Causes of infantilism
Now a person lives in comfortable conditions, where almost any need is satisfied quickly and effortlessly. For the sake of example, we can compare the situation in our time and in the 16th century. At that time, life expectancy was approximately 20 to 35 years.
You either had to know and be able to do everything you needed by the age of 15; or die. So already at this age people started their own families. In our era, at the age of 15, a teenager is regarded practically as a child, completely dependent on his parents.
What to do if your loved one is an infant?
“A friend in need is a friend in need” - this saying well reflects the easiest way to identify an infantile. As long as everything is normal and you do not encounter problems, personality immaturity may practically not manifest itself in any way. But when you need to solve some problems, your friend's or significant other's childish behavior and way of thinking become obvious
.
Can you help your loved one stop being childish? Yes, we can help. However, you should not take on the role of a parent and decide for a person whether he needs it or not. It seems to you that someone is living wrong, but he himself may really like it. In addition, if you decide to become an infant, then you are simply taking your place in the “parent-child” model.
One way or another,
if you are helping a loved one grow up, help carefully
.
Start with something small. For example, try asking him more about what he wants, starting with small things. To begin with, leave it to him to choose how you will spend your day off, what to cook, etc., then move on to more significant questions. Frequently ask how the person feels and what they want. But don’t judge or say that his feelings or desires are wrong
- this is what they tell infantiles without you. Your loved one must actually understand that he can make decisions, that he has the right to his emotions and desires. But also allow him to cope with problems that arise on his own - be there and provide support, but do not do anything for your friend.
Ask what your loved one wanted to become as a child and, if possible, offer to now take a step towards that dream, and together with you. Or maybe he already has more “fresh” desires that are actually not so difficult to fulfill? For example, if a person wanted/wants to become an artist/cook/read Shakespeare in the original, sign up with him for the appropriate courses. Your support will be very important.
Let us remind you of the main rule - do not do anything instead of a friend, do not make decisions for him
. Let him do it himself, and you will simply be there and provide support if necessary.
As you know, some immature people “emergency” grow up, encountering various serious problems that make it no longer possible to remain a child. However, under no circumstances should you “treat” others with any stress.
(similar recommendations can be found on the Internet). Remember that in such cases someone grows up, and someone breaks down - gets neurosis, becomes depressed, etc.
In conclusion, we note: of course, it is important for adults to preserve a part of the child in themselves - to enjoy pleasant little things, to dream, to believe in miracles, etc. But it is also important that at the right moment an adult is at the helm. No matter how attractive childhood is, it must give way to another life, which also has a lot of good things.
Psychological fusion with the parental family
The cause of infantilization of young people is often incomplete separation from their parents. This term refers to separation from a loved one with whom a person was in psychological fusion.
Most often it is about the mother. If a growing child separates from his parents, personality formation occurs. He gradually begins to take independent actions and takes decisions upon himself.
Photo by kelli mcclintock on Unsplash
If the separation is completed successfully, the young man gains self-sufficiency and becomes an adult. “The child grew up, but the parents didn’t even notice.” This can be said today in relation to young people in our country.
After all, there are many conditions that prevent separation from being completed. Low incomes, difficulties in finding employment, uncertainty - all this hinders development. Children reach adulthood but remain dependent on their parents.
In some families, the child is the “center of the universe,” and all other relatives revolve around him, like planets around a star. But the time comes to release the child from its native nest.
Photo by Daniel H. Tong on Unsplash
For example, to go to study in another city or perform military service. For the sake of work, after all. The whole family is acutely experiencing this moment. A “syndrome of a nest from which the matured chick has flown away” occurs.
Modern culture does not have traditions that initiate the acquisition of a new status in society. There are often situations when the mother continues to interfere in the life of an already married “child”; or the father of an adult woman dictates to her how to dress and who to date.
Psychogenic
This option arises against the background of improper upbringing and has been studied less than others. It is formed as a result of deprivation of important emotional and intellectual needs due to inattention, abandonment, too strict requirements or, on the contrary, connivance and a complete lack of discipline.
Depending on the parenting style, egocentrism, passivity, decreased initiative, indecision, inability to withstand stress, and lack of ideals and ethical guidelines necessary for the normal functioning of a mature personality are possible. Treatment involves long-term psychotherapy.
For diagnosis and quality therapy, call 8(969)060-93-93 and make an appointment.
Social consciousness
In many ways, public opinion itself influences the processes of infantilization. Imagine for a second being introduced to a 16-year-old person. What will your attitude be? Will you regard him as a child or as an adult? Or neither?
Modern teenager
Not so long ago - back in the era of Shakespeare - people were already getting married at the age of 14. Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin called his heroine of the story “Blizzard” middle-aged. The problem is that “she was in her 20s.” The age of the old woman-pawnbroker from “Crime and Punishment” by F. M. Dostoevsky was 42 years old.
For many centuries, the duration of human life was about 20-35 years. Only at the dawn of the twentieth century did the average duration increase to 50 years. Food has become better; medicine has reached another level.
All this does not mean that there were no infantiles before. Undoubtedly they were; but due to the fact that they died even earlier, we know nothing about them.
What does the development of infantility lead to?
It is not enough to understand the term of what infantilism is. To begin to understand this problem, you also need to know the basic manifestations of the problem. The most common of them is a reluctance to make important decisions and a fear of communicating with adults. Often such people try to shift important tasks to others, avoiding even such things as doing their own laundry or ironing things. Although it has been proven in practice that often such people earn money themselves and can have very good material wealth.
In many ways, representatives of this social category are selfish and pay more attention to their own problems and concerns. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to get out of this state on your own.
Symptoms of infantility
There are different forms, signs, and behavioral reactions that indicate psychological infantility.
Man having fun
Young people do not want and are not ready to take responsibility either for their own or for the lives of others. They avoid situations where they are under pressure; They avoid making decisions and blame their problems on others. Other signs of infantilism are:
- Inability to arrange life . They are not able to cook, wash or clean the house - it’s boring. It’s better to pay than to do it yourself (yourself).
- Manifestations of egocentrism . If their wishes and requests are not realized immediately, they may throw a tantrum. But the infant himself is in no hurry to carry out any instructions.
- The desire for a beautiful life , but the unwillingness to make efforts to achieve it. A person wants pleasure at someone else's expense.
- Dreams that someone “strong and influential” will appear and solve all problems . Surprisingly, even at 40, 50 and older, infantiles are still waiting for the “wizard in the blue helicopter.”
- Fears related to the sexual sphere . The infantile often looks either like a child or like an asexual creature. He is afraid to express his own sexuality; often avoids relationships with the opposite sex.
- Accusations against parents, bosses, government . Anyone is to blame for the infantile’s troubles, but not himself.
- Unjustified cruelty , lack of mercy, compassion for people and all living things.
- The desire to escape from the real world into an illusion : alcohol abuse, watching TV series around the clock or immersing yourself in computer games. In the real world, a person does not achieve anything and does not strive for it; in the virtual, he easily becomes majestic and “cool.”
- Focusing on the external form of things rather than on their content. The infantile, first of all, sees not a person’s professional achievements, but the material component of his life: how expensive his car is, how attractive his wife is, how big his house is, and so on.
Such people are comparable to one-day butterflies, since they have no desire to improve. If the infant finds himself in a difficult situation, he becomes disoriented and becomes depressed. And then he looks for a person who would (preferably for free) solve all his problems for him. The skill of making independent decisions is not developed; and this pattern is repeated time after time.
Infantile - a child inside an adult
What do we imagine when we hear the phrase “infantile person”?
1. Irresponsible, prone to rash actions, in a word, an adult who does not want to grow up or cannot do without outside help. He does not realize the consequences of his decisions, does not think about what his rash actions will lead to. What can we say, he’s like a child: he doesn’t understand prohibitions when he really wants something.
2. Many of the infants would rather get into a fight to defend their interests instead of simply discussing the problem.
3. Infants will come up with a lot of excuses for doing nothing. They are looking for those responsible for failures. They turn the arrows on anyone, just not to look at themselves. You can’t build a dialogue with such people, because it turns out that the people around you, the conditions around you, anyone but the infantile must change.
Any psychotherapist will tell you that it is sometimes difficult to help infants. Adults sacrifice their pride in order to build healthy, reliable and lasting relationships. Problems can be solved if the partner admits mistakes and wants to change. But infantiles are not capable of change, so their communication with others, as well as with their other half, resembles a cheap performance. They will angrily talk about how inadequate their partner is, despite looking at themselves from the outside. However, if your efforts to convince the infantile to work on themselves are crowned with success, they will still sit and wait for those around them to adapt to their whims. This, naturally, does not happen, the problems deepen, and the life of infantiles becomes even more difficult.
How to eliminate infantilism in children?
If parents notice that the baby is weak in character and childish, psychologists, as a rule, give the following recommendations.
- Communicate more and spend time with your child . When buying clothes and toys, give him a little freedom.
- Pay attention to the baby's social adaptation . It is usually difficult for such a child to communicate with peers. Find out why and try to solve the problem with him. The baby should feel confident. To do this, you can enroll your child in a section where there are many other children. He must gradually get used to the team and even solve some problems on his own.
- If necessary, contact a child psychologist . Often parents themselves encourage the child’s dependence and immaturity. The specialist sees the family from the outside and will give the elders the necessary instructions that will help correct the child’s development.
There is no point in starting a situation where an infantile boy grows into a “mama’s boy” rather than a man. If parents do not help their children at an early stage to get out of the networks of infantilism, in the future they will not receive an independent personality, but a human child.
Infantilism can be cured if the person himself recognizes this problem
Getting rid of infantilism means doing everything so that a person begins to work on his own development. This is not always possible on your own, without outside help. After all, children are children because in some things they need the help and support of adults and experienced people. Therefore, infantile people need help. And this means that it is correct to teach them independence, it is correct to push them towards what they avoid most in the world, towards difficulties.
And here, first of all, you need motivation for such work. A person is motivated by two things - pain and pleasure. If a person has no interest in development, in learning, in work and cannot be awakened, if the desire to reach heights does not awaken, then there is only one thing left - to make him suffer, experience pain, deprivation, so that he begins to develop not according to desire, but according to necessary. Here it is important not to overdo it, so as not to break the person. After all, everyone’s psychological age is different and taking it into account is a difficult task. Therefore, it will not be possible to immediately catch up with all the lag in development that has developed over the years. Each person receives such a load that he is able to withstand at this stage of his own development. This applies to his physical, mental and mental development.
Secondly, you can turn to the help of professionals. Psychotherapy is the best way to sense a person’s mood and help change one’s own views on life. Look at yourself from the outside, admit your shortcomings. It is unknown what trials will fall on a person’s head in the future. And if he is not ready for them because of his own immaturity, then everything will end sadly for him.
So we decide for ourselves whether our path in life is correct. Therefore, if your opinion on the issue of infantilism does not coincide with what is written here, this does not mean that you are wrong. It is important to decide for yourself which opinion is worth listening to.
Ways to overcome immaturity for an adult
There are not many self-critical people among infantiles. But if an immature person realizes that something is wrong with him, this is commendable. You can start the path to an adult and responsible life with the following steps.
Make independent decisions
There is no need to wait for your mom or spouse to approve your plans. Make your own choice, trying to correctly assess the possible benefits and potential risks.
Physically separate from parents
Many people believe that if finances are tight, then living with your parents at 30 is normal. We hasten to disappoint you: this is by no means true. Starting to live your own life means taking a step into the unknown. But those young people who still decide to make changes do not regret the money spent.
Photo by Mike Kotsch on Unsplash
Having moved away from their parents, they begin to understand: financial well-being depends only on themselves. And they often make better career decisions than those who continue to live in their parents’ nest for decades.
Arrange your life to your liking
Hearing your own desires and following them is not as simple a task as it seems at first glance. Infants have a weak psyche, often filled with introjects - ideas once learned from other people.
For example, a child often hears from a school teacher that it is impossible to earn a lot in an honest way. In adulthood, he may forget about these words, but the idea itself (introject) will continue to exist in his unconscious.
Photo by Shubham Sharan on Unsplash
Separating introjects from personal desires often requires regular and high-quality psychotherapy. But it’s quite possible to do something yourself. You can start listening to yourself in small things: what movie would you like to watch? What would you like to choose for dinner - sushi or noodles? Then you can move on to more serious and fateful decisions.
Learn to stand your ground
Not only capricious young ladies or young men, but also quiet modest ones are infantiles. Such people are a real “gold mine” for employers. They will not say a word against you, even if they are asked for the tenth time to stay late at work without additional pay.
Slack at work
You should not assume that only people of narrow minds argue. This is actually true - but only when it comes to unimportant things. When it comes to your life and personal comfort, insisting on your own means demonstrating a mature position.
The “inner child” lives in every adult; and manifestations of infantilism can also occur in quite mature and respectable people. But in any case, it is important not to succumb to the influence of childishness, feeling like a constantly dissatisfied and disappointed child. After all, the quality of our life, as well as the ability to be psychologically mature, is always in our hands.
Organic
The syndrome of uncomplicated organic mental infantilism is observed with brain lesions. In many patients, damage occurs in utero, the signs of pathology are combined with the stigmas of embryogenesis: abnormal hair growth, malocclusion, high palate, short stature, etc. Manifestations are extremely diverse, depending on the volume and location of damage to cerebral structures.
As with the children from the previous group, naivety, suggestibility, and a penchant for games are noted. Thinking is characterized by inertia and difficulties when switching. Emotions are often smoothed out, not sufficiently lively and bright, imagination is poor, attachments are superficial. Children do not feel the need for approval and evaluation of the results of games and learning, which indicates a low level of aspirations. Disinhibition and elements of pathological behavior are possible.
Within the framework of the complicated organic variant, disproportionate, neuropathic and cerebrasthenic types are considered. In the first case, there is a significant discrepancy between the levels of various aspects of personality. The second type is characterized by timidity, timidity, uncertainty, and problems adapting to a team. In the third case, irritable weakness and slight intellectual decline are observed.
