How to grow up: 13 lessons that will help with this

There is no specific age when you can confidently say that you have become an adult. Maturity is a state of mind, not of body. And people often consider themselves adults and mature, although they are very far from this state. A person must learn many life lessons and gain a lot of experience before being called a mature person. Here are 13 lessons to help you grow up.

How to grow up: 13 life lessons

Understanding what cause and effect are

One of the most important things you must understand is that all your actions have consequences. What you do today will produce results tomorrow. And this is true in absolutely all aspects of life: your attitude towards others; your care for your body; your success at work; ability to manage finances. Whatever you do, remember that you will have to face the consequences of your own actions later.

Growing up in men

How can a guy grow up psychologically if throughout his childhood and adolescence he did not see examples of masculine behavior in his family?

It is difficult to become emotionally mature when a boy is raised in a family consisting of women (grandmother and mother, for example). He does not see models of male behavior either in the family or at school (as you know, there are very few male teachers in schools).

Playing on a sports team and practicing martial arts under the guidance of a male coach greatly help in developing masculine qualities in a boy. By playing in a team, he learns to make decisions with an eye on others, learns to obey the orders of the coach, endure failures and overcome difficulties. Therefore, it is very important to introduce a boy to sports.

There is no universal way for a man to mature psychologically. You can be married and have three children, but leave the decision on all important issues for the family to your wife (parents).

How can a guy grow up? Firstly, parents need to delegate to the teenager the decision of issues that are important to him, such as choosing a higher educational institution, choosing a specialty that matches his natural inclinations and skills. By putting effort into the process of enrolling in a university, choosing and arranging premises in a student dormitory, the guy will appreciate what he has more.

Ability to take responsibility

You alone are responsible for your actions (or inactions). When you make a decision, you must understand that you alone will be responsible for what happens next. You must learn to take responsibility. Of course, external factors influence the outcome, but you have more control than you think. If something went wrong, then you might have missed something. Never blame others for your mistakes. This is a big step towards growing up.

Stop depending on the opinions of others

How can a girl grow up psychologically if, since childhood, she has been convinced of her inability to be a good wife and mother? Innocent phrases from parents, teachers and mentors can be destructive.

In psychotherapeutic practice, there are often cases when a relative’s humorous statement that it’s time to stop with the second helping of porridge, otherwise you will soon have to change your entire wardrobe, led to serious illnesses such as anorexia and bulimia. Teenage girls are especially sensitive to such statements; their parents need to know this and be careful in their statements.

The ability to delay gratification

Everyone has a choice. For example, you can spend 100 thousand on a vacation. Or you can invest this money and after a few years you will have not 100, but 150 thousand. And you can still go on a trip, but at the same time you will either have more money, or you will simply save the amount that you could have spent initially. You have a choice: spend the evening watching a series or devote time to self-development, which can open up new sources of income for you. Learn to delay gratification if you can get significantly more in the near future.

A sense of moderation in everything

A child (or an immature adult) is never satisfied with what he has. He wants more, better, more expensive, he feels an urgent need to stand out and assert himself against the background of others.

This position is often encouraged and cultivated by parents, based on the understanding that “my child is the best.” This formulation of the question speaks of the immaturity of the parents, which he passes on to the children, which is subsequently difficult to get rid of.

However, if you outgrow this attitude, then life becomes easier. In the end, someone will always have more money, more horsepower under the hood, a wider circle of friends. But happiness and life satisfaction are associated with refusing to compare yourself with others. Where comparison ends, maturity begins.

Formed principles, values and beliefs

In childhood and adolescence, we often find ourselves dependent on the opinions of other people. On the one hand, it helps to find a compromise and establish friendly relations. On the other hand, young people often follow the crowd, try to fit in, pretend to be other people. This deprives them of their uniqueness. An adult can clearly articulate his principles, values and beliefs. He will not indulge anyone if it does not suit his views on life. He is honest with himself, he is real.

If you want to hold on, let go

Another aspect of maturity relates to the ability to not become overly attached to people. We are talking specifically about suffocating attachment, about “sticking” to the object of one’s love, when an individual’s worldview is narrowed to the limit, and he cannot imagine himself without the other.

The reasons for this behavior may be a fear deeply hidden in the subconscious of losing the object of love or being unnecessary. This may be due to childhood or teenage psychological trauma, as well as the fact that the child is not used to sharing his things. He projects this attitude into adulthood.

The problem is that an adult, mature person is not able to be in a relationship out of a sense of duty or pity (“If I leave, she will commit suicide”).

It is important to understand that we choose people, and they choose us based on the principle of similarity of common interests and life attitudes, but at the same time certain differences. We are attractive to each other as long as we have a difference in potential. It is very important in any relationship to maintain autonomy, your own space, then you won’t have to hold anyone back.

Ability to resolve conflicts

To reach a compromise, it is important to be able to understand the other person. Be able to take his place. This is the only way to find a way out of a conflict situation that will satisfy both parties. However, the problem is not always so easy to solve. Sometimes a dispute arises due to personal hostility towards a person. Or because one is doing wrong. And how you approach resolving an argument says a lot about your maturity. Speak calmly, remember that anyone can make mistakes. Don't stoop to insults or accusations. Don't escalate the situation.

Aspects of growing up in girls

How can a girl grow up who feels comfortable in her parents’ home, has all her problems solved for her and is protected from the realities of life?

First of all, a young woman should understand whether she is ready to live her whole life under the wing of her parents or whether she feels a reasonable need to start her own family, to realize herself as a wife and mother.

As a rule, a girl’s psychological growth is helped by a loving and understanding partner, who will explain that her fears associated with entering into married life are groundless and will dispel her doubts about her ability to run a household and raise children.

Marriage exists, among other things, to support each other and help cope with everyday troubles.

How to start reasoning like an adult, how to think like an adult?

Thinking is a necessary skill and vital resource for an adult. To learn to reason like adults, you need to develop critical thinking.

Growing up happens in stages

5 steps to become more mature and make smart decisions:

Find your weak points.

You probably, like that Yogi Bear, think that you are the smartest person on the planet. We have all put ourselves above other people at least once in our lives. People who are nothing of themselves often have inflated self-esteem.
Of course, in your defense, you can say that your IQ level is high and you were even an excellent student in school. But this is just an indicator of “confirmation bias” syndrome - you only notice what you want to see and hear.
Do not agree? Then psychologists will say that you have a “blind spot of bias ,” that is, you stubbornly deny the defects of your own thoughts.
The unimpeachable fact remains that we are prone to subconscious biases that interfere with our rational decisions.
Fortunately, people can learn to acknowledge their biases.

Admit your mistakes.

“A person should not be embarrassed to admit that he was wrong. This means that today he has become wiser." - wrote the poet A. Pope.
The ability to admit one's mistakes is considered a key personality trait, which is called "openness."
In addition, this trait reflects how easily you can cope with uncertainty and how quickly you are willing to change your thoughts depending on new facts.
Evaluating yourself humbly and soberly pays off in the long run.
Intellectual modesty is expressed in the ability to recognize the limits of one's knowledge.

Argue with yourself.

To develop self-criticism, simply accept a position that does not suit you and prove to yourself that it has a place to be. Find arguments, arguments. It is not necessarily correct, but this way you can understand that it is not always only you and your point of view that are right.
Such internal debate helps to get rid of many stable statements, such as excessive self-confidence.
Similarly, imagine yourself in the other person's shoes to try to change their point of view.

"What happens if…"

One way to develop flexibility in thinking is to come up with an alternative scenario for the development of a particular event.
Children use counterfactual thinking when imagining during play. This helps them learn new things and expand their horizons.
For adults, flexible thinking helps them quickly get out of difficult, non-standard situations.

Don't underestimate instructions.

When we perform a complex task, it is very easy to forget about basic things.
This is why Dr. Gewande recommends using reminder instructions.

Try to start making decisions

So, the most important step towards a mature mentality is the ability and willingness to make decisions. As you already understand, this is not a trick of infantile people. Usually they shift important (and trivial) matters onto the shoulders of their family and friends. And it doesn’t matter what scale these decisions are - from the banal choice of food for lunch and the direction of a walk to the purchase of household appliances and payment of utility bills.

Often, in this way, infantile guys shift everything onto the shoulders of their partners, which has a bad effect on the relationship.

If you realize that everything said in some way reflects your situation, mobilize all your strength and start making decisions. For starters, you can do something simple. For example, choose the dish you want to cook for dinner (or at least order), and don’t leave it to your girlfriend.

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Over time, move on to more difficult things, expanding your comfort zone and gaining more and more responsibility points.

Decision making is one of the main qualities of a wealthy man. Here, of course, you shouldn’t overdo it either and deprive your girlfriend of choice, guided by the fact that you need to get rid of infantilism. In this case, a balance must be maintained.

Levels of psychological maturity

The level of psychological maturity is largely measured by the degree of its socialization, since the main signs relate specifically to social interaction and personality structure. This includes the breadth of social contacts, which can be at the level of interaction with a specific person, group of people or humanity. The wider the circle with which a person is able to interact, the higher his level of maturity. In addition, the nature of this social interaction is taken into account, which may consist in the appropriation and use of other people's achievements in the process of contact or in conscious reproduction for the purpose of improvement. An important criterion is social competence, which reflects a person’s ability to navigate various communication situations and social norms.

Among the internal characteristics, the level of maturity reflects the amount of warmth shown towards another, combined with sensitivity so that caring does not turn into intrusiveness. Acceptance of yourself and others helps to establish safe relationships, the opportunity to open up and develop. The higher the level of understanding and acceptance of one’s own personality, the higher the ability to form adequate constructive interaction.

A high level of personal maturity consists of a high development of a sense of responsibility and tolerance. The higher the desire for self-development and the more efficiently and quickly it occurs, the higher the level of psychological maturity we can talk about. This is facilitated by positive thinking and an open attitude towards the world. The development and improvement of personality does not stop either after achieving physical autonomy or social independence. This process is endless and includes a huge number of factors that you can constantly work on - from realizing your own talents to accepting the imperfections of the whole world.

Adolescence

Psychologists believe that teenagers are 12-13 year old children. But among modern youth, the first external signs of changes are visible already by the age of 10. Breasts begin to grow in almost 9-year-old girls; by the age of 12, many get their first period.

Boys at this age already have wet dreams. The child’s sharply changing mood, refusal to accept any advice, conflicts and expressions of protest - all this is due to a lack of understanding of what is happening in his body.

The best thing you can do is to always try to understand your son or daughter, hug more often, be attentive and wise. There is no need to change your usual way of life. This period usually lasts 2 years, then a short, quiet life begins.

From the age of 13-14 there is a new surge of hormones, a difficult and stressful time for parents. A teenager begins to perceive the world differently, he has other idols, he can be influenced by any stronger personality. It’s simply impossible to change anything here; there’s only one thing left to do – accept it and wait.