How to get rid of longing, sadness, nostalgia or the past

It takes over us unnoticed. A stupid feeling of longing for the departed. This is not banal nostalgia that goes away like a runny nose. No, this is the destructive, destructive influence of past memories, events and people. How to get rid of melancholy, sadness, the past?

Negative emotions such as constant depression, sadness and deep sadness, melancholy in the soul cause a person to feel hopelessness and incredible self-pity. I want to constantly shed tears, complain about my unhappy fate and evoke sympathy.

Today, many people know for themselves what it means to fall into depression and feel aching sadness and melancholy in their souls. Persistent depression is a serious mental disorder, although many perceive it as a fact of modern life and are treated with special antidepressants. But these negative emotions cannot be cured with pills; their presence indicates serious problems and a person’s internal breakdown.

In a state of depression, a person, as a rule, feels very depressed, he is overcome by sadness and melancholy and sad thoughts, a person tends to feel sorry for himself, he feels complete loneliness and his lack of understanding by others, he does not even want to move. A person suppressed by melancholy and sadness can eat sweets (or drink alcohol) in order to somehow brighten up the joyless state. He may be tormented by joyless thoughts about how bad everything is, sometimes leading to thoughts of suicide.

A person can fall into deep sadness and a depressive state for various reasons: if an accident happened to him or someone close to him, problems at work, due to gloomy and cloudy weather, after watching a sad movie or just like that - it will hit the soul yearning.

Depression and eternal melancholy are dangerous for a person; they not only reduce his vital activity and spoil his mood, but constant depression and sadness also threaten the emergence of serious health problems. In addition to gastrointestinal disorders from constant dissatisfaction with oneself and life, heart problems from tormenting experiences and melancholy, insomnia from heavy thoughts, problems with the musculoskeletal system from reluctance and fear to develop and move forward in life, constant depression also contributes to addiction to drugs. any means of avoiding problems (alcohol, drug addiction, food). Also, in the most extreme case, it leads to a complete reluctance to live, a feeling that a person is dying of melancholy.

Why is there sadness in my soul?

Of course, you should not blame external circumstances for the occurrence of your depression and deep sadness. There are many reasons for these negative emotions and they all lie not in external stimuli (which are only a reason), but inside the person himself. Of course, the reason to be sad is not the rainy weather outside, not a quarrel with a loved one, a passing car getting wet from head to toe, troubles at work, or an unexpected pimple popping up on your face. After all, some people easily perceive such “little things in life,” but for those susceptible to depression and melancholy, this is the greatest tragedy in life.

Like many other negative emotions, depression, sadness, melancholy and sadness appear in us as a result of certain events of the past, as a response to past grievances, psychological trauma, lack of attention and love. From birth, we accumulate information from adults about what is “good” and “bad,” we remember their reactions to certain events, and we copy emotions. If adults in a family perceive any life changes as a problem, their child will most likely learn to also react and become depressed when any obstacle arises.

“Everything is bad...” Where do we get such attitudes?

The attitude of others towards us is also of great importance: if a child is not loved, they often scold, especially using rude words (such as “fool!”, “stupid!”), and demonstrate in every possible way that we are unworthy of love or must do certain things to achieve this. then the instructions and tasks of adults - depression and sadness will become a defensive reaction of a disliked child to such indifference.

But depression, sadness in the soul and deep sadness that come over us from time to time are not the real us. These negative emotions are a kind of automatic machine that triggers in us every time. We get used to reacting this way, to perceive everything that happens as a problem. The entire previous life served as a reason for the accumulation of such automata within us:

negative attitudes fixed in us (“everything is bad”, “life is a complicated thing”, “this is a difficult problem”, “you can’t handle it”), which we receive more often from our relatives;

events of the past, when we were no longer ready to calmly accept them (for example, a breakup, an unhappy first love, a bad grade at school, for which we were severely scolded) and all the conclusions drawn as a result of them;

the dislike of loved ones, which we turned against ourselves (“I’m not handsome,” “fat”);

patterns of response and behavior that we have adopted from others (oohs and sighs, tears, cautionary tales with unhappy endings, sad films, sad songs).

To get rid of depression, deep melancholy, sadness in the soul and your endless sadness on your own, you need to go a long way and go to similar personal deposits of mental material that is stored in our subconscious. Otherwise, you will not be able to cope with depression. All of the above, as well as a lot of other material (it is different for each person, approximate sketches are given here) - all this feeds the state of depression on a daily basis.

A person will not just die of melancholy and feel sadness in his soul. The reasons are in it. It is necessary to remove the charge from this material (otherwise, deprogram the subconscious). After all, if you start to extract from your memory episodes that were once especially traumatic, you may feel the same pain as you once did, you will also want to cry and feel sorry for yourself. This confirms that the material has a charge and it awakens depression and melancholy in a person again and again. The only thing is that you need to be prepared for long-term work, because a person has been accumulating his negativity for many years and it will not be possible to simply get rid of it. But this is quite possible if you work for total results and don’t mess around. I wish everyone to know the joy of life, without tears, depression, sadness and sadness!

How to get rid of despondency:

Causes and essence of melancholy

Melancholy arises from feelings of loneliness, abandonment, loss, misunderstanding, inability to talk, to share one’s views.
Sometimes it seems that melancholy appears for no reason, we are “just sad,” but in fact at this moment we feel lonely, misunderstood, unaccepted, unloved, unfulfilled, unhappy, dissatisfied. We feel that we do not have something very desirable. “I miss those times,” “I miss you,” we say. But in fact, we yearn for our comfort, peace of mind, and well-being. Probably, in those times and with that person, our best moments of understanding and happiness passed.

Consequences of melancholy

Melancholy generates fear and is physically and mentally exhausting. “Sick” and “sick” are the closest concepts to melancholy. We can be “sick” of the world, of ourselves. If a person feels sick, it means that he is doing something wrong in his life. There is nothing more terrible and destructive than rejection and self-loathing.

Although melancholy is similar to sadness, they are different concepts. Everyone feels sad, but sadness only strikes those who have not found or have lost themselves, their place in life. Next to longing there is always hope for a return to previous conditions, habits, emotions, people, ourselves. Melancholy is preceded by sadness, and after melancholy comes a feeling of hopelessness and depression. It is important to notice this in time and begin to solve internal problems. The phrase “don’t be sad”, of course, will not help, you need to act.

Symptoms of autumn blues

• Constantly low mood.
• Feelings of sadness, anxiety or guilt.
• Decreased interest in the outside world, loss of motivation at work.
• Apathy, indifference to surrounding people and phenomena.
• Feeling hopeless and losing the ability to experience joy.

You should be wary if at least three of the above symptoms are present and if the depressed state is especially pronounced in the first half of the day, and after 16 hours there is a noticeable improvement.

How to get rid of sadness

So, those who are busy with themselves and their life and self-realization do not have to feel bored or sad. Moreover, this activity should be aimed at creating personal well-being and bear appropriate fruit.

1. You need to not just keep yourself busy with something, not grab everything, but choose an activity that suits your interests, capabilities, abilities and needs. It is very important to see meaning in what you do. You may have to go through several options for this. But remember that the goal is to find yours, not to try everything.
2. Longing, like fear, fills the void. How did it form in you? What do you want to fill it with? Emptiness and weakness are the basis for melancholy. Believe me, if you do not consciously fill the void with things that are good for you, then “weeds” will fill it.
3. Longing is the desire to return the past or find something that does not exist, but the problem is that a person can only be happy in the present. By the way, if longing is directed to the future, then, as a rule, we are talking about the fear of parting with something, about anxious thoughts. Therefore we need to act. Here and now.
4. Feel the melancholy, feel the whole range of your feelings and emotions. There is no need to be afraid of it, run away into illusions or put on “rose-colored glasses.” Hear what she tells you. Now answer each question rationally, analyze each of your thoughts. What worries and excites you? These are the unmet needs that have caused the fragmentation of the inner world.
5. Write down on paper all the situations (the very first conditions are especially important) when you felt melancholy or sadness. For example, after breaking up with a loved one or after changing jobs, after illness, gaining a couple of kilograms, losing a habit or acquiring a harmful addiction. Now, for the identified problem, write down the pros and cons that this situation has brought into your life. Perhaps you have more free time or the opportunity to test your willpower and grow personally.
6. Work on developing a positive mindset. Your goal is to learn to see not difficulties and obstacles, but opportunities. We need to stop asking “Why?” and think “For what?” Get started now. Write down how the changes that have occurred can help your self-development. Separately describe how you can resist the current circumstances.
7. Movies and books are, of course, good, but I don’t want to encourage you to sit idle on the couch and distract yourself from boredom. The goal is to qualitatively fill the void, which involves active action. If books, then practical guides and manuals, scientific literature. If films, then documentaries. Although even among feature films there are films with a very deep plot. Sometimes you decide to relax while watching a movie, but it turns out the opposite. In general, be selective, always see the end goal, significance and value of what you are doing right now.
8. Play sports. This is truly a universal remedy that corrects appearance and inner world, plus gives hormones of happiness. Nothing gives self-confidence and builds character like playing sports. Choose the type you like and practice regularly.
9. Deal with the ghosts of the past.
10. Learn not to dream, but to set goals and ways to achieve them. Melancholy goes shoulder to shoulder with anxiety and anxiety. So what is it that worries you? Is there any point in this worry? Can you influence circumstances?
11. Longing is dangerous because it narrows one’s horizons to the object of longing. Of course, you need to calculate it, but then it is important to learn to think broadly.
12. Write on paper what could make you happy, what would happen without sadness. Implement this list step by step.
13. Learn to be happy and enjoy life. Just one event cannot cancel out all the opportunities and benefits.
14. Give life individual meaning, admit to yourself your needs and satisfy them. Self-doubt, laziness, low self-esteem, passivity - this is what feeds melancholy.
15. Understand yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. Determine the conditions for your own self-realization and self-satisfaction. For example, for some it is enough to find love, but for others it is important to have a job they love. Some people want to do everything.
16. Avoid idleness. “Eh, I wish...”, “Eh, I would, but there’s no money...”, “Eh, others are lucky, I wish I could become so rich and successful.” Each person is responsible for his own successes and failures. You need to take responsibility for life. Every person can become successful and happy.

Melancholy is a sign of a person’s peculiar disorientation, internal dissonance, and weakening self-confidence. Accordingly, in order to get rid of melancholy, you need to find yourself and your place in life, navigate new conditions, make plans, set priorities, and move towards goals.

Unfortunately, it is practically impossible to give general recommendations. Each person, like his longing, is unique. In your work you need to start from the individual and personal reasons for melancholy, the reasons for dissatisfaction with yourself and the current circumstances, the feeling of inadequacy. Each person has his own system of values ​​and needs, therefore the conditions for self-realization are different.

In psychology, melancholy is considered to be a whole complex of strong negative emotions, in which we can distinguish mental longing, anxiety, sadness, boredom, despair, bad mood, hopelessness, and painful despondency. A person in such a state cannot find a place for himself, it is as if something is gnawing him from the inside, he feels alone in this world and completely lost.

Not only sleep and appetite disappear, but also the desire to do something, go somewhere, communicate with someone. The reasons can be different: parting with a loved one, death of a loved one, the desire to return to the past, living away from home and family, etc. If you do not look for a way out of this situation, in the future it leads to protracted and deep depression. There are different ways and techniques to get rid of melancholy. The main thing is to find the strength to use them.

What is depression?

How to distinguish a bad mood from depression?

Depression is a special emotional state that clearly goes beyond ordinary mood swings. The usual low mood and blues go away like fatigue after sleep: a slight volitional effort or a pleasant event (rest, sports training, a date, a delicious dinner, a hobby, shopping, a trip, a salary) quickly changes the mood, the melancholy dissipates, the person switches.

Depression is a disease. It would not occur to anyone to “dispel” a disease (for example, the flu) or switch from it to something else; everyone knows that the disease needs to be treated. If the illness is severe, then hoping that it will go away on its own is naive or even criminal. This fully applies to the disease of depression.

In depression, a person acutely experiences his helplessness, his inability to change anything. Something happened to him, and from a certain moment he became powerless. The experience of this kind of powerlessness, hopelessness, hopelessness constitutes the main content of depressive suffering.

Typical depression cannot do without auto-aggression - self-condemnation, self-accusation, feelings of wrongness of past actions, feelings of one’s own weakness, inferiority, inferiority.

With real depression, as with any illness, access to the volitional resource is lost. In the case of ordinary laziness, a person ultimately gathers his “will into a fist,” “gets down to business,” and then this business itself begins to cause joy and pleasure in him so that will is no longer required. With depression, there is simply nothing to “pull together”, and even more so, there is no ability to enjoy activities.

With typical depression, the ability to experience pleasure as such is lost - this is one of the main signs of depression, called anhedonia . As you know, hedonism is synonymous with love of life, the ability to enjoy life. In a state of depression, a person, on the contrary, cannot experience the emotion of pleasure even when it should be guaranteed to him: his favorite dish is tasteless, acquisitions are meaningless, communication with friends is painful, sex is energy-consuming, a trip that he could once only dream of, exhausting.

Depression is always an intense experience of suffering. Even if we are talking about inner emptiness, indifference, insensibility, all the same, some part of the soul is extremely “sensitive to this insensibility” and suffers from it.

A depressed person feels that for any work he needs to use his last strength, but it still won’t be enough for full-fledged activity. He acutely experiences this inability, and although depression also contains enormous energy, all this energy can only be expressed in suffering from the inability to change anything.

A simple example. A poet experiencing ordinary melancholy can express it in a poem and feel satisfied as a result. A poet experiencing depression is painfully aware of his inability to create any poem and only suffers as a result. It’s the same with a musician, an artist, an accountant writing a report and a worker digging a trench: without depression, they can switch to something else, get out of their blues, melancholy, or transform their energy into creativity, intellectual or physical labor, and when Depression cannot do this.

Symptoms of depression

A psychotherapist or psychiatrist makes a diagnosis if there is a so-called the classic depressive triad: firstly, hypothymia - decreased mood; secondly – ​​mental (ideational) inhibition; thirdly – ​​motor (kinesthetic) inhibition.

The first, a decrease in mood, is experienced very dramatically. This includes almost everything that is meant by melancholy, sadness, apathy, melancholy, depression, despondency, loss of interests, meaning, motivation. Self-confidence and self-esteem fall catastrophically, severe remorse, feelings of guilt, inferiority, insolvency, wrongness of past actions and decisions, self-condemnation, self-abasement and everything else that could be called a pronounced inferiority complex are possible. There is a pronounced restriction of contacts and an emphasized desire for loneliness. With extreme degrees of depression, there are feelings of mental pain, heaviness in the soul, a “stone on the heart,” sensory emptiness, emotional exhaustion, “burnout,” loss of the ability to sympathize and empathize, which almost inevitably leads to thoughts about the meaninglessness of life, unwillingness to live, overthinking suicide scenarios.

However, clinical depression involves far more than this. All of the above - apathy, hopelessness, mental pain, and even thoughts of suicide can temporarily arise in a person experiencing mental trauma of betrayal, financial collapse, loss of loved ones, etc. Changes in the sensory sphere alone do not provide strong grounds for diagnosis. Two more components of the depressive triad need to be confirmed.

The second component is mental retardation. This disorder manifests itself in the fact that a person simply does not have enough energy to perform mental operations in full. Simply put, a depressed writer cannot write, an accountant cannot count, a lecturer cannot speak extemporaneously, at least they cannot do it as freely as they did before depression. Therefore, a diagnosis of depression also implies a decrease in clarity of thinking, a feeling of “fog” in the head, unnaturalness, unnaturalness of what is happening, disconnection from oneself, an inability to concentrate, properly remember and assimilate information, which inevitably leads to a decrease in creative and intellectual abilities. In the experiment, this is confirmed by an objectively recorded decrease in the number of associations per unit of time, so it is no coincidence that depressed patients feel that their “thoughts are flowing slowly.” With severe depression, one of the first complaints is often about memory loss, a decrease in vocabulary, difficulties in constructing phrases and sentences, a feeling of “dullness” up to fears of impending dementia. All this has no organic (neurological) basis and completely disappears when you get out of depression.

The third component is motor retardation. The more severe the depression, the less mobile the person is. (The only exception is the so-called agitated depression, in which a person senselessly rushes “from corner to corner,” like an “animal in a cage,” but even these periods are short-lived.) Motor retardation manifests itself not only by outwardly visible inactivity, but, first of all, of all, an acutely experienced feeling of loss or decrease in volitional abilities, general tone, strength, energy. Even ordinary everyday tasks are performed “through force,” as if by a strong inner urge. And this is not laziness at all - a lazy person can always BUT DOES NOT WANT to do anything - he already feels good, without a shadow of mental suffering he watches how others perform his duties; with depression, on the contrary, a person WANTS, BUT CANNOT be active; he seeks with all his mental strength, but does not find access to the lost volitional resource.

In severe depression, motor retardation reaches the point that patients stop taking care of their appearance, maintaining hygiene, and spend almost all their time lying or sitting, staying in the so-called. melancholic stupor.

Thus, no matter how emotionally a person suffers, if, for example, he reports that during his depression he re-read all of Dostoevsky or wrote an annual report, then this is not depression at all, since the second component is missing - mental retardation. And also - if he notes that his work saves him, that tasks, assignments and important matters can temporarily distract him from painful experiences, then this is not depression at all, since its third component is missing - motor retardation.

It is worth mentioning some other manifestations that characterize depression. We have heard a lot about panic attacks, but few people are aware that with depression, real “anger attacks” are often encountered - episodic outbursts of extreme irritation, impatience, even poorly controlled aggression, which are not characteristic of the character of a given person and completely stop after leaving the depressive state .

With depression, sleep is often disturbed, and not in the form of difficulty falling asleep, as with anxiety neuroses, but in the form of early (at 3-6 am) awakenings in a very painful emotional state without the ability to fall asleep again.

Also, the daily rhythm of mood in depression, as a rule, is typically “owl-like” - in the first half of the day all components of the depressive triad are most pronounced, and in the evening, especially at night, a person seems to “pace”, gaining relatively greater activity and clarity of thinking .

Among the vegetative, or as they also say, psychosomatic symptoms of depression are intestinal constipation, headaches, arterial hypertension and dry mucous membranes, the latter may partly determine such a well-known feature of depressed patients as the inability to cry.

Often, the place of the first component of the depressive triad (decreased mood and corresponding emotional experiences) is taken by multiple complaints about the state of physical health, a feeling of loss of strength as a result of a severe but unrecognized illness, and a belief in the presence of symptoms of somatic pathology with normal examination results. This type of depression is called somatized, or masked, hidden.

There are many types of depression, and each has its own symptoms. A person can either suffer from severe insomnia or experience irresistible drowsiness, a willingness to sleep constantly - both of these occur with depression; he may rush around in a panic, not finding a place for himself, or he may not find the strength to get out of bed to prepare food for himself - both of these are possible with depression; may experience melancholy, sadness, hopelessness, mental heaviness and pain, while clearly realizing that he is physically completely healthy, or, on the contrary, may deny any gloomy and dreary experiences, while feeling physically “a complete wreck”, suffering from a lot of painful sensations all over the body, cursing doctors who are supposedly unable to recognize the disease - and in both cases, of course, depression; You can experience catastrophe, darkness, emptiness, the approach of death within yourself, being fenced off from everyone, closed and passive, or you can perceive all the same things happening outside and be fanatically confident in your premonition of the death of the world, the impending apocalypse, sharing with passionate confidence with others “ revealed knowledge” - both are variants of severe depression.

Depression is anxious, apathetic, melancholic, hypochondriacal, reactive, endogenous, recurrent, psychotic, neurotic, latent, somatized, atypical... A list of classifications of depression alone will take up the space of this article. Under no circumstances should you try to diagnose, let alone treat, depression on your own.

When is it time to contact a specialist?

In countries with developed medicine, there is a rule - if three appeals to doctors of different profiles regarding any disorder did not give a clear result, then the fourth appeal should be to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Why is depression dangerous?

Severe depression is dangerous due to suicide, which can occur at any, most unforeseen moment, and more often, oddly enough, with a temporary improvement in mood, when the patient seems to have “strength and determination” to end a meaningless existence. The number of suicides in the world is staggering - 1 million deaths per year, not counting suicide attempts; in Europe, 60 thousand of them. In Russia, the number of completed suicides exceeds the number of road accident victims.

“Depression is like a stone thrown into the stream of life and impeding its flow,” says the metaphor. Even if a person does not persistently strive to leave life, he is actually deprived of this life itself: vital activity, joy, love, creativity are inaccessible to him. It is also well known that the body does not live separately from the psyche: long-term depression leads to decreased immunity, endocrine disorders, changes in metabolism and body weight, and possibly oncology.

Is “autumn” depression a disease or just the usual blues?

Perhaps both.

Mental illnesses - recurrent depression or bipolar affective disorder (BD), in the old way, manic-depressive psychosis (MDP), are characterized by a clearly defined periodicity - as if some pathological biorhythm turns depression on and off for certain periods of time. But this is not a biorhythm, just cyclicality - a characteristic feature of the course of the disease, which does not care about seasonality or lunar phases. People often talk about spring or autumn exacerbations, but in reality they can occur at any time of the year. Also, the duration of depressive phases is very variable - from several hours to several years.

The usual autumn laziness and blues have nothing to do with illness. This state was beautifully poeticized by A.S. Pushkin, who never suffered from depression: “A sad time, the charm of the eyes, your farewell beauty is pleasant to me...”. It is the healthy emotional sphere that is in constant sensitive connection with everything that happens around, including weather phenomena. Not everyone is a poet; usually we see autumn grey, damp, dirt... To escape from “depression” to some hot country at this time is a very healthy desire.

The well-known “autumn-spring exacerbations”, as a rule, have nothing to do with pathology. For most, autumn is a time of “post-vacation stress”, when someone needs to sharply “get into work”, someone’s mother-in-law drives them to the dacha to collect the harvest, and someone is counting the missing pennies to get the children ready for school... Spring is the time falling in love, increasing hormonal activity, ease in everything - from clothing to behavior. What, if not “depression,” will a lonely person feel in his soul, looking at loving couples melting in the sun? In this sense, we can paraphrase a well-known verse - nature does not have bad weather, but... not everyone has grace in their hearts.

How to treat depression?

Clinically significant depression is treated with antidepressants. If a certain “specialist” instead of an antidepressant uses conversations, hypnosis, training, psychoanalysis, relaxation, neurolinguistic programming, St. John’s wort-based drugs, nootropics like phenibut, homeopathy like tenoten, placebos like afobazole, glycine, vascular drugs, etc., then in a civilized he will go to trial in the country. Psychotherapy is appropriate in cases of situational depression of mood, experiences of grief, resentment, separation - in the absence of clinical symptoms of depression, and the use of neurological drugs - in case of organically caused (for example, as a result of a stroke) depression.

The word “antidepressant” scares many people, which is a very serious problem that prevents many people from receiving adequate help. The first and main question that in this case should be asked to a skeptic is what exactly he is wary of, whether he confuses this group of drugs with tranquilizers, antipsychotics, psychostimulants; Are you aware of the tolerability and effectiveness of old antidepressants (tricyclics, MAO inhibitors) compared to modern serotonin-selective ones? The differences are fundamental, but, alas, it is often easier to follow an idle myth (see - “Horror stories about antidepressants”) than to seek clarification from a specialist or to understand the situation in more detail yourself (see - “Psychotropic drugs: be afraid or use? Antidepressants, tranquilizers , antipsychotics - what’s the difference?”).

The full version of this article is “How to distinguish laziness from depression?”

Other articles on this topic

“WHAT IS NEUROSIS? or HOW TO NOT FALL INTO AN EMOTIONAL PIT?”

“HOW TO DISTINGUISH NEUROSIS FROM DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY DISORDERS UNDER THE MASK OF DEPRESSION”

“HOW TO TAKE AN ANTIDEPRESSANT CORRECTLY? TYPICAL MISTAKES WHEN PRESCRIBING ANTIDEPRESSANTS"

“Psychotropic drugs: antidepressants, tranquilizers, neuroleptics - what’s the difference?”

“HORROR STORIES (MYTHS) ABOUT ANTIDEPRESSANTS or ALL ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECTS OF PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS”

“HOW TO TREAT NEUROSIS? or TO BE SICK OR NOT TO BE SICK?”

“HOW TO DETECT DEPRESSION“

“HOW TO GET RID OF PAIN AND HURT”

For what? For what?

If a person is overcome by spiritual anguish, he constantly asks himself the same question: “Why?” It seems to him that the whole world has turned against him, that fate is unfair to him, that he is the only one so unhappy. He begins to think about why he was abandoned (betrayed, exiled, excommunicated, fired, etc.), gradually overthinks himself and comes to the conclusion that he became a victim of some kind of evil fate, this is what the unknown Higher powers decided, such is his lot, which he cannot change, as a result he gives up, there is no desire to fight.

To get rid of the feeling of melancholy, first of all you need to get rid of obsessive thoughts and stop asking this rhetorical question, which creates a dead end. How to do it:

• use a visualization method: imagine a red panic button with the inscription “For what?” and mentally forbid yourself to press it;
• paraphrase it into “For what?” (“Why?”, “What has changed?”) and try to answer it first - to yourself, and then - on paper;
• distribute the recorded answers into 2 columns - positive and negative consequences;
• think about this more often and fill the columns daily.

If you apply this method correctly, after a week the question “Why?” will disappear from my head. After all, it will be replaced by another - the light at the end of the tunnel, the way out of the dead end, the sun among the clouds. But the work doesn't end there. In order to finally free yourself from the melancholy in your soul, you need to more often re-read the column in which the positive consequences of the event that caused this state are recorded. If you focus on them, you will gradually realize that everything is not as bad as it initially seemed.

For example, a girl suffering from lovesickness cannot understand for a long time why (“Why?”) her boyfriend left her. What thoughts come to her mind:

• "I `m ugly";
• "I am fat";
• “I have a potato nose”;
• “I don’t have an apartment”;
• “I don’t suit him in bed”;
• “he feels bad with me”, etc.

As a result, internal complexes are formed. In fact, the reason for the separation may lie in something completely different (this most often happens). To get rid of the melancholy, which only intensifies from all these thoughts, she should answer another question - “For what?”:

• to have more free time;
• so as not to cry from his eternal delays and inattention;
• so as not to be afraid of losing him anymore;
• so as not to suffer from attacks of jealousy;
• to truly find your person who will never leave or betray, etc.

Understanding that everything that is done is for the better will help you survive the longing for your loved one, but already an “ex.” You just need to let go of the situation and stop holding on to relationships that have already ended. This technique is taken from the psychology of positive thinking. It will allow you to leave the past and start living from scratch - without despondency, anxiety and disappointment.

Love or longing?

It is the person with the visual vector who is able to experience the most beautiful mutual love, but if his love remains unrequited or turns into addiction, it is he who suffers more than others. He is overcome by melancholy, hopelessness, grief, he does not know how to get rid of melancholy. This love addiction, which causes him so much pain, is subjectively perceived by him as love, as an incredible value, as the best thing in his life. He wants to get rid of melancholy, but at the same time he keeps his emotions on the object of dependence and cannot switch.

State of melancholy and depression

The feeling of melancholy in a visual person can be very difficult and inescapable. Especially for a person with anal-visual ligament vectors who considers himself a monogamist. If once his relationship ended unsuccessfully, he remembers his affection for a long time and cannot start a new relationship and, as a result, cannot get rid of melancholy.

However, this condition can still be overcome, the main thing is to know how. Communication with other people is the best way to overcome fear and get rid of melancholy; it can literally revive you to life. A person with a visual vector is transformed, becomes emotional, lively, cheerful. People with the visual vector never have real severe depression, they are characterized by a quick switch from one emotion to another, melancholy covers them for a short time, and then they again join the active circle of life - now they have new plans, now they help others with some business, find new acquaintances.

But this is not what happens to a person with a sound vector.

The sound guy doesn't need anyone at all. He does not experience vivid emotions, so visual melancholy is alien to him. Loneliness for him is not a prison or a cage, it is his natural state. Look at a person who seems to be communicating, but at the same time remains somewhat detached, thinking about his own things all the time. Loneliness in a crowd is his usual state. He does not seek the opportunity to be the center of attention, he does not care that others cannot understand his thoughts. He fully feels the frailty of this world.

Sound people are concerned with abstract questions about God and the meaning of life. They want to know who the Chief Architect of this world is and why he created everything this way. In silence, they listen to their own thoughts in the hope of hearing the breath of the Universe and finding a solution to the great mystery of life, removing the veil from its incomprehensibility, and comprehending the highest Plan.

And when nights pass without answers, what settles inside the sound player is not even melancholy, but a painful emptiness, a feeling of complete hopelessness and the futility of all efforts. He feels like a fish thrown ashore without a life-giving drop of meaning - the meaning of life. This is how depression sets in.

One person can combine both sound and visual vectors, then, outwardly emotional and sociable inside, he can feel a lack of meaning in life - a state of hidden depression. Such a person can experience the whole palette of shades of visual states - among them fear, melancholy, joy, and sadness. But at the same time he will be inclined to philosophize and think about eternity.

Longing and loneliness: what to do

When melancholy and loneliness, despair and emptiness come, sometimes it seems that nothing can help you. System-vector psychology training by Yuri Burlan helps to understand the causes of melancholy, hopelessness and depression. And this awareness changes states, allowing you to get rid of melancholy. A person understands what desire in him yearns to be filled, and knows how to fill it.

Filling the void

The psychological technique of right and wrong questions described above does not always work. Especially when you are tormented by despondency and sadness from the loss of a loved one. In such a situation, a technique for filling the void that is formed with loss will help.

Previously, we shared joy and sorrow with him, walked and traveled together, helped each other, understood each other perfectly. When he disappears, the ideal world that was held together by two collapses. Unbearable loneliness hits you headlong. There is nowhere to go, no one to talk to, no one wants to see, no one can understand.

You can get rid of the feeling of loneliness only by gradually filling the resulting emptiness. Psychologists immediately warn: alcohol, drugs, dubious companies, daily parties - all these are pseudo-pleasures that allow you to forget only for a while. They should be abandoned immediately.

What can you do to fill the void?

• go on a trip: psychologists say that new positive emotions and a change of environment are the best way to get rid of melancholy;
• find a pleasant company, don’t be alone, try to constantly be with someone who is nice, unobtrusive and not annoying;
• do what you like: hobbies, sports, volunteering and other things that will bring satisfaction;
• throw yourself into work so that there is no extra time left for longing for the past;
• to care for someone: a child, an old person, a pet, a sick or suffering person.

The main thing is not to feel guilty before the deceased person, as if you are betraying him by continuing to live. This technique works slowly but surely. It can also be used in cases where hopelessness and sadness are associated with other events: separation, loneliness, a feeling of uselessness, etc.

Autumn depression in men

In men, autumn depression manifests itself with slightly different symptoms, including the following: anger, boredom, self-pity and irritability. At the same time, men, as a rule, act on the principle of “knock out fire with fire” and try to throw themselves into work at this time. And here, oddly enough, autumn depression can serve them well. Men become more assertive and persistent in achieving their goals, which is usually noted by their superiors and contributes to career growth. The main thing here is not to overpress the spring, so as not to break from excessive loads.

The main thing to remember is that alcohol does not help cope with depression, but only contributes to feelings of guilt, which only worsens the blues. This rule also applies to women.

"Gold fish"

All people have at least once dreamed of a goldfish appearing in their life and fulfilling all their desires. Melancholy is exactly the state when it’s finally time to turn this fantasy into reality. What is the point of this technique? The problem is that a person crushed by hopelessness has practically no goals, aspirations, or hopes. All he wants is to be left alone and not be annoyed with unnecessary worries and stupid questions. As a rule, with the advent of despondency, time seems to freeze: career, development of personal relationships, communication with friends, self-improvement - everything freezes. This happens precisely because of the lack of desires.

They need to be awakened within yourself. As soon as you want something bright, good, positive, it means the ice has broken. But how to do that? To begin with, write down what could please you at the moment. Then distribute everything into two columns: positive and negative.

For example:

Write down in the columns everything that comes to mind - even the wildest and most unrealizable fantasies. At this stage, the main thing is to find them in yourself. Fill out the tablet for 3-4 days, catching desires and remembering what you love and what brings you true pleasure. Now is the time to give them to the goldfish for sale. Proceed according to the following algorithm:

1. Re-read the column with negative desires. Realize that each of them brings false pleasure.
2. Tear this part of the sheet and throw it away (burn it/throw it to the wind).
3. Re-read the column with positive desires.
4. Choose from them the one that can be implemented right now without any problems.
5. Make sure that it will truly become a source of positive emotions for you.

Give the goldfish the task of making your chosen wish come true. Have you already guessed that you will play it yourself? Go and buy yourself a bucket of ice cream. Turn on a funny comedy and eat your favorite treat while listening to it. The main thing is to feel this moment, catch a little happiness, remember a pleasant moment, and be filled with positive emotions. This is the first step to getting rid of melancholy.

Tomorrow go for a walk, the day after tomorrow play your favorite online strategy game. Then take on more difficult desires. Do you want to be understood? Then you need to open up to someone, and for this you will at least have to go out into society and start communicating. Have you always dreamed of buying a pug? So what's the deal? After all, you are a goldfish yourself. Get a job, climb the career ladder, save money - and soon you won’t have to get rid of boredom yourself. After all, a little fluffy bundle of happiness will do a great job with it.

Autumn blues and depression: 20 tips from psychologists on how to fight and overcome it

Are you feeling the autumn melancholy? Psychologists and experts advise how to effectively fight and cope with the autumn blues and depression.

1. Become a morning person

In autumn, the lack of sunlight becomes greater and greater every day. This can cause seasonal depression with all the ensuing consequences: fatigue, helplessness, apathy and depression.

According to neuroscientist and professor Russell Foster, the main way to overcome the autumn blues is to get outside for at least 30 minutes of fresh air between 6 and 10 am, when sunlight is at its strongest.

“Even on a cloudy day, the light is 500 to 1,000 times stronger outside than in your home or office,” he explains.

“Research shows that exposure to morning light helps reset our internal body clock and effectively combat seasonal depression.”

2. Adjust your sleep schedule

Feeling groggy after sleep and a strong desire to sleep more is a common autumn problem.

Shortening days and longer hours of darkness cause levels of the sleep hormone melatonin to rise, making you want to sleep during the day and making you restless at night.

We often make the problem worse by rearranging our natural sleep-wake system—drinking coffee to wake up in the morning and drinking alcohol to wind down in the evening.

Instead, it is better to accustom yourself to a certain daily routine - going to bed and waking up at the same time.

3. Eat healthy foods

Shortening days and lack of sunlight cause our body to reduce the production of serotonin, the “happiness hormone”.

This causes us to have a strong desire to replenish the lack of serotonin with carbohydrates such as pasta, potatoes and rice. By consuming these foods, we quickly gain weight.

Resist temptation and load up on fresh, seasonal, low-fat foods that are rich in antioxidants and help fight disease:

• Rutabagas, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin—these bright orange veggies are loaded with vitamin C, fiber, and the antioxidant beta-carotene.
• Apples and peaches. Apples contain flavonoids that are beneficial for the cardiovascular system - some of the most powerful antioxidants. And peaches are rich in soluble fiber, which helps improve digestion and lower cholesterol.
• Figs are a high-fiber treat that are also an excellent source of calcium.

4. Organize social gatherings to combat depression

Countless studies show that good friends can relieve depression. But at this time of year it's much easier to curl up in front of the TV than see your mates.

Make it your mission to get out and meet friends at least once a week.

Watching a nice movie together in the evening or just catching up on some sweet gossip over a home-cooked meal is a guaranteed way to feel better.

5. Set a goal

Summer is over and Christmas is still a long way off, so it's really hard to stay motivated and focused in the fall.

To effectively combat the fall blues, psychologist Evie Joseph recommends starting to set small goals, like reading a book you've been putting off for years (even if it's 50 Shades of Gray!).

After this, you can set a more global goal, for example, sign up for yoga or learn a new language.

6. Simulate the sunrise with a smart alarm clock

Wake up with a sunrise simulator that fills your bedroom with rays of “sunlight.”

Research shows that simulating a sunrise alarm clock helps reset our internal body clock and wake us up naturally.

7. Introduce one of the newest superfoods into your diet.

An impressive cocktail of vitamins and minerals, containing 6 times more vitamin C than oranges, 6 times more antioxidants than blueberries, 2 times more calcium than milk and much more iron than red meat - it's no surprise that Baobab Named one of the newest health-boosting superfoods!

The birthplace of the baobab is East Africa; this fruit has been valued by local residents for many thousands of years.

It can be purchased from us in powder form. Add it to yogurt or porridge, and you will no longer be overcome by the autumn blues.

8. Add variety to your sex life

Research shows that we feel sexier in the summer.

Sunlight increases the feel-good hormones serotonin and dopamine, as well as the sex hormone testosterone, thereby putting us in a playful, loving mood.

In autumn, our sexual energy declines, and to prevent this from happening, you need to diversify your sex life and go off the beaten path.

Don't wait until 11pm, when your eyes are already glazed over, to have sex—try it after 8pm, after the kids are in bed, or at lunchtime on the weekend.

"And if you're always waiting for your partner to initiate sex, you'll be missing out," adds sex expert Tracey Cox.

“The initiative can revive the most sluggish sex life. You will begin to have fun and enjoyment when you are active and diversify your usual behavior.”

9. Choose happy foods

The body produces serotonin (the happy hormone) from a chemical called tryptophan, which is naturally found in dairy products, fish, bananas, dried dates, soy, almonds and peanuts.

“Combining tryptophan-rich foods with whole grain carbohydrates such as brown rice, whole grain bread or oatmeal helps the body release insulin, which increases the amount of tryptophan, redirecting it to the brain for use,” explains nutritionist Dr. Marilyn Glenville.

10. Try laughter therapy

Laughter is critical for increasing endorphins, which are vital brain chemicals that lift our mood.

Watch your favorite comedies periodically, get tickets to some comedy show, or invite your friends to watch a light and fun movie.

11. Do a fall detox.

After a wild summer, when we don’t shy away from having a drink, in the fall we need to take a break. Give your liver a rest and it will thank you in the form of a good mood.

Alcohol negatively affects your levels of tryptophan, an amino acid that produces the mood-lifting hormone serotonin.

Drink juices or soft drinks for a week and see how your condition improves.

12. Beat the fall blues with natural supplements

The latest trend in natural mood-lifting supplements is 5-HTP (oxytriptan), a substance that the body converts into the “happy hormone” serotonin. It is ideal to reduce the autumn blues to zero.

“Research has shown that 5-HTP supplementation has a positive effect on depressed mood, and may work faster than antidepressants,” says Dr. Sarah Bruyère.

13. Find motivation to exercise

Increasingly colder weather and shorter days may even make you less motivated to go outside, let alone exercise.

"As soon as fall hits, most people give up going to the gym," says celebrity trainer Elia Siaperas. “But this is the time when you need to look inside yourself and find some extra motivation, as research shows that exercise and workouts are good for boosting your mood.”

14. Take some vitamin D

Sunlight is the main source of vitamin D for our body. And when levels drop during the darker months of the year, some experts believe it can lead to mental illness and depression.

One US study found that after taking vitamin D supplements, subjects felt significantly better and were free from symptoms of depression and sadness.

15. Try meditation

A recent US study found that meditation is a good way to prevent depression and blues.

A simple way to meditate is to light a candle and stare at the blazing flame for 10 minutes, allowing your mind to calm down and be free of any kind of thoughts.

For a more detailed understanding of meditation, read this or this article.

16. Book a vacation

Many of us experience what psychologists at the University of Granada in Spain call “post-holiday syndrome”—feeling tired, apathetic, and demotivated after a summer vacation.

But it's not just travel itself that puts a smile on our face, it turns out that planning a vacation is also very important. Psychologists say that simply anticipating the upcoming vacation is a good enough reason to lift your spirits.

So start looking for where you'll be traveling next year or planning a trip for the next weekend - and do it now!

17. Raise your iron levels

Are you exhausted, pale and find it difficult to concentrate on anything? You may be suffering from iron deficiency, the world's most common nutrient deficiency.

Researchers from the Department of Health suggest that only 1 in 10 people have normal levels of iron in their blood. And even if you don't suffer from anemia, your iron levels may still be low.

Ideally, women should take two servings of iron-rich foods per day - the best sources are found in red meat, fish, eggs, bread, legumes, leafy greens, vegetables and dried fruit.

18. Let nature do its work

“Enjoying a nice walk can boost your mood and self-esteem,” says one study from the University of Essex.

Researchers have found that walking in nature lifts our mood, while walking in an urban environment increases depression.

So get outside and enjoy the beautiful fall scenery by visiting your local park or forest.

19. Give apathy a needle.

Acupuncture can release endorphins in the body and help combat apathy and blues.

"Needles act like switches in the body's energy channels, releasing stagnant energy and allowing it to flow freely," explains acupuncturist Lisa Sherman.

“Acupuncture improves sleep quality and overall health.”

20. Exercise first

If you get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning, you can easily incorporate exercise into your daily routine.

Exercising early in the morning can also energize you for the rest of the day and provide endorphins that will last up to 7 hours after you finish exercising.

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WHAT IS SADNESS?

What is sadness? Absolutely all people experience emotions such as happiness, fear, surprise, anger, disgust and, of course, sadness. Sadness makes us despondent and weak. It seems to us that we are alone in this world. And this feeling is caused by unfavorable events, such as a quarrel with loved ones, troubles at work, disappointment in someone or something, etc.

Sadness may be temporary, which may well be considered normal. Sometimes there are even moments when sadness can bring creativity in the form of lyrical poems or music, as for example in Yesenin’s “Give Bim a Paw for Good Luck” or Tchaikovsky’s “Seasons - Autumn.” There are many such examples. However, prolonged sadness can develop into depression, and this already has a negative impact on both physical and emotional well-being. Therefore, you should not delay and, if you suddenly become depressed, use the methods that we will describe below to get rid of this unpleasant emotion.

HORMONE OF SADness

There is such a thing among people as the “hormone of sadness.” First, let's figure out at the chemical level which hormone is responsible for a person's emotional state. By and large, we can say that sadness is the absence of joy. And serotonin and dopamine are responsible for joy in our body. We will not delve into chemical processes, but simply determine for ourselves that the absence of these two hormones leads to a state of sadness. By raising the level of these hormones, we can improve our mood. And this is exactly what we want to achieve with this article. So where to start?

Symptoms of autumn depression in women

• Guilt.
• Yearning.
• Fear, causeless anxiety.
• Increased fatigue.
• Increased emotionality, tearfulness.
• Sleep disorders, insomnia.
• Sudden mood swings.
• Cravings for flour and sweets, which causes women to overeat in the autumn-winter period and contributes to excess weight gain.

Autumn depression can be mild, moderate and severe. You can fight a mild form on your own, but in more severe conditions it is better to consult a specialist. The main criterion here is the presence of criticism of one’s own condition. If you realize that your melancholy is temporary, that it’s just bad weather, that you need to sleep or eat something tasty and everything will pass, then you can control your condition yourself. But if you don’t see any improvement at all, it seems to you that improvement will never come, then it’s better to see a doctor, and not necessarily a psychiatrist right away – you can start with a psychologist or a specialist in neuroses.

HOW TO GET RID OF SADITY?

There are many ways to get rid of sadness, and we will look at some of them.

1. We are what we think about.
   Often falling into melancholy, a person constantly replays in his head unpleasant moments that could cause him a negative state. For some reason, we believe that the more we think about the problem, the faster we will resolve this situation for the better. But in fact, we plunge ourselves even deeper into the bottom of the hole called sadness. Think positively, remember the most pleasant moments in your life. Praise yourself for any achievements, and a feeling of joy will begin to fill you.
2. A lingering resentment.
   Never hold a grudge. It is the poison that destroys you in the first place. If you are offended by someone dear to you, forgive him. If you are angry at a stranger, try not to think about him and you will immediately feel better. Better occupy your thoughts with something pleasant. For example, think about how you can plan your vacation more successfully, like you lazing on the seashore.

I had a case when I was rude in line. We exchanged a few unflattering words, after which we all went about our business, but the whole day was ruined. The mood faded. I mentally constantly analyzed this incident and it depressed me terribly. But the next day I didn’t even remember about it. So why wait until tomorrow and walk around sad all day? Let go of this situation, don’t keep it in your head, it’s better to think positively.

1. Communicate with “helpful” people.
   If you surround yourself with positively thinking people, spend a lot of time with them, then you will have no time to be sad, you will be constantly charged with positive emotions.
2. Physical exercise.
   When playing sports, the body releases the hormone endorphin, which we already know, which in turn affects the improvement of mood. Plus, with constant physical activity, you improve your physical and psychological health. So even a ten-minute run can improve your mood.

1. Meditation.
   Meditation is an excellent method for concentration and relaxation. Find a secluded, quiet place where you will not be distracted. Choose a comfortable position, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Don't try to control it, everything should happen by itself. Just concentrate your thoughts on your breathing and your meditation technique will be excellent. Start meditating for 5-10 minutes a day and increase this time as you gain experience. You will feel how life energy fills you and you feel good.
2. Plan your day
   . Start your morning by planning your day. Try to add new goals to your plans. Do something you've been wanting to do for a long time, but have been putting off all the time. Maybe it's a parachute jump, horse riding, a hike with friends. It can be anything that will have a positive effect on your mood. Before going to bed, analyze how you spent this day, whether you want to repeat it or improve something, and plan again. You will be so captivated by this that you will have to buy a diary.
3. A pet.
   Scientists have proven that pets help people cope with sadness. If you don’t have a pet yet, then you can take it to a homeless animal shelter, or go to a bird market, or pick up a homeless, cold, hungry kitten or puppy, whose life you may save, and he, in turn, will thank you with his affection and warmth . It seems to me that in this situation both remain in the black.
4. Communicate.
   Don't isolate yourself with your problems. Sometimes they say that “you just need to talk it out.” So think about whether you have people around you with whom you can share your problems. Eat? Call immediately! After talking, you will immediately feel that you feel better. If you have no one to talk to, go for a walk on the street, say hello with a smile to the grandmothers who are sitting on a bench in the yard, and they will smile at you too. And as the children’s song says: “a smile will make everyone brighter...”, and you will really feel that you have become brighter. Don't be shy to communicate with strangers, be open.

About despondency, melancholy and laziness

The Optina elders warned against despondency, melancholy, and laziness.
The Monk Ambrose wrote about despondency: “Despondency means the same laziness, only worse. From despondency you will weaken both in body and spirit. I don’t want to work or pray; you go to church with neglect; and the whole man weakens.”

The Monk Barsanuphius described this state as follows:

“Like a plague, like some kind of mental illness, despondency and melancholy attack everyone, life becomes unbearable, you don’t want to do anything.”

Causes of despondency and melancholy

The Monk Ambrose explained in detail what causes despondency, and recalled the words of the holy fathers about melancholy as a spiritual cross:

“Melancholy, according to the testimony of Mark the Ascetic, is a spiritual cross sent to us to cleanse former sins. Melancholy also comes from other reasons: from offended pride or from something that is not done according to our wishes; also from vanity, when a person sees that his equals take advantage of

greater benefits; from difficult circumstances that test our faith in God’s Providence and hope in His mercy and all-powerful help. But we are often poor in faith and hope, and that’s why we languish.”

The elder explained that despondency, this difficult spiritual cross, is made up of inconveniences that surround a person and prevent the fulfillment of what he wants:

“This is one of the difficult spiritual crosses that are sent to those who want to be saved and sometimes to those who do not want to. Your melancholy is made up of inconveniences that surround you and prevent you from achieving what you want.”

The Monk Anthony wrote that the cause of despondency may be a lack of prayer and spiritual reading:

“You pray to God little and rarely read, I regret that, because you have time for everything else, but you don’t have it for prayer and reading. This is why you feel despondency and melancholy, and anxiety about your unknown, and distrust. And when you remain in prayer more often and place your sorrow in everything on the Lord God and trust in His all-powerful help, then He will calm your soul.”

A vicious circle arises when a person who has abandoned the rule of prayer and spiritual reading loses grace, becomes despondent and can no longer force himself to pray or read spiritual books.

“How inevitable autumn and winter are…”

The Monk Ambrose wrote that despondency and spiritual melancholy are inevitable, just as autumn and winter are inevitable:

“You complain about spiritual darkness. To this I answer you with the words of the Monk Macarius of Egypt, who says that the human body is created from the earth, and for the earth to produce fruits, it requires not only spring and summer, but also autumn and winter and not always clear weather, but also rain alternately. If the weather was always hot, then everything would burn; if it always rained, then everything would rot. Also, not only strong winds are needed, but at times even storms to carry rotten and infectious stagnation of air into rotten places.”

Dejection and melancholy are heavy for the human soul, like shocks, but without shocks a Christian cannot bear spiritual fruit:
“Such shocks are necessary for a Christian man wearing an earthen body with which his immortal soul is connected. Without such shocks, a Christian not only cannot bear spiritual fruit, but can perish from being lifted up, which is what happened to the fallen angels. So, it is better for us to humble ourselves in the face of our weaknesses and shortcomings, asking for mercy from the Lord through His only mercy.”

How to deal with despondency, melancholy, laziness

Is it possible to fight despondency or just endure it like a spiritual cross? The Elders of Optina explained that one must fight despondency through feasible labor, psalmody and prayer. If the despondency does not go away or only weakens somewhat, then you need to be patient.

Rev. Leo to the question “How to get rid of the oppression of the spirit of despondency?” answered like this:

“You are probably drawn to him by your own will. If you leave self-discipline and begin every undertaking with God’s blessing, then with the blessing you will reap peace of mind and other fruits of the Holy Spirit. If you completely abandon your will, you will never feel the oppressive darkness of despondency.

...Despondency haunts everyone; even in great people it destroys the saving fruits of sobriety. But in a simple and true novice this should not take place. Whoever has denied himself with trust in God, why will he become depressed? In such an enemy, weapons will eventually run out.”

In response to a letter about melancholy and despondency, Elder Leo advised asking God for help, praying, being patient and not being idle:

“What to do with this, you need to endure, pray to God, ask for help from Him, do handicrafts and not be in idleness, from which not only boredom, but also many vices come.”

The Monk Anthony taught to warm up your spirit with spiritual reading, the memory of eternity, and prayer:

“You complain that you are restless in spirit and absent-minded. In this case, you should not relax at all, but warm up your spirit, either with spiritual reading, or with the memory of eternity, or with a prayer, albeit short, saying to the Lord: “Gather my scattered mind, O Lord, and humble my hardened heart with Thy fear and have mercy on me!” For we are not strong enough to do anything without God’s help; we can’t even deal with flies, let alone invisible enemies.”

The same spiritual medicines were prescribed by the Monk Macarius:

“...I offer advice against despondency: patience, psalmody and prayer.”

The Monk Ambrose also advised using work and prayer, patience and humility to combat despondency. As was his custom, the elder instructed his children with apt and figurative sayings:

“Boredom is despondency for a grandson, and laziness is a daughter.
To drive it away, work hard in action, don’t be lazy in prayer, then boredom will pass and zeal will come. And if you add patience and humility to this, you will save yourself from many evils.” The Monk Ambrose taught when we are despondent to think that we are not worthy of anything better, which immediately makes us feel relieved from the battle:

“When the blues come, don’t forget to reproach yourself; remember how much you are guilty before the Lord and before yourself, and realize that you are unworthy of anything better, and you will immediately feel relief. It is said: many are the tribulations of the righteous; and: many wounds for sinners. Such is our life here: all sorrows and sorrows; and it is through them that the Kingdom of Heaven is achieved. When you are restless, repeat more often: seek peace and get married.”

Elder Ambrose also offered to help with sadness, melancholy and despondency by reading the letters of St. John Chrysostom to his spiritual child Deaconess Olympias:

“To help you get rid of unaccountable sadness, I advise you to read the letters of St. Chrysostom to the Olympiad... If you are able to apply what is written there to your circumstances, you will receive great spiritual benefit.”

The Monk Joseph wrote to the despondent child:

“Abstain from absent-mindedness and idle talk by working with the Jesus Prayer, and save yourself from despondency by crying over your sins.”

Elder Barsanuphius instructed to drive away despondency in every possible way and tell your spiritual mentor about it:

“You need to reproach yourself for your weaknesses and humble yourself, but in every possible way drive away despondency and relaxation. No matter what happens, you don’t need to be discouraged, but tell the elder everything.”

Don't give in to temptation

Sometimes a person, tormented by despondency, even refuses to visit the temple of God and receive communion under the pretext of his unworthiness. This should not be done under any circumstances. This is a demonic temptation. The Monk Macarius instructed the despondent man, who wrote that he was unworthy to receive communion:

“You complain of despondency and hopelessness, due to which you consider yourself unworthy of priesthood and communion of the holy mysteries. About this, as much as I could, I personally talked with you and now I will say for your consolation: who would dare to consider himself worthy of such great service to the majesty of the glory of God and communion of His most pure mysteries of body and blood?

The elder recalled the words of Saints Basil the Great and John Chrysostom:

“When the great men and saints Basil the Great and John Chrysostom, not with the edge of their tongues, but with the feeling of their hearts, cried out to the Lord, the first: “We know, Lord, that I unworthily partake of Your most pure body and Your honorable blood”; second: “We know that you are not worthy, but come under my roof,” then what can we say or think about ourselves?

Such advice was given by the Optina elders to combat despondency, melancholy and laziness. It is useful to always have the instructions of the Optina elders at hand and re-read them if necessary.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE SAD FOR NO REASON?

It happens that you suddenly feel sad for no reason. What to do then?

- realize that everything is fine with you, you are healthy, you are not hungry, you do not need anything, your loved ones are doing well, and this is already a reason for a good mood. You need to thank the higher powers for the fact that there is no reason for sadness, but everything could be different!

- perhaps it’s just your body signaling that it’s time for you to rest. You are tired of work, of the burden of responsibility placed on you by society and family. Maybe it's time to take a time out and think a little about yourself? Take a vacation, go to a SPA salon, go fishing or mushroom picking in the forest. It's all about everyone's personal preferences.

- this can often happen due to loneliness. Think about your friends. Maybe you haven't gone out together for a long time. Let's open the phone book and start calling! Cinema, cafe or walking in the park. Pleasant conversations about everything will lift your spirits. If there are no friends or acquaintances nearby, you can resort to the services of a dating site. A person cannot be happy while he is alone.

Despondency is a sin, but depression?

—Patristic literature defines despondency as a sinful state into which a person can fall. How can I determine: am I in a sinful state or is it time to see a doctor? Lazy or sick?

— Dejection is short-lived, and during despondency the volitional and intellectual properties of a person do not change. For example, today you didn’t get enough sleep, the weather was bad, the day didn’t go well - and you felt sad, everything was black. But it goes away pretty quickly. And depression, firstly, is long-term, and secondly, it affects the will, thinking, and attention. Another difference: if a person is depressed, then usually he scolds some aspects of life. But a depressed person is dissatisfied with himself and with life as such, and does not see the meaning in anything. He doesn’t just scold life, he doesn’t value it. This is a big difference. A depressed person can pull himself together, a depressed person cannot.

— Can turning to church sacraments and spiritual advice help in depression?

— Of course, as I already said, this is a whole complex of treatment. Psychotherapists often turn to some additional source. It is well known how much faith and the Church can help, they are a resource for a person, they help to believe that a bad state is finite. The horror of depression is that a person does not believe in it. It seems to him that it will always be this bad. And church sacraments, and the support of a priest, and the words of others - everything can help.

“Not everything is in our power, but we can really pay attention to mental health prevention. Healthy lifestyle, sleep. walks in nature, live rather than online communication, optimism, understanding that you can do a lot. Comprehension, reflection - what is important to you, what is the meaning of your existence. Timely consultation with a doctor. All this can become bricks that will be laid in the foundation of our “mental immunity”

But in my opinion, if the person still receives treatment. And if a situation arises when a person does not want to go to the doctor, then the word of the priest will do its job. A person can listen to the priest and go to a specialist. After all, there are many suicides against the background of depression. And people who don’t want to go to the doctor are susceptible to them - they don’t believe him or are already so deeply depressed that they simply physically cannot go anywhere.

— What if the priest does not recognize a depressive state? On the contrary, he will say; Why are you depressed, everything is fine with you, look, disabled people live and rejoice. He will also prescribe penance - “since you complain all the time, work for five days in a hospice.”

“It won’t help with depression, even five days in a hospice, even ten.” Moreover, if a priest, to whom a sick person came for support, says: “You’re just foolish,” then he will feel much worse. Faith is a colossal resource, and if the sick person understands that after such a conversation he no longer wants to go to Church... this is very sad. After all, if a person turns to a priest, it means he is looking for some kind of help. And the fact that he is looking for her is already very good. In my opinion, a priest should know certain Markers that will help suggest that a person needs help. I in no way want to say that a priest should distinguish illness from non-illness: he is not a specialist and cannot do this. But at the level of spiritual shepherding, he may suspect something is wrong and choose the words that will encourage him to go to the doctor. This is why it is so important that priests know and can recognize the symptoms of depression.

— According to your observations, believers are less likely to be depressed or vice versa? Are there any specific “Orthodox depressions”?

“I haven’t read such studies and I can’t say this from experience. The mechanisms of the Orthodox are the same as those of the non-Orthodox. I don't see any specific forms here. Just as an Orthodox person becomes disillusioned with faith and loses the meaning of life, so a non-Orthodox person can become disillusioned with something of his own and lose the meaning of life. Some have become disillusioned with the Church, others with science. The scientist became disillusioned with his activities, the believer with his Church. Depression can happen to anyone, any age, any social status. The mechanisms are similar. And the treatment is the same. But for some people, faith is a resource with which the return to normal life occurs faster.

— There is an opinion that depression has become a fashionable illness, despite the absurdity of this formulation. Or, as our older generation says: “We didn’t know what depression was before, that’s why we didn’t have it.” How would you comment on this?

“Just because we didn’t know about depression doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.” She was. But it was taken for stupidity, for nonsense, the person did not know where to turn, he could pour alcohol on it, which happened everywhere. He could not work, and he could even be sent to a colony for parasitism. There were suicides and domestic violence, they just used to be more silent about it, but now they talk about it everywhere. In addition, depression has become more common because the realities of life have changed. The world is alarming and unstable. In Soviet times, everything was clear, a person had some ideals and clear goals, he knew that he was graduating from college, going to work, and so on. Now this is not the case, a person is more free in everything - in his faith, in his choice, in his fears. And the very stress to which the modern world is exposed, including information stress, certainly contributes to the development of depression. But in some ways you are right: it has become a fashionable “diagnosis”, and depression is sometimes classified as something that is not it. In many cases, a person makes a diagnosis himself. He read the symptoms of depression on the Internet. He diagnosed himself, received pills through a doctor he knew and has been taking them for years. Now many come to us, in general, practically dependent on these pills.

— You have experience in helping with disasters; you were in Beslan. Tell me, what can help a person when he has fallen into a state of suspended animation or, on the contrary, aggression after a great shock?

— It’s difficult to give a universal recipe: all people are different, everything depends on the individual. Working with grief involves entire stages in psychotherapy. But it is obvious that he needs support, that he needs to talk to him, give him the opportunity to talk about this event, about the deceased person. And under no circumstances leave him alone. Let him cry and scream. There is no need to say: “let’s do something else, take a break.” Cry - and let him cry, it’s good that a person cries. Let him talk and remember. Let him do something, sort through something, put something together. When there was an earthquake, people were helped to remove the rubble. It is important to feel useful and not be alone. And aggression is also appropriate in this situation. The situation itself is not normal, and anger or shock after such a shock is quite normal.

WHAT TO DO WITH A SAD PERSON?

What to do if you want to help a person who is sad? Well, of course, don’t leave him alone with his sadness. Try to get him to talk, find out the reason for his bad mood. Warm him with your warmth and attention. Any person needs attention, and a sad person even more so. Try to take his attention away from his problems. Ask him to help you with something. Then he will start thinking about how to help you and forget about his problem. And this is a sure way to drive away the blues.

HELP OF PROFESSIONALS

If our advice did not help you and your mood stubbornly refuses to lift, perhaps it’s time to think about professional help. Consulting with a psychologist will help you look at this world differently. "If you can't change the situation, change your attitude." Specialists will determine which treatment method to help you with. Perhaps it will be cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps you focus on what is happening around you and distracts you from the problem. Or perhaps it will be drug therapy. Your doctor may prescribe antidepressants for you. However, do not try to prescribe medication for yourself. Trust a professional. He himself will determine which tablets will help you in your case and what dosage to take them. On your own, you can only harm yourself.

Listen to your health, physical and mental. Do not let dullness and despondency into your life. Stay positive. And good mood to you!!!

Lazy or sick?

— The most common question that arises in everyday life: how to distinguish depression from whining and bad mood?

— Depression has a whole complex of symptoms, which indicates to the therapist that it is depression and not something else. This is very difficult for a non-specialist to determine. Usually “simple whining” is short-term, but depression is a long-term condition. The first manifestations of depression are not much different from sadness and despondency. The duration of stay in a bad mood, autonomic disorders and asthenic disorder should be of concern. In this state, a person is worried about apathy, blues, nervousness, sometimes a feeling of anxiety and fear. Usually the following triad can be traced: depressed mood; general lethargy, rigidity of thought: lack of pleasure, or rather, the almost complete impossibility of obtaining it. Plus, there may be purely somatic symptoms - an increase or decrease in blood pressure, headaches, sudden changes in weight in one direction or another. In addition, we must understand that depression in any case has a biochemical nature. In the brain of a person suffering from depression, the exchange of neurotransmitters - serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine - is disrupted. Serotonin deficiency provokes anxious depression: in addition to a depressed mood, a person constantly feels anxious and worried about trifles. Dopamine deficiency leads to loss of pleasure: you don’t care what you eat, you don’t want to go out and meet friends. A lack of norepinephrine means a lack of the desired reaction, concentration, focus, loss of strength, fatigue, and apathy. That is, it’s not that the person got off on the wrong foot, he’s despondent, he’s a pessimist, everything is bad for him. Depression, without exaggeration, is one of the most difficult conditions. And this condition does not depend on the person himself - it needs to be treated with the involvement of doctors.

- And even before the doctors? Let’s say the situation at home: a relative doesn’t work, doesn’t study, lies around all day and does nothing. How can I figure out if he is just lazy or if he needs to see a psychotherapist?

- Usually this is noticeable in comparison. Relatives see how active their loved one used to be, smiled, and communicated. If he is just lazy, most likely he still has active interests, friends, communication, even if he does not want to work or leave his room. And with depression, we see an inability to enjoy life, a depressing mood, causeless anxiety and fear, apathy, and insomnia. Feelings of worthlessness, loss of hope for the future and thoughts of death. All this is different from laziness. Laziness is a form of resistance. At the same time, the causes of laziness are also very diverse. But a lazy person can be in an excellent mood. It is easy for an ignorant person to confuse depression and laziness. External symptoms may be the same. A person suffering from depression can, like Oblomov, lie in bed, switching channels and not delving into the content of the programs, sit at the computer. But if he doesn’t interact with anyone at all, doesn’t go out into social life, and has a constantly low mood, it’s better to consult a specialist. Although there are different types of depression, it happens that outwardly a person seems to be fine. Once again, only a doctor can distinguish this.

“But this conditional relative may not want to go anywhere, to any doctor. Just sit at the computer all day long, and that’s it.

— A person who is satisfied with himself, satisfied with life, will not sit at the computer around the clock. And the fact that he sits like that is already a problem. Moreover, it may not be depression, but computer addiction. In a state of depression, a person feels endlessly lonely, even if in reality he is surrounded by the care and attention of loved ones. The thought that no one can understand and help makes you drown in your own powerlessness. It is important for relatives to understand this condition, and not to stimulate the person with advice such as “pull yourself together”, “everything is fine with you”, “others have it even worse”, “don’t do stupid things”, “you need to think about good things”. You need to show your loved one that you understand and sympathize with him, and only then suggest going to the doctor. Emphasize that he will definitely feel better after treatment. Encourage him, but subtly and unpersistently. Let him know that he is important to you. Go to the doctor together.

- How to treat depression?

— Treatment of depression is complex. It consists of taking certain medications that should never be prescribed to yourself. Yes, a lot depends on the person, and in the initial stages he can still “jump out” of this state, but the further he goes, the more he is overcome by loss of strength and indifference, and, of course, it is very difficult for him to cope. In addition to drug treatment, there is also psychotherapeutic treatment: a psychologist, using certain techniques, helps to cope with this condition and to tune in differently. In such a situation, it is very important for a believer to receive the support of a priest who understands what depression is and knows its nature. If in this situation you say that this is nonsense and “it’s your own fault,” this will not only not support a depressed person, but can also worsen his condition.