship and will forever break off communication with the selfish man.
What not to do after your husband leaves
A woman whose husband has left her should not:
- Be intrusive, persistently seek meetings, bombarding the other half with calls and messages. This will only lead to irritation and push the man away even more.
- Falling into depression, abstracting yourself from others and not noticing what is happening around you. It must be remembered that the dissolution of one marriage can lead to the creation of another, happier one.
- Starting a new relationship right away means there is a high probability of meeting the “wrong person.” A woman, trying to quickly find a replacement for her ex-spouse and being in an angry state, may regret her choice.
- Trying to take revenge. Revenge will not only not help you survive the breakup in a civilized manner, but will also lead to an increase in negativity between the parties.
A woman whose husband has left her should not impose herself and seek meetings with her husband.
It is better to simply let the person go, maintaining the appearance of a good relationship.
How to make the right choice
Now a lot depends on the wife: what decision she will make. She can file for divorce herself or fight for her husband. Think about whether you still love him, imagine a future together. Just don’t use children or fear of being alone as arguments. Thousands of women find themselves abandoned by their husbands and thousands of women start a new life, becoming successful and happy. Therefore, understand: family reunification is possible only if there are feelings between the spouses, there is a spiritual connection.
Psychologist's advice
A situation where a husband leaves his wife but does not divorce can only be overcome over time. First of all, you need to realize that the relationship will never be the same as before, and accept what happened. You should not try to find out the reasons - this will not change what happened and will not bring relief to either party.
At first, it is not recommended to tell everyone around you about your spouse’s departure - feigned sympathy will not bring relief, and rumors and imaginary condolences will be unpleasant for the abandoned wife.
You should not keep your ex-husband's things - they awaken memories, leading to depression, from which it is difficult to get out.
If you can’t cope with the situation on your own, the best way out is to turn to a psychologist for professional help. His recommendations are mandatory.
Mistakes of women who are trying to get their husband back
Dealing with a person who wants to leave is different from dealing with a person who has been caught and does not want to leave. The choice a man makes is not about another woman, although both his wife and mistress think so. The choice depends on what he wants for his future. Anything you do that creates resistance or shows disapproval will push him away. Although his behavior is very bad, you cannot force a man to stay by trying to show him in a bad light. Your accusations, attacks or pleas are of no help. These attempts will make you even more unattractive in his eyes and will not save you from divorce.
The biggest threat to your relationship is not your lover. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. There's nothing magical about it. She's just an opportunity that her husband jumped at, so don't get too caught up in thinking about her. The real problem is the loss of spiritual connection with your husband. He does not care about marriage, does not remain faithful to the family. And the reasons for this lie in the fact that he is not satisfied with something about you. Perhaps there are often scandals in your home. Perhaps you have begun to devote less time to your appearance. Or maybe you often deny him sex? Understand that men are designed in such a way that they will not delve into problems or start a showdown. They will simply find a way out that is more convenient for them.
Spousal reunification is impossible in two cases:
- If there is no emotional connection and sexual attraction between them.
- Another situation is when a man has already devoted himself to another woman. Evidence of affection is that he moves towards her, promising to marry her, and has a child in common with her.
The remaining cases are all changeable and subject to female wisdom and cunning.
Girl, are you feeling bad?
When all the methods were exhausted (such as: advice from my mother and friends, sleeping pills and music, watching melodramas and meditation), I went to extreme measures. In a nearby supermarket I bought a bottle of good cognac and for the first time in my life I filled my body with alcohol to the fullest.
In the morning, there were at least five stars in each of my eyes, the exhaust from my mouth outright killed a fly nestled against the window frame, and the toilet (horror!) did not have time to pump water into the flush tank in response to the urges of my stomach.
I had no choice but to climb to the roof of our high-rise building...
With a limp, trembling hand, I pressed the elevator call button, and then with the same trembling hand I knocked the lock off the door to the attic. Having scared away a flock of pigeons, I crawled on all fours, scraping my knees, to the edge of the roof... Oh, God!
I looked down: my head was spinning, I felt nauseous with renewed vigor. For some reason, a stupid thought came to mind: “Where is my friend Carlson, who lives on the roof?” An acquaintance, of course, not personally, but thanks to Astrid Lindgren’s book...
The wind ruffled the strands of my black hair and cooled my shaved temple... Actually, I’m practically blonde by nature. Cute dimples on the cheeks, small but beautiful breasts, height - fifty meters when jumping. But the eyes - yes! - the eyes are really like a cow's. Defenseless, brown, with long, curving eyelashes...
Yesterday, purely by chance, I met my ex with a new passion. He looks like a gangster from a bad American movie: in a leather jacket, jeans and boots with metal spurs. She is a Barbie doll, thin-legged, with peri-hair that reaches almost to her butt, with pumped lips and a bunch of feathers in both ears - either clips or earrings. I remembered how, at the sight of the “sweet couple,” I was thrown back, and some compassionate guy who happened to be nearby asked worriedly:
- Girl, are you feeling bad?..
How to behave towards your husband's mistress
Situations are different, so it is quite possible that your friend or colleague has become a homewrecker. If you live in a small town, it is possible that you know your husband’s mistress. Therefore, you cannot avoid meeting with her. It is important to develop a line of behavior towards it:
- behave, first of all, with dignity: do not make a scandal, do not insult her, do not spread dirty rumors about her;
- remember that this is not some kind of sex symbol, but an ordinary woman who is also worried, jealous and feels guilty;
- you have many levers through which you can bring your husband closer to you: a common home, children, joint holidays and events;
- do not let your mistress find out about some negative situations in your life, about conflicts in the family, problems with children, she will definitely use it against you.
Remember, you have one undoubted advantage: you are a legal spouse, you have a lot in common, and in this fight it is unknown who else will lose. If a man has left for her, but is in no hurry to divorce you, let this woman worry!
